A/N: Let me start out with saying hello and also apologizing for how intense that last update got. I decided to give you guys a break this time and dial back the angst a little, the begininng of this chapter is still a little scary but then it turns a little more fluffy. I am not completly happy with this chapter and I wrote like 3 different versions of it, but I needed something to act as a transition to allow Dec to find Ant so that I could move the story along. It's not my best work and the next one will be longer as well as more interesting. Thank you guys again for all your support on this story and I hope you guys enjoy.
Ant's POV
I prayed Dec would pick up I didn't know how much time I had left and I if this was the end for me then I wanted to say goodbye to the best friend anyone could ever ask for, I wanted to thank him for the last 30 years and to apologize for all the mistakes I had made, I wanted him to know how much I loved and appreciated him.
I almost cried out in relife as I heard Dec's voice answer the phone, "hello?" I flinched as I heard the worried tone in is voice and as the lump formed in my throat again at the sound I manged to barely choke out his name,
"Declan.."
I heard him gasp before he started practically shouting into the phone,
"Anth! Oh my god you have no idea how happy I am to hear your voice! Where are you?"
I tried to control the lump in my throat so that I could speak fighting against the swirl of emotions threatening to overwhelm me, he sounded so happy and so relived to hear from me.
I felt guilty again realizing that I must have scared him to death disapperaing like I had, I also felt like a fool. I knew what I had heard him say earlier but now I was wondering if maybe I had misuderstood it, if Declan had really blamed me for Stephen's Death or if he wanted me gone then he wouldn't be almost crying in relief at the sound of my voice.
Oh god I thought as I realized that I had made a terrible mistake, I should have just stayed and tried to work things out; I should have given Dec a chance. I whimpered into the phone as the reality of what I had done and how much trouble I was in hit me, Dec must have heard me because his voice came through the phone again; "Anth are you alright? Are you hurt?"
I felt tears falling as I took in the concern and worry in his voice, he really did care; how could I have been so stupid? I started to speak but then I felt myself starting to get dizzy and a dull ache began running through my arm and as I looked down at my arm I gasped.
Blood dripped from every cut and was now running down my fingers and onto the carpet; oh god what had I done? I was beyond terrified now and so i did what I had done for the last 30 years whenever something frightened me, I whimpered out the name of the man who always came to my rescue.
"Decky...Dec I'm scared."
I heard Dec take a deep breath on the other end of the line and then he immediately went into comfort mode, "I'm right here Anth everything's going to be alright just tell me where you are and I'll come and get you."
His voice was so gentle and so kind, I had committed his voice to memory over the years and so now the familar sound comforted me a little; however it was short lived as my vision started to darken around the edges causing the fear came back full force.
I was going to bleed to death just like Stephen had, I was going to die here alone. I was such an idiot why had I had run off why hadn't I just stayed?
I couldn't help the broken whine that escaped from my throat as the reality of what I had done continued to set in; I was going to die. I whimpered out Dec's name again, "D-decky I'm so sc-scared I did something st-stupid..."
I cut off as I started crying from fear which only made my vision darken even further causing my heart to speed up which made the blood from my arm flow faster. Dec's voice came through the phone again only this time he was properly yelling at me and I knew he had to be freaking out.
Dec's POV
I felt my heart freeze at the sound of Ant's words I was shaking all over and sobbing; was Anth talking about killing himself? I could let that happen I couldn't lose him I needed him, please god no this couldn't be happening, I tried to contol my sobs to beg him not to do this to me. I wanted to beg him not to leave me becasue I wouldn't survive without Anth; I needed Ant like i needed air to breath.
"Anth please don't do this, don't leave me; you can't leave me I need you! Just tell me where you are and I'll come and get you and help you. Whatever you've done we can fix it and you'll be ok, please Anth."
I was full on sobbing now as I held the phone in my hand pleading with him, this was my fault I had pushed him away and now I was going to lose him becasue of it. I waited for a few beats before I heard him speak, the words were slurred almost as if he was having a hard time getting them out and I felt my heart clench.
"St-Stephen's Room, Please hurry D-Decky...Please I don't want to die a-alone..."
I stood up on shaky legs and moved towards the door pushing past Simon as I went, "You're not going to die Anth, I'm coming; Stay with me keep talking to me I'm on my way."
I didn't even bother with the lift I started running up the stairs and I turned at the sound of another set of footsteps following me, it was Simon. Any other day seeing Simon Cowell running up 3 flights of stairs would be amusing but right now my entire focus was consumed with getting to Ant.
I was almost there but I realized that Anth hadn't said a word in the past few seconds he hadn't even made a sound, "Anth?! Anth are you still with me? I'm almost there, please answer me pal come on your scaring me." I kept climbing the stairs waiting for an answer and when none came I swear I felt my heart stop beating, I had finally reached the correct floor and I yanked the door to the hallway open racing down it to Stephen's room.
Simon was right behind me and I tore right through the police tape on the door, barging into the room with my heart in my throat. I looked around but I couldn't see Anth anywhere I started calling his name frantically.
"Ant? Ant I'm here where are you, answer me!"
I heard a weak groan coming from behind me and i spun around to see Ant lying on the floor clutching the reciver in his hand.
I felt relife mixing with fear and I ran over to him dropping to my knees beside him, he was pale and his eyes were puffy and bloodshot.
I went to take his hand to hold it in my own but I froze as I made contact and felt a sticky substance covering his hand, I looked down and nearly fainted at the sight that greeted me. Ant's hand was covered in blood which was flowing from a series of cuts that crisscrossed his arm from his elbow down, I felt tears forming in my eyes.
Ant's POV
I could hear Dec pleading with me to answer him but I was getting really dizzy and really scared, I felt my knees go weak and I fell to the floor. I heard Dec speaking into the phone but I didn't have the energy left to respond I simply closed my eyes and prayed that Dec would get here soon; I wanted to see him one last time before I died. I heard footsteps running down the hall and then someone running into the room,
"Ant? Ant I'm here where are you, answer me!"
I felt my heart leap and my flew open in response to his voice, I tried to call out to him but all I could manage was a weak groan as I felt my energy draining away. Dec must have heard me becasuse I heard footsteps approaching and then I saw Dec's face as he crouched down beside me on the floor.
I was so happy to see him and I felt relieved that I wasn't going to spend my last few moments alone, but I felt my heart ache at Dec's heartbroken look as he took in my appeance.
I must have looked awful and I desperately wanted to comfort him to tell him that I was ok but I knew it was a lie and so I just lay still trying not to waste the energy I had left. I wanted to stay awake with Dec for as long as possible, I wanted to spend whatever time I had left with my former best friend.
I felt a few tears run down my face as he leaned in closer and moved to take my hand in his own, I felt him grab my hand and then flinch as he pulled away looking down at my arm in horror. I saw him inspecting it and then he looked back up at me with worry in his eyes, oh god it must be really bad. I whimpered and my fear must have been written all over my face because Dec reached out and gently cupped my cheek, "It's alright Anth I'm here now mate,everything's going to be fine."
How could he even say that? I had run off, scared him to death, injured myself, and now I was lying on the floor waiting to die. I shook my head at him and moved to look at my arm only to be stopped by Dec's hand under my chin, "No don't worry about that, it's not that bad just look at me alright? Trust me Anth nothing's going to happen to you, I won't let anything happen I'll take care of it."
I felt tears flowing faster now, his words sounded so confident and so sure that I couldn't help but trust him. Dec had never let me down before and so I looked at him letting my eyes meet his telling him silently that I trusted him with... well quite literally my life.
Dec's POV
I grasped Ant's chin gently preventing him from looking at his arm knowing that it would only cause him more distress, "No don't worry about that, it's not that bad just look at me alright? Trust me Anth nothing's going to happen to you, I won't let anything happen I'll take care of it." He was so out of it that he hadn't even spoken to me and I was trying to fight back the worry as I wondered if he was out of it due to blood loss or due to panic, I kept stroking the side of his face with my thumb as I saw the fear in his eyes being replaced by trust.
I felt my heart twisting painfully in response, he trusted me to take care of him and that was exactly what I was going to do.
I felt determination sweep thorugh me and I turned to ask Simon for his help only to see him coming from the restroom with a towel and crouching next to me. I felt a little confused and then he moved to press the towel to Ant's arm as he spoke, "We need to stop the bleeding Dec so that we can see how deep the cuts are, if they aren't too deep then we don't need to call an ambulance we can take care of him here."
I knew Ant didn't like hospitals so I nodded at Simon and gestured for him to continue, he turned away from me and took the towel and pressing it against Ant's arm. I heard Ant cry out and he started trying to yank his arm away forcing Simon to let go. I flinched as I realized that his arm was proably quite painful at the moment and that wasn't going to make our job any easier. Simon's voice shook me out of my thoughts, "Dec you need to keep him still and calm him down, if he keeps panicking it's only going to raise his heart rate which will make him bleed more."
I looked down and could see the blood flowing from his arm and true to Simon's words there was definitely more than there had been a few minutes ago, I nodded at Simon and began shifting into comfort mode. I stood up carefully and moved to Ant's other side which caused him to whimper as I moved out of his sightline, I hurriedly sat down on the floor beside him and removed the phone from his grip before rubbing his uninjured arm.
"Shh it's alright I'm not going anywhere I just needed to move out of Simon's way. Anth I know it hurts and I know your scared right now but I need you to trust us, Simon has to stop the bleeding so that we can see if we need to take you to Hospital ok? It's going to hurt but i'll be right here with you and I won't let you go ok?"
He looked from me to Simon with his eyes full of tears and I could see the trust in them but I also the fear. I sighed and gave him a sad smile before I gestured for Simon to move back a little, once he did I wrapped my arms around Ant and pulled him into my lap. I let his head rest on my shoulder and his legs rest on the floor as I wrapped one arm around his back and started running the other through his hair. "Ok i've got you now, you're safe pet but i need you to let Simon take care of your arm, can you do that for me Anth?"
I felt him hesitate and he looked up at me with a very childlike vunerable expression searching for reassurance, I nodded while hugging him close hoping he would give in. He bit his lip and then looked back down burying his face in my shoulder before slowly relaxing his arm and holding it out to Simon.
Simon looked at me and I nodded at him as he moved closer to us taking Ant's hand in his and rubbing his fingers over the knuckles, "I'll try and be gentle Ant but it will hurt a little because I need to put pressure on to stop the bleeding; Just relax and try to stay calm."
Ant pressed his face harder against my shoulder and Simon took the towel in his hands pressing it against his arm again. Ant tensed and started to jerk away but Simon used his other hand to keep Ant's arm in place. I could feel his body tensing up and I could hear quite whimpers of pain coming from him, it was obvious he was scared and in pain and it broke my heart to see him in such a state.
I tightened my hold on him and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek before I started trying to soothe him, "Shh just relax, I'm right here I've got you. There's nothing to be afarid of, just calm down and let us help you. You know you're safe with me I won't let anyhting happen to you Anth, I've got you and everythings going to be ok now."
I continued rubbing his back and playing with his hair as I felt tears soaking into my shirt, I continued whispering quitely to him and I felt him relaxing in my arms. I heard a small whimper come from him again before I felt his body start to go limp in my arms, I paniced and started calling his name, "Anth? Are you still with me? Ant!" I yelled the last part and was rewarded with his eyes fluttering slightly before they stilled and he remained limp in my arms.
I felt my eyes fill with tears and I looked over at Simon who had finally stopped the bleeding, and was removing the towel from Ant's arm. Why was Ant unconscious had he lost too much blood? Oh god, I tried to quiten the fear inside me as Simon looked at me; "How bad is it Simon? Is he going to...is he going to....?" I couldn't even finish my sentence but Simon understood what I was trying to ask. He shook his head at me as he spoke, "I'm not a medical professional but most of the cuts aren't too deep, I don't think he's in any real danger right now."
I looked at him in disbelief how could he say that when Ant was lying limp and unresponsive in my arms? He must have caught my look becasue he went on to explain himself, "I know he's passed out but his pulse is even, although it is a little fast but that's most likely from fear. I think he was just scared and when he saw the blood he got a little dizzy and panicked. Alesha said he had a nightmare earlier so he probably didn't get a lot of sleep and so he probably passed out from exahustion."
I processed his words and they seemed to make sense, but what truly convinced me was the feel of Ant's heart beating against me as I held him close. I pulled back to look at Ant's face and felt my heart twist at the saddness and pain written all over his features, he looked so broken and so helpless that I couldn't even fight the tears that fell from my eyes. Anth, my Anth who was always so strong was lying here in my arms after having almost killed himself; I felt myself shaking as I realized just how close I had came to losing him.
I realized that he needed me to be the strong one this time, Ant needed me to be there for him. I had so many questions at the moment, Why had he done this? Why hadn't he just came to me? Why was I such an idiot for not talking to him earlier? I sighed and looked back down at the man in my arms taking in his features and his heartbeat and as I did I felt something growing inside me, I had always felt the need to protect Ant but this was stronger.
I felt the need to protect Ant from everything and everyone including himself, it had always been Ant protecting me but that was going to change. I was going to stay by his side from now on, I wasn't going to let him out of my sight ever again especially not after the last twenty-four hours. I wrapped my arms tighter around him before I leaned in close whispering in his ear.
"I'm so sorry Anth I didn't realize that you were feeling so bad mate, I shouldn't have treated you like I did. I promise i'm going to make it up to you when you wake up, I'll protect you Anth even if I have to protect you from yourself. I love you Anthony and I'm not going to leave your side again I'll be right here when you wake up I promise."
I saw Simon looking at me but I didn't even care as I pressed a gentle kiss to Ant's head and I smiled sadly as he cuddled against me in his sleep. I looked away from him and turned to face Simon, "What should we do now? We can't stay in this room and we need to bandage his arm before it starts bleeding again"
Simon seemed to think for a moment before he pulled out his cell phone and called someone, I decided that Simon was going to take care of things and I scooted back against the wall holding Anth tightly and letting his steady heartbeat soothe me as the terror of the day hit me full force again and I let the tears fall down my face.
Simon hung up the phone and moved closer to me putting a hand on my shoulder, "I called David and asked him to come up here and help us carry him back to his room." The lump in my throat wouldn't let me speak so I just nodded and closed my eyes leaning my head against the wall.
Simon waited a bit and then spoke again, "It will be ok Dec, we found him in time and we will look after him as well as you. I know it's hard but just try to think positive, things are looking pretty bleak right now but we will all make it through this, you'll see." I opened one eye to look at him and finally managed to speak, "I hope you're right Simon, I hope your right."
A/N: Well guys I know that one wasn't very exciting or as good as previous chapters but like I said I just needed it as a transition chapter. I hope you liked it anyway and if you did let me know but also if you didn't tell me why. I am still very new to all this and consturctive critisim is always appreciated. Thanks again guys and see you for 15?