The ride home from London was an odd one. Mainly because Emma had managed to persuade her brother into giving her a lift instead of her usual train journey.
Turns out that it was the best timing to go back to the countryside, considering it coincided with Art's introduction of his new boyfriend to their parents. After the potentially-awkward car journey commenced, Emma and Joey- who Emma already couldn't help but think was probably one of the sweetest people she had ever met, began to laugh with each other as they discussed Art's living habits.
Seeing her brother in a happy relationship, with such a carefree expression in his eyes, made Emma happy- if maybe a little bitter. But no-one deserved this more than her older brother. Those same bright eyes met hers in the rear mirror, delivering a smile simultaneously as if letting her know that he was ready to listen whenever she wanted an ear.
Rolling her eyes in a light-hearted way, Emma plugged her earphones in to give the happy couple a bit of privacy. The early winter meant that the sun had a fresh-feeling as it blinded her through the window. It was sort of the weather that compelled her to go on solitary walks with the crisp air turning her cheeks rosy. Where the sun added happiness through the dark, bare branches. Where she was awake to witness the sunrises and sunsets evoking a peaceful spell throughout the land.
Though, presently, her brain was cloudy with the gears turning at a thousand miles an hour. She reflected on yesterday in the bar. Noah was there- like always. Despite her experience with Angie, her friends were the people who never let her down.
When she had eventually turned on her phone, the first thing Emma noted was the sheer mass of calls that Char had made. After a tearful phone call- from both girls, Emma ended the call with the promise to visit Char when she returned to London.
It was going to be nice returning home. The city had always made Emma excited with the feeling of potential, opportunities and the general electricity that was added to her life. Yet, nothing would compare to the calmness of her home town with all its antique structures and quiet, secret places she could escape to.
3 hours later, finally, Emma stepped out of Art's cramped Golf Polo to be greeted by her parents with warm, strong hugs. Once greetings and introductions were made, the family began to move into the house.
'Hey Mum, you reckon you could whip up some pancakes?' She asked, as she made her way in. Already Emma felt more at ease as she took in the cosy interior with her and Art's school artwork framed proudly in-between cheesy photos of the two.
Joey seemed to have been far more in sync with her parents than Theo would have been. Already Joey was keeping up with her mother as they made and fried the batter.
Theo never really got to meet her parents apart from a brief exchange.
'Seems you found a keeper,' Emma whispered to Art with a wink as they settled on the squishy fabric sofa.
'I know right?' Art replied, adoration seeping into his tone as he watched through the doorway his mum and boyfriend swap tips.
Emma had to knock the back of his head to snap him out of it.
'Oi, we get it- you're in love. Now tell me what else is going on in your life?' Rolling her eyes, the only way a younger sibling could.
'Hmmm, let's see. I got a boyfriend, am drowning in uni work, oh and I find out that my little sister is apparently being cheated on, then is the cheater and now supposedly broke up with a guy who she was practically obsessed with. Oh, and I like Marmite now. Think that covers it.' He replied sassily shooting Emma a look.
'Ok, I get your point. I've not exactly been the best at communication lately. But if it makes you feel any better last night I deleted all my social media- so maybe I'll be easier to contact?' She hesitantly said, trying to soothe her brother's irritation.
After her call with Char, she decided to delete all social media with the realisation that it was never going to be worth it. She needed to cut Theo out permanently- and though it may be impossible to do so, Emma knew that she actually had to start trying and not hold onto it anymore. It was only giving her misery.
'Hmmph.' Was all the response that Art could muster.
'Pancake time!' Their mother shouted down the hall.
With pancakes soon devoured, the boys had decided it was perfect time to go on a run.
'They're lunatics, Mum. I don't know how I'm related to them.'
'I know, sometimes I wonder how me and your father have such a good relationship when we're so different.' Her mum sighed, lying on the sofa with Emma's head on her shoulder.
'So, on a scale of one to ten- how badly have you missed me then?' Emma quipped, her faux-bright mood internally making her cringe. But nothing phased her mother, who simply deadpanned her.
'Cut the crap. As much as you and your brother would like to pretend that me and your dad are completely oblivious to everything in the internet world- we do read the paper sometimes. I know that something's up- I am your mother after all. So- are you going to tell me what's going on between you and Emmett?'
Sighing at the fact that she had never been able to hide anything from her. Not that she had ever really had much to hide before Theo.
'How much have you read?' Emma gave in.
'It doesn't matter- most of it is probably made up anyway. What does matter, however, is what you tell me. So?' The normally loving eyes could now be more similar to how a detective looks at a suspect during interrogation.
Gulping, Emma relayed her story, ignoring the stabs of pain that occurred whenever she had to relive particular moments. Leaving out the intimate parts, she finally finished.
'Well- if that's not a romcom book plot, then I don't know what is.' Was the only reply that her Mum gave her.
'Not exactly helping, Mum. Are you going to tell me what to do or not?' Emma stated, getting slightly annoyed at the lack of answers.
'Sweetie- I think you're old enough to decided what to do. Plus, it's your life. Don't you want to make your own mistakes?'
'Muuuummmmm, that's not what I need right now.' She groaned like a teenager would. Yet hot tears were spilling out before Emma could stop them. Her mum didn't need to say anything more except hold her like Emma was 7 years old again.
Her heart wanted Theo. It missed him. No matter how many times her brain told her she was ok, his absence in her life was severely noted. And it hurt.
'Oh my baby. It's ok. It's alright. He's not doing any better if that's any consolation?' Kate offered.
Emma drew back at her words.
'What? How do you know that?' It would be impossible for her mother to know how Theo was doing. Unless.. Had the unthinkable occurred?
'Mum- did you get social media or something?' Her mother must have been tracking Theo's movements like a top detective. Since when was she versed in the internet?
'Maybe. Now do you or do you not want to see the song he performed for you last night?' She coyly replied
'huh?' She dumbly asked.
'The video that's everywhere. Oh honey, it was on the morning news it got so much traffic.' Her mum explained, finding a bit of amusement in the fact that she for once knew about an internet trend before her teenage daughter.
'Mum, now is not the time to laugh. Can't you see I'm going through a crisis?' Emma complained, burying her head further in her mother's shoulder.
'Sweetie, I'm going to tell you what my great-aunt told me. Treat everything seriously, but nothing too seriously. Unless you kill a person- always take that very serious. My point is that one day this is going to be so in the past that it will become something that you completely forget about. That or it will be the most wonderful thing. It's going to be ok, you just have to live through the experience and learn from it.' Mum's wisdom usually always came back to haunt her if she ever disregarded it, but this time Emma wasn't sure if she could really understand it.
Her whole world was changing and she wasn't prepared for it. How do you endure that?
Deciding that maybe she should just accept the advice and dwell on it later- maybe a 2AM unable to sleep.
Emma excused herself quickly as she processed this new information.
'Thanks mum. The pancakes were great by the way.' She yelled as she sprinted up the stairs to check her laptop.
Opening it as fast as she could without breaking the lid she searched for the video on Youtube.
Number One on trending.
Of Course.
Wasn't the problem with their relationship was it was too public. Broadcasting their relationship was supposed to help?
Really Theo?
As the video started, Emma had to brace herself for his voice. A voice that she had avoided for days.
Theo's voice always held a melodic element to it-even when he was just speaking and as it projected through the tinny speakers of her laptop, Emma was transported back to him serenading her on her birthday.
'Hi everyone! I hope you're enjoying yourselves. This next song is something that I wrote a little while ago.'
He had to pause to allow the screams to settle enough to continue. Emma used this time to fully see observe Theo.
His face looked tired. Haggard and pale even under the dark lighting of the concert, she could see the exhaustion over his face. The smile that he was sporting was one that he made when he was pretending to be ok.
He's not doing great is he?
Was what Emma concluded with her final assessment. A small part of her was relieved that it wasn't just her that was hurting. But this feeling was overpowered by the immense guilt over being the cause of his pain. And worry that he was doing this badly.
Once the crowd had died down Theo resumed again.
'Anyway, this is called ''Emma.'' I hope you like it.
She goes red as soon as she talks.
She's the clumsiest person I know.
We can't seem to agree on what is right, but I couldn't imagine my life any other way.
I'm scared that she may leave, I hate time passing without us talking.
All I see when I sleep is her face smiling up at me.
She's the one for me,
What a stupid fight.
We don't know how to deal with it.
We were both wrong, we were both right.
I just hoped that it is lesson learnt.
As if it wasn't hard enough to move on with her life, Theo singing the song that he wrote for her and performed in the shop wasn't going to make it easier. The strums of his guitar made it easier for Emma to fall back into wishing that they could have made it work.
Theo surprised even her however, when he started to sing lyrics she hadn't known.
'I know it was hard, and I know that we tried,
but all I keep seeing is you in my mind.
I tried to move on but it never feels right,
Oh I need you to come back to me.
So, I promise to love you even when you don't want it.
Because I know that this wasn't our ending.
I will be your ghost, lovingly haunting
and wishing for something else.
We don't know what time could bring,
So can you be by my side, despite how hard it can be
If it's too lonely on your swing,
I can push you to fly
But please, just come back to me.'
The crowd continued their screams but Emma was left speechless. She couldn't stop the tears that she silently promised she wouldn't let fall again.
All because Theo wasn't going to give up on her.
How was her heart supposed to survive anything else?
A/N: GUYS WE MADE IT TO CHAPTER 40!!!
I honestly never thought that I would be able to sustain a project for so long! I guess that's where I relate to Emma just a bit....
Also, Taylor Swift just came out with Folklore and honestly- I don't think I can get it off repeat. If you haven't guessed by some of the lyric references- I'm a bit of a fan.
As always, thanks for reading! Sending lots of love! xxx