once the gate opened, people dropped like flies. the man who sat the night before was first, followed by the man who helped carry him, and then ivy.
even when she had dropped to her knees in the dirt, her legs trembled. her feet were bruised and bloody by now, and her muscles were extremely overworked.
ivy forced herself over onto her back, feeling the blazing sun down on her skin. she threw her arm over her eyes as she caught her breath. the long walk back entirely fatigued her body, not to mention the fact that she didn't sleep the night before.
"ivy," jake said, dropping on his knee next to her and placing his hand on her stomach "are you okay?"
she could only hum in response.
jake hooked his arms under her knees and around her back to pull her to sit. he wasn't even able to ask troy what happened before jeremiah walked over to him.
"get her out of here. she needs to lay down." he told him
jake stood, still holding her in his arms. he could hear one man say something about indians, but he got sidetracked from ivy's weak voice.
"jake," she said with her eyes closed "is he mad? is troy mad at me?"
he frowned and shook his head even though she couldn't see it. "don't worry about that now, ivy."
he could see her eyebrows furrow together just before she passed out.
troy sat on the floor next to ivy, who'd been laid down on their bed after she'd fallen asleep. he watched her eyes move behind her eyelids, her dark lashes contrasting against her cheeks. she breathed slowly and deeply, which actually managed to calm troy down.
jake told him what she asked, and after deciding what to do about walker - which was practically nothing - jake reminded him how much ivy doted on him.
"you know what she asked me?" jake said "she asked me if you were angry with her." he shook his head "she was seconds away from passing out and she was worried if you were mad at her."
troy felt real guilt then. he'd been upset because he didn't want to stop, and he accidentally took it out on ivy by ignoring her. he knew she hated that.
"she depends on you, troy. she needs you...if i had someone who depended on me that much, i'd never let them worry."
after seconds of troy saying nothing, jake moved closer and pressed his index finger into his younger brothers chest.
"so you go take care of her and you tell her you're sorry and do whatever you gotta do." he said and pushed him a bit "because she loves you, and that is damn hard to get these days."
so there troy was; sitting on the floor watching her sleep, waiting for her to wake up.
as if god answered his prayers, ivy's eyes fluttered open. she seemed confused for a second before she saw troy. there was a flash of a smile on her face, and then a sad frown.
troy sat up, grabbing the water bottle he had "have some water"
ivy shook her head and forced herself up, though it clearly took a lot of effort.
"are you mad at me?" she asked hoarsely, then beginning to ramble "i'm sorry, i can do better. i can fix it."
he smiled sadly "no, dolly. i'm not mad at you."
"are you sure?"
troy pressed a kiss on her forehead and nodded, hooking her hair behind her ears. he looked down at her and analyzed her face. there were dark circles under her eyes, and her skin was paler than usual. her tired look made him feel sad, which he didn't regularly feel. he hated that feeling, but he hated hurting ivy more.
"i'm sorry," he said quietly. he felt shameful for apologizing, but he knew he should.
"me too."
there was a moment of silence between them, and if you looked close enough, you could see the admiration in ivy's eyes.
troy reached out and ran his thumb over her cheek "get some rest, ivy". he started to stand, but she caught his wrist.
"will you lay with me?" she said softly "please? just for a little bit"
he smiled to her and nodded, moving to lay next to her on the bed. she scooted closer to him and his arms wrapped around her and pulled her into his chest. troy placed a kiss on the top of her head before ran his fingers through her hair until he could hear her breath slow.
troy sat down next to ivy in the mess hall, setting a hot coffee cup in front of her. "three sugars, just how you like"
ivy smiled to him and held the mug in her hands, letting the heat warm up her cold fingers. "sorry. i didn't think i'd sleep that long"
she only planned on sleeping for an hour or so, but she managed to sleep for about 12 hours. she even missed the fires that had been started around the ranch that night. troy had to tell her when she woke up.
"it's alright." he shrugged "gave me an excuse to stay in bed with you."
she looked up, covering the sun in her eyes with her hand "you stayed with me? the whole time?"
"course. i gotta watch over you."
ivy grinned wide and pressed her lips to his. by now, kissing troy was a habit, but she remembered the first time he kissed her. she swore that her heart was going to break out of her chest.
vernon trimbol walked to the table jeremiah and madison sat at, catching troy and ivy's attention.
"can i have a word?"
"you're having one" jeremiah answered
"in private."
"there's nothing you can't say in front of madison or anybody else."
vernon glanced around "look, we're friends going on thirty years. you know i love this place. i love what we started. but a man's family comes first. man's gotta protect them best he knows how, and the best i know how is to leave."
ivy ran her finger over the scar on her thumb, troy beginning to clench his jaw.
"little precipitous, don't you think? run off at the first sign of trouble?" asked jeremiah
"first sign of trouble? they killed eight of ours! they sawed phils- hell, otto, that could've been-"
"alright, alright. what do you want me to say? you don't need my permission. you wanna go? go."
madison looked up at him "you don't wanna go out there, mister trimbol."
"my minds made up" vernon said "i'm sorry jeremiah."
vernon turned to leave, but troy called after him.
"mike going with you?"
"my family's leaving, troy." he walked away
troy shook his head, speaking for only ivy to hear "we can't let them leave. we need all the help we can get if walker decides to show up."
"what are we going to do? we can't force them to stay, your dad just let him go."
jeremiah's voice then raised at madison "i welcome them onto my land with open arms and now i gotta get down on my hands and knees and beg 'em to stay?"
troy suddenly slapped his hands on the table and stood. "to hell with this." he said before taking off toward the gate
"troy!"
ivy pushed herself up and tried to keep up with him, though she was still sore and her legs were much shorter than his. jake and madison were running beside her, but jake got to troy first.
she could see troy walking around to each side of the rv that the trimbol family had taken, snacking his hand on the window as he spoke to them. once he wrapped around to the drivers side, jake got to him, saying something about jeremiah.
"why should i give a damn what dad wants? he never gives a shit about me-"
jake yanked troy and shoved him against the rv "you're not protecting the ranch."
troy pushed him away "the hell do you know about it? you don't have a clue what this ranch is about." he pointed to madison, who had a death grip on ivy's arm "i mean, she's been here a week and she gets it."
he then gestures to the rv before standing taller "you gonna fight for what's your or you gonna surrender it, huh? you gonna fight or you gonna surrender."
"you're not in charge, are you?"
there was a split second where they stared at each other, before troys fist came to meet jake's cheek. ivy moved to grab him, but madison held her back.
jeremiah hurried to his sons, punching troy to get him off of jake. jake pushed them both away, telling his father that it was okay. troy walked away as the gate was opened, and only then did madison let go of ivy.
ivy turned to madison. she could recognize her footsteps by now.
"you're early." she smiled and sat down next to her
ivy nodded "have you figured out what's wrong with me?"
madison frowned a bit. the way she worded it was sad, but it also helped her figure out what was actually wrong with her.
"getting close." she said "do you know what a personality disorder is?"
ivy's eyebrows furrowed together. she didn't know what it was, but it definitely didn't sound good.
"it's a mental disorder. it effects how you think and function and behave." madison paused and waited for ivy to nod in understanding "there's three types: A, B, and C. from what i've seen, you seem to be type C."
"what's type C?" ivy asked, her eyes wide
"the anxious type." madison said. she wasn't exactly sure how to go about this.
"so...you have a diagnosis? you can figure out how to fix it?"
she shook her head and sighed "i have an idea - but ivy, you have to remember, i don't diagnose. and there's no sure fire way to get rid of it."
ivy decided to ignore the last part "laws don't matter anymore. you can't get in trouble for telling me what's wrong with me, i promise."
ivy was right. legally, she hadn't been allowed to diagnose, but that world was gone now.
"it's called dependent personality disorder." madison said, deciding to look at the stars rather than ivy's expression "it's characterized by most of the things you do everyday without even realizing. pessimism, lack of self confidence, avoidance of disagreeing with others, placing others needs above your own, clinginess..."
madison then looked over, adding "excessive dependence on someone else."
madison could visibly see ivy take in what she had just said. she watched the girl chew on her lip as she looked at her. her eyes began to water.
"troy."
madison nodded.
she leaned back against the tree and looked up at the stars to keep her tears from spilling down her cheeks. she didn't even know why she was crying.
stupid.
"i don't want to." she said sadly "i don't want to be taken care of. i hate it, i just...i can't do it on my own. i can't."
"you can, ivy. you can." madison grabbed her hand, making her look over at her.
she hadn't managed to blink away the tears in her eyes. they were on the brink of spilling down her cheeks. the sight of her sad face made madison feel the same way she did when her own child was crying.
"come here" she said sweetly, holding her arms out for a hug. ivy took it immediately, and madison could hear her quiet cries as she calmed her down.
ivy's breath hitched when madison, nick, and jeremiah came back from looking for the trimbols. she knew what she'd done. she knew what happened and what she had to do. madison did not.
madison pulled the blanket off of the family in the truck bed, revealing what happened to the family. the crowd around the front gate audibly gasped. people began to cry and mourn, but all ivy could think about was what she had done.
"i'm sorry." madison said "they were good people, they didn't deserve this end. my family we - we weren't prepared like you. we were strangers, but you took us in."
ivy could see madison's eyes struggling to avoid her and troy. she could see her glance around the crowd for only a few seconds before landing back on the two at fault. it made ivy's skin crawl.
"we've come to love it here. i wish my husband had lived to see it. but he was killed...travis was killed." she paused "he was killed by the same people who killed phil and our people at the outpost."
ivy avoided madison's eyes. instead, she looked down at her hands. she swore she could see some blood stained on her fingers, and she wondered if anyone else could see it too.
madison continued "same people - walkers people...have now killed our friends. vernon, kathy, mike, gretchen. i've seen firsthand how walker treats his victims. i saw it at the outpost and i just now saw it again. you built this place together. because of that, you've been safe and sheltered. you haven't been out in the world. we have."
ivy's face began to redden. she looked back down at her hands. the blood had spread up her arms. everyone had to have known by now.
"i'm telling you, there's nothing out there. if you leave, you'll die. walkers people aren't strong enough to force us off this land. they're trying to scare us, that's how he wants us to go. a family or two at a time, out there alone where nobody can see, where our militia can't protect us."
ivy only then looked up at troy. he looked uncomfortable too. he was just as guilty as ivy, if not more.
"we cannot let ourselves be fractured. there are more of us. we're better armed. if we stay here together, we live."
"you alright?"
ivy looked up from the sink at madison, still washing the soap off of her hands. she nodded and looked back down. no blood.
"i'm okay."
madison nodded and leaned against the doorframe. "troy told me what happened."
troy told her what happened. how he went out there to talk to mike. how ivy went along because she didn't want to be alone. how things got bad, and then got worse.
ivy glanced at herself in the mirror and then back down at her hands. she shook her head "i just did what i was told. i didn't...i didn't want to hurt anyone but..."
madison waited for ivy to finish her sentence, but it seemed that she was too caught up in washing her hands. she wasn't trying to wash away anything on them, she was trying to wash away the guilt.
"ivy." madison said in her mom voice, making the girls head snap over to her. she smiled softly "the blood isn't on your hands. it's on troy's."