Reasons to Live | ✔

By HisBeautifulMess

2.9M 78.8K 19.2K

After an incident three months ago and her parent's divorce, Reina Caverly finds a way to cope: cutting herse... More

Chapter 1-
Chapter 2-
Chapter 3-
Chapter 4-
Chapter 5-
Chapter 6-
Chapter 7-
Chapter 8-
Chapter 10-
Chapter 11-
Chapter 12-
Chapter 13-
Chapter 14-
Chapter 15-
Chapter 16-
Chapter 17-
Chapter 18-
Chapter 19-
Chapter 20-
Chapter 21-
Chapter 22-
Chapter 23-
Chapter 24-
Chapter 25-
Chapter 26-
Chapter 27-
Chapter 28-
Chapter 29-
Chapter 30-
Chapter 31-
Chapter 32-
Chapter 33-
Chapter 34-
Chapter 35-
Chapter 36-
Chapter 37-
Chapter 38-
Chapter 39-
Chapter 40-
Chapter 41-
Chapter 42-
Chapter 43-
Chapter 44-
Chapter 45-
Chapter 46-
Chapter 47-
Chapter 48-
Chapter 49-
Chapter 50-
Reasons to Live...Epilogue?!
Bonus 1: Calvin's Reason To Live
Bonus 2: Two Years Later...

Chapter 9-

88.1K 2.5K 334
By HisBeautifulMess

Chapter 9-

"So what exactly is going on with Calvin and you?" Joshua asked as soon as he sat his coffee down on the table right next to me. Megan, who was sitting across from me also nodded as she stared at me with curiosity as Joshua hands out the drinks to us as well since he volunteered to get us drinks while we find seats.

It was a beautiful and chilly Saturday afternoon, and since I couldn't find London and haven't even heard from her since the fight we had yesterday, I decided to go out to distract myself by taking Joshua and Megan's offer of enjoying Saturday afternoon at Philz's coffee shop next to Joshua's house since I didn't have work anyways.

I am starting to worry more and more about London being that she is the stereotypical out of control teen whom even I can't hold down. So, I called Megan and Joshua to catch up and just hang out together to distract myself from tracking down London and dragging her ass back home. 

However, this is not what I had in mind when I said 'to catch up'.

"What do you mean?" I tried to sound casual, but I know I am sounding like anything but casual.

 I played with the hem of my hoodie I had thrown on this morning and since it was getting a bit colder as the leaves on the tree was finally starting to change color, I had a excuse now to wear large hoodies and long sleeves shirts to cover up my cuts. 

"Don't play dumb with me, Reina. You guys had gotten awfully comfortable with each other lately, if you know what I mean," Megan jumped in after she took a sip of her coffee.

"I agree! It's been a month already and you guys have been more than comfortable around each other," Joshua agreed.

"I'm not too sure what you mean by us looking comfortable around each other," I said awkwardly and confused as I don't think me and Calvin looked comfortable around each other at all. 

In fact, we looked more awkward and confused with one another as I don't know what to say to him half the time. 

"You guys never talked to one another and now he's hanging onto you like your his lifeline!"

"Every time Mason tries to invite you to eat with him alone or something, Calvin is literally murdering him with his eyes and inviting himself onto your lunch dates as well! He's scaring off more Mason!"

"Are you guys going out in secret? Friends with benefit? What's your relationship with Calvin?" Joshua pushed.

They continued to stare at me as I take a long sip of my hot chocolate. 

I quickly debated on what to say.

What am I suppose to say to them exactly?

Oh it's nothing like that, guys. You see, he was blackmailing me because I saw him attempt to commit suicide about a few months ago like in September, so he stalked me and too something precious of mine as hostage so I would keep my mouth shut. What is this precious thing of mine he had that he is blackmailing me with? Oh it's just a pregnancy test I took because even if I already have my period I still want to reassure myself. No I didn't do it with anyone because I was raped by my dad's coworkers. Then I realized that Calvin isn't that bad of a guy. I also found out that he gets beaten at home by this guy name Erik who I have no idea who he is to Calvin yet. 

Did I mention he called me yesterday just as I was about to swallow a handful of pills to kill myself because I'm severely depressed as fuck but I refuse to tell anyone, including you guys, that I was raped over the summer?

Yeah okay. Maybe not.

"Nothing is going on," I mumbled as they continued to stare at me intensely.

"Right. So how come he's always hanging out with you now? You even went to his house. What exactly is going on between you two?" Megan pressed on.

"Wait you told Joshua?" I said, shocked that Megan would rat me out like that.

"Hell yeah I knew about it! I was waiting till you bring it up of why you were going to Calvin's house...alone," Joshua exclaimed as I mumbled a curse word under my breath.

There is literally no such thing as privacy in our friend group. 

"I always hang out with you when we're alone, Joshua. It's normal and nothing is going on," I retorted lamely while Megan rolled her eyes.

"That's because you know Joshua since you were in middle school," she countered, "you guys are like siblings from different mothers."

"I agree. And I've known both Calvin and you since freshmen year. Not once had you guys made an effort to talk to each other even when I tried to get you guys too talk to each other more. You guys occasionally exchanged hellos, but that's about it. Then there was that time during junior year when you two were partnered up for a project. You guys didn't even try to get to know each other. And this year, you're hanging out at his house and talking on the phone with him!" 

Suddenly it hit me. 

Joshua should seriously think about becoming a detective when he graduates from college.

"Friends do that all that time. Guys, that's all we are," I tried to reassure them.

"Oh please, that's never true. I mean I told you guys that I thought of Andy Delgado as my friend and we're dating."

"What?" Joshua and I looked as Megan in shock.

This was new.

"He literally asked me out this morning when he came over to introduce himself to my parents. I was dying to tell you guys so...here it is!" Megan said with the happiest smile. 

I couldn't help but smile when I saw how happy she looked.

"Well thats example number one!" Joshua said, trying to refocus back on me which caused me to groan.

"That's what you said about Paul as well actually, and you ended up dating him without telling us for a few months!"

I almost spat out my drink when I heard his name from Megan's mouth.

Paul James. 

My ex. 

We dated way back in freshmen year until just recently. I regretted breaking up with him in the summer, but I really couldn't deal with dating after the incident. 

He is a great guy, and Megan and Joshua both approved of us dating even though he was a year older. When I broke up with him, I promised that we would still be friends and keep in contact. He has been calling me every week since our breakup, but I never answer, scared of what will become of us. I usually text him saying that I'll call him back later or that I was a busy. Joshua and Megan still talk to him. Apparently he still liked me and wanted to patch things up with me.

Me?

I don't know anymore. I do miss him a lot, and he treated me well and everything. But right now dating is not on my mind at all.

In fact I don't think I can ever date ever again.

I'll just get ten cats and live happily in the suburbs alone.

I had to thank God that Paul decided to move out of state for college as he got accepted to his dream school which was New York University.

"If you want, call Calvin and ask. Then you'll find out how crazy you guys are acting as well," I finally concluded, trying not to think about Paul anymore. 

"Maybe we will," Megan and Joshua looked at each other before Joshua pulled out his iPhone. 

I try my hardest not to laugh. 

This is the most ridiculous thing ever. 

Joshua eyed me one more time before he speed dialed Calvin, putting his phone on speaker for all of us. 

I picked up my drink and take a small sip to try to calm myself. 

I'm nervous about the questions that Megan and Joshua will bombard on Calvin. At first I kind of hoped that Calvin would not pick up but then as it rung more I got worried.

Is he okay?

My question is answered when he picked up on the fourth ring.

"Hello?" 

I couldn't help but smile at the sound of his sleepy, husky voice. 

I should have known that he was sleeping. 

It was Saturday and we didn't have school today so obviously he would have slept in even though it's the afternoon already. 

"Are you dating Reina?" Joshua immediately asked.

"...Hello to you too, Joshua."

"Just answer the damn question, Calvin!" Megan demanded, clearly annoyed.

Boy, they are taking this way more seriously than we are.

"No. I'm not," Calvin finally said.

"But are you interested in doing so?" Joshua butted in.

"Why are you asking me these questions?"

"'Cause we don't think Reina is telling us the truth. Duh," Megan replied with no hesitation whatsoever. 

"Mhm. Mind telling her I said hello and good morning?"

I rolled my eyes and I said, "Calvin, it's already noon and you're on speaker so everyone can hear you."

"Then good afternoon," he corrected himself before yawning loudly for all of us to hear.

"Where's my good afternoon?" Megan said jokingly.

"I'm sorry who are you again?"

"Screw you Calvin."

"So you guys...aren't dating?" Joshua asked curiously while taking a sip of his cold brew.

"No," both Calvin and I said at the same time. 

I crossed my arms and rolled my eyes, "We're just friends like I have been trying to tell you guys for almost an half an hour now."

"But you guys would make a good couple," Megan confessed.

"Nah, I think she'll be better with Mason," Joshua says.

"No way!"

"I'm not joking. Mason is really sweet to her compared to Calvin. I've known him for four years. Trust me I know Mason would be way better...no actually, Calvin is kinda good too for Reina but he's more on the quiet side though..."

"Oh! What about Paul? We totally forgot about him!" Megan continued to gush.

"Oh yeah. Never mind the rest of them, Paul is a million times better than them. I heard he might be visiting during winter vacation from NYU to visit us in San Fran. Maybe we should visit him and we should all hang out together and get them back together!" Joshua said happily, completely ignoring the fact that Calvin was still on the other line. 

"Did you call just to piss me off?" Calvin mumbled on the other line. 

He sounded as if he is about to fall back asleep, but at the same time somewhat pissed...and something else.

What is it?

"Oh yeah. Sorry I forgot that I am on the phone with you," Joshua gave a nervous chuckle as we heard Calvin sighed on the other line in response.

"Figures. Well if that's all you want from me, I would like to go back to sleep."

"Dude, it's literally one in the afternoon. Why not come down to Philz's coffee near my place and hang out? Just the four of us," When Joshua added in the last part, he looked over to me and grinned widely. 

I tilted my head in confusion. 

Why he would say that? 

'Just the four of us.' 

Okay...? 

There was a pause on the other line before we heard him getting up, groaning. 

"I'll meet you guys there in half an hour," he said then hung up.

"Oh...my...Gosh!" Megan squealed after a few moments of silence.

"What?"I said, dumbfounded.

"Calvin agreed to come hang out with us...on a Saturday no less!" Megan exclaimed in shock and awe. 

I looked at her as if she had lost it.

"And...?"

"Calvin never wants to go hang out on Saturday. Never. You remember the party he threw at his house a few years back on Saturday? That was my idea since his house is huge compared to mine. Calvin isn't a social person. It took me a while before he started to actually think of me as a friend. Like maybe a year or so! No I think maybe half a year. Usually, when I ask him to hang out with just me and him on Saturday, he would always say no because the weekends are his sleeping days. He always turns me and Megan down but when I said you're here...all of a sudden he just magically agreed to hang with us," Joshua explained with a sly grin. 

Then he added, "Maybe Calvin and you would make a good couple."

"Even better than Mason?!" Megan gasped.

"Maybe even better than Paul."

We continued to talk about everything and catch up when we saw Calvin opening the door to Philz's coffee. I looked at him up and down as he was wearing a black short sleeve top with loose jeans. His hair was pulled back messy and as soon my eyes met him, I realized that I was checking him out. 

I quickly looked back onto the floor but it didn't go unnoticed by Megan and Joshua who had a huge grin on their face.

"Someone has a crush," they both said in unison in a whisper as I smacked them playfully.

I did not have a crush and I certainly do not have a crush on Calvin Young. 

Joshua got off the seat right now to me and slide next to Megan and I glared at them in reply as Calvin sat next to me. 

"So let me get this straight. You dragged me out of bed just so we could sit here all day?" Calvin asked as soon as he sat down.

"Well we were planning to go to the mall afterwards, but I'm broke," Megan said with a pout.

"Get a job like most eighteen year old do nowadays," Joshua suggested.

"You're one year older than us Joshua and you never worked in your life, asshole," Megan snickered.

"I can't hear you because you're being mean to me," Joshua said loudly.

"I'll get a job when Reina gets one. Hey, do you think you could get me a job where your dad works? Or at least a part time job? You worked there over the summer a few years ago, and you got like a few hundred dollars a week."

I tried not to let her or anyone notice I tensed stiffly at the mention of my dad and his workplace.

"Um..." I try to make something up.

"I don't think there is an open spot right now, but I'll ask him later on..." I trailed off, not knowing what else to say. I mentally slapped myself for still not telling them that my parents are divorced. 

I couldn't.

I still want to be part of a perfect family.

The one where the parents are still crazy in love.

Not divorced.

The one where the younger sister is going through a rebellious age and is only not doing homework.

Not going to parties and drinking.

The one where the daughter is just stressing over homework and boys.

Not rape and cutting.

"Okay, tell me when a spot opens up. By the way, how is your mom and dad? Oh and London? I haven't seen them in a while actually," Megan looked at me curiously along with Joshua.

"She dresses so differently now!" Joshua said as well. 

Joshua have seen London a few times since Joshua loves to come into my house uninvited at times. 

"They're good." 

Oh God, can we please move on from my personal life? I already feel bad that I'm lying to my two best friends in the world.

"Oh maybe we-"

"Megan, get up and get me an ice mocha. I decided what I wanted now since I came here like twenty minutes ago," Calvin said, cutting her off. 

He got up to get his credit card and held it out so she can take it.

She glared at him after looking at his credit card, "Do I look like a maid?"

"I'll let you order anything you want," he bargained.

"For free?"

"Sure why not? Go wild."

Immediately she got up and goes to wait in line without another word.

"Are all girls like that?" Joshua chuckled as he eyed Megan who went to get Calvin and herself a free drink from him.

"You can get something too. I need to talk to Reina."

Oh crap.

"What? You're gonna ask her out?" Joshua winked at me.

I started to fidget in my seat. 

Of course not because being alone with Calvin made my heart flutter and all that.

 It's because I don't know what he's going to say at times.

Not because of anything else.

I think.

"No. Now go wait with Megan."

Calvin can be pretty commanding when he wakes up on the wrong side of the bed.

"What's in it for me? Megan got a free drink."

"You can get a free drink as well. Go wild."

"Fine," Joshua got up and started to walk over to where Megan is standing.

And just moments ago, Joshua was making fun of Megan for going to get a drink for Calvin just because it was free.

Hypocrite.

I nervously took another sip of my hot chocolate. 

I am starting to run out of hot chocolate from all that sipping to think of something.

"Thanks for checking on me yesterday," I said after a few seconds of silence.

"You can't give me all the credit, Joshua and Megan also noticed before me," he stated smoothly, even though he doesn't know that I knew that both Joshua and Megan didn't even notice I was gone yet till later on. 

My heart did a weird flip like last time when he smiled at me.

He cleared his throat and that got my attention quickly.

"So can you come over tomorrow to my house? To help me with what you were supposed to help me with a few weeks ago," he added like I don't know what he was talking about.

"Um, I think I can." It was better than sitting home tomorrow worrying if my sister is coming home or not, plus it was Sunday and I already finally caught up with my homework and studying for that physic exam on Monday. 

Plus, I was curious. 

And somewhat scared of that guy. Erik, I think. 

Plus, he still does need to throw away that thing and getting this thing over with is me getting closer to getting away any evidence of that night. 

"Okay good,"he stated.

I look at him curiously, why did he look so happy? Was it because I agreed and I wasn't scared off by that guy, Erik? Or was there a deeper meaning?

Who really knows.

"Um...so can I ask who that guy was from the other night?" I asked, my voice slightly above a whisper as I look over to Megan and Joshua who are chatting away rather loudly. 

They probably already ordered there drink already, leaving us with little time left.

He tensed as soon as I ask.

"You don't have to tell me," I quickly reassured him. 

I know how he feels, when people ask stuff you don't want to talk about.

Just before he could get a word out, Megan tackled me from behind.

"What are you guys talking about?" For the first time in my life, I actually want to murder one of my best friend for cutting Calvin off.

"The weather," Calvin quickly said. 

"Are you serious?" Joshua cut in.

"Apparently it's going to be partly cloudy today with a high of 60s and low of 50s later on today," I said, thankful that I watched the news this morning.

"You guys would make the weirdest couple ever," Joshua said with Megan in unison. 

____________________________________________________

Donations can be made here: paypal.me/HisBeautifulMess

Reasons to Live: 9. "Live life for the moment because everything else is uncertain."

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