But I always thought you'd come back,
Tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery.
It's hard for me to say
I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me.
---
Layla
"More balloons?" I ask my sister over the phone.
"Yes, this place needs something more." Maryam replies.
"But didn't you hire these balloon people?"
"I did, but we are going to need more. And could you please get some confetti while you're there?" She requests. "This table is looking a little dull."
"Maryam, I'm telling you, he's so going to hate this." I warn.
"Excuse me! No!" She starts yelling away from the phone. "The cake is supposed to face the other way! I'm sorry, sis. So, can you get that, please? I'll let you know if we need anything else."
I give up. "Fine, I'll get more balloons and confetti."
Hanging up, I turn around and see Reem with oversized red glasses with birthday candles on them.
"How about these?" She jokes.
I laugh. "Give me a pair, let's take a pic."
We pose with the glasses, making funny faces and I snap a couple of pictures.
"I can't believe I'm shopping for Sheikh Hamdan's birthday party!" Reem tells me, as we put the glasses back on their place.
"A party that he didn't ask for and that he's going to hate." I point out, pushing the shopping cart to go look for confetti. "So I wouldn't be that excited."
"I don't care. He's just so..." Reem trails off.
"So what? You love him, don't you?" I tease her. "Everyone else does."
We make it to another endless aisle filled with party supplies. Reem said this is the best and largest party store, that's why we came here.
"Is there anything not to love about him?"
Is Reem fangirling?
"He once made a visit to DMI, I almost fainted," she continues, "and all I had to do was pretend I was busy working."
She's totally fangirling.
I stop when I see the hats and try one on filled with purple sequins. For Reem, I choose one with red flowers and put it on her head as she continues talking about Hamdan.
"And his poems!" She sighs. "He's so romantic."
I wave my hand dismissively. "Most of them are patriotic and about Dubai. Where is the stupid confetti?"
"Well, yeah, but I think there is someone special he talks about. Like an old love, a woman that is away from him."
"What do you mean?"
"Yeah, I think a lot of his poems are for a woman he can't have."
I come to a halt, staring into space, my hands still on the cart. I know exactly what that feels like, an impossible love. I really don't keep up with what he writes in his poetry, but perhaps I should start paying more attention.
Could it be possible? That even today he might feel the same way I do?
"I know, right? He could have any woman." Reem assures.
Ha! That's another big misconception people have about him. I bet there was actually a very very short list of girls to begin with.
"Or do you have anyone in mind?" She wonders. "Do you know who this mystery woman could be?"
"What?" I snap out of my trance. "No, I have no idea, I haven't even read those poems you talk about."
I start walking again, faster than before, looking for an employee that might help me find the confetti and get out of here.
---
Hamdan
I don't do birthday parties and let alone if they are for me. Not to seem rude or ungrateful but what were they thinking? Everyone is here and I appreciate the gesture, even though I was just supposed to come to say hi my mother and it turns out there was a surprise party. My nieces and nephews are running around, the adults are having fun and the only person that seems to know how I feel is Layla, she's been throwing me sympathetic looks since I arrived but now I don't even see her around.
I need to get out of here and an idea comes to my mind of a place to hide and lay low for a while, so I can come back with some sort of excuse to leave. I retreat and make a quick exit into the hallway, ready to almost run until I make it outside the palace but hearing her laughter makes me slow down. That's Layla and she's not alone. I don't even know why, but I decide to hide behind one of the thick columns. I recognize Mansoor's voice as well.
"So, are we going to the South of France for the end of the year?" He asks.
"Yes!" Replies Layla right away. "You have no idea how bad I need it, I'll tell the girls."
"What girls?" Maryam is with them too. "Can I come too?" My little sister wonders.
"My friends from New York and no, baby girl, you cannot come with us." Layla laments.
"Grown ups only." Mansoor jokes.
"I'm a grown up! Please!" Maryam begs. "We'll tell mama it's a girls only trip!"
Bad idea.
"What? No! Never! She would kill me if she finds out." Says Layla.
Good for her, she's being a good sister and a good daughter too. Mama keeps an eye on all of her daughters, except for Layla of course, nobody could tame her.
JI wonder if perhaps I could join them on that trip. It sounds like fun but I never really hang out with Mansoor and his friends, but Layla would be there and having a vacation is something I definitely need too.
"Can Farouk come?" Asks Layla.
Oh, no. Come on. I'm fed up with this guy, are they still seeing each other?
"Who's Farouk?" Mansoor replies.
"He's her new boyfriend!" Maryam quips.
No way! Boyfriend?
"He's not my boyfriend." She clarifies.
Oh, good. That's a relief, finally some good news for my birthday.
"Yet." Layla adds and both girls giggle together.
Ok, I'm done. Why am I listening to this? I need to leave, I knew I shouldn't be here.
"Wait a minute!" Mansoor interjects. "Which Farouk are we talking about? Maktoum's friend?"
"Yeah." Both girls reply in unison.
"Oh! So you're with him? He's cool, he can come with us." Mansoor tells her.
"Not sure if I'm with him, but hopefully that will be sorted out by then."
I'm truly done now, I've heard enough and I don't want them to see me, so I'll have to go back where I came from and find another exit. Nobody seems to notice when I walk past the party and it feels like I can finally breathe again once I'm outside.
Even in the darkness of the night I can find my way through the gardens, I know them like the back of my hand. What for others might seem like a group of tall bushes, actually conceals a garden bench in the center of it. I have to bow my head down to make it through the only opening that gardeners still make sure to trim to keep it in the same shape since we were kids. I clear some leaves from the bench before seating, looks like no one has been here for a while, I can't remember when was the last time I was here actually.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
What am I even thinking? What am I even doing pretending that my engagement didn't happen? How can I be daydreaming about taking vacations with Layla? It could never happen. My life is not like theirs, even Mansoor can get away with so much more than I simply can't do. Like going to the South of France on a trip that includes women.
And Layla is a free spirit, she has always been. When I see falcons soaring through the sky I can't help to think about her. She's now like a well trained falcon; able to hunt and survive on its own. She can come and go as she pleases, she doesn't need anyone, leading a life free of attachments. It's like Uncle Saeed said; she started seeing Farouk because she chose to. Coming back to Dubai was her call, same thing as when she left.
And I'm still here, still doing what I'm supposed to do. Even if I wasn't engaged I wouldn't dare to drag her to the monotony and structure of my life. I can daydream all I want, is probably what I will do the rest of my life while I do what's right. Somehow, I always thought she would come back to me, but that never happened. Now I know she's happy and her happiness doesn't include me.
I take my phone out and start scrolling through the pictures and videos of the last time we were training the falcons in the desert. Perhaps I should schedule another session for the weekend, it always helps ease my mind.
"I knew you would be here."
In her royal blue long dress, Layla shows up, holding a glass in her hand.
"How much are you hating this?" She asks while sitting next to me.
"So, so much." I reply.
"I told Maryam but she wouldn't listen."
"So they sent you to find me?" I assume.
She shakes her head while taking a sip. "I don't think anybody else noticed that you were gone."
I smirk because apparently she knows me better than my own family.
She looks up and around us. "We used to spend so much time here, remember?"
"Yes." I agree. "Our own little fortress."
"What were you doing?" She wonders, pointing at the phone still in my hands. "Don't tell me you were working."
"I was looking at falcons." I unlock the phone and start showing her.
She leans over and the soft breeze brings her perfume to my nose, her closeness feels familiar, like we hadn't spent all these years apart.
"I always thought they were so beautiful but also kind of scary." She says.
"What? What's so scary about them?"
"Uh... I don't know, the big claws and sharp beak maybe?"
I laugh. "Well they need those! For catching their prey and killing it."
She looks at me with a wrinkled nose. "Still pretty scary."
"There's nothing to be scared of, I mean, yes, you need to take some precautions--"
"See?" She interrupts.
"Come and see them with me." I blurt out, I even catch myself by surprise but I'd love to do anything, whatever with her. "Tomorrow."
"I can't." She says. "I'm seeing Farouk tomorrow."
I don't feel like I can hide the disappointment, so my eyes move back to the phone. And it's probably for the best that we don't spend any time together.
Her hand lands on my forearm. "But how about the day after tomorrow?" She offers.
My mood rises up and I look at her again. "Sure." I beam.
She smirks. "I think I'm going back to the party." Supporting herself on my arm, she stands up but then sits down almost immediately. "I almost forgot!" Back in her place, her eyes look straight into mine and then she leans over to plant a soft kiss on my cheek. "Happy birthday, Hamdan."
She now stands up for good and I can't help but to notice how the fabric of her dress caresses her skin as she walks away, while her scent lingers in the air around me.
I'd rather have her nearby even if I never get the chance to call her mine. I don't ever want to be far away from her and if that means that I have to live a life of pretending that I'm not in love with her, then I will do it. All this time didn't do anything to my feelings, they probably have grown deeper now that I see the kind of woman she has become, it only makes me want to be with her even more.
If she's happy with Farouk, or anyone else, I'll be happy for her. No one will ever be good enough, that's for sure, but that's not my place and I have to accept it. Is not my place to kiss her or touch her soft skin, is not my place to travel the world with her, is not my place to wake up next to her every morning.
---
We finally have some music for this story! If you have read any of my other stories you might have noticed that music and food are very important (: And Labrinth is so amazing and so talented!
Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter!
XOXO,
Sophie.