“Oh. My. God. That was him, wasn’t it? He looks even better than on the pictures!”, she squealed excitedly, and I could hear my ears starting to ring louder again but I still chuckled a little.
“Yes, that is him.” I really hoped he was far enough from my room to hear what Celia said. I was sure his ego was already big enough.
“When I arrived here you were asleep, so I spent some time with Charlie and then the police wanted to talk to me. And after that I went to the Cafeteria to get something to eat.”
She pointed at the half-finished sandwich in her hand and then she said: “I mean- Come on! Could you not have waited like 5 more minutes to fall asleep?
I have been dying to find out what happened. I was also looking for your lover boy, but I couldn’t find him. Well, at least until now… I can’t believe how lucky you are. He looks like a god.”, she claimed, and I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t help but flush a little.
He did look like a god, but I would never admit that.
“First of all, he is not my lover boy and he never will be. And also, don’t you have a boyfriend that you just moved in with?”, I reminded her instead, but she put me off with a wave of her hand.
“That doesn’t mean that I am suddenly blind. I am just stating the facts. But now, tell me what happened.”, she demanded, and I sighed but told her everything, at least everything that I remembered.
When I finished, she was speechless.
“You, Allison Gabriella Jacobs, are so messed up. I told you to go to the police but no, you knew better and now look at you. But at least you finally talked to Damien. I mean, damn! Did I mention that he looks like a god?”, she asked, grinning, and I rolled my eyes again.
She was unbelievable. But then her gaze turned serious.
“But- But are you really going to New York with him? This week?”
I winced and looked down. “I know this isn’t ideal. You, and Derek too, moved back to Pittsburgh for me and now I am just going to leave again. You don’t know how terrible I feel about all of this. This is my home, but I can’t leave Charlie alone…”, I started but Celia raised a hand to shut me off.
“Are you kidding?”, she asked mad and I frowned in remorse.
When she saw my face though she giggled.
“You know I love you, but Derek and I both got offered jobs in New York for like the third time this year because the company is expanding their business there and of course we didn’t want to leave you but now that you are going too, there is absolutely no reason for us to decline the jobs. This is amazing. We are going to have so much fun. I really miss the big apple.”, she said enthusiastically, and I looked at her in confusion.
“Are you serious? You both got offered jobs and you didn’t take the offer because of me? You are insane. Both of you. Why didn’t you tell me?”, I murmured and gave her a disapproving and huffy look.
“Because you would have reacted just like this. You are way too selfless sometimes.”, she grinned, and I crossed my arms.
“So are you apparently.” Secretly though I felt so relieved that I wouldn’t be all alone in New York. Celia and Derek were part of my family and I couldn’t have made it this far without them.
“Just to be clear.”, she started, and I looked at her, “If I ever see Malcolm again, I will kill that guy.” I smirked.
“You’ll have to join the end of the line. Because I will kill him first. And I think Damien wants next because he put Charlie in danger and because we are not in New York yet because of him. You can kill him after that.”
Later, after Celia had left, Charlie came to visit me together with his nurse Hanna, but they only stayed for a few minutes as it was already 10 p.m. by now, which was way past bedtime.
At first he seemed a little shocked when he saw me but after a while he didn’t seem bothered anymore by my swollen eye or by the bandage around my head, or the fact that my brain was working so slow, that I had to ask him at least a hundred times to repeat something he had just said.
“Sweetie, why didn’t you tell me that Malcolm came to see you?”, I asked after a while, while he sat on the edge of my bed and he frowned.
“I am sorry mommy; I didn’t want you to get upset. Whenever you and auntie Celia talk about him, you get upset. Please don’t be mad.”, he whined, and I grabbed his hand. He was so young; he shouldn’t have to be worried about his mom or anyone.
“I am not mad, baby. But promise me, no more secrets, okay?”, I asked, and he nodded.
“Pinkie promise?”, he asked, and I laughed, then I held up my little finger so he could interlock his with mine.
When they left I finally realized how hungry I was. I hadn’t eaten anything all day and I hadn’t had a lot of food in the last couple of days either because I had been so nervous of the meeting with Damien.
I was pretty sure there were vending machines all over the hospital, so I grabbed my wallet and took a couple of quarters out. The venous cannula had been taken out already, much to my relief because needles and tubes attached to one’s body made me nervous.
My doctor had explained to me that most of my injuries weren’t very dangerous, but still very painful which was why I had been given so many painkillers.
The only thing that was actually serious was my concussion which was why my doctor had ordered me to stay in bed.
But my hunger finally overwhelmed the tiredness, so I slowly sat up.
I started to feel a little dizzy but otherwise I was fine. Except for the rumbling in my stomach.
I carefully heaved my legs over the edge of my bed and waited for a couple of seconds until I stood up, supporting myself with the chair next to my bed. I slowly started to walk, and I stumbled a little when the dizziness got worse, but I kept walking until I reached the little bath attached to my room to check my appearance.
It was worse than expected and I gasped a little.
My eye was swollen, and it was almost black now and my eyes looked dull, just like my usually shiny hair. My skin was paler than ever. Celia had said I looked badass, but I wasn’t sure if I agreed on that with her. Zombie was more like it.
I looked miserable, and there was also a small little cut on my cheek that I hadn’t even noticed before.
No wonder Charlie had almost started crying when he saw me, but I pulled myself together. It could have been a lot worse than this, I told myself and brushed over the thin fabric of the hospital gown I was wearing before I turned and left my room.
For the first time I seemed to be lucky because there was a vending machine right at the end of the hallway next to a waiting area.
The hallway was empty and cold, and I wrapped my arm around my waist. I would have given anything for some actual clothes. A couple of lights were on here and there and I heard some people laughing in a staff room.
My stomach roared again, and I was glad no one could hear it. Every couple of steps I had to take a little break and lean against the wall. My head was throbbing again and sometimes the hallway started spinning a little and suddenly the distance to the vending machine seemed twice as long.
It seemed to take hours until I finally reached the two vending machines, standing next to each other on the wall, one with drinks and one with all kinds of snacks that seemed unusually healthy.
Some nuts and dried fruits, some protein bars, crackers, and organic fruit flavored gummy bears.
I would have done anything for a slice of pizza, or at least a sandwich but it looked like this was going to have to do it for tonight. I looked at the coins in my hand and counted. It took me 5 tries to get it right because somehow I always forgot how many coins I had counted already; I didn’t worry about it too much though because the doctor had said confusion and memory loss were normal considering my concussion.
I had exactly 4 dollars and 75 cents, or at least I thought I did, and I looked at the vending machine again and finally decided to get a chocolate protein bar, some crackers and the gummy bears even though they looked gross, as if they had been sitting in the vending machine for years already.
You should never judge a book by its cover though.
I inserted the coins and waited when I heard a voice yelling in the waiting area. It took me a few seconds to remember whose it was.
It was Damien’s. I knew eavesdropping wasn’t exactly right, but I was really curious what he was talking about. Slowly I walked closer to the waiting room and looked around the corner, using the wall to support myself.
Damien was walking back and forth, talking to someone on the phone, but I was too far away and the door to the waiting room was shut so I couldn’t really understand anything. I got a little closer while I looked through the glass disc. I didn’t mean to but without noticing it I had stepped in his field of vision.
He froze when he saw me and his face expression which had been something between mad and absolutely furious, went blank. He said something on his phone, this time he whispered so I couldn’t hear it, then he hung up and opened the door.
It only took him 3 large steps to reach me.
“What are you doing here?” he asked and grabbed my shoulders lightly, and I pointed behind me.
“I haven’t really eaten in days; I was looking for the vending machine when I heard you. You seemed upset, are you okay?”, I asked, not really knowing what to say. He shook his head.
“It was nothing, just…work. Are you cold?”, he responded vaguely, avoiding my question. I wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth, but it was none of my business anyway. I looked down at my arms which were covered in goosebumps.
“A little.”, I admitted and without even asking he handed me his jacket. Thankful, I let him help me into his jacket and I inhaled his scent.
He smelled good. Bittersweet, a little like dark chocolate, my favorite. It made me dizzy. Even dizzier, than I already was at least.
“Shouldn’t you be in bed?”, he asked when my stomach growled again. I flushed while he chuckled a little. He grabbed the things from the vending machine for me and turned around, handing them to. Thankful I took them and crammed them into the pockets of his jacket.
“Is that what you have been doing all day? Making phone calls?”, I asked, and he shook his head. “No. I spent most of the time with Charlie. He… He is great.”, he replied, and I nodded and suddenly everything started spinning again. Casually I leaned against the vending machine, as if I were just doing it out of boredom.
“He is. He is really-”, special, I had wanted to say but another vertigo hit me, and I saw everything double. I hadn’t even realized that I had begun reeling slightly to the left until Damien caught me. I leaned against his chest until the dizziness stopped again, then I looked up.
“Sorry.”, I mumbled, and he grabbed me tighter.
“Don’t be. I just can’t believe you got out of bed just to get some crackers that will probably taste horrible anyway. You could have just asked a nurse. You are so unreasonable; something could have happened.”
He actually sounded worried which surprised me. He wasn’t wrong but I had just felt the urge to move because I couldn’t stop thinking about Malcolm.
“Are you okay though? Should we call a nurse or something?”
I shook my head.
“No, the doctors said this would be normal. I should just get some more rest probably.”
The whole way back to my room he didn’t leave my side once and now that he knew my ribs were broken and bruised, he seemed to pay extra attention not to hurt me.
My heart was racing faster and even though the fabric of my hospital gown was in between his warm hand and my waist, my skin seemed to tingle wherever he touched me.
When we reached my room, he let go off me so I could sit on my bed, but he was still close enough to catch me if I should fall. I flushed while his gaze wandered over my body and I realized in panic that I wasn’t even wearing a bra anymore.
I pulled his jacket over my chest as unobtrusively as I could. He probably thought I did it because I was cold, and he wasn’t wrong, because he pulled the blanket over my half-naked body.
He sat down on the edge of my bed and grabbed my cold hand. My heart bet faster.
“Promise you won’t get out of bed anymore. You could have gotten hurt.”, he said, and I wanted to remind him that I was already hurt but instead I nodded.
“I promise that the next time I want food I will just make you get some for me.”, I joked, and he smirked.
There it was again. That smile. The butterflies in my stomach returned.
“Okay. I think I can live with that.”
We talked for a couple more minutes. He told me about New York, and I told him about life here in Pittsburgh, until he asked: “Why exactly were you dating that Malcolm guy?”
My shoulders stiffened. Malcom was truly the last thing I wanted to talk about but it was only fair to tell him, considering that I was the reason that we weren’t in New York already, so I sighed before starting to talk.
“After Connor I didn’t really have any more long-term relationships until Malcolm. I mean I went on a couple of dates, but most guys ran as soon as they found out I had a child. When I met Malcolm, I was devastated because of Charlie’s diagnosis and he was just there for me. We didn’t really start dating until a month before he first… Anyways, I don’t know, I guess I just thought that after everything I could be happy again.
I felt like for once was something normal and good was happening to me that I didn’t realize that he was the only one who wasn’t… Normal. I guess that is just the way it was meant to be.”
I bit my lip again and looked outside the window into the dark night. I was sure Celia would probably slap me for drowning in my own self-pity like this, but I just couldn’t help it.
“Don’t be ridiculous.”, Damien responded in a low voice and I turned my head and looked at him.
“Why not? I mean first Connor, then all the guys in College that didn’t even want to go on a second date with me and now Malcolm. I should face that I am just not relationship-material.”
It was supposed to be a joke, but my voice sounded bitter.
“You make it sound like it was your fault, but it isn’t. All of these guys are douchebags.”
Maybe douchebags were all I deserved. But I didn’t say that out loud and instead gave Damien a sad smile, staring back into his deep blue eyes, feeling like I could drown in them.
“How can you say that after what I did to you?”, I asked quietly as he lifted his hand to brush lightly over my cheek-
I shivered and could feel his hot, minty breath against my skin. My heart was pounding in my chest. I leaned forward a little and he came even closer, his hand on my waist. Our lips were about to meet when suddenly his phone rang, and once again a phone call destroyed our intimate moment, or at least he moment this could have turned in to.
We both jerked back, and my head was hurting again at that sudden movement. He leaned back and got up so fast, that my eyes could barely follow.
He grabbed his phone, his face expression hard and cold again. In the moon light his usually soft skin looked like alabaster. Perfect, but at the same time hard, cold, and distant.
“You are right. Thanks for reminding me. Good night Allison.”
I didn’t know what hurt worse, my head and ribs, or my heart. He had never called me Allison before.