Taekook Smuts and Drabbles

Line of Fire (Cont.)

The morning after their fight is a rough one for Taehyung.

It doesn't matter how worn out he feels after having sex with Jeongguk, he just can't sleep because he keeps replaying Jeongguk's words in his head.

Jeongguk says he needs space.

Space of all things.

As if Taehyung is too clingy and smothering. As if he's always running after him, always seeking him out, so much so that he feels like he needs a breather. It just isn't true. They equally seek each other out, Jeongguk gets needy too and he gets jealous, although he'll never admit it.

Taehyung knows that what they have is temporary but Jeongguk asking for his own space sounds a lot like he's saying he's done with Taehyung. It's not like Taehyung never expected it to happen but it took him by surprise. One second they're okay and the next he can't think about Jeongguk without his chest hurting.

Last night was a reality check. Jeongguk and him are just fuck buddies and Jeongguk doesn't seem to want Taehyung for anything more. He doesn't even want him to be his roommate anymore.

Jeongguk's words are paradoxical to the way he fucked Taehyung, which is why this whole thing is a headfuck for Taehyung. Jeongguk always makes him feel like he's the most desirable person on earth when they have sex but once it's over Taehyung's back to being just a friend. Just the guy Jeongguk lives with.

It's not the first time they have a fight but it always feels worse when they fight after sex because Taehyung goes from feeling like he's on top of the world to feeling like dirt under Jeongguk's shoes. Taehyung isn't sure Jeongguk realizes how hurtful he can be sometimes. Why would he, when he thinks that he and Taehyung are on the same page? Friends who have sex together aren't supposed to get their feelings hurt because feelings aren't supposed to be involved in the first place.

Still, this hot and cold between them gives Taehyung whiplash and there's only so much he can take.

Turns out he's the one who needs his space after all.

That's why he doesn't acknowledge Jeongguk's presence when he joins him in the kitchen. Taehyung pours himself a cup of coffee, mind still foggy from lack of sleep. He sighs when he realizes he's wearing one of Jeongguk's hoodies. He put it on out of habit when he woke up.

"Morning," Jeongguk says before clearing his throat. He takes a bottle of orange juice out of the fridge and steps next to Taehyung to take a glass in the cupboard above his head.

Taehyung doesn't answer. He doesn't even flinch when Jeongguk's body presses against his side. Instead, he blows on his coffee and walks to the living room couch. He folds his legs underneath himself and absentmindedly looks at the black screen of their TV. He hears Jeongguk's frustrated sigh and his blood immediately starts to boil.

Jeongguk doesn't get to be annoyed, not after how much he hurt Taehyung. Taehyung doesn't want to pretend like everything is okay.

"You're still mad at me?" Jeongguk asks, his voice a lot closer now. He leans against the back of the couch and looks down at Taehyung. "Hyung?" he says when Taehyung still doesn't answer.

Giving him the silent treatment may seem childish but Taehyung doesn't have the energy to argue this early in the morning. So he'd rather keep his mouth shut than say things he doesn't mean. He wishes Jeongguk could do the same sometimes, but his short temper always gets the best of him and Taehyung is always the victim of it.

"Hyung, talk to me," Jeongguk's voice wavers and it's almost enough to make Taehyung cave. Instead, he takes a sip of his coffee and he doesn't care that it's burning his tongue. "Taehyungie hyung," Jeongguk whines and Taehyung's whole body freezes when he feels his lips on his neck. Jeongguk buries his face there and wraps his arms around his shoulders.

Jeongguk always acts cute when he wants to be forgiven and it usually works but today it makes Taehyung angrier. Jeongguk really thinks this is going to work after what he said last night. His words felt like a knife was shoved into Taehyung's back. He didn't see it coming. Asking for space when he's tired of Taehyung and then calling after him when he needs to get laid. It makes Taehyung feel dirty and not in a good way.

"Get off of me," Taehyung's voice is as cold as ice and he can tell Jeongguk is surprised by it. He stops nuzzling Taehyung's neck, his hold loosening. Taehyung's body is taut and his stomach turns uncomfortably. He hates feeling like this, like Jeongguk's touch is burning but not in a way that makes him feel desired. Taehyung doesn't want to be touched, he doesn't want Jeongguk to talk to him or to even look at him. Space. That's what Jeongguk asked for and what Taehyung needs right now.

Taehyung pushes Jeongguk's arms off of him and stands up, ignoring the way Jeongguk's face falls and how hurt he looks. Taehyung doesn't have the strength to worry about it when he, himself, is consumed by hurt. Taehyung puts his cup of coffee on the kitchen counter and walks away.

He hears a broken "hyung" just as he slams his bedroom door shut and his heart breaks for what feels like the millionth time since he met Jeongguk.

~

Taehyung comes out of his room a few hours later and Jeongguk is nowhere to be seen.

Not that Taehyung is looking for him, but it's a Saturday afternoon and, at this hour, Jeongguk would usually be watching anime on the couch. Taehyung changed into his own clothes after throwing Jeongguk's hoodie in his laundry hamper. He puts his shoes on and leaves their apartment without a word.

A few minutes later, he's standing outside of Yoongi's place. When Yoongi opens the door he looks surprised to see Taehyung.

"Hey," Taehyung says, giving him a soft smile. Yoongi's hair is pulled back by a bandana and he's wearing an oversized sweater with sweatpants.

"Hey, Taehyung-ah. Everything okay?" Yoongi frowns. It's unlike Taehyung to come uninvited because he knows that Yoongi hates it. Taehyung forgot to shoot him a text. All he wanted to do was to leave his apartment.

"Jeongguk and I had a fight," Taehyung shrugs. That's enough for Yoongi's expression to turn soft, an empathetic look on his face. He knows how much it affects Taehyung every time he argues with Jeongguk. "Can I come in, hyung?"

"Um," Yoongi fidgets, throwing a glance back into his apartment, "I've got company."

"Oh," Taehyung's eyes widen. It didn't even occur to him that Yoongi probably already had plans. "I'm sorry," he shakes his head, "I didn't mean to interrupt. I'll leave," he turns on his heels but Yoongi stops him.

"Wait, Taehyung-ah," Yoongi clears his throat. "It's just Jiminie," he says, hand sliding into Taehyung's. "I don't think he'll mind. Come in," he smiles.

"Jiminie?" Taehyung's eyes widen, a smirk forming on his lips. "Did you guys go home together?"

"Yeah," Yoongi nods, "I'll tell you all about it later, okay?"

"Are you sure? I really don't want to be a bother."

"You're never a bother," Yoongi gives him a reassuring smile and tugs on his hand. "Come in."

Taehyung follows Yoongi into his apartment and takes his shoes off. Jimin is sitting on the couch, looking down at his phone. He's also wearing lounge clothes that Taehyung knows belong to Yoongi. Taehyung tries to hide a smile. It makes him happy to see Yoongi spending time with the guy he's had feelings for, for a while.

 "Hi Jiminie," Taehyung says.

"Taehyungie," Jiminie beams. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, um," Taehyung hesitates. Jiminie is Jeongguk's best friend so it's a bit awkward to talk about their fight with him. He doesn't want to put him in an uncomfortable position and he doesn't really want him to hear what he has to say about Jeongguk and about his feelings for him. "I just came to talk to Yoongi."

"Is it okay if we go in my room for a little bit?" Yoongi asks.

"Of course," Jimin nods. "I can leave if you want."

"No!" Taehyung and Yoongi both say at the same time. Taehyung laughs when he sees Yoongi's panicked face.

"Alright, alright" Jimin chuckles, holding his hands up in defense. "Go ahead, I'll just watch TV."

Yoongi grabs Taehyung's arm and takes him to his room. "Sit," he says, pointing at his bed as he closes the door.

 "Did you change the sheets?" Taehyung quirks an eyebrow and gives him a teasing smile.

"Shut up," Yoongi rolls his eyes as he sits on his desk chair. "We didn't have sex."

"Really? Why?"

"I don't know," Yoongi shrugs. "We just made out."

"Was it nice?" Taehyung asks. He sits on the bed and crosses his legs. When Taehyung left the club last night, Yoongi was still working and he wonders how he ended up going home with Jimin. They did flirt every time Yoongi came at their table or when Jimin sat at the bar but the both of them have been dancing around each other for so long that Taehyung didn't think they'd ever end up together.

"Yeah," Yoongi smiles. "He's great. But we're not here to talk about me. Tell me what happened."

Taehyung lays flat on the bed and sighs heavily, eyes trained on the ceiling. He's been here multiple times before and for the exact same reason. Jeongguk. It's always Jeongguk. "Jeongguk said he needs his space," Taehyung smiles sadly, heart squeezing painfully in his chest. "Right after we had sex."

 "What?" Yoongi frowns, unconsciously rolling his chair closer to Taehyung. "I don't understand," he says, shaking his head. "Why would he say that?"

Taehyung wishes he knew what was going on inside Jeongguk's head but the boy is an enigma.

"I don't know," Taehyung says, shrugging nonchalantly, as if talking about it didn't make him feel sick to his stomach. "I brought the whole lease thing up and we're shit at communicating so he ended up saying he needs his space," Taehyung sighs as he squeezes his eyes shut, feeling a headache coming. "I stormed out after that and this morning I ignored him."

"I really can't understand you," Yoongi mumbles. "Both of you."

"What do you mean?" Taehyung frowns, tilting his head to look at him.

"Why are you so bothered about him moving out?" Yoongi asks. "It's not like you're never going to see him again."

Taehyung brushes his hands over his face and sighs. He doesn't really know how to explain how he feels and the fact that he's not being truthful with Jeongguk doesn't make their communicating any easier. He knows that Yoongi is right, that Jeongguk and he will most likely keep having sex together but the thought of not seeing Jeongguk every day upsets him.

He loves waking up to Jeongguk and having breakfast with him in their small kitchen before going to work. He loves seeing Jeongguk waiting for him on the couch when he comes home from work with food prepared just for him in the fridge. He loves spending his weekends with Jeongguk, going on walks, playing games and sometimes having sex for hours.

He loves Jeongguk that's why he doesn't want to be away from him.

"I just don't want things to change," Taehyung breathes out.

"You want him," Yoongi says.

"Yeah."

"Taehyung," Yoongi sighs, rolling his chair closer until his knees hit the side of the bed. "You can't have him if you don't tell him how you feel."

"I can't have him either way, hyung," Taehyung looks at him and gives him a sad smile.

"You don't know that," Yoongi rests his hand on Taehyung's arm. "Sometimes people lie about their feelings, Taehyung. You know that better than anyone. I don't think he's as unbothered as he makes it seem."

Taehyung snorts and looks away. He hates how Yoongi's words make him feel hopeful because hope is dangerous. Taehyung doesn't think Jeongguk is as unbothered as he makes it seem either but Yoongi is implying that Jeongguk has feelings for Taehyung and Taehyung doesn't believe that.

Jeongguk cares about Taehyung, which is clear. They're teetering on the edge of something more than friendship but not enough to make Jeongguk take a leap and actually ask Taehyung to be his boyfriend. That won't happen. Jeongguk made it clear from the start that he's not ready for a relationship.

He told Taehyung once, why he doesn't trust in relationships.

It's because of his parents. His dad, more specifically. When Jeongguk was twenty, his parents sat him down and told him that they were getting a divorce. Jeongguk had been shocked at first because he didn't see it coming at all. He thought his parents were happy together, didn't see any signs of their marriage plummeting into something devoid of love. He felt like his world was crashing down but his heart got crushed when they told him they were getting divorced because his dad was cheating on his mom. For years, before his mom caught him. His dad, the man he'd always looked up too and trusted blindly, was the reason of their family breaking apart. He felt cheated too, like he didn't know his own father. His whole life thinking he could never hurt his mother, but he was wrong.

He's had trust issues ever since. How can he trust strangers not to break his heart if he can't even trust his own dad not to break his mother's and, consequently, his? That's what he told Taehyung. He doesn't want to give someone else the opportunity to break his heart.

It doesn't matter how much he cares about Taehyung, how well they get along or how good the sex is, a relationship cannot be born without trust. Taehyung thinks it's unfair that he's not given a chance to prove Jeongguk wrong, but there's nothing he can do about it. If Taehyung confesses Jeongguk will turn him down, there's no doubt about it.

"He doesn't want me like that hyung," Taehyung breathes out. "Or maybe he does but he can't. There's shit he needs to deal with but he isn't. He could be in love with me for all I know but he still wouldn't want to be in a relationship with me. I know it doesn't make sense for me to hold onto someone who doesn't want me like I want them, but I just want to be selfish for once," Taehyung painfully admits.

"Well I think he's running away," Yoongi says, and he sounds so sure of himself. "That's why he wants to move out. I think he's not being truthful either. You guys can't communicate because you're both on the defensive which means you're both hiding something."

"Maybe," Taehyung shrugs. He knows Yoongi's right but it's a can of worms he's not brave enough to open yet. "I just hate how he said he needed space. From me? It's not like I follow him around like a lost puppy."

"Why did you ignore him this morning?" Yoongi leans back in his chair, legs crossed. He looks like a psychiatrist and it makes Taehyung chuckle.

"Because he hurt me. Now I'm the one who needs space."

"Exactly," Yoongi smiles, looking cocky as ever. "So, maybe he needs space for the exact same reason."

Taehyung's heart sinks and his breath gets caught in his throat. He didn't think of it that way because it doesn't make sense to him. What did he do to hurt Jeongguk? The only thing he can think of is when he tries to make him jealous but that only happens when Jeongguk is flirting with someone else and Taehyung wants his attention. It would be hypocritical of Jeongguk to get hurt by that when he does the same thing to Taehyung, when he willingly flirts with other people even when Taehyung isn't around.

Things are too confusing for Taehyung, he doesn't know what to believe or what to think because Jeongguk says one thing and then he acts a different way. Sometimes it feels like he cares and sometimes like he doesn't.

Maybe that's how it feels for Jeongguk when Taehyung pretends like he doesn't have feelings for him. Perhaps Jeongguk is just as confused as he is. The only way for him to know would be to ask Jeongguk but he's too scared of the answer. Jeongguk would probably just play it off and act like Taehyung is speaking nonsense. Like there's nothing to worry about and that the truth is not as complicated as Yoongi seems to think.

Jeongguk might just want his space because he wants his space. This might not have anything to do with Taehyung because Taehyung isn't that important.

And somehow, the thought hurts Taehyung more.

~

On Monday, Taehyung still isn't speaking to Jeongguk and Jeongguk doesn't try to speak to him but Taehyung can feel him hovering.

The atmosphere at their place is tense and Taehyung is living with a permanent knot in his stomach but he's not ready to let Jeongguk back in just yet. It's not common for him to ignore Jeongguk for so long after a fight. He usually caves after a few hours, but this time his words really hurt. The timing at which it was said also makes it worse because Jeongguk fucked Taehyung like he was his and Taehyung let himself believe, just for a few hours, that maybe Jeongguk wanted him to be his.

Once again, his hope came crashing down minutes after coming all over Jeongguk's bed.

Mondays are always shit but this one in particular really is. Taehyung came back to work to way too many emails and a text from Hoseok saying he's sick and asking him to postpone today's video shoot. Taehyung can't really be mad at him because Hoseok works hard and he rarely misses a schedule, but the director he was supposed to work with isn't happy about it and Taehyung spends a good 15 minutes getting yelled at. In the end he manages to reschedule the shoot to next week but he's left with a massive headache.

 Taehyung still can't sleep well so he's exhausted. His eyes sting from looking at his computer screen even though he's wearing his glasses. He's on his fifth coffee when it's time for his lunch break. He's in the middle of finishing an email when Seokjin comes knocking on his door, not even waiting for Taehyung's invite before peeking his head through the glass door.

"Heads up, your boyfriend is at the reception desk," Seokjin says, winking at him. Taehyung stares at him blankly, confused more than anything.

"What are you talking about?"

"Doe eyes, long hair, killer body? You know who I'm talking about."

Taehyung sighs and drops his head in his hands. His body unconsciously goes taut. "What the fuck is Jeongguk doing here?" he mumbles.

"You're about to find out," Seokjin says, stepping aside to let Jeongguk knock on the door. Taehyung's whips his head up, eyes going wide when he realizes Seokjin wasn't lying. Jeongguk is standing there, a paper bag in one hand and a hesitant look on his face.

Taehyung doesn't really know how to feel about Jeongguk's visit. On one hand he's happy to see him because no matter what happened he's still in love with the guy, but on the other hand he's upset because he really doesn't feel like talking to him right now, not at work.

"You must be really desperate because you never come here," Taehyung says curtly. Seokjin quirks an eyebrow at him as if to tell him to take it easy but Taehyung can't help it.

"You haven't talked to me in two days so yeah, I kind of am," Jeongguk says, not looking affected by Taehyung's cold demeanor. "I brought you lunch," he lifts the paper bag he's holding. Warmth spreads through Taehyung's chest and there's butterflies in his stomach. He wishes Jeongguk did this when they weren't fighting, just because he wants to see Taehyung? This just feels wrong, somehow. Taehyung can't help but feel like Jeongguk's just desperate to make things go back to normal because he's a convenient fuck. Surely, Jeongguk would hate to lose that.

 "I already have plans," Taehyung says. "I'm getting lunch with Seokjin hyung." Jeongguk's face falls and it breaks Taehyung's heart.

"No, you're not," Seokjin chimes in, frowning at Taehyung.

"I am now."

"He traveled through the city to get here and bring you lunch, Taehyung."

"I didn't ask him to," Taehyung shrugs. Taehyung refuses to look at Jeongguk, instead he tries to finish the email he's working on but he can't focus. He hates being mean, especially to Jeongguk but he feels uncomfortable and he hates that Jeongguk is putting him in this position. Taehyung made it clear that he didn't want to talk. Not yet.

"Taehyung-"

"It's fine hyung," Jeongguk cuts Seokjin off. "Can you give us a moment?" he asks. Taehyung squirms uncomfortably in his chair. He doesn't want to be alone with him.

"Sure."

Taehyung hears him whispering "Good luck" before leaving. Taehyung rolls his eyes because luck has nothing to do with their situation. Taehyung feels anxious, he feels like he's being cornered when he didn't even do anything wrong in the first place. He's just trying to get over what Jeongguk said in his own time but Jeongguk isn't letting him.

"How long are you gonna keep being like this?" Jeongguk asks, walking to Taehyung's desk. Taehyung doesn't look up, eyes fixated on the cursor of his mouse.

"I'm working, Jeongguk."

"No you're not," Jeongguk shakes his head, looking determined. He drops his paper bag on Taehyung's desk and his expression softens. "I don't like when you're mad at me."

"Then don't make me mad," Taehyung shrugs, leaning in his chair. "You say dumb shit and then expect me to forgive and forget. That's not how it works."

"I was annoyed," Jeongguk walks around Taehyung's desk until he's standing next to his chair. "You know how I get when I'm annoyed. You shouldn't listen to me," he slides his hand over Taehyung's arm, fingertips leaving goosebumps in their wake. Taehyung hates how his body always betrays him. 

"Stop," Taehyung says, pushing Jeongguk's hand away. "Sex isn't going to fix it," he glares up at him.

"Who said anything about sex?" Jeongguk smirks. He turns Taehyung's chair until he's facing him and leans on the armrests, his face coming close to Taehyung's. Taehyung doesn't flinch but his heart is racing in his chest. "Do you want to have sex?"

"Yes, Jeongguk," Taehyung gives him a fake smile. "I'm so mad at you that I can't even bear to be in the same room as you but I wanna have sex," he pushes against Jeongguk's chest and stands up, trapping him against the desk. Jeongguk's eyes darken slightly and if it was any other time Taehyung would bend him over his desk and teach him a lesson but not today. "You're a fucking idiot," Taehyung whispers against his lips. "Stay away from me until I say so or else you'll lose me for real." Taehyung walks to the door, opening it for Jeongguk. "Now, get out."

Jeongguk looks at him over his shoulder. He looks half aroused and half like a kicked puppy. Taehyung tries his hardest not to show how much it's killing him to push Jeongguk away. In a way he's teaching a lesson to Jeongguk. He's teaching him that he can't get away with saying hurtful shit that he can't walk all over Taehyung. Taehyung might be in love but he's also prideful and he'd rather die than let anyone treat him like shit.

Jeongguk lets out a heavy sigh before moving to stop in front of him. Taehyung's gaze doesn't waver.

"What do I have to do to make everything okay?" Jeongguk asks, a sincere expression on his face. "Tell me. I'll do anything."

Taehyung lets out a dry laugh. "I guess it's for you to figure out."

"Can't you just tell me?"

"No," Taehyung says. "You're gonna have to work for it this time," he pats Jeongguk's chest before pushing him in the direction of the exit.

"I left food on your desk," Jeongguk points at it. "I know you lied about having lunch with Seokjin hyung so make sure you eat well."

He doesn't wait for Taehyung's reply before finally leaving. Taehyung lets out a heavy breath, heart hammering in his chest. His headache has gotten worse and it feels like there's a heavy weight on his shoulders. He sags against the door and squeezes his eyes shut.

He'd love for things to be okay again but it's not that simple. Taehyung is at a point where he might break. He knows he can't keep doing this thing with Jeongguk for much longer. But he can't see himself letting go, not when his whole being screams for him to be with Jeongguk.

Taehyung knows exactly what Jeongguk should do to make things better and it hurts that Jeongguk hasn't done it yet.

All he has to do is say sorry.

~

Two days later Taehyung finds himself sitting at Yoongi's bar a little after noon.

He's been so exhausted that he decided to take a day off. Hoseok is still sick and since he's his main client, Taehyung isn't really needed at work. Seokjin said he'll take care of any emergencies. It didn't take much convincing on Taehyung's part. It only took a simple look at the bags under his eyes and his disheveled appearance for Seokjin to tell him to go home and that he'll take care of everything.

Taehyung tried to sleep in this morning but he couldn't. He can't stop thinking about Jeongguk, about how much he misses him. He also thinks about how much he's hurting himself by ignoring his feelings. He knows he deserves better, he deserves someone who loves him back, but there's no one he wants more than Jeongguk.

It's hard not to snuggle against him when he's watching TV, it's hard not to laugh with him about stupid things. It's hard not being able to be his friend. Taehyung can tell it's affecting Jeongguk too and it's hard to be the cause of his sadness. He looks just as exhausted as Taehyung does and, more than once, Taehyung caught him opening his mouth to say something before changing his mind. Taehyung knows Jeongguk wants to spend time with him, not just to have sex.

They're fuck buddies but they're also friends and it's hard for them to stay away from each other. Jeongguk hasn't tried anything again but Taehyung catches him staring at him a lot. Taehyung tries to ignore it because most times Jeongguk just looks devastated. Some other times, his gaze make Taehyung's body burn, the way it always does when Jeongguk's looking at him like he's the prettiest person in the entire world.

Taehyung doesn't know where to go from here. He doesn't know what he wants. He could forgive Jeongguk and go back to having casual sex with him until Jeongguk says something hurtful again. Rinse and repeat. That's what their relationship is.

He could also forgive Jeongguk and tell him that he's done with casual sex. He wonders how Jeongguk would react. Taehyung's always imagined Jeongguk to be the one to end things between them.

Taehyung thinks he would feel sick if Jeongguk acted like it wasn't a big deal.

He's not brave enough to do that. Perhaps, the easier option is to move out to different apartments like Jeongguk wants. That way Taehyung doesn't have to see him every day. Maybe it would hurt less. Distance might help.

Or it might make things worse.

"You look like shit," Yoongi says, leaning his head on his hand. He's supposed to get the bar ready for tonight but instead he's listening to Taehyung complain. Taehyung kinda feels bad for always unloading on him but Yoongi always says that's what best friends are for.

"Thanks," Taehyung mumbles. His head is resting on his folded arms over the counter. He looks and feels miserable. "My love life sucks."

"At least your sex life is amazing."

Taehyung snorts. "There hasn't been much sex happening lately."

"Yeah, me neither," Yoongi sighs. Taehyung looks up, looking intrigued.

"You still haven't fucked Jimin?" he asks. "Or the other way around, whatever you like best," he gestures vaguely.

"Nope," Yoongi shrugs. "I haven't seen him since Saturday actually."

"How come?"

"I don't know, he's kind of busy," Yoongi tries to sound casual but Taehyung can tell he's upset.

"Call him, tell him to come here tonight."

"It's the middle of the week and he's working tomorrow I can't just ask him to stay up until I finish."

"You're just making up excuses," Taehyung smiles. "You won't get laid if you don't make a move."

"Look who's giving me advice," Yoongi snorts.

"Just cause my life is a mess doesn't mean I don't give great advice," Taehyung winks at him.

"Try following your own advice."

"I did," Taehyung shrugs. "I made a move on Jeongguk and now I'm getting laid regularly. Well, I used to," he gestures vaguely.

Taehyung and Jeongguk lasted two weeks of being roommates before jumping each other's bones. Quite impressive when Taehyung felt attracted to Jeongguk as soon as he laid his eyes on him. Taehyung had flirted, teased and outright told Jeongguk he was into him but Jeongguk always brushed it off, laughing shyly at Taehyung's comments like he didn't believe him. Until one day, Taehyung had kissed Jeongguk while they were watching a movie and Jeongguk had rode him on the couch. The whole week, they christened their apartment. Never stopped ever since.

"Jimin is...," Yoongi sighs, shrugging. "I don't know, he's intimidating. I can't tell if he wants sex or more. And, no offense, but I don't want us to end up like you and Jeongguk. I genuinely like the guy."

"None taken," Taehyung says. He wouldn't want his best friend to go through what he's going through either. "It seems like Jimin likes you too. Just ask him out on a date and see what he says."

"Do it for me," Yoongi says, biting on his bottom lip.

"No, you do it."

"I can't," Yoongi shakes his head. "I'm emotionally constipated, I can't do it."

Taehyung laughs, resting his face in his hands. "No, you're not. It's just a text. Do it."

"I need you to do something for me," Yoongi changes the subject. He bends down and takes a hoodie out from behind his bar, handing it to Taehyung. "He forgot this at my place. I need you to give it back to him."

Taehyung frowns at him suspiciously, taking the hoodie in hesitant hands. "Why do I have to give it back to him?"

"Cause I'm busy working all week and I won't have time to do it myself," Yoongi shrugs, an amused smile on his face.

"Oh, really?" Taehyung quirks an eyebrow. "But if you ask him out on a date, you can just give it back to him, then."

"Just give him back the damn hoodie, Taehyung," Yoongi says, rolling his eyes as he rearranges bottles.

Taehyung knows exactly what he's doing. His best friend doesn't play matchmaker that often but that's what he's doing right now. Jimin works with Jeongguk at the same architecture agency. Yoongi just wants Taehyung to give him back a hoodie that might not even be Jimin's in the first place so he can go visit Jeongguk. He appreciates his friend's concern but he doesn't appreciate being forced into something he's not comfortable doing.

If he wanted to talk to Jeongguk he would. He doesn't need anyone to interfere. He'll humor Yoongi though. Just because he goes to Jeongguk's workplace doesn't mean he has to speak to him.

"Fine," Taehyung says as he hops off his stool. "I'll make sure Jimin knows you want to marry him."

Yoongi leans against the bar and glares at him. "Don't embarrass me or I'll cut your dick off, Kim Taehyung."

Taehyung laughs and as he's leaving he says, "I'm not talking to Jeongguk!"

"But he's going to talk to you!"

Taehyung flips him off before exiting the bar, ignoring his best friend's stupid laugh.

~

Jeongguk's workplace looks like a magazine. Everything is black and white, modern furniture filling every room. He doesn't come here often but he's had sex with Jeongguk on his desk once. Taehyung sighs heavily at the thought of Jeongguk. He really doesn't want to see him. Or, maybe he does. He's not even sure anymore.

"Taehyung-ssi," the receptionist greets him with a friendly smile. "It's been a while since you've visited us. Are you here to see Jeongguk?"

"Actually," Taehyung clears his throat, pressing the hoodie closer to his chest. "I'm here to see Jimin."

"Oh," she looks surprised but her smile doesn't falter. "Well, he's free right now so you can go ahead," she says, pointing at the door that leads to the offices.

"Thanks," Taehyung gives her a warm smile before entering.

It's an open space filled with only four cubicles, three of which are occupied by Jimin, Namjoon and Jeongguk. The three of them whip their heads up when they hear the door open. Jeongguk's face lights up and Taehyung gulps, feeling bad for getting his hopes up. Actually this is all Yoongi's fault. Fuck that guy.

"Taehyung-ah!" Namjoon greets him. "Long time no see," he smiles.

"Nice to see you, hyung," Taehyung says, smiling back. He only gets to see Namjoon when Jeongguk invites him to his company dinners or when he comes to the agency, which is not often, but he likes him a lot. He's very sweet and always makes Taehyung laugh. "I'm here for Jimin."

Jeongguk's face falls, hopeful eyes replaced by disappointment which quickly turns into a confused frown. Taehyung can feel his heart beating in his throat, but he chooses to ignore it.

"Me?" Jimin asks, looking just as confused with his wide eyes and pouty lips.

"Yoongi hyung wanted me to give you this," Taehyung says as he steps in front of Jimin's desk, handing him the hoodie. "You forgot it at his place the other day."

"Oh," Jimin says, smiling as he takes it. "I was gonna get it myself but thank you, Tae."

Taehyung smiles at him and then stands here awkwardly. He doesn't really know what to do. It feels weird coming here just for that. It feels weird not to acknowledge Jeongguk's presence. He's uncomfortable because he knows that Namjoon and Jimin are probably wondering what's going on. It's embarrassing.

The silence in the room is suffocating and he can feel Jeongguk's eyes on him. All he wants is for things to go back to normal but even if he stopped ignoring Jeongguk, what they have is anything but normal. The happiness he feels when he's with Jeongguk is never permanent and is tainted by lies and complicated feelings. What they have is a lie, a temporary high until they break each other's hearts.

Jeongguk and he can't stay like this. Taehyung needs to make a decision but here, right now, isn't the right time. So, he keeps ignoring Jeongguk and decides to throw his best friend under the bus.

"Yoongi hyung wants to take you out on a date," Taehyung blurts out to break the awkward silence. Jimin's eyes widen in surprise. "He's just too shy to make the first move, but," he shrugs, "yeah. If you're up for it, I guess you should text him."

"Really?" Jimin beams. "Um, okay," he chuckles, a pink flush on his cheeks. "Sorry, I don't know what to say. I wasn't expecting you to say that."

"Neither did I," Taehyung smiles awkwardly. "He likes you, so...," he bites on his bottom lip, "don't hurt his feelings." Taehyung is so bad at being a menacing best friend that Jimin and Namjoon laugh. "But if you don't like him, just turn him down gently I guess."

"I like him," Jimin says, an amused smile on his face. "You okay with me dating your best friend?"

"Yeah," Taehyung nods. "Luckily enough, I like you."

"Good," Jimin chuckles. "I'm okay with you dating my best friend too," he says as he throws a glance at Jeongguk.

Taehyung scoffs bitterly, heart squeezing in his chest. "Yeah, well he's not interested," he mumbles under his breath. When Jimin looks at him, Taehyung avoids his eyes. "I gotta go," he says, already turning on his heels.

"Hyung, wait," Jeongguk says as he walks up to him. Taehyung sighs, shoulders sagging. He doesn't resist when Jeongguk takes his arm and leads him to an empty corridor. All the doors are closed so there's no chance of someone eavesdropping. Jeongguk pushes Taehyung against the wall and Taehyung can't tell what he's thinking. He never can.

Jeongguk looks like he wants to say something but the words never come. Taehyung looks at him blankly. He's tired of arguing with him so he's willing to listen but Jeongguk is worse at communicating than Taehyung.

Taehyung's body goes taut when Jeongguk rests his hands on the wall on each side of his head, coming closer, too close for comfort. Taehyung puts a hand on his chest to stop him from pressing their bodies together. Jeongguk is warm and he hasn't touched him in so long that Taehyung shivers at the small contact.

"You're really just gonna ignore me again?" Jeongguk breathes out, eyes so dark Taehyung can't look away. Jeongguk steps closer and Taehyung's breathe hitches. Jeongguk smells so good, he looks so good. Taehyung wants him, he always does. "How can you just ignore me like that?"

How can you just leave me like that? Taehyung wants to say - to scream. The words get stuck in his throat and it feels like he's choking.

Taehyung's eyes fall shut when Jeongguk presses their foreheads together. His skin is burning where they're touching, hands stuck in between their chests. If he focuses really hard he can feel Jeongguk's heart hammering.

"I don't know what you want me to say," Taehyung breathes out, hot breath hitting Jeongguk's lips.

"I just want you to pay attention to me," Jeongguk says. It sounds more like a whine and it pulls at Taehyung's heartstrings. He hates as much as he loves when Jeongguk gets like this because it always drives him crazy. Taehyung wants to hold him, to give him all of his attention because Jeongguk is all he can think about anyway. He wants to touch him, to kiss him, to love him.

Jeongguk's stupid words won't let him. Jeongguk's trust issues won't let him. This is all a fucking lie.

"I miss you," Jeongguk says, lips so close to Taehyung's. His hands travel to Taehyung's waist and Taehyung can't help but shudder. His heart is threatening to beat out of his chest. Jeongguk's words make him feel good as much as they hurt. He can't help but feel like it's a lie. Jeongguk's just telling him what he wants to hear so they can go back to having sex. "Pay attention to me," Jeongguk repeats.

Taehyung gasps when Jeongguk catches his lips into a kiss, hands flying to his shoulders. Jeongguk presses their bodies so close Taehyung can barely breathe. He kisses Taehyung like it's the last, lips sliding greedily against his. He tongues at Taehyung's bottom lip and all Taehyung can do is open his mouth, letting out a breathy moan when their tongues meet.

He knows he should push Jeongguk away but he misses him too. He misses him so fucking bad, it feels like he'll die if he lets him go. Taehyung buries his fingers in Jeongguk's long hair and bites on his bottom lip. Jeongguk whines into the kiss, desperate hands traveling up Taehyung's shirt.

Taehyung's body breaks into goosebumps, nails scratching at Jeongguk's scalp. Jeongguk's grip on his hips is needy, hands groping at the soft skin. Their kiss is more tongue and teeth than lips but Taehyung is so lost in Jeongguk that he doesn't care. There's no way he can live without this. No way can he let Jeongguk leave him.

When the kissing becomes too much and they can't breathe anymore, Jeongguk moves to Taehyung's neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses there. Taehyung throws his head back against the wall, heavy breathing sounding so loud in the silence of the corridor. One of Jeongguk's hand travels to his thigh to lift it up to his waist. Taehyung can't stop a moan from escaping his lips when Jeongguk grinds against him. He's already getting hard. 

Taehyung knows he shouldn't be doing this. He knows he should tell Jeongguk to stop. This is too fucking easy. So unfair that Jeongguk gets to have him like this when he hasn't even apologized.

"See?" Jeongguk grinds harder. "You missed this too, hyung," Jeongguk whispers against his neck before biting on the skin. Taehyung fists Jeongguk's hair, not sure if he wants to push him away of pull him closer. "You can't not pay attention to me."

Taehyung hates how true this is and he also hates how cocky Jeongguk sounds. He doesn't get to feel cocky. He doesn't get to fucking have Taehyung so easily. Taehyung deserves better. He deserves a fucking apology.

Taehyung puts his leg back down on the floor and pushes against Jeongguk's chest until he flies to the other wall. Jeongguk blinks at him in confusion, chest heaving from arousal and hair sticking out in places. Taehyung probably doesn't look any better.

"No," Taehyung snaps, glaring at Jeongguk. "You don't fucking get to do this! You're so..." Taehyung shakes his head, hand angrily brushing his hair back. "You're such a dick sometimes."

"Hyung-"

"No!" Taehyung cuts him off. "I'm done doing this! I'm done pretending like everything's fucking okay. Not everything can be fixed with sex, Jeongguk! Grow the fuck up for five minutes and use your words."

Taehyung's so angry that he feels like crying. He hates this so much, he hates when Jeongguk gets like this. More importantly, he hates himself for being so weak. For always letting Jeongguk get away with shit. Jeongguk has gotten too cocky, too confident that Taehyung will always come crawling back.

Not today. Not this time. Not ever again.

Jeongguk stays silent for way too long. Taehyung feels like he's going to explode. They're being way too loud for a workplace already. This isn't the time nor the place. He needs to leave. He can't be here, can't look at Jeongguk looking at him like this. He looks at him like he'll break apart if Taehyung says another word and it's not fair. It's not fair that Taehyung feels guilty for hurting Jeongguk when Jeongguk screws up over and over again, without ever apologizing for hurting Taehyung's feelings.

Taehyung's fucking feelings. He wishes those didn't exist in the first place.

Taehyung turns on his heels to leave and his hand is already on the door handle when Jeongguk speaks.

"I'm sorry!"

Taehyung freezes, exhaling loudly like he's just been punched. His hands are shaking but he can't tell if it's from anger or from shock. He can't believe what he's hearing.

"Hyung," Jeongguk whines, voice cracking. Taehyung can feel him coming closer. "I'm sorry for saying what I said. I didn't mean it."

Taehyung's eyes start to sting. He blinks the tears away, concentrating on his breathing as he feels more and more overwhelmed. Jeongguk never apologizes. Taehyung's never heard him say those words. He hates that the first thought that crosses his mind is that Jeongguk cares about him. He really fucking does. He doesn't want to see Taehyung leave, can't be without him.

It's a lie.

It's a fucking lie.

Jeongguk doesn't care about him like that. Not like Taehyung needs. He wouldn't want to move out if he did, if he couldn't live without him. Taehyung felt like he was going to break when Jeongguk told him he wanted his own place, but Jeongguk.... Jeongguk doesn't care about him like that.

Taehyung shudders when he feels Jeongguk's hand on his arm. He can't do this. He doesn't want to feel like this. It's too much at once. He's glad Jeongguk apologized but why doesn't he hurt any less? Why does he feel like he's drowning still? He can't brush Jeongguk off because he knows it would make things worse but he can't stay either.

"Okay," he breathes out.

"Okay?"

"I hear you," Taehyung can't look at him. "I hear you but I need to leave."

"I don't know what else to do, hyung," Jeongguk sounds frustrated. "I said I'm sorry, I don't know what more I can do to make things right."

"Just give me time, Jeongguk."

Taehyung doesn't wait for a reply. He storms out of the agency, ignoring the receptionist's goodbyes, and feeling even worse than when he came in.

Worse but somehow more in love with Jeongguk than before.

~

It takes two days for Taehyung's feelings to settle down. Two days he spends hating himself and hating Jeongguk. Two days to realize he doesn't actually hate Jeongguk, he just hates the situation that they're in.

He spends most of his time home, in his bedroom, because he can't look at Jeongguk. He can't figure out his feelings when he's near Jeongguk, but even when he's far from him all he can think about is him.

Two days to figure out that no matter how much he'd like being able to break things off with Jeongguk, he can't. He doesn't even want to. A tiny part of him will always hope that one day Jeongguk will change his mind. That he can be Jeongguk's savior, can make him trust in their relationship. In him. There's only a one percent chance that Jeongguk will be his one day but Taehyung can't let go of that hope.

He can't let go of Jeongguk.

So, he'll accept Jeongguk's apology for what it is. He'll stop overthinking until he can't. He'll get hurt again and forgive Jeongguk again, until Jeongguk gets rid of him.

Taehyung is a prideful man but his pride doesn't stand a chance against his love for Jeongguk.

It's 10PM on a Friday night and Taehyung is alone on their living room couch. Jeongguk hasn't left his room until he got home, didn't even come out to eat dinner. Taehyung got tired of being in his room so he changed into more comfortable clothes, made himself some popcorn and turned a movie on.

He's been sitting here for half an hour when he hears Jeongguk's door open. When Jeongguk walks into their kitchen, Taehyung doesn't feel like he's going to choke. He just feels tired and hallow. He just wants his Jeongguk back and he knows he has the power to get him back.

Jeongguk opens the fridge, staring at it for two long minutes before closing it. He does the same with other cupboards, clearly indecisive on what to get for himself. Taehyung has a feeling he came out of his room just because he heard Taehyung in the living room. He just doesn't know if he can speak to Taehyung.

Taehyung can't focus on his movie when all of his senses are attuned to Jeongguk.

 "I made popcorn," he breaks the silence, looking over his shoulder at Jeongguk. Jeongguk looks surprised to hear Taehyung, standing in the middle of the kitchen with his arms hanging at his sides. "If you want some, we can share."

Taehyung turns back to the TV, heart hammering in his chest. It's an opening, a way to tell Jeongguk that he's allowed to come closer now. Jeongguk takes hesitant steps towards the couch. Taehyung's eyes don't leave the TV as Jeongguk sits next to him on the opposite side of the couch.

"Here," Taehyung offers him his bowl of popcorn. Jeongguk takes it with a tentative smile on his lips.

"Thanks."

Taehyung smiles back at him and he can tell it's like a breath has been punched out of Jeongguk's lungs. His eyes twinkle with something akin to excitement - happiness maybe.

"Is it okay if I watch this movie with you?" Jeongguk asks softly before shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

"I'd love to," Taehyung nods, looking fondly at his full cheeks. Jeongguk can be so adorable sometimes, very childlike.

They settle into a comfortable silence, sharing popcorn and enjoying each other's company after being apart for so long. They don't need any more than this. This is Taehyung and Jeongguk, content to just be in each other's presence and ignoring all the unspoken words between them.

They don't need to talk to know that things will be okay but Taehyung says it anyway.

"We'll be okay, Jeongguk-ah."

And if his heart flutters when Jeongguk beams at him, he doesn't need to know.

~

It's not exactly a smooth sail, even though Taehyung and Jeongguk are fine now. Taehyung has forgiven him, yes, but it still feels like something's painfully tugging at his heart and it feels like even though they've resolved their current issue, they're far from really resolving anything else.

And Taehyung knows it's not just Jeongguk's fault. He knows that, he's aware. But it's hard to be considerate of other people's feelings when your own are in the gutter, being shattered and stepped on, and you have to bear it all inside. He has Yoongi—and it helps—but Yoongi can't solve his and Jeongguk's problems for him. And Taehyung doesn't expect him to. Still, even though they're okay now—or as okay as they can be, the ache underneath Taehyung's skin is still there, still so present and dull, and it stings a bit more every time he lays eyes on Jeongguk, and every time Jeongguk looks at him with those big, fond eyes of his.

The routine they fall back to is as close to normal as it can be, but Taehyung still feels like he's running out of time with no light at the end of the tunnel. It may seem a bit overdramatic, but this is Taehyung's life. He's been in love with this guy for way longer than he should have allowed himself to be, and now everything that's been happening seemed as if it was just an endless cycle of hurt, hurt, hurt. In a way, Taehyung thinks he's had it coming. He's played with fire, let Jeongguk hurt him, and now—he's getting what he deserves.

Taehyung is mostly exhausted from himself and overthinking, going back and forth between just wanting to scream and let it all out, taking Jeongguk by the shoulders and shaking him with full force and just keeping everything bottled up inside. It's funny, how just a couple of days ago he had laughed at Yoongi for being emotionally constipated yet he's the exact same but somehow, he expects Jeongguk to see that – read his mind – even when he keeps quiet and gives nothing in return.

"Hyung," he thinks he hears Jeongguk call from somewhere in the living room, and Taehyung takes his headphones off and lets them fall down his neck. "Hyung?"

Jeongguk's head pokes out from behind Taehyung's half-open door, hair messy and tied into a loose bun, waves of strands falling out of the hair tie and framing his face. He looks like he's just woken up from a nap, lips and cheeks slightly swollen from sleep and Taehyung's heart clenches at how beautiful he is.

Just like that, he's back to square one.

"Yeah?"

"You busy?" Jeongguk walks in, plopping down onto Taehyung's bed.

Taehyung's been looking over sponsorship and endorsement contracts for Hoseok for a couple hours now, making sure everything is in order and running smoothly before he sends them over for him to sign. Truth be told, Taehyung is drowning in work and he has to get this done before it gets late but, as always, he shakes his head and lets Jeongguk take up as much time of his as he needs without Taehyung saying a word, hoping Jeongguk would somehow just know, somehow just notice.

"No, just looking over at some work stuff," he says, tossing his pen onto the pile of papers behind him. "What's up?"

Jeongguk squirms, cheeks slightly coloring as he looks back at Taehyung and runs a hand over his face, looking away.

"Well, I was just taking a nap earlier," his voice trails off for a brief moment, "and I kind of woke up with a boner."

Taehyung cocks his eyebrow, holding back a chuckle in the back of his throat. "You woke up with a boner."

"I did."

"And what am I supposed to do with that information?"

"Well, obviously I don't expect you to do anything, but it made me wonder if... since you and I are good again, if that means we still get to, uh, you know."

Taehyung tilts his head back and laughs, genuinely amused. Jeongguk's slightly curled in on himself, making himself look smaller, and somehow – it warms Taehyung's heart. He makes himself looks small when he feels genuinely guilty, when he thinks he's on thin ice and in a way, he still is. But regardless of what he's implying here, Taehyung can tell by the way he sits on his bed with his hands tucked between his legs and his bottom lip worried between his teeth that Jeongguk doesn't feel a hundred percent secure. And it makes fondness inside of Taehyung grow more rapidly than ever. If Jeongguk doesn't feel confident about their... friendship, right now, it means he's willing to work harder on it.

It's all Taehyung could ask for.

"Get to what, Jeonggukie? Have sex? Fuck?"

Jeongguk huffs and his cheeks turn dark red, and Taehyung thinks for someone who is as shameless as him, this is absolutely hilarious and almost out of character. But Taehyung gets it – Jeongguk is feeling bad about the whole thing and now he's insecure and just for a moment, Taehyung decides to not hold grudges.

But that doesn't mean he's not going to have a tiny bit of fun.

"You're so shameless, sometimes I swear to god," Jeongguk mumbles, his feet twisting against the hardwood floor.

"You're the one to talk. Spit it out Jeongguk-ah, is that it?"

"Yeah, that's it," Jeongguk sticks his tongue out, rolling his eyes. "I was wondering if we'll still get to fuck. There."

"Mmm," the corners of Taehyung's lips curl into a smile and he taps hisfinger against his cheek, tilting his eyebrows. "I don't know, Jeonggukie. Whatdo you think?"

Jeongguk rolls his eyes again, now dangling his feet in annoyance. He presses his lips and says nothing, which earns him another laugh from Taehyung.

"You'd like that, huh?" Taehyung debates whether or not to get up but instead he just moves his chair slightly forward, gently shoving his foot between Jeongguk's legs. He watches as his mouth slightly parts, eyes widening, that familiar glint making its way to them and Taehyung's smile widens, his foot pressing against Jeongguk's crotch. Taehyung bites back a smile when he hears Jeongguk suck in a sharp breath, gaze darkening as he keeps his eyes fixated on Jeongguk. "You miss hyung? Were you thinking about me while you jerked off earlier, hm?"

Jeongguk lets his head fall back just a little as Taehyung starts making slow, circular motions against his cock, letting out a breath before he slowly nods.

"Y-Yeah," Jeongguk says, breath hitching in his throat as Taehyung presses his foot against the head of his half-hard cock. "I was. Always think about you when I jerk off."

"Then keep thinking about me," Taehyung says, quickly pulling his foot back and rolling his chair back towards his desk, almost bursting out in laughter when Jeongguk groans in frustration. Jeongguk looks like a kid who's had all of his candy taken away at once, lips pursed and eyes gleaming in anger.

"Are you kidding me?" Jeongguk asks and Taehyung just shrugs.

"That half-boner looks like a bitch, Jeon," Taehyung snickers, waving his hand dismissively. "Have fun with it."

"I hate you," Jeongguk whines and Taehyung puts his headphones back on, laughing.

"I put my headphones on, be as loud as you want, baby."

Whatever Jeongguk says next before he leaves his room is muffled and drowned out by the music that blasts right in his ears, and Taehyung can't help but laugh again, feeling giddy.

It's just a little payback, but it's so much fun. And Taehyung knows that if he plays his cards right, the fun he's about to have is going to be way, way better.

~

Just like Taehyung had expected, the next two days are fun. Jeongguk tries and resorts to all sorts of things to get his attention, from making him breakfast in the morning to curling up to Taehyung's side at night and making himself small, looking up at him with doe eyes as he nuzzles into him and presses his nose against Taehyung's throat while they watch TV, making his skin break out into goosebumps as he feels Jeongguk's hot breath on it.

But, Taehyung knows these games like the back of his hand because hell – he dealt with them even before he and Jeongguk ever even started having sex. He knows exactly which buttons to push and when to ignore him and for how long just to get Jeongguk to feel a little needier, a little more desperate for him. And throughout the years – Jeongguk learned, too. He knows the exact way he needs to pucker his lips and widen his eyes for Taehyung to loosen up, knows the exact innocent look he needs to give him while his hand rests dangerously close to Taehyung's crotch when they're sitting and doing nothing. He knows exactly how hard he needs to rub his ass against Taehyung's cock when they're both in the kitchen and there's not enough space for the both of them to be doing something at the same time. It's little things like that, but they all work and Jeongguk knows it. So does Taehyung.

And tonight, when they're both tired and it's the end of the week and they can't even be bothered to respond to their friends and go out, Taehyung feels he's been edging himself enough that he's going to give in and give Jeongguk what he wants.

They're sitting in the living room, limbs intertwined together as they watch a stupid comedy movie and for the first time in days, Taehyung feels settled and content. He's vaguely aware of Jeongguk's knee gently sliding against his crotch every now and again and Taehyung makes sure to tug on the strands of his hair whenever he feels Jeongguk is doing a little much, for no other reason than to just to keep him on edge. To keep him waiting.

He's probably not going to be able to hold out for much longer himself; he'd missed Jeongguk when they weren't on speaking terms and now that they're... as close to normal as they can be, he misses him still. Because Taehyung needs to feel him, and he hasn't in what feels like forever.

Taehyung isn't sure if this is the longest they went without talking or without having sex – but it feels like it is. But Taehyung isn't going to give in just yet, he wants to make Jeongguk want him. Really want him. Until he's begging. He knows why he's doing this, too. He's trying to prove a point, mostly to himself. That despite everything, Jeongguk does want him. And that nobody is going to take care of him the way Taehyung is.

Nobody.

"So, have you been looking at any apartments yet?" Taehyung asks, swallowing heavily. He'd rather get this conversation out of the way now, than have it escalate after sex again and ruin everything.

He's a big boy. He can handle this.

Jeongguk looks up at him, narrowing his eyes. "Hm?"

"Our lease is up soon," Taehyung explains, feeling the slight itch of annoyance underneath his skin. He doesn't want to talk about this, but the whole lack of communication didn't get them anywhere in the first place, so he might as well just try. "You said you were going to start looking for a place, right?"

"Oh, um... Yeah." Jeongguk clears his throat, slightly shifting next to him. "Yeah, no, I – not yet. I haven't started yet. I did talk to our landlord the other day, though, and she said that she doesn't have any potential clients looking to rent this place for another couple of months. So, there's really, uh, no rush."

Taehyung nods, having a stupid sense of relief settle in the pit of his stomach.

"What about you?"

Taehyung blinks. "What about me?"

"Have you started looking?"

Taehyung takes a breath, caught by surprise. He feels tingles as they claw at the low of his back, making him uncomfortable. He shouldn't have started this conversation, because it's clearly going to come back and bite him in the ass. Taehyung hasn't even really thought about it. He's been so focused on Jeongguk and his intention to just pack up and leave, that he hasn't even been thinking about what he's going to do.

Jeongguk wanting space has felt so surreal that Taehyung didn't even take the time to really sit down and think about what he's going to do and how this is going to affect him moving forward – and not just in relation to him and Jeongguk.

His smile slightly falters, but he keeps his hand in Jeongguk's hair, running his fingers through the strands. It's gotten even longer, Taehyung notices, hoping Jeongguk won't cut it anytime soon.

"I haven't either," he replies honestly, shrugging. "But I might. Soon."

Silence hangs, but it no longer feels uncomfortable. Taehyung gets lostin his own thoughts, trying to figure this out for the first time in a coupleof weeks. Yeah, Jeongguk is the one who wants space – but Taehyung is going tohave to move out, too. He's going to have to look for his own place, somethingclose to work, preferably, and maybe... Maybe it can be good. Maybe he candecorate his place however he wants to; his living room shelves won't be filledwith video games and action figures like they are now and he'll be able tohoard his newspaper in peace without having to listen to Jeongguk whine aboutit every other week when he's the one doing the cleaning. He can have all ofhis skincare and hair products displayed on the sink and he won't constantly haveto complain about Jeongguk clogging the shower drain with his hair and – wow. Taehyunghas never really looked at it that way, but if he puts aside being bitter andhurt over Jeongguk's sudden urge for space, this could actually not bethe worst thing in the world.

"What are you thinking about?" Jeongguk asks, reaching to run his palm over Taehyung's cheek.

It sends chills down his spine; the gesture so soft and affectionate it makes his heart clench. Jeongguk has always had such a gentle touch, and now that they're lying on their couch with their limbs intertwined and listening to each other breathe, Taehyung feels the safest and most comfortable than he's ever felt.

Taehyung wonders if that's what makes everything feel like home. If Jeongguk makes everything feel like home.

"Just the perks of us not living together," Taehyung says, tone light as to ease the tension. "Like you not clogging the drain with your hair anymore," he gently tugs on the strands, "or me not having to stack up on cup noodles every time I go grocery shopping as if there's going to be the apocalypse the next day."

"You never know," Jeongguk purses his lips, slightly elbowing Taehyung in the ribs. "The apocalypse could happen tomorrow. The zombie invasion may be closer than you think, hyung."

Taehyung groans, taking a cushion from beside him and shoving it into Jeongguk's face. "There's not going to be a zombie invasion, please stop being literally ten years old."

Jeongguk laughs; an airy, muffled sound coming from the back of his throat and Taehyung loves this. God, he – he loves Jeongguk.

He loves Jeongguk so fucking much.

"I missed you when we didn't talk, you know?" Jeongguk asks, breath hot on Taehyung's neck. It makes his skin break out into goosebumps. "I really did. I know you think I'm immature and trying to – to take advantage of our situation, but I'm really not. It's just... sometimes I don't know how else to approach you."

Taehyung pauses, gaze locked with Jeongguk's. His eyes are big and sincere, making Taehyung melt inside. He feels his muscles relax, heart fluttering inside of his chest and he – for the first time in what feels like ages – Taehyung feels like he's not the only one confused as to how to approach all this.

"You just... It's not just your fault," Taehyung says, swallowing his pride. "There's my fault in there, too. I can't expect you to use your words when I don't even let you speak."

Jeongguk stares at him, eyes wide, and Taehyung can feel the way his heartbeat quickens.

"Does that mean..."

"Hyung is sorry too, Jeongguk-ah," Taehyung grits out, ignoring the way his stomach churns in protest. Apologizing is the right thing to do; he's not sorry for getting upset, but he does feel bad with how he's handled things. "I should've handled it better. But, I was upset and sometimes you say things that don't feel good to hear, Jeongguk."

Sometimes you say things that make me feel like I'm nothing you want to keep in your life forever.

Jeongguk looks at him. Really looks at him, and for a brief moment, it's like he can see right through Taehyung. Like he can see everything — the pain, the hurt, the ache and the overwhelming amount of gut-wrenching love Taehyung feels for him, and, just for a second — Taehyung thinks Jeongguk's face reads the same.

And then—Jeongguk kisses him. It's unexpected, making Taehyung gasp into his mouth, but it's so warm and familiar it sets his entire body on fire. His lips are soft on Taehyung's, tongue carefully slotting against his and that well-known spark runs up Taehyung's spine, hand reaching to tug at Jeongguk's hair, making him let out an airy yelp.

"Who said you could kiss me?" Taehyung asks and watches Jeongguk's expression as it shifts into something innocent like – as innocent as someone who looks like Jeongguk can be.

"Don't you want to kiss me, hyung?" Jeongguk's eyes widen in a specific way he knows Taehyung is weak for, making heat curl inside of Taehyung's stomach. "I've apologized and now you've apologized, too. Don't you miss kissing me? Fucking me?"

Taehyung's cock twitches, his grip in Jeongguk's hair tightening, keeping him in place. It's not necessary; Jeongguk is pliant underneath his touch, moving only as much as Taehyung lets him and Taehyung – he needs this. It's almost entirely unspoken between them, but Jeongguk knows Taehyung is craving to feel in control again, especially after all the tension between the two of them in the last couple of weeks. And Jeongguk knows the exact way he needs to look at him, the exact way he needs to curl on himself, the exact way he needs to let go and let Taehyung take anything he needs.

"Don't you, hyung?" Jeongguk asks, voice soft and quiet, eyes big and sincere as he cups the side of Taehyung's face, running his thumb over his cheekbone. "Don't you miss us?"

Something inside of Taehyung snaps and he tightens his fist in Jeongguk's hair, tugging his head back while he smacks Jeongguk's hand away from his face. They stare at each other for a long moment, Jeongguk's eyes glittering as he patiently waits for Taehyung to move.

And so, he does. He presses his lips to Jeongguk's, the kiss sloppy and wet, and Jeongguk fully melts in his arms, sighing into his mouth.

"The shit you do to me," Taehyung mutters against his lips, releasing his hand from Jeongguk's hair and grabbing him by the jaw instead. "Are you even aware of the shit you do to me?"

He doesn't wait for Jeongguk to respond but kisses him again instead, swallowing whatever it was that Jeongguk wanted to say. He straightens himself up and lets Jeongguk straddle his hips, tilting his head back as Jeongguk deepens the kiss, his hands gripping tightly at Jeongguk's tiny waist underneath his shirt.

Fuck – Taehyung's going to fucking ruin him.

"I'm gonna be so good for you hyung," says Jeongguk, squirming as Taehyung slides his hands underneath the waistband if his sweatpants, gripping at his ass. Jeongguk drops his head to Taehyung's shoulder, kissing the side of his neck as he grinds against Taehyung's crotch, making his already half-hard cock twitch at the sensation. Jeongguk melts into his touch, giving him full attention, making Taehyung feel good. Like he's all that Jeongguk sees right now, like he's all that matters.

"Oh. Oh shit," Jeongguk gasps when Taehyung runs his hand over his crotch, pressing on it and adding pressure to the head of his cock. "Hyung."

"What am I gonna do with you, huh Jeongguk-ah?" Taehyung asks, eyes darkening. "What should I do with you when you've been so, so fucking bad to your hyung?"

A small smirk tugs at the corners of Jeongguk's lips, and he slightly leans forward, leveling their gazes. "Whatever you want, hyung. I want you to do whatever you want."

It's been a while since Taehyung's done exactly that – whatever hewants. But right now, with all this tension in the air and Taehyung feelinglike he has the upper hand, it's right. Jeongguk is melting in his arms, pliantand needy for him and Taehyung wanted just that – to feel needed. Becauseit's not often that he does.

"Up," Taehyung smacks his ass and Jeongguk lets out a low gasp, immediately getting off Taehyung's lap and staring down at him, bottom lip worried between his teeth. Taehyung rises to his feet, keeping his eyes trained on Jeongguk as he feels the spike of arousal course through his entire body.

He can see the outline of Jeongguk's hard cock through his sweatpants, can see the way Jeongguk's face is slightly flushed as he bites down on his lip, and that familiar glint in his eyes – the one that makes Taehyung's heart ache with want. He reaches to cup Jeongguk's face, pulling him closer until their lips meet again and Taehyung sighs into his mouth, his hands sliding underneath his shirt again.

Jeongguk's skin is hot to the touch, quiet moans slipping past his lips as Taehyung presses their bodies together, his hand then reaching to tangle in Jeongguk's hair again, twisting at the strands. He knows it's what gets Jeongguk riled up – the hair pulling, the ass smacking, and of course—

"Hands off, baby," Taehyung coos. "No touching."

It's what gets Jeongguk riled up the most, not being able to touch him. Taehyung chuckles lowly as Jeongguk scoffs, but immediately drops his hands from where they're fisting at Taehyung's shirt. Taehyung kisses the corner of his mouth, tracing kisses alongside his jawline and down his neck, smiling against Jeongguk's flushed skin as he hears him whine in frustration.

Taehyung pulls away, feeling slightly dizzy with how good it feels to be kissing Jeongguk again after a while, then gently tugs him by the hem of his shirt, nodding his head towards his room.

"Hyung," Jeongguk reaches for him as he falls down onto his bed and Taehyung lightly smacks his hand away, narrowing his eyes.

"I said no touching, Jeongguk-ah. Not even yourself," says Taehyung, an amused smile playing at his lips as Jeongguk pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it onto the floor with an annoyed huff. Taehyung reaches to help him get out of his sweatpants, swallowing heavily when he realizes Jeongguk's not wearing any underwear.

"I haven't been wearing any for days now," Jeongguk says sheepishly as Taehyung spreads his legs, running his hands over Jeongguk's thighs. "You know, just in case you decide you want to split me open on your cock. Give me what I deserve and all."

His cock is flushed drooling precome against his hip, and Taehyung wants to drool. He lets out a short breath, wetting his lips as he takes in the sight underneath him. Jeongguk is fucking gorgeous.

"Turn around, ass up," Taehyung mutters, lowering himself so he's kneeling by the foot of his bed, pulling Jeongguk closer to the edge as he helps flip him over. "You don't deserve shit," Taehyung chuckles, placing his hands on Jeongguk's ass, spreading him open, heat pooling inside his groin as Jeongguk lets out an airy breath. "But I'm gonna give you whatever you want, anyway."

Jeongguk buries his face into Taehyung's sheets, letting out a breathy moan as he feels Taehyung's breath ghost over his rim. He presses his tongue flat against it, his cock hardening in his underwear as Jeongguk's thighs shake at the motion.

"Fuck," Jeongguk hisses, fisting the sheets. "Missed your tongue so much—"

"Quiet," Taehyung murmurs, pulling back and spitting on Jeongguk's hole, snickering as he watches it clench around nothing. He's missed touching Jeongguk like this.

He presses his tongue against the rim again, smearing the saliva with his tongue before he pushes it inside, his skin breaking out into goosebumps as Jeongguk's moan echoes in the room. He works his tongue in and out, curling it and circling around the rim as he keeps his hands on Jeongguk's ass, firmly keeping him in place.

"Oh my god, deeper, deeper hyung," Jeongguk whines into the sheets, voice muffled as he pushes his face further into the mattress. "I know you've got more tongue that that—"

"I said be fucking quiet," Taehyung smacks his ass, smiling as Jeongguk's body jolts and a high-pitched moan slips past his lips. "Brat."

His tongue is quickly back inside of Jeongguk, hands spreading his cheeks further apart so he can get better access to his hole. He curls his tongue upward, heat spreading all over his skin as Jeongguk whimpers, pushing his ass further into Taehyung's face.

Taehyung adds a finger in as he keeps his tongue inside, slowly thrusting in and out as Jeongguk's thighs shake and he moans into the mattress. Taehyung takes his tongue out, spits on his rim again and adds another finger – making Jeongguk squirm. He presses down on the low of his back, scissoring his fingers inside as he licks into him again, taking his fingers out to suck at his rim before he pushes them back in again.

Jeongguk gasps, back arching even as Taehyung keeps him down, his moans now entirely muffled by the sheets that he's buried himself into. Taehyung's cock throbs, feeling constrained inside of his underwear, and he cannot wait to bury himself into Jeongguk, just – not yet.

As Taehyung works Jeongguk open using both his tongue and his fingers, Jeongguk reaches between his legs, fisting at his own cock, which earns him another harsh smack on the ass.

"I told you not to touch yourself," Taehyung hisses, slapping his ass again. He pulls back, wiping the spit that's dripping down his chin with the back of his hand and says, "do you want me to stop, Jeongguk-ah?"

Jeongguk looks back at him, eyes wide and cheeks flushed a deep red as he frantically shakes his head.

"No," replies Jeongguk, frantically shaking his head. "No. I won't—"

"Do I need to tie you up like I did last time you didn't do as I told you?" Taehyung asks, pressing his thumb against Jeongguk's rim, slightly pushing the tip in. Jeongguk gasps, eyes rolling to the back of his head as his head falls back. "I'll gladly ruin one of your ties again."

He then gets up, sliding his thumb further inside as he leans in, close to Jeongguk's ear and whispers, "maybe I should get shoelaces instead? Forget nice ties and ropes, I should just tie you up with your old ass Converse shoelaces. Make it hurt so good."

Jeongguk gasps as Taehyung nibbles on his ear, pressing a kiss right underneath. He doesn't say anything back and it makes arousal swirl inside of Taehyung, making his cock ache in his underwear. Taehyung loves the contrast – when Jeongguk is the one in control, he lets Taehyung talk back, likes to tease him and let Taehyung be as bratty as his heart desires, lets Taehyung do whatever he wants until he shuts him up with his cock. But when Taehyung is the one who takes charge – it's different. He likes things done his way, wants Jeongguk to do only as much as he allows him to.

It makes Taehyung feel like he's holding all the cards for once, in contrast to how he feels outside of the bedroom.

"Do whatever you want," Jeongguk breathes, voice slightly cracking. "Take what you need, hyung."

And so finally, Taehyung gets up and walks over to the window, opening it. Jeongguk gives him a look as he walks over to the nightstand to get the lube and condom and Taehyung just shrugs, saying, "I want everyone to hear how good I'm going to make you feel. I'm more than happy to pay for the noise complaint myself."

He licks another wet stripe over Jeongguk's hole as he squirts the lube onto his hand, immediately pushing two fingers back inside so he can stretch Jeongguk out a bit more as he rids of his underwear. Jeongguk gasps, his breathy moans filling the room as Taehyung works his fingers inside of him. He does it for a while, curling his fingers so he could brush against Jeongguk's prostate, until his own cock starts aching for a release of its own.

Taehyung reaches for the condom, tearing the foil with his teeth and rolling it onto his cock, squirting more lube on top. Wet and messy, just how Jeongguk likes it. Just how they both like it.

"On your back," Taehyung smacks Jeongguk's ass again, smiling to himself as he looks at the already flushed flesh from where he's hit him earlier. Jeongguk is not just a pretty sight — he's a fucking masterpiece, and Taehyung wants to look him in the eyes as he fills him up with his cock.

Jeongguk doesn't need to be told twice; he immediately rolls on his back, eyes eagerly taking Taehyung in as he lines his cock with his hole, widening as Taehyung pushes the tip in and then, without much of a warning — slams into him. Jeongguk's entire body jolts, something like a cry filling up the room and making Taehyung only slam into him harder.

It doesn't take Jeongguk long to start falling apart underneath him — Taehyung sets up a brutal pace and thrusts into him with full force; and Jeongguk cries, begs for more as wet, obscene sounds fill the room, and it's fucking filthy.

"Right there, right fucking—" Jeongguk's voice breaks off, tears spilling from his eyes as Taehyung hits the particular spot, and Taehyung's chest fills with scorching heat as his entire body breaks out into goosebumps. "Shit, fuck, I love your cock inside of me so much, could have it in me all day every day, fuck— "

Taehyung continues ramming into him, curling a hand around Jeongguk's cock and pumping it so ruthlessly it makes Jeongguk continue babbling incoherently before he's coming all over his chest and stomach, tears staining his cheeks as Taehyung pumps his cock through his orgasm.

He releases Jeongguk's cock, slamming harder into his ass as he chases his own release, heart pounding faster as the pressure of his orgasm builds up through his entire body, Jeongguk's nails aggressively digging into his shoulder blades as his eyes roll to the back of his head, clenching his cock harder around Taehyung's cock.

Quickly, just in the right moment, Taehyung takes his cock out without a warning, biting his lip as Jeongguk gasps – and takes the condom off, tossing it onto the floor. He pumps his cock a couple of times before he's coming all over Jeongguk's chest and stomach, his whole body twitching as the orgasm hits, making his vision spot.

The room reeks of sex, filled up with their heavy breathing as Taehyung lowers himself while he stares right in Jeongguk's eyes, looking at his fucked-out expression as he licks the come off his stomach and kisses him hard and deep, tongue pushing the mixture of them both into his mouth.

Jeongguk moans, hands tangling in Taehyung's hair as he kisses him back, pulling him down so he can lie on top of him.

They lie like that for a while, Taehyung kissing and running his fingers through Jeongguk's sex-dampened hair as they both try to collect themselves.

"You ever gonna let me do whatever I want with you like this, huh hyung?"

Taehyung slightly tenses, still carding his fingers through Jeongguk's hair. "Not really ready for that just yet, Jeonggukie."

"S'what you have been saying for ages now," Jeongguk looks up, kissing the corner of his mouth. "But that's okay. I can wait, hyung. I'll wait for you as much as I need to."

Taehyung's heart twists and wishes those words held more meaning than they actually do. So, he just buries his face in Jeongguk's hair sighing deeply as he tightens his grip around Jeongguk, never wanting to let him go.

~

It's a Sunday morning when Taehyung wakes up with a smile plastered across his face and with the smell of fried eggs coming from the kitchen. He stretches his arms above his head, glancing over to the side of the bed on which Jeongguk slept on last night. And the past two days.

Taehyung doesn't remember the last time that's happened – except for maybe when they first started sleeping together and just couldn't get enough of each other. He remembers not leaving Jeongguk's room for days at a time, but even then, it kind of felt like Taehyung was the one initiating the stay, though he'd never really hear Jeongguk complain. But Jeongguk was horny and eager, and Taehyung was in love and happy that he's finally getting something, anything.

It's different this time around; Jeongguk's slept in his room, wrapped around Taehyung with his face buried in his neck and arm slumped over his waist, and, for the third day in a row, he's up and making breakfast. Taehyung doesn't know what's going on and he doesn't question it; in retrospect, it's probably Jeongguk trying extra hard to show him that he's serious about not wanting them to fight like they did a couple weeks ago.

And Taehyung – he appreciates that. He appreciates that more than he should, because this – them – ever since they made up has felt... it's felt the way Taehyung has longed for it to feel for the longest time. It's wishful thinking, he knows. Maybe he's gotten slightly carried away, maybe it's a lot of daydreaming, but with the way Jeongguk's been acting, it feels like that's it, even though Taehyung knows it's not.

So, he just lies there, saturating in the smell of last night on his sheets and Jeongguk's low hums that are coming from the kitchen as he makes breakfast. It's a good day. Even with the birds chirping outside and the muffled sound of traffic coming through the walls, Taehyung knows today is going to be a good day.

"I was just about to wake you," Jeongguk says, walking inside of Taehyung's bedroom with a large tray in his hands. "Morning, hyung. It's just egg sandwiches and cereal, you know I'm not that good of a cook."

"Morning," Taehyung mutters, sitting up against the headboard, watching Jeongguk place the tray on top of his thighs. "What's up with all this, huh? You've been awfully good lately."

Jeongguk flashes him a smile and settles in bed next to him, reaching for his cereal bowl. He leans in, placing a kiss on Taehyung's cheek, then corner of his mouth, then reaches for his jaw, turning his head to face him so he can deepen the kiss.

Taehyung gasps, a soft giggle of surprise escaping him when Jeongguk kisses him.

"Woah, woah, woah," he laughs, slightly pushing Jeongguk away, mindful to not make him spill the cereal all over his bed. "Since when do we kiss if we're not gonna fuck?"

Jeongguk laughs, suggestively wiggling his eyebrows before he presses his mouth to Taehyung's in another full-on kiss, making his heart jump.

"Hyung, who said you're not going to blow me for making you breakfast three days in a row?" Jeongguk asks, smiling sheepishly. "It's what I deserve."

Taehyung snorts, reaching for the egg sandwich and flipping him off in the process. "You fucking wish, brat."

He shakes his head and starts eating his breakfast, knowing full well he's going to give Jeongguk the best blowjob of his life after they're done with this.

It's a little while later that Taehyung is just lounging on their living room sofa and Jeongguk is doing some work in his own room when Jeongguk emerges, stretching his arms out above his head as he stares through the window.

"It's such a nice day out," he says, and Taehyung just hums in a disinterested response. "It's kind of hot, but look, there's not a single cloud in the sky."

"Mhm," Taehyung says absent-mindedly, slightly turning up the TV volume so he can properly hear what the hosts of the variety show that he's watching are saying. He doesn't really give a shit about the weather. Unless there's a shitstorm out and they're all going to die.

"Hyung," Jeongguk whines and Taehyung's eyes briefly flick towards him before they settle back on the TV screen. "Look."

Taehyung nods his head and smiles in acknowledgement, still intently watching his variety show.

"Hyung!"

"What?" Taehyung starts, eyes widening as he finally looks back him. "Jesus. What is it?"

"The weather," Jeongguk stubbornly points at the window behind him and Taehyung finally turns, squinting his eyes.

"What about it?"

"What do you mean what about it?" Jeongguk huffs, sweeping his hair away from his face. "Look how nice it is."

Taehyung looks back at him, unimpressed. He folds his arms over his chest, sighing. "Great. And exactly what do you want me to do about that?"

Jeongguk huffs again, rolling his eyes. He disappears into his room and returns with a hoodie on, walking over towards Taehyung to nudge at his legs which are propped onto the coffee table.

"Come on. Get your ass up."

Taehyung narrows his eyes at him, pursing his lips. "I'm watching a show, if you can't tell," he gestures towards the TV. "You can watch with me if you want. Until then, get off my dick you little shit."

Jeongguk giggles, then reaches down to snatch the remote out of Taehyung's hand and turn the TV off, making Taehyung click his tongue in annoyance.

"Jeongguk-ah."

"Jeongguk-ah," Jeongguk mocks, sticking his tongue out. "Hyung. Come on. Let's go to the river. Take a walk or something. It's so fucking nice out."

"No," Taehyung says stubbornly. "I wanna watch my show. Maybe later."

"It's gonna be dark later," Jeongguk pouts, slumping down onto the couch next to Taehyung and placing his chin on top his shoulder, staring at Taehyung intently, like a child. "Please? When was the last time you and I went out and took a walk by the river, huh?

Taehyung opens his mouth to answer, but Jeongguk is quick to cut him off. "See, you don't even remember. Come on. Let's like... let's just go get some ice cream and walk around. It's so nice out and you and I haven't been on a d —out during the day for so long. Come on. Don't you want to spend some quality time with me?"

Taehyung taps his index finger against his lips, ignoring the way Jeongguk breathes down his neck. It's true, he and Jeongguk haven't really been out in broad daylight in ages, if he ignores the quick lunch breaks which are now a rare occurrence, considering the both of them have been quite swamped with work.

But, Taehyung remember what these little... hangouts used to do to him when they happened more regularly. They used to make him think that there might be something more to them someday and now, years later – Taehyung is fully aware that there's not. And he doesn't want to go back to that mindset, even though to this day, it sometimes feels like he and Jeongguk could be on a path to something.

On a path to being nothing. Just like you've been this entire time.

Taehyung slightly winces, ignoring the way Jeongguk's brows slightly furrow in confusion at that.

"Come on, hyung," Jeongguk tries again, tugging at the sleeve of Taehyung's shirt. "Seriously, come on. You, me, Han River and ice cream. And I'm buying. Let your favorite dongsaeng treat you to some ice cream."

Taehyung can't stop the smile that spreads across his lips, something warm tugging at his heart as Jeongguk childishly pulls at his shirt.

"God, you're so persistent when you want something," Taehyung huffs in fake annoyance, though actually he's quite endeared with the way Jeongguk's eyes glitter because he knows he's won. "You're gonna buy hyung ice cream, hmm?"

Jeongguk's smile widens and he nods, squeezing Taehyung's shoulder.

"Fuck yeah I am. As a reward for blowing me so good this morning."

"I thought me blowing you this morning was a thank you for the breakfast?"

"Whatever, hyung," Jeongguk winks at him, pulling him up to his feet. "Maybe you can blow me for the ice cream, too."

Taehyung's heart skips a beat and he shakes his head, already walking towards his bedroom to change into his jeans. "You're such a little shit, Jeon Jeongguk."

"And yet you love it," Jeongguk calls back after him, laughing under his breath as Taehyung shuts the door to his room.

Nah, he thinks, walking over to his dresser. I love you.

As much as Taehyung hates to admit it, the weather is amazing. There are people walking around by the river, the water is sparkling and making Jeongguk's eyes glitter and the afternoon sun illuminates his skin, and Taehyung loves everything about this sight. They've gotten cheap popsicles from the convenience store and Jeongguk thinks that maybe later on, they can get some corndogs and sit and watch the sunset together.

Taehyung loves it. Loves the way the warm breeze cards through Jeongguk's hair and makes him look so beautiful and ethereal as he struggles to eat his Popsicle before it entirely melts onto his hand.

They joke about people passing by and Jeongguk makes a show of licking his dripping Popsicle and gets it all over his shirt, and Taehyung's forgotten how much he loves days like these. How much he's missed them, and how it's so hard to not feel like they're more than what they actually are.

Everything is perfect, too perfect almost, until Jeongguk—

"So, about the whole moving out thing," Jeongguk clears his throat and Taehyung freezes in place, almost dropping his Popsicle onto the ground.

Taehyung can't do this. He can't go through this whole conversation again, can't stand hearing Jeongguk talk about how he's going to leave him, how he needs space, how he's going to start looking for an apartment. Taehyung can't let himself get hurt like that again.

"Look, Jeonggukie," Taehyung interrupts, waving his hand. His heart hammers against his ribcage, panic slightly flooding over him because he can tell that Jeongguk is going to say something that's going to cut through him like a knife. "It's fine. I've already started looking for places."

It's a bold-faced lie. Taehyung has been reluctant to even think about it, let alone hire a realtor. But, he's tired of feeling like Jeongguk is a step ahead of him, like Taehyung is just getting left behind and has no say in what happens. He's not about to let himself get hurt like that again, there's just no way. So, he lies. Because his lie benefits them both. At least in the moment.

Jeongguk stops walking, eyes widening as he looks at him. His Popsicle falls to the ground and Taehyung points at it, but Jeongguk doesn't even flinch, just keeps staring at him with his jaw set tight. "You started looking?"

Taehyung rubs the back of his head, frowning as he stares at the Popsicle which melts on the hot concrete. "Um, yeah?" He shrugs, biting his lip. "Just... a little bit."

"You started looking without telling me?"

When Taehyung looks up, Jeongguk looks furious. His eyes are dark, jaw clenched and voice oozing with rage, and it just – hits Taehyung the wrong way. It spreads wildfire underneath his skin and makes his blood boil, because, who the fuck is Jeongguk to get mad over when and what Taehyung does. And who the fuck is Jeongguk to think Taehyung needs to tell him his business?

Even if said business is complete and utter bullshit.

"I wasn't aware that I needed to tell you when I started looking? You said you want to move out. Fuck you expect me to do, be homeless?"

Jeongguk huffs, shaking his head. "No," he hisses. "But, you could've given me a heads up or some shit."

"Oh," Taehyung laughs, and it's so fake and forced it only pisses Jeongguk off even more. "You mean the same way you've given me a heads up about wanting to move out?"

"Oh, fuck off—"

"Why do you care, huh Jeongguk?" Taehyung sneers, seething with anger. "Why? Because I don't tell you every single little thing I do? Since when do you give a fuck about anyone but yourself?"

Jeongguk stumbles backwards, almost as if Taehyung's just slapped him in the face. He looks a little taken aback, blinking in confusion as his mouth lolls open in surprise. Taehyung doesn't even know how this has suddenly managed to escalate, but he knows he's too angry to stop right now. It's not even about whether or not what he's saying is true – it's about the principle of it.

He's aware that, essentially, they're not fighting for anything, because Taehyung just lied to his face. But it doesn't matter – lie or not, Jeongguk doesn't get to pull this shit. He doesn't get to act offended just because he isn't involved, when he's the one who's wanted this in the first place.

"Don't you fucking dare, hyung. Don't you fucking dare," Jeongguk says, voice so low and filled with anger it makes the hair on the back of Taehyung's neck stand up. "I care only about myself, huh?"

"Yeah, Jeongguk," Taehyung says, heart pounding inside of his chest. "So then why do you give a shit about what I do when you're the one who's wanted this in the first place?"

Jeongguk's face falls and he opens and closes his mouth a few times, running his hand through his hair. "I – that's not—"

"Not what?" Taehyung asks. "True? Because it is. You wanted this."

"Not–I just thought–I didn't," Jeongguk stammers, clenching his fists. "You can't just–you can't just do that—"

"Give me a fucking break. Since when do you care about what I do?" Anger shakes through Taehyung, and then, even though he doesn't really mean it, he says, "since when do you care about me?"

And just like that, it's like the tension in the air breaks, dissolving into the wind as Jeongguk stares at him with his jaw slack, looking like a puppy who's just got stepped on its tail. Taehyung immediately regrets it. He immediately feels his heart twist inside of his chest and all he wants to do is to reach out for Jeongguk, but he doesn't.

"You really think that?" Jeongguk asks quietly, slightly shaking his head. "You think I don't care about you?"

Taehyung doesn't answer right away. Instead, he just stares back at him, ignoring the way the back of his eyes burn.

"Jeongguk, I—"

"How could you think that?" Jeongguk asks, voice shaky. It's then that Taehyung realizes that all of what he's said in the heat of the moment – has crossed the line. "How could you think that, after everything we've been through?"

For a moment, Jeongguk looks — broken.

Taehyung bites his lip. "Can we just—"

"No," Jeongguk shakes his head, voice quiet and just... sad. So, so hurt. "No. I would never say something like that to you. I would never even think it, let alone say it. After everything we've been through, I'd never hurt you like you've hurt me just now."

You already have.

"I don't even wanna look at you right now."

Jeongguk. Please.

"I'm fucking out of here."

And just like that, without another word, Jeongguk turns on his heel and starts walking away, leaving Taehyung alone on the promenade. Taehyung's stomach sinks, lower lip trembling as his eyes well up with tears, panic flooding through his entire being when he realizes that, in all of the years that he's known Jeongguk, he's never walked away from an argument, no matter what was said between the two of them.

Jeongguk has never walked away, until today. And he hasn't even looked back.

Not even once.