Ember grips the steering wheel so hard her knuckles turn white. She tries to resist the urge to slam her head into the steering wheel.
"Stupid shit!" She screams at the top of her lunges.
She grits her teeth and fights the urge to cry.
She's never been one for crying out in public or in front of anyone. If she's going to cry it's going to have to be at home when she's by herself.
Eventually she does hit her head against the wheel.
She's so upset.
When she was in the restaurant she got a message from her friend asking about this guy that she had met online back when she was thirteen.
Ember, unwisely unblocked him so she could show her friends who he is.
And instead of blocking him again she let him send her a message. His message was lewd as always.
She doesn't understand why she keeps letting him do this to her.
She feels so dirty and unloved. She feels like an object.
Ember grabs her phone and blocks him again.
"I hate you!" She screams as she throws her phone into her bag.
She feels a tear threaten to escape one of her eyes.
She takes a deep breath and starts up her car pulling away from the restaurant.
She speeds down the road, not caring if she gets a ticket or not. She just wants to get home so she can cry in her room.
"I hate you," she whispers to herself, as she bites her lip. The thing is, Ember hates herself more than anyone.
Ember blames herself, the first time she had talked to him she was really young and she didn't know what she was doing. She didn't understand that he was a predator. But this time she blames herself, she shouldn't have unblocked him.
Ember pulls her car into a parking space and gets out.
She close the door to her Dodge Challenger gently, even though she wants to slam the door.
She locks her car and then runs up the steps.
Tears are trying to spill as she gets to her door and opens it.
She slams it shut and then sinks to the ground.
She couldn't even wait till she got to her room, the tears have already started spilling down her face, staining it.
She hugs her knees to her chest and sobs.
She wants to break something, she just wants to smash stuff.
"Bastard!" She screams as she runs into her bathroom.
She takes a couple deep breaths.
She strips out of all of her closes and throws them carelessly on the floor.
She stops and stares at herself in the mirror.
"Ugly! Whore!" She screams at herself.
The tears only increase as she verbally tears herself apart.
"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" She yells.
She knows she will probably get a noise complaint but she doesn't care.
"Ugly! Why do you have to be so ugly! Why-," she cries as she points at herself.
She looks at her body and points at all the parts she hates.
"Fat! Ugly! No wonder they only want your body! You're such a worthless piece of shit!" Ember screams at herself.
She turns around and turns on the shower.
She feels the urge to scrub her skin off.
She can feel her heart breaking from all the hateful words she uses to call herself.
She's felt like this before.
When she was younger she told her parents that she hates herself. On that day her heart broke.
Ember steps into the shower and begins to scrub her body.
She doesn't bother being gentle.
She's at the end of her crying session so she hugs herself and tries to calm her hyperventilating.
"I hate him," she whispers.
She sinks to the floor of the shower and just allows the water to fully Incase her.
Once the water gets cold she turns it off and wraps a towel around herself.
"Drama queen," she huffs as she walks past her reflection.
She opens her closet and puts on some clean underwear.
She then puts on some shorts and a tank top.
She sniffles as she walks into her kitchen and searches for something sweet.
When she opens the fridge someone knocks on the door.
She feels her heartbeat stop.
She dashed into her bathroom and checks her face.
She doesn't want anyone to know she's been crying.
When she sees her reflection she frowns.
Her eyes are bloodshot but thankfully since she had a shower her cheeks aren't tear stained.
She walks out of the bathroom and the knocking gets louder.
She stops in front of the door.
"Hello?" she says. She doesn't want to open the door and risk being seen like this.
"Ember? Are you okay. I heard someone screaming," Jim's voice says through the door.
"I'm fine," Ember lies.
"Are you sure?" Jim asks.
"Positive. I'm great," she snorts.
"Can I come in?" Jim asks.
Ember feels her heartbeat quicken.
She definitely cannot let a man into her home while she is weak and hurting.
"No sorry. I'm busy," Ember lies again.
"If you're busy then why are you talking through the door?" Jim asks.
Ember smiles a little.
"True. I don't want anyone to come in right now," Ember tells him.
"Why? What's wrong?!? Are you okay?" He asks in a panicked tone.
"Yeah I'm fine. I'm just not feeling to good right now," Ember says.
"Okay. Well if you need me, you know where to find me," Jim sighs.
"Okay," Ember whimpers.
She presses her head against the door.
She wants a hug but she doesn't have any friends here or anyone who she trusts to give her a hug.
Ember is a hugger but she doesn't feel comfortable hugging a stranger while she's feeling like this.
She hears Jim walk away and she sighs.
Ember wants to trust him, he seems nice but her brain keeps telling her "they're all nice at first."
Ember walks back into her kitchen, she looks for some ice cream but she realizes she doesn't have any.
She sighs.
She decides to just go into her room and blast her music.
The 'bleach' album by Nirvana comes on and Ember smiles slightly to herself.
Her phone buzzes and she reaches for it.
It's a text from her friend.
Leah: Hey! Can you help me?
Ember sighs.
Ember: yeah
Leah: Cool. Which guy is cuter?
Ember growls are her friend inserts a picture of two guys. This is really what her friend needs help with?
Ember types a quick reply.
Her phone buzzes again and she growls.
She picks it up but realizes it's not a text from her friend, it's a text from Jim.
Jim: check your door :)
Ember scrunches her brows together and gets up.
She walks to the front door of her apartment and opens it slowly.
She looks down and notices a bucket of ice cream.
She can't help but smile from ear to ear.
She picks it up and carries it inside.
After locking the door she sets the bucket down on the counter.
She peels a note off of it.
I hope you feel better.
-Jim
Ember smiles. He's really sweet.
Ember walks into her bathroom and looks at her face.
Her eyes have cleared up and they are no longer as red.
She sighs.
She washes her face and then puts on some makeup.
She goes into her room and quickly changes.
She grabs some shoes and then grabs out two bowls, one for her and one for Jim.
She grabs an ice cream scooper and puts three scoops into each bowl.
She grabs some chocolate sauce and sprinkles out of her fridge and pantry and puts them in a small bag.
She puts the ice cream away and then puts a spoon in each bowl.
Ember puts some shoes on and then heads out the door and down to Jim's place.
She stares at the door for a moment before she gets the courage to knock.
After a minute the door opens and Jim stares down at her.
"Hi," he smiles.
"Hi," she whispers.
"Thank you for the ice cream. I brought you some," Ember whispers.
Her voices is strained and brittle but she tries to ignore that.
Jim nods and smiles at her.
He steps aside so that she can some in.
Jim closes the door after her which makes her a little nervous.
She looks around his apartment. It looks cozy.
"Here," Jim says as he grabs the bowls from Embers hands.
He sets them down on his dinning table.
"I brought toppings," Ember whispers.
Jim nods.
Ember walks over to the table and pulls out the chocolate sauce and sprinkles.
"Make yourself at home," Jim smiles as he walks into his kitchen.
Ember takes a seat at the table and fidgets with her shirt.
She feels a little uncomfortable but something in her is telling her to relax.
She sets her bag down beside her feet.
"Want anything to drink?" Jim asks.
"Sure," Ember replies.
Ember coughs, her throat is really sore.
"Are you okay?" Jim asks as he stops digging through his fridge to look at her.
"Yeah. My throat is sore," she tells him,
Jim nods.
"So you were screaming," Jim mutters.
"No," Ember lies.
Jim raises an eyebrow at her and gives her a look that shows that he doesn't believe her.
"I'm a little sick," Ember lies again.
"No need to lie. I'm not going to judge you," Jim tells her.
"That's what they all say," Ember mutters.
"Are you sure you're okay. Your voice sounds very....broken," Jim says.
Ember sighs.
"I'll be okay," Ember tells him.
"So, I have soda, orange juice, and water," Jim tells her.
"Soda please," Ember mutters as she starts to get uncomfortable again.
Jim hands her a can of soda and then grabs one for himself.
"You don't have to be here if you don't want. I can tell you're uncomfortable," Jim says as he motions to her fidgety hands.
Ember sighs.
"I'll be fine," Ember repeats.
"Will you though?" Jim asks.
Ember rolls her eyes and Jim chuckles.
"If you don't mind me asking, what had you screaming bloody murder today?" Jim questions.
Ember sighs, she doesn't know if she should open up to him.
"Just a rough day," she tells him.
Jim nods.
"Work?" He asks.
"No. Just some things happened. There's this guy," Ember sighs.
She hopes he will drop the subject.
"Did he hurt you?" Jim asks his voice laced with concern.
The fact that Jim is concerned about her makes her want to open up but it also makes her skeptical.
Ember doesn't want to believe that Jim would be the kind of person who gets to know her just to hurt her.
"Yeah, he kind of hurt me," Ember shrugs.
She can see Jim tense.
Ember grabs the spoon in her ice cream and begins to eat it before it melts.
"Physically?" Jim mutters.
Ember shakes her head.
"No. I've never met him in person," Ember sighs.
"Oh," Jim mutters.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Jim asks after a moment.
Ember looks at Jim and studies his face.
"Why do you care?" Ember asks, the skeptical side getting the best of her.
"Well you seem real nice and now you're hurting. I don't know I just want you to be okay," Jim shrugs.
Ember scrunch's her eyebrows.
"You don't even know me," Ember says as nicely as possible.
"I would like to," Jim smiles.
"Why?" Ember asks again.
Jim snorts.
"You're not used to people being genuine huh?" Jim question.
"I'm used to people talking out of there asses. Saying they want to know me just so they can hurt me. I'm really used to that," Ember smiles sarcastically.
"I'm sorry," Jim tells her sympathetically.
Ember can tell Jim isn't lying or faking it.
"People are people," Ember shrugs.
Jim nods and puts a spoon full of ice cream into his mouth.
"For the record. I would never use anything to hurt you?" Jim tells her.
Ember nods.
After a moment Ember decides to tell him about the guy.
"So the guy. Um... lets just say he's virtually harassed me," Ember whispers.
"Sexually?" Jim asks.
Ember nods.
"I'm sorry. You don't deserve that," Jim tells her.
"I kinda do. I let it happen. It's my fault," Ember shrugs.
Jim shakes his head.
"It's not your fault. It's his fault for being a nasty pervert," Jim mentions.
"I let it happen," Ember shrugs.
"Is this recent?" Jim asks.
"Yes and no. The harassment happened when I was thirteen but he contacted me today," Ember whispers.
She can feel herself getting nervous.
"It's definitely not your fault. You were thirteen. How old was he?" Jim questions.
"Either 19 or 23," Ember shrugs.
Jim shakes his head.
"You where a child, he was an adult. It's not your fault," Jim states.
Ember shrugs.
"So what about you? Are you a fucked up mess as well?" Ember teases.
Jim chuckles.
"I have my moments," Jim shrugs.
Jim tells her a little about himself as they eat.
Ember is appreciative of him talking about himself, it makes her feel more comfortable.
"So you ride motorcycles?" Ember questions as she points to a helmet hanging up.
"Yeah," Jim smiles.
"Nice," Ember chuckles.
"What about you?" Jim asks.
"Yeah I can ride," Ember smiles.
"Cool," Jim smiles.
"Maybe we could ride some time," Jim suggests.
"Yeah that would be cool," Ember smiles.
"I like your car by the way," Jim comments.
"Thank you," Ember chuckles.
Ember can feel herself growing to like Jim.
He seems really nice and like he actually cares.
Suddenly Jim's phone rings. Jim looks at the caller ID.
"I got to take this. I'll be right back," Jim tells Ember as he answers the phone and walks into a different room.
Ember decides to clean up the bowls and put them back in her bag.
She looks around and notices Jim has several awards hanging up.
Ember notices they are music awards for a band called "Slipknot."
Jim emerges from the other room and smiles at her. She returns his smile.
She can feel herself growing comfortable.
There's something about Jim that makes her feel calm.
"So slipknot huh," Ember mentions as Jim sits back down.
"Yeah. Have you listened to us?" Jim questions.
"I've heard of you guys, I haven't really looked into it," Ember shrugs.
"Are you any good?" She teases.
Jim shrugs.
"I think so," Jim laughs.
"So what do you play? Are you a singer?" Ember questions.
"No. I cannot sing," Jim laughs.
Ember laughs with him.
"I play guitar," he smiles.
"Really?" She gasps.
"Yeah," Jim laughs.
"That's so cool. I play guitar as well," Ember smiles.
"Nice," Jim chuckles.
"Do you want to watch a movie or something or do you have to go home?" Jim asks.
"I don't have anything else to do so why not," Ember shrugs.
Jim nods and walks into his living room, Ember follows him.
Jim gestures for her to sit down on his couch.
She sits on the left side.
"What do you want to watch?"
He asks.
"Whatever," Ember shrugs.
Jim nods and puts a movie into his DVD player.
Jim sits down on the right side of the couch and Ember smiles.
She appreciates the fact that Jim's respecting her personal space and not trying to get close and touchy with her.
When the movie starts playing Ember smiles.
"Jaws?" She questions.
"Yeah," Jim shrugs.
"I love Jaws," Ember smiles.
"Good to know," Jim chuckles.
Ember gets cozy on the couch.
"You can take your shoes off by the way," Jim says.
Ember looks down and realizes she still has shoes on.
"Sorry," she mutters.
"You're fine," Jim smiles.
Ember slips her shoes off and puts them to the side.
She cuddles up on the couch and gets even more comfortable.
Jim smiles as he looks over at her. He's happy that she's less nervous and fidgety. He doesn't want to make her uncomfortable and he definitely doesn't want her to think he's trying to use her like the other guys she has mentioned.
—
Thirty minutes into the movie Ember realizes she's laid out on the couch.
"Sorry," she mutters as she sits up.
"I did say make yourself at home. You look tired. Go ahead and lay down," Jim tells her.
Ember smiles and sets her head back down again.
"Thank you," Ember sighs contently.
"For what?" Jim asks.
"For being kind and making me feel better. I really appreciate it," Ember smiles.
Ember hasn't felt this safe in a long time. There's something about Jim that relaxes her. Once she gets past the intimidating height difference she realizes he seems really nice.
"No problem," Jim smiles.
Ember feels the urge to hug Jim. She looks up at him and he stares down at her. He smiles at her and she smiles back.
"C-can, I have a hug," Ember whispers.
Jim chuckles.
"Of course. You don't need to ask, you could just attack me in a hug and I wouldn't mind," Jim laughs.
Ember chuckles as she sits up.
Ember scooches closer to Jim and wraps her arms around him.
Jim wraps his arms around her waist and hugs her back.
She smiles as she snuggles into Jim's chest. She's never felt this comfortable before.
Ember let's go and goes back to laying down.
She brushes a strand of hair from her face.
She looks up at Jim and smiles.