~ Rafaela ~
Ilang araw na ang nakalipas at araw araw parin ako nakakatanggap ng flowers from the mystery Paolo, and yes hindi ko parin siya kilala. Sinubukan ko ngang hulihin siya eh like inaagahan ko pasok ko pero wala parin, mas naauna parin yung Paolo na yon.
Asa Sunken Garden kami ngayon ni Christiana, free cut namin kaya nakatambay lang kami tamang foodtl trip lang. Naging close na din kami nito at parang si Denise siya pero hindi puro boys ang pinaguusapan namin, pag si Denise kase kasama ko wala kami ibang pinag uusapan kung hindi ang mga flings niya.
Its different with Christiana and i like the change, wala din na akong balita kay Denise ngayon dahil busy siya sa school works at nabalitaan ko kay Sixto na sumali siya sa mga org, daming time ni mars sana all. I already told Christiana about my Mama saka yung ex kong cheater, hindi siya makapaniwala na naging jowa ko si Marco.
"speaking of UAAP, nood tayo" Christiana said while munching her donut na galing sa sponsor namin na si Paolo.
"pwede naman pero depends" sabi ko at kumunot ang noo niya. "baka kase busy ako"
"echusera ka Rafa, kung busy ka busy din ako baka nakakalimutan mo blockmates tayo" sabi niya and she playfully rolled her eyes, natawa lang ako. "anyway, i'll make sure na hindi us busy pag may game"
"okay" i answered, im in the middle of sipping on my milktea ng maalala ko yung sinabi ni Ricci. "oo nga pala, birthday nung Jaydee na kaibigan nila Ricci"
"si Jaydee Tungcab? and then?"
"oo basta yon samahan mo ako, wala kase akong kilala dun eh saka bukas na yung party kineme" sabi ko at agad siyang ngumiti.
"sino nag invite sayo?" tanong niya.
"si Ricci"
"close kayo?" tanong niya, napaiwas ako bigla ng tingin. "uyyyy.....anong meron sainyo ni Ricci Rivero?" she teased.
"wala baliw, friends lang kami ano kaba tara na nga" sabi ko sabay tayo at pagpag, pagtingin ko kay Christiana naka smirk siya sakin. "issue ka mars"
"diba Paolo yung pangalan ng admirer mo?" sabi niya, kumunot ang noo ko pero tumango naman ako. "alam mo ba ang full name ni Ricci?"
"hindi eh"
"its Ricci Paolo Uy Rivero" sabi niya at lalong kumunot ang noo ko dahil dun, Paolo din yung pangalan ni Ricci what the hell. "hindi ba sumagi sa isip mo na baka si Ricci yung admirer mo?" tanong niya.
"si Ricci admirer ko? nako Tiana i highly doubt, may langit yun ano kaba" sabi ko sabay iwas ng tingin, imposible na si Ricci ang admirer ko at nag kataon lang na kapangalan niya lang yun.
"malay mo si Ricci talaga kaso in denial ka lang"
"hoy hindi ako in denial" protesta ko, tinawanan lang ako nito kaya lalong lumalim ang simangot ko.
"oh sakto papunta na dito admirer mo" bulong ni Christiana sabay turo sa may likuran ko, agad akong lumingon at hindi nga nag sisinungaling si mars papunta nga dito yung kumag at may dala itong mcdo, pagkalapit niya samin agad niyang inabot sakin yung paper bag.
"kainin mo yan" diretso niyang sinabi, bumukas sara ang bibig ko not knowing what to say at pagtingin ko kay Christiana naka smirk ito sakin.
"una na ako Rafa, may ano pa ako ano uhmmm....ayun! may plates pa ako, see you tomorrow!" agad umalis si Christiana leaving me all alone sa kumag na to, conflicted parin ako sa sinabi ni mars.
"hindi ako gutom"
"gutom ka halata sa itsura mo kaya kainin mo yan baka mangayayat ka" seryoso niyang sinabi pero kahit hindi siya mukang natatawa halatang ng aasar siya, bwisit na to.
"hindi nga ako gutom kulit mo naman, busog ako sa donut na binigay sakin ng admirer ko kaya tabi aalis na ako"
"sino ba kase yung admirer mo?" tanong niya habang nakataas ang kilay niya and this time he looks amuse at lalo akong naguluhan, bakit parang may alam tong kumag na to?
"si Paolo"
"Paolo ano?" tanong niya.
"malay ko, pag nalaman ko kung sino yung Paolo na yun i-kikiss ko siya agad" sabi ko sabay tingin kay Ricci, mukang nagulat siya sinabi ko kaya lalo lumakas yung gut feeling ko kaya i decided to continue my act. "at pag natapos na yung kontrata natin jojowain ko yung Paolo na yun"
"legit?" tanong niya, agad akong tumango. "bakit?"
"kase ang sweet niya lalo na yung mga cards hays, ang cute niya talaga" naka ngiti kong sinabi habang nakatitig kay Ricci, napaiwas siya ng tingin at lalong lumapad ang ngiti ko. What if tama nga si Christiana?
"pano kung kamuka yun ni Xander Ford?"
"aba okay lang, mas naattract ako sa ugali kesa sa itsura" sabi ko and i patted his shoulder, i decided to take the mcdo dahil tama naman siya gutom ako. "i have to go and thanks for this Ricci Paolo Uy Rivero" and with that agad akong umalis at sakto nakita ko si Juan kaya agad ko siyang nilapitan.
"oh Rafa? san punta?"
"tara kain tayo" sabi ko sabay taas ng paper bag, tinaasan niya ako ng kilay in a questioning manner. "sponsor ni Ricci kaya tara na" sabi ko sabay hatak sakanya palayo dahil andun parin Ricci at nakatingin siya samin.
Sa parking lot kami tumambay ni Juan habang kinakain yung mcdo na bigay ni Ricci, tamang kwentuhan lang kami about random stuff. Nakaupo kami sa curb at buti nalang hindi mainit today, its a gloomy day and i love it.
"kanina pa natin pinag uusapan love life ko ikaw naman oi, share!" sabi ko sakanya, he chuckled and looks away.
"wala akong love life" sabi niya and i raise my brows totally not buying his lame answer. "legit kase"
"kahit crush wala? ang hirap naman paniwalaan na wala Juan"
"well there's this girl but i dont know if i like her" he admitted, na curious ako lalo dahil sa pag bago ng itsura ni Juan.
"bakit naman? bakit hindi ka sure?"
"because she's unpredictable and my brothers call her the 'ice queen' and she confuses me most of the time" he said in a low voice as he stare at the ground, obvious na that girl is bothering him and that means he likes her.
"you like her" diretso kong sinabi at agad naman tumingin sakin si Juan.
"pano mo nasabe?"
"kase obvious naman, its a no brainer bruh" sabi ko at tumawa siya sabay iling, i nudge him because even if he's laughing his eyes are not. "what's wrong?"
"its nothing really" sabi niya, he was about to say something pa when his phone started ringing, he answered the call. "hello?"
I look away and let him talk to whoever it was while i think of Ricci, ngayon ko lang napansin lahat na every time makikita ko siya at pag kinakausap ko siya ang weird niya, hindi ko alam kung anong ngyayare ngayon sakanya dahil hindi naman kami close at lagi pa kaming nag aaway pag nag kikita. Ricci is confusing me as well.
"hey pwede mo ba akong samahan?" sabi ni Juan.
"sure, saan ba?"
"sa UPIS, may pinapakuha sakin si Javi" he said and i just nod my head and followed him, nag akay Juan yung kotse kaya naki favor si Javi. Nakarating na kami sa UP Integrated School at recess nila ngayon.
Naka sunod lang ako kay Juan while i look around, first time ko lang makapunta dito at ang dami din students. I was so busy observing the surrounding when i suddenly bumped into someone.
"oh my gosh im so sorry" agad kong sinabi sa nabangga ko, she is looking at her phone na nabagsak and when she picked it up may crack ito kaya lalo akong na guilty. "fuck, im so sorry"
"its okay, i wasn't looking where i was going" sabi niya at tumingin na siya sakin, what surprised me is that she smiled despite of her phone's state. She has a short curly hair but not in a frizzy way, its curled perfectly and it shiny. Morena siya and i can already tell na she's half because of how light her eyes is and she is also tall for a highschooler. she is pretty.
"its definitely not okay, i'll pay for it" sabi ko at agad siyang umiling.
"its really okay Miss" sabi niya and when i glance at Juan he is already standing beside me, hindi ko napansin na andito pala siya at asan na yung kapatid niya? "hello Juan"
"hey, have you seen Jordi?" tanong ni Juan, they know each other. Makes sense.
"he's in the cafeteria" sagot ni pretty gorl, may accent siya pero hindi ko matukoy. "i'll go ahead na and dont worry about my phone" with the last smile she left, leaving me stunned.
"gago ang ganda niya matitibo na ata ako"
"baliw" yung lang ang sinabi ni Juan at hinatak na niya ako papunta kung saan, i just let him drag me dahil hanggang ngayon hindi parin nag pro-process sakin yung ngyare. Akalain mo yun? ang ganda na tapos ang bait pa hays, hope all.
Nakarating na kami sa cafeteria, may tinawag si Juan and i watch the boy walk towards us. They both have similarities and i can already tell na kaparid ito ni Juan, they both have curly hair and all except sa mas matangkad ang nakakabatang kapatid niya and he is thin too.
"here" sabi nung kapatid niya at inabot niya yung warmer ni Javi then he looks at me with confuse eyes.
"thanks and this is Rafaela, Ricci's girlfriend" sabi ni Juan at nanlaki ang mga mata ko, siniko ko siya pero tinawanan lang ako nito.
"Ricci has a girlfriend? i thought he's dating that showbiz girl?"
"ha! sabi na eh" sabi ko sabay tingin kay Juan na ngayon ay hindi na nakangiti, he shot his brother a stern look and his brother raise his both hands in surrender.
"dont mind Jordi hindi niya alam yung pinagsasabi niya" sabi ni Juan, i rolled my eyes at him as i cross my arms over my chest. "and you, go to your class"
"aight i'll see you later" sabi ni Jordi, he smiled at me and once he's out of sight i turn to Juan.
"alam mo wag mo ng pag tanggol at pag takpan yang Ricci na yan dahil alam ko naman na may eme sila nung langit na yon"
"they dont have 'eme' or anything, na-issue lang talaga sila sa social media" sabi ni Juan, i sighed and shake my head.
"i dont think so, i have to go see you nalang sa birthday ni Jaydee" and with that i walk my way out, nag book ako ng grab pauwi at buti nalang may tumanggap agad at malapit lang siya kaya nakaalis ako agad.
Pagkauwi ko sa kusina ako dumiretso dahil nagugutom parin ako, kumain lang ako ng kahit anong makita ko sa pantry habang nakaupo sa kitchen counter. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nainis sa nalaman ko i mean, hindi naman na bago sakin na may something silang dalawa ni Ricci pag kaalam ko binasbasan ko pa sila ng blessing ko eh pero bakit ganun?
Bakit ako nalulungkot ngayon? hindi ko naman gusto yung kumag na yon pero bakit apektadong apektado ako? ay wait, baka nga nagugusguhan ko na siya. Pano naman ngyare yun? all we do is argue at never talaga kaming nag kasundo, we dont talk that much and we dont even see each other most of the time so pano ko siya magugustuhan? or bakit ko siya nagustuhan? ugh.
I cant like him dahil asa rules yon sa contract na 'bawal akong main love kay Ricci Rivero'. Im not in love with Ricci, im just confuse at mag kaiba yun. Kung siya man yung admirer ko na si Paolo bakit naman niya gagawin yun? i mean yung flowers, donuts and coffee at lalo na yung love cards. Im still not sure kung si Ricci yun kaya dapay hindi muna ako mag assume.
"anyare sayo sis?"
Napatingin ako kay Sandro, kakauwi lang niya galing school at obvious naman dahil naka id lace pa siya. Tumabi siya sakin at dinekwat niya yung tostitos sa kamay ko and i just sigh, i lean on his shoulder and shut my eyes. Ngayon ko lang naramdaman na sobrang stress na pala ako.
"anyare sayo? kwentuhan mo naman ako" sabi niya.
"pano mo masasabi na may gusto kana sa isang tao?" my question caught him off guard, i shouldn't be asking this dahil dapat by now alam ko na dahil nag ka bf na ako.
"pag lagi mo siyang iniisip tapos pag nakikita mo siya or nakakausap sumasaya ka kahit sobrang lungkot ng araw mo and pag may nalalaman ka about sakanya that involves another girl naiinis ka dahil nag seselos ka, nag seselos ka kase gusto mo siya at nasasaktan ka dahil may kasama siyang iba"
"pano kung hate mo yung taong yun?" maingat ko na tinanong.
"you hate him because you might be in denial or you hate him because he do things that annoys you but at the same time you lowkey appreciate and love it"
Tama nga siguro si Christiana at Sandro, baka nga in denial lang ako pero bakit? Nah.....i dont like him and i wont ever like him end of story.
sure na yan?
"ewan ko ba" inis kong sinabi, hindi ako naiinis kay Sandro sa sarili ko ako naiinis dahil bakit ko ba ito nararamdaman? naguguluhan ako sa totoo lang.
"are we talking about Ricci here?"
"huh? hindi ah baliw!" mabilis kong sagot sabay iwas ng tingin.
"confirm si Ricci nga, ano bang meron sainyo talaga non? ikaw yung girlfriend niya pero kalat sa social media na may something sila nung Heaven na yun"
"its complicated Ands" i sighed, gusto ko man sabihin sakanya ang totoo kaso hinfi ko magawa dahil for sure magagalit siya sakin at isusumbong niya ako kela Sergio at Papa.
"baka naman maulit yung ngyare sainyo ni Marco ha? wala akong pake kahit sikat yang jowa mo ngayon hindi ako mag dadalawang isip na sapakin yan pag sinaktan ka niya"
"sweet naman" pang asar ko, he rolled his eyes at me then ruffles my hair. "wala to Romeo" tumawa siya dahil i call him by his first name.
"siguraduhin mo lang Carmela"
After that dumiretso na ako sa kwarto ko at syenpre naligo muna ako bago mag pwestuhan, i grab my laptop from my desk and i decided to binge watch Insatiable on Netflix nalang since wala naman na akong need gawin na school work.
I was in the middle of watching Episode 8 ng biglang mag ring ang phone ko, pinause ko yung pinapanood ko and i check the caller id. My brows furrowed in confusion but at the same time in happy to see his face on my screen, i answered the call and i sit properly on ny bed.
"what's up Micheal Miller"
[hey, i was wondering if you want to hangout now?]
"huh? bakit?"
[i heard my parents are talking about divorce and i dont know what to feel and do Rafa, i need someone right now]
"where are you exactly?" tumayo ako agad at dumiretso sa cabinet ko para kumuha ng masosout.
[cloud 9 Antipolo]
"okay dyan ka lang okay? papunta na ako" and with that binaba ko na yung tawag at nag palit na ako ng damit, i just put on some gray sweatpants and a random hoodie, i tied my hair up in a bun then after i grab my wallet and phone.
I booked a grab to Antipolo, hindi na ako nakapag paalam kela Sergio dahil nag mamadali na ako. Nag aalala ako kay Micheal at bago ko ibaba yung tawag i heard him sniffing, he is definitely crying. Pagkarating ko sa Cloud 9 hindi ako nag sayang ng oras at hinanap ko agad siya, i sigh in relief when i saw him sitting by himself and he is holding a beer.
"hey" bati ko, pagkatingin niya sakin agad siyang tunayo at niyakap ako. I hugged him back and pat him for comfort, after the long hug we finally pulled away and we took a seat. "you can tell me if you want"
"i honestly dont want to talk about it, i just want someone to drink this bucket with me"
"sure, let's finish this" sabi ko and i gave him a smile, we started drinking in silence and i just look at Micheal. For the first time he looks lost and i feel bad for him. "how is Ateneo naman?" i started a conversation because the silence is killing me.
"its okay, i got in sa bball team" sabi niya and i smiled at him.
"wow, congrats Mike"
"thanks, they're nice too but the others are too posh for my liking" he admitted and i chuckled dahil nag cringe siya.
"welcome to Ateneo" biro ko and we both laughed.
"ikaw? how is UP Diliman naman?"
"i love it there, i love the environment and my seatmate is nice too" chika ko and i scooted closer to him and smiled. "may admirer ako" bulong ko.
"wow really? who is it?"
"i really dont know who pero everyday niya akong binibigyan ng flowers at hindi ko din pa siya nakikita and he just leave the flowers on my desk" i said and he just nod his head. "ikaw? may nagugutuhan kaba ngayon chika mo naman!"
"well i like this girl but i dont know if she like me back, i like her because she is simple and true to herself and that is rare in our generation"
"if you really like her the ask her out, aala naman masama if umamin ka or something pero ikaw din yan, kawawa ka pag naunahan ka" sabi ko and he chuckled amd looks away. "legit nga Mike"
"i cant ask her out because she is already dating Ricci Rivero" napatitig ako sa sinabi niya, we stared at each other for the longest time and i dont know what to say.
"si Heaven ba yung gusto mo? nako ako na nag sasabi sauo wag ka dun jusko, believe me an-"
"im not talking about Heaven, i dont even care about that girl" he cut me off and my mouth is slightly apart as i stare at him, i cant believe he just said thay. "i like you Rafaela and i know that you're dating Ricci because he told me that directly"
"you like me? why?"
"because i just do Rafa and i cant stop myself from liking you" sabi niya and he held my cheek making my heart race, i badly want to tell him that i feel the same way but unfortunately i dont "you dont have to say anything really, i just wanted you to know"
"Micheal naman" sabi ko sabay yakap sakanya, i really do feel bad for him and i hate myself even more. We finished the bucket and he drove me him, parehas lang kaming tahinik dahil parehas din kaming nag iisip ng malalim.
"i like you because you're you and you dont have to like me back, our friendship is enough for me and i dont want to lose you just because i confessed my feelings to you so dont sweat it okay?" after he said that he kissed my forehead, i just smiled at him not knowing what to say.
Micheal Miller, you're amazing and i hate myself for not feeling the same way.
* * *
"Rafa andito na jowa mo!"
I look at myself in the mirror for the last time, im wearing a navy blue wrap dress and it hugged my body perfectly and the dress is not that revealing and i just wore my black heels. My hair is in a ponytail and i just have a simple makeup on.
"jowa?" tanong ni Christiana, i totally forgot that she was here ugh lagot sakin si Sixto mamaya. "sino kowa mo?"
"wala akong jowa baliw, inaasar lang ako ni Six sa lahat ng sumusundo sakin dito na jowa ko dahil after Marco hindi na ulit ako nag bf" i lied again, i cant tell her and im tired of lying.
"okay let's go na" she said and i just smiled and nodded, pagkababa namin agad bumungad si Ricci at mukang wala siya sa mood. "batiin mo naman admirer mo" bulong ni Christiana sakin, i playfully rolled my eyes because she still thinks na si Ricci yung nag bibigay sakin ng flowers.
"let's go" yun lang ang sinabi Ricci then he walks his way out, nag tinginan kami ni Christiana and we both have the same confuse look.
"may regla ata admirer mo"
"he's not my admirer at pake ko don baka lq sila nung langit niya" sabi ko, nag lakad na kami palabas at asa kotse na si Ricci.
"babato ko talaga cellphone ko pag nalaman kong sila talaga nung Heaven na yun" she said and i just shrug, sumakay na kami at sa may shotgun ako sumakay dahil ayoko naman gawing driver si Ricci. Tahimik ang buong byahe papunta sa kung saan man.
We arrived at the party at sumunod lang kami ni Christiana sakanya, buti nalang talaga sinama ko to dahil kung hindi muka akong naliligaw na kuting. Halos lahat ng tao dito mag kakakilala habang ako ni isa walang mamukaan except sa friends ni Ricci. Nakita ko si Juan at agad akong kumaway sakanya, he smiled and gesture us to come closer.
"what's up Uno!" bati ko, he chuckled and gave me a side hug. "si Tiana nga pala"
"sup" sabi ni Juan at natawa ako, nag shake hands silang dalawa. "what's with Ricci? kanina pa yan sa training" bulong niya at agad kumunot ang noo ko sabay tingin kay Ricci, may hawak na agad to na red cup at nakatayo siya sa sulok ng kusina habang umiinom.
"what do you mean?"
"he's obviously in a bad mood and he wont speak to any of us, i think you should go and talk to him ako ng bahala sa friend mo" he said and i look at Christiana, she waved me off and thats me go signal. I took a deep breath then i finally walk my way to Ricci.
"hey" panimula ko, tinidnan niya ako and after a few seconds tinaasan niya ako ng kilay. "anyare sayo? ang sungit mo nanaman" he rolled his eyes and walks away, naka nganga ko siyang pinanood lumabas. "luh anong problema nung kumag na yon pota" bulong ko sa sarili ko, i decided to follow him and i found him sitting on the edge of the pool.
"stop following me"
"ayoko nga bahala ka dyan" sabi ko at umupo ako sa tabi niya, he groans and he run his hand down his face in a annoyed manner. "ano ba kase ngyare sayo?"
"its none of your business now leave me alone geez"
"grabe naman tama nga si Tiana may regla ka nga" sabi ko and i laugh softly, he glares at me and i copied his look annoying him even more. "alam mo Ricci okay lang naman na ako yung sungitan mo wag lang yung friends mo okay?"
"and why should i listen to you? sino kaba" he said coldly and that fucking stung, okay nqa ako dun sa 'its none of your business' line niya eh kaso ito iba na to at masakit na.
"ako lang naman ang pretend jowa mo, kahit pretend lang ang relationship natin dapat makinig ka parin sakin kahit slight dahil pag ikaw naman ang may sinasabi nakikinig ako at sinusundan ko pa, hindi ba parang ang unfair mo na?"
"ako pa naging unfair ha" he said sarcastically, i stared at him in disbelief mixed with confusion because i dont know where his temper is coming from.
"oo ang unfair mo na, sobra na nga eh"
"ako pa naging unfair eh ikaw nga tong humaharot sa kano mo" he hissed, natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. Now i know kung saan ng gagaling ang galit at inis niya, he obviously saw me and Micheal yesterday pero pano? hindi ko naman siya nakita sa Cloud 9.
"ito yung rason mo kung bakit ka ganto ngayon?" tanong ko, he didn't say anything he just face away. "we were not flirting for your information, he needed a friend so i was there for him saka kahit harutin ko siya ano naman sayo? no comment nga ako sainyo ng langit mo eh"
"seems like flirting to me"
"bilis mo naman mang husga Ricci" mahina kong sinabi habang naka titig sa pool, i cant believe na he's judging me. "you know what? this fake shit is not working for us, i want out and i want out now"
"ang kulit mo naman! hindi ka nga pwedeng basta basta umayaw dahil pumirma ka at dalawang buwan nalang jusko"
"eh ayoko na nga eh, ikaw lang naman ang nag pipilit nitong deal matagal ko ng gusto matapos to and i never wanted it in the first place" inis kong sinabi.
"kung ayaw mo bakit kapa pumayag?"
"kase wala akong choice, you blackmailed me with your fucking bruise! hindi ko naman ikaw pinilit na iligtas mo ako that night, you volunteered remember?" sabi ko and i can feel the tears building up, naiiyak ako kase naiinis ako gusto ko siyang saktan pero hindi ko magawa.
"talaga bang ayaw mo or in denial ka lang?"
"hindi ako in denial bwisit na to makaalis na nga che!" irita akong tumayo at nag lakad palayo, papasok na sana ako sa loob ng bigla niya akong hatakin pabalik at napasigaw ako sa gulat. "ano ba Ricci?!"
"we're not done talking"
"ano bang gusto mo mangyare ha dahil gulong gulo na ako sayo at ginugulo mo isip ko" sigaw ko sakanya, hindi ko na makontrol ang nararamdaman ko pati narin ang boses ko. I push him off me and i glared at him. "im tired of your games, what do you really want from me Ricci?"
He stared at me for a moment and his next action surprised me, he held my cheek and pull me closer to him and next thing i know he captured my lips and i stare at him with wide eyes. The kiss is light as a feather and its different from all the kisses that i've experience, it was soft and innocent. He slowly pulled away and stared directly to my eyes while im still in shock of the turn of events, He sighed and held both of my cheeks and whispered,
"i want you Faela"
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