Chapter Twenty (Final Chapter)
Vibes From this Chapter.
Mercy- Shawn Mendes.
Let you love me- Rita Ora
The coming days went by in the same manner. We'd stay home all day, playing games, watching tv and using our phones.
Daniel and I were sat on the couch watching Kdrama. The king eternal monarch to be precise.
"Yes yes. Protect your future queen!!!! Kill them ! Kill Them Finish them! Awwwwwww"
I stood watching because I was still high from cuteness overload.
"Meh"
I looked back and sent a vicious glare at Daniel for his comment. He just raised his hands in surrender and I narrowed my eyes at him.
Finally, when I was calm again, I sat back down and continued watching. Daniel didn't complain anymore and I could just smell the future...
He would turn into a k drama lover like me and we can rule the world together. Goals..
Wait what?? Not goals. Ungoals that. Not goals at all.
Why do I feel like I am just lying to myself?
I like him too.. for a while now,, I couldn't help but feel the attraction to him.
But what if..
What if everything just turns out being the same? I can't risk that. I can't lose him.
"What are you thinking about so hard like that?"
"Nothing." I smiled sadly. He didn't look convinced. I could feel his lingering gaze on me for a while.
"Why do you look like you would cry now?" His concern just made me want to cry even more. Suddenly, I was engulfed in a hug. It made me feel really warm inside. It was really nice and he smelled nice too.
"Are you sniffing me right now?"
I suddenly felt like everything was a bit too much for me so I untangled myself from him and stood up to walk away but I was able to catch the hurt expression on his face before I left.
What am I going to do?
I paced the room wiping the unshed tears from the corners of my eyes. I shouldn't cry for things like these..
I paced.
What do I do?
I paced.
Since your brain is so empty right now, talk to someone.
My subconscious can be rude. I took out my phone and dialed Folake. She could help. She has helped do much.
She picked up at about the second ring.
"Hey girl. What's up?" Her bubbly voice sounded through the phone and I envied her at the moment.
"I'm not okay." I said opting for the sad truth.
"Geez, are you fine? Are you sick? You don't sound sick. What-"
"If you would let me talk please.." A small smile made it's way to my face.
"Right. Sure. Do that."
So I did. I told her everything . i really surprised that my credit could hold up for that long.
"Woaw. I guess I somewhat expected this."
I frowned. "How so?"
"You guys were so close. It was really surprising that you weren't together already but when I saw that for a long time, you seemed not to like each other that way, I guess I just decided to believe that you only saw each other as friends."
"Oh"
"Yeah. So what are you going to do?"
"Ah ah. That was why I called you. You are supposed to tell me." I said with a frown.
"Look. Tara, I can't be the one to make decisions for you. You have to decide for yourself what you want. But my advice right now is not to keep him hanging like that. It's not nice. Make a decision and let him know. You are just keeping his hopes up at the moment and if you end up rejecting him, it would really crush him."
I got her point.
"Okay. Thank you so much Folake. I will do just that."
"You tell me when you do."
"Okay. Gash, I'm so sorry. I didn't even ask about you. How have you been?"
...
Soon, it was the next day and it was really close to the end of my stay at their place because my brother's exams would finish soon and I could go home with him.
I decided to take Folake's advice. My anxiety was eating me up but I shouldn't be anxious.
I stood at his door intensely staring at the wood as if it would boost my confidence. I took in a deep breath and knocked. I heard a faint reply before I opened and walked in. He was sitting up when i walked in. we hadn't talked all morning. Even at breakfast, we had only muttered a quick good morning to eachother.
His brows were creased in confusion when he saw me.
"Uh. Daniel." This is hard. "About yesterday.."
"oh that. I'm sorry I just hugged you like-"
I stopped him quickly. "No no. no. it's not that. Infact it was nice." I admitted.
The corners of his lips twitched upwards and it made me want to smile too.
"Uh. It's not even about yesterday. It's about what you said. About your feelings."
"No Tara. Don't tell me! I know you don't like me and I don't want to hear it out loud."
How do I say this? "No I have to say this.. I can't be with you." I really really hated the crest fallen look on his face when I said that. "I can't explain but I really don't like you. We are just better off as friends. Please, don't fight this Daniel." I pleaded.
It's not nice to lie..
He closed his eyes and put his hands to his face. And for that short moment, I was glad he wasn't able to see my expressions.
"Why Tara? We can just try..I'll be good to you. I will never break your heart."
I shook my head. "I can't" I said quickly and turned around and back to my room. That was really hard; for the both of us.
Why am I hurting myself? Why am I stopping myself from feeling?
It was because of Ayo. Although I didn't like him that much, I couldn't deny that it had changed my mind set. I was scared to even try to love.
Tears brimmed at my eyes and I buried my face in the pillow to cry.
Life sucks!
Soon enough, two days later, my bags were packed and ready to go. Daniel and I hadn't spoken much since that day. Somehow, it seemed that the friendship that I had been trying to protect had just been broken by my own hands. I didn't mean for it to go like this. I thought he and I would be fine after a while. Not this soon but just..
I didn't feel good at all. It hurt far more than Ayo's break up and we aren't even dating.
His dad was going to drop me off before leaving for work. He wasn't even going to see me off until his mother pressured him to at least say bye.
His 'bye' came in form of a wave while I was already in the car. It really hurt.
"Omotara. Take care o. take care of your brother and greet him for me. I will call your parents sef."
I smiled thankfully at her. The both of them had taken care of me so well. Infact, they all had.
"Thank you ma."
While his dad drove me, he engaged me in a conversation about school. It was soon to resume. It had been a very busy three weeks since and it wasn't meant to be a long holiday.
"Thank you so much sir. I am really grateful."
He smiled. "No problem at all. Omotara. Did you fight with Daniel?"
"Uhh"
"Don't think I am too old a man to notice these things."
I laughed. "I didn't think that. Yes, we fought but it's no big deal" liar!
He regarded me with a knowing look.
"Well, I can't meddle. I hope you sort it out soon. I have to leave now. Greet your brother for me when he arrives and you parents too."
I smiled although I was confused. He can't meddle??
I waved him as he drove off and I turned to face my house.
Home sweet home
I realized that Jimi would be back in a few hours. He would probably want to spend a little more time at school so I decided to clean up a little bit. The house smelled dusty and I just kept sneezing.
After that, I was so tired that I decided to take a nap.
I jerked awake from a bad dream. He was so close to me and then suddenly, a long floating rod in the middle of us pushed us apart.
Farther and farther and farther until I was at the edge of a cliff and then I fell..
I groaned and put my hands over my face. What have I done?
Food!
Jimi need to eat. I stood up quickly but stumbled back immediately when I realized that I hadn't let my head settle. When I was okay, I rushed to the kitchen to start cooking for him.
Soon enough, I heard a knock and a smile lit my face. My brother had returned. I hurried off to open the door and engulfed him in a hug before he could even see me.
Only, it didn't feel like Jimi or smell like Jimi. I looked up and my eyes widened at the sight of Daniel. (Lol. Even I am surprised. I didn't plan that until I started this sentence).
"What what are you doing here?"
"I don't like this. I don't like how things are right now. Tara please don't push me away. I feel like you do like me. Why does it feel like that? Why do I feel so so much for you?"
I felt like crying again.
"Okay. Tell me just this once that you don't want us. I want you to be sincere Tara. Tell me the truth. So you want me or not."
I bit my lip. I do Daniel. I like you very very much.
It seems that I took so long to say something so he just shook his head and smiled sadly at me. "Never mind. It's still the same." He said and started walking away. I somehow didn't have the courage to call out to him.
My shoulders slumped when I realized just now that I had just lost him.
"Tara. Are you alright?" At my brother's voice, I looked up and engulfed him in a hug. All the emotions I had been holding up all this while just let out and I cried in his chest.
He didn't ask. He just led me into the house and sat me on the couch. I wiped my eyes and tried to compose myself.
"I'm sorry brother mine. I'm fine. I shouldn't even be welcoming you home like this." I managed a smile. I'm sure it didn't look convincing by the look he was giving me. H elooked like he had gotten a little fatter since the last time I saw him and his eyes looked tired. Probably from the just ended exams.
"I saw Daniel a while ago. Was he the one that caused this?"
I quickly shook my head 'no'. "It's just-"
"Calm down Tara. Take a deep breath."
I did as he instructed and let myself calm down a little. "He likes me and I like him back but I am just scared Jimi. What if it doesn't work out?" I asked in a small voice. It didn't feel so good to talk about things like this with him.
He didn't say anything for a while. He looked conflicted. I was sure he was about to start up one lecture about how boys are stupid but then the look on his face suddenly changed to one of understanding.
"But what if you do? Tara, tell me, did you ever really think of that? Love isn't certain. You don't know it right from the beginning who you are supposed to end up with but if you don't try, you just never will know. Love is a gamble. Tara think! What if you do work out? You would never know because you just wasted the whole opportunity right now."
I was silent.
"You are the best"
He shrugged. "I try" I stood up and started walking away to my room.
"Where are you going?"
"To his place. I have to tell him the truth."
"Uhhhh. Just because I said those things to cal you down doesn't mean I need every detail of this whole fiasco. You are still my little sister. I don't want to think that you are growing up yet." I rolled my eyes with a laugh before heading to my room. I changed my lazy home attire to something more fitting for going out. I grabbed my bag and headed out.
"Jimi. I'm sorry I can't even welcome you well. Please just wait a while till I'm back." I said before going out. I didn't hear a response but I was sure he heard me.
Is it too late? Did I push him so far that he would have done a complete 180?
Just have to find out. My new motto.
Soon enough, I was in front of his house. I stared at the door just like I had done just a few days ago wishing that it would somehow give me the confidence I would need to do this.
I knocked.
It wasn't until a while that I heard a shuffle behind the door and my heart rate increased. He finally opened the door. He looked frustrated. His shirt looked like he had just thrown it one when I knocked.
"Hi"
"Hi"
"You didn't let me respond."
"What?" His brows creased in confusion.
"At my house a while ago, you asked if I wanted you or not. If I really like you"
"So what. You want to really say it again. Do it all over again so it can actually sink in. no need" He attempted to close the door on me but I stopped it with my hands.
"No. I want to say that I do. I like you very very much Daniel. So so much and I want us. I was just really scared and I realized that that wasn't the way to go about this. It took a little sense from my brother to understand this. I would love it if we could try it out. That's if you would still have me."
His jaw hung open and his eyes were very very wide in surprise.
"I guess what I'm asking is if you would like to be my boyfriend?"
His lips twitched and I could tell that he was seriously holding back a smile but then he just let it slip. "Wow. Is this how girls feel when they are asked out? I suddenly feel like doing shakara"( English word for this... forming posh. Uhhh. Yeah. Playing hard to get)
I rolled my eyes and slapped him right on his chest.
"Please come in." He said moving inside and letting me into the house.
I went on to sit on the couch. "Milo or juice or coke or.."
"Milo!" I said quickly but he just stood there.
"Why are you looking at me like that? Are you new here? Go and get it yourself na"
I pouted but stood up anyway. "What a gentleman" I walked into the kitchen and he followed me in. I made the cup for myself and took a sip. I was still nervous despite my exterior. He hadn't given an answer yet. (Yes girls. See how it feels!!)
I sat on the counter and looked at him.
Waiting!! Say something!
He was suddenly very close and I regretted sitting on this counter. (Well durhh. I made you do that so it can be easy for him.)
He was just staring at me and I wasn't going to say anything first. I took a sip from my milo to avoid his eyes as best as I could but when I looked up, he was still staring.
"Uhh"
"You have a tiny milo beard."
Before I could grasp what he was talking about, his lips came down on mine. The little moment of surprise came to a stop when I regained my senses and kissed him back. I had to drop the mug I was holding. The kiss did strange things to me. It made me feel like I was on the top of the world. On the top of his world and it was awesome. Kissing Ayo didn't feel like this in any way. Any way at all. I felt him smile into the kiss before he let me go and cupped my face.
I was sure there was a wide grin on my face mirroring his.
"Is that answer okay for you?"
"No." I said honestly and shamelessly before dragging his face back down to mine for another kiss. I am going to want lots of these. (lol. I wanna close my eyes but I'm the one typing this). I didn't know how much longer we kissed, probably years, but we broke it off when the need to breath came.
I was panting trying to catch my breath. "What?" I asked when I noticed the look on his face. "Straight forward is the way to go. You said it yourself."
He laughed and it was effing music to my ears. "You taste like milo"
"Yeah" I shrugged. "You got awesomely better" I said referring to that one time at fourteen when we were experimenting kissing. (children. Do not do that okay?Be good. These adults are a bit crazy.)
"Hey!! I was awesome even then."
"I guess I can't point fingers. I was just a pot and you were a kettle."
"We are together now"
"Yeah."
"You are mine now and you always were" I frowned. "Like, not as property. Durhh"
"Right. And you are mine too."
I smiled in content. I can't believe I had almost just let this go just because of fear. I am not letting him go any time soon.
That said..
THE END.
OMG. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW. OKAY OKAY, LET ME GIVE YOU AN IDEA. I FEEL AWEOSME. ABSOLUTELY AWESOME. I WASN'T EXPECTING TO FINISH THIS. OH MY WORD. I DID IT. I ACTUALLY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE COMPLETED A REAL LIFE STORY!! TARA AND DANIEL, YOU ARE MY NOW MY BEST CHARACTERS BECAUSE YOU ACTUALLY DID THIS TO THE END. I NOW FEEL THE JOY OF WRITING 'THE END'. VERY ICONIC MOMENT FOR ME YOU KNOW.. ON THIS DAY, 11TH JULY, 2020 AT 10:38 PM, I FINISHED "SHE WAS ALWAYS MINE"
ENOUGH CAPS
I am elated!! I guess you've figured that out. So .. for the epilogue, would it be so terrible for me to have them have three toddlers running about the house bacuse that is just cuteness overload. Okay, let me get to the actual author's note.
Nvs students, did you guys get the 'kill him, kill him. Finish him" inside joke? Also, that was the past where lee min ho was going to save her from his uncle's goons. It was so cute. It was literally a king on a white horse though no shiny armour but with other police men on other horses. So awesome.
Also, Daniel's dad totally knew what was going on. Tara is just kinda stupid.
Tara: Hey!! *looks around* so this is the weird dream Daniel was talking about
Suwa:I can't say things in peace without interruptions. Shoo.
Anyway, I kinda feel bad that I didn't involve enough of her brother but oh well, what really can I do? IInvolve him in epilogue? Proabably
Okay..
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