Saanvika's POV
I reached Nagpur a few hours back, ma called babachu and kishan chachu who lives in Nagpur as well to discuss about the whole marriage thing and how to talk to them...... I simply sat there working in my laptop responding to them when I was asked which is may be once or twice in 4 hours of continuous discussion....... They are deciding to get me married in the next two months as it's the auspicious time for marriage and also I'm already 26 and they don't want to wait till I step into my 27th year, their words, not mine...... I am not dumb to not understand what ma is doing...... She purposely called babachu and kishan chachu so that I stay shut through out the conversation....... Though I converse freely with my chachus mainly with babachu, I don't like to oppose them or their opinions...... I see some similarities between my chachus and papa which always make me respect and obey them...... With them deciding my marriage dates, I sat there like a rock thinking everything happening in my life contrary to my imagination....... After the discussion, mostly them discussing and me silently listening, babachu and kishan chachu left to their place and I went to my room after having food..... Bhai and ma are very happy and seeing them so happy, a tinge of happiness and pride crept into my heart with a wave of my unpleasant past hitting me like a volcano....... I took out my diary and started penning my pain in it...... I don't wanna share it with any living being and make my family or myself look like a monster in their eyes, so I write it down in my diary every time......
Papa's demise was a game changer in our lives, it led to our (me and bhai) complete transformation, he(bhai) who was an irresponsible, rebellious, aggressive teenager became a very responsible son who tried to look after his shattered family whereas I, who was a sweet, soft, very very sensitive, emotional, immature child who, till then saw her world hiding in her father's arms became a strong, mature, emotionless girl who is still soft and sweet to the whole world except for her loved ones......
Till today, I really don't understand what made me like this, is it the lack of papa's presence in my life or the situations a 12-year-old- fatherless me faced...... The things I experienced after my papa are some of the worst things of my life...... Papa's demise had made me phobic of losing someone..... And in order to protect myself from that, I distanced myself from my ma whom I love the most after my papa and 'nani', yes I love my nani more than my 'ma', if she wasn't there, then I don't know where would we be...... She stayed with us for 3 years after papa and looked after us like her own children...... From childhood, I was close to my nani(maternal grand mother) but Papa's demise got us closer...... I knew by then that I got very attached to nani and couldn't pull myself away from her but the rest all was in my hands, so I pulled myself away from ma and acted as if I didn't care about her...... She used to cry remembering papa sometimes but I never consoled her, all I did is to stare at her with a stoic face from a distance or acted as if I was watching my phone or PC putting my headphones, I heard my Ma's sobs, her bitter words filled with pain saying how cruel I was to not care for her, saying how monstrous I was, I used to hear everything but all I did is to sit like a rock...... I wanted to go and hug her, assure her everything will be alright, but my legs wouldn't move, my heart used to bleed seeing her tear-filled eyes but my face remained devoid of any emotions, It's like my subconscious acted out itself to protect me from another trauma but none understood this except for siri di......
On seeing my behavior with ma, bhai started hating me, we used to have ugly fights and at the end, he used to scream at me, frighten me and say some very mean and ugly things implying how selfish I was and all of that sort leaving me all broken..... And the best part is yet to come, he would stop talking to me for months and sometimes years too after our every fight and look at me with disgust whenever I came in front of him..... I too didn't try to talk to him as his words used to hurt my self-respect a lot...... But in the end, after a few months or years, I used to give up and talk to him unable to bear his silence as I love him a lot, much more than he could imagine...... I don't say that I was a saint, yes I too used to back-answer him arrogantly at the beginning which triggered his male ego and dominant side but once he raises his voice, I used to shut my mouth but that wouldn't stop him, he would go on and on with his words until the other person that is 'me' is completely broken......
He isn't bad, in fact, he is a very good person who loves us very much, I still remember how Bhai bought me a bike a few years back, as we didn't have particular timings, I didn't take the college bus and used to travel through share autos which were very very stressing..... One day I was complaining to ma funnily asking her to buy me a bike, I don't know how he got to know about it, but after a week which was my birthday, he bought me the bike, the funny part is he wasn't talking to me then, yet he cared about my safety and comfort, Later I got to know that he took a loan and bought me that bike......
Taking a loan just to buy a bike for your sister is a very very big thing in a family like ours...... even when we were not on talking terms, he used to care for me and get worried about my health always, when my leg gets twisted at night in sleep, I used to scream in pain and every day, he used to wake up and press it till I get fine...... That is the extent of his love, it's an ocean and is endless for his loved ones but his anger destroys everything...... The venomous words he threw at people in anger leaves a permanent scar on their hearts...... I tried to tell him many times but he wouldn't change, he would understand at that moment but when he is angry, he forgets everything..... The same thing he does to bhabhi too...... In fact, in the past few years, his anger took the worst turn as bhabhi is worse than me in triggering his anger and irritating him....... My mentality is I forget things very easily..... Though you say a lot of things that wound my heart deeply, I forget them in a short span but my bhai and ma are completely opposite to me..... They remember every single thing you do to hurt them though unintentionally, that doesn't matter to them, especially Bhai...... Till today he remembers the hurtful things I told him which are very less compared to what he did or said to me...... But the only difference is I don't remember any of them except for one or two which made a permanent scar in my heart.......
I don't know about men but a woman needs a man to feel secure though how strong she might be and that man should always be a father, I feel and in some very rare cases a husband/brother/friend. But from the time I lost papa, I never felt that, I was always insecure, I feel I have to protect myself and fight for myself as the man who used to fight against every odds in my life was no more...... And I'm sure even Vihaan couldn't return that secure feeling to me because the feeling is lost permanently with papa...... When I used to wrap my hands around papa's torso sitting behind him on his bike and see the world from above his shoulders, I used to feel that I can do anything and everything in this world as this man will protect me with his life...... I don't know why am I thinking all this, I buried all these things deep inside so that they couldn't pain me more but today everything is flashing in front of my eyes......
I closed my diary keeping it away safely and tried hard to sleep as I don't want to go crazy in front of Alok uncle and his family tomorrow......
The next morning, I woke up with Alok uncle's call, he said he is at the airport with aunty and the flight is in half an hour..... I wished him a safe journey and hung up...... I understood what uncle is trying to do, he is hinting to me that Vihaan isn't accompanying them, he expected me to ask about Vihaan but when I didn't he got disappointed, I understood by his tone..... he is so cute, I wish I never disappoint him or his family...... As I woke up from my sleep, I got freshened up and went out surprising my family as usually, I wouldn't wake up so early, I saw bhai reading a newspaper, bhabhi feeding Ahana breakfast, and ma in the kitchen...... I went and sat beside Ahana and talked with her and bhabhi...... I deliberately didn't even greet Bhai..... He should know that I am not okay with whatever is happening in my life.......
He came and settled beside me silently...... I am about to go away but he held my hand stopping me......
"Saanvi, Don't be like this, you are acting as if we are spoiling your life", He said..... Yes, you are but Vihaan's, I wanted to shout but composed myself......
"You wouldn't understand, it's not about my feelings, I feel Vihaan wouldn't be happy with me," I said....
"don't think that way Saanvi, you are a wonderful girl, Vihaan would be very happy with you," He said...
"You are saying this ??, but I thought I was the most selfish, useless, and worst person you have ever seen in your life, Isn't it what you always say ??", I asked spitting venom.... I know my words are bitter but I couldn't hold my tongue, remembering all those last night had a very bad effect on me.....
"You know I didn't mean any of it, I say anything in anger, Of all the people you know it very well," He said guiltily..... and I instantly felt bad for hurting him...... Why am I hurting him for the things that happened in the past, that's not me......
"I'm sorry, I'm just not feeling well......"I said and he understood my emotions...... I'm missing papa very much but couldn't even cry......
He started cracking jokes and making fun of me and Ahana like how we share similarities in doing stupid things....... and I laughed at his jokes, soon bhabhi and ma too joined us...... After a while, I went to my room to get some work done, and then Aditi called me congratulating me saying she is very happy for me...... I scolded her and hung up...... I felt guilty for taking Vihaan from her, I know it sounded very stupid, but that's what I feel, Vihaan is supposed to marry her if only that idiot didn't spoil it, they would make a great pair but everything changed on that day..... All because of this Aditi, if only I didn't give in to her demands and come to Nagpur that day, any of this wouldn't have happened, now my aunt will hate me even more, oh god......
In the evening, Babachu, kishan chachu with his family, came to our place...... My mausi and mausa ji (mother's elder sister and her husband) and maama-maami(Mother's brother and his wife)came from my mom's side...... Ma asked me to wear a sari but I refused flatly, she didn't force me seeing my already sad face....... ma can't see us unhappy, she is very sensitive about her children's feelings, my aunts always mock her saying she always gives in to her children's demands, that is true in a way, if she didn't consider my wishes, I would have been married by now with at least two kids....... all my relatives suggested her to get me married at 21-22, the main reason being my father wasn't alive....... I can't even get angry with them because it's not their fault, that's how society works, according to them, father-less children are hard to get married since they are rebellious compared to normal people...... as if losing a parent isn't enough, those children has to face these stereotypes...... I shook my head to stop my thoughts which always drift away to the past......
My family welcomed Alok uncle, vandana Aunty, her two brothers, and their spouses...... Uncle came and patted my head lovingly asking me about how I'm..... Ma and bhai got very happy seeing uncle's care and love for me....... Why won't they, I never gave them a chance to love me distancing myself from them, and they too never tried to reach out to me as they were involved in their own pain and agony.....
Everyone started with a normal discussion and slowly shifted to our marriage which I dreaded the most rising my heartbeats....... My chachus politely asked about the dowry to uncle and aunty and the reply uncle gave shocked and surprised my family.......
"Dowry, yeah I totally forgot about it, what do you guys want as dowry," Uncle asked chachus..... My family didn't know how to respond to him...... Uncle smiled and continued.....
"Niranjan Agarwal ki beti hai woh(she is Niranjan Agarwal's daughter) what more do we want ??, we will treasure her with our life, we don't want anything except for her.....I don't have a daughter bhai saab, I will be forever grateful to you all for giving me one", He said sincerely making my family the happiest...... "And also wedding preparations will be from our side," he said shocking my bhai and ma....
"No bhaisaab, it's our responsibility, you don't worry about it, inhone Saanvika ki shaadi keliye kuch savings kiye hai(niranjan had saved some money for Saanvika's marriage) he would be very happy if we use that", Ma said politely.....
"I understand your emotions Kavita ji, you can give everything to Saanvika, but marriage will be on us, this is the only request I have, please remove this ladki waale and ladke waale thoughts from your minds, we are a family now," Uncle said......
Babachu, kishan chachu, mausaji, my maama(mom's brother), everyone tried to convince him but uncle didn't budge..... At last, my brother started talking who was silent throughout the discussion......
"Uncle..... We never did anything for Saanvika, compared to any other girls of her age, she never asked us for anything, and in return, she used to complain about buying her clothes or accessories, she understood our family's conditions and acted maturely even when she was a child, me and ma always dreamed of her wedding, we will be satisfied if we do it to her, this is the least we could give her for being a wonderful daughter and sister....... Please, uncle.... Mana mat kijiye (please don't deny)", Bhai said not only shocking me but our whole family, these type of talks are not his thing.....
Alok uncle agreed to bhai..... Later they called our family pandit and take out the wedding and engagement dates.... All wanted the wedding to be sooner except for me and Vandana aunty..... I, being the younger one couldn't talk but Vandana aunty clearly opposed the muhurat, the priest said but uncle convinced her and decided on the same...... Uncle looked at me for my approval but I looked away unable to say anything as my family or my uncles wouldn't approve of my talking, they didn't even agree to my presence but Alok uncle asked for it, so they agreed..... I wanted them to ask Vihaan once before they decide for themselves but how could I tell them that ?? How would Vihaan react when he gets to know that we are gonna get engaged in three weeks and get married after two months, please papa help me.....
After deciding everything, Alok uncle and his family took their leave and my family discussed everything regarding the expenses and all, the engagement is in Delhi and the marriage is in Nagpur..... Babachu called my Aman chachu who lives in Delhi and asked him to see a venue for my engagement detailing the happenings, my maama called my other maamas(mother's brothers) and Nani informing them about my marriage..... Everyone soon got busy with their work ignoring me as if I wasn't even present there...... I sighed and left for my room to call Vihaan..... It's better to inform him myself before he knows from uncle or aunty and gets mad.....
He took the call after a couple of minutes.......
"I am sorry Vihaan" I said..... Ahh Saanvi, what's this, no hello no hai..... But what can I do, that's the amount of guilt I am having inside me..... This man doesn't want to marry me yet I am stuck with him........
Vihaan's POV
I have just returned to my cabin after successful surgery, it's a very complicated one, there are hardly any chances of survival but it's pure luck that he got saved today....... I'm in a very good mood because of it, I cleaned myself, got changed, and stepped out of the washroom when I heard my phone buzz, I rushed and took the call expecting mom to say some news about the marriage dates but it's from Saanvika... I got very surprised but Nonetheless attended the call......
"I am sorry Vihaan," She said confusing me, did she call off the wedding ?? But why ?? How ?? And why am I not happy with the wedding being called off ?? If at all, the marriage is canceled then she should be happy right ?? But why did she sound unhappy, more like guilty...
"What ?? Saanvika, what happened", I asked calmly.......
"The wedding date got fixed, engagement in 3 weeks, and marriage after two months," she said shocking me...
"What ?? But I clearly instructed mom to take some more time", I said still maintaining my calm as I am not of angry type.....
"It's not her fault Vihaan, she tried but Alok uncle and my family are stuck to Pandit's words, he said this is the best muhurat for us considering our horoscopes, if not this then another muhurat is after a year it seems, I couldn't do anything even if I wanted to," She said guiltily...
"Saanvika, first stop blaming yourself for everything that's happening around you, we both are together in this, remember what I told you before ??, we created the mess, so we'll be cleaning it together," I said softly...... I don't like it when she blames herself...... Though I do sometimes always my rational mind reminds me of my part too...
"I don't know what impression I made, but I wanted to clear something Vihaan, I do have dignity, and I don't want you to think otherwise just because I agreed to marry you even after knowing you don't want this...... I am doing this for my family and I know you too are doing this for your family only...... I am sorry if I hurt you, but I thought it's better to clarify now rather than get..... ," She said softly and hesitatingly as if fearing me getting offended...... But no, I understand her point of view, no girl would like to get insulted for something she didn't do, so her fear is justified.....
"Saanvi, it's okay, I am not offended, I understand your fear of getting blamed afterward, but trust me, I don't think that way about you, I know what you are..... " I said and she released a breath that she is holding....... This girl is crazy.....
"Thanks for understanding Vihaan, your words mean a lot to me, I am the kind of girl who can spend her whole life in a loveless marriage but couldn't survive a minute facing disrespect, that's the reason I explained myself before, sorry," She said softly...
"That's okay Saanvika, and ha I know we both are doing this for our families but let's try to know each other, we have to try to work this marriage out, so let's start with this," I said as now there's no turning back......
"You are right Vihaan, let's get to know each other", She added.... "By the by, are you busy ??, I am so sorry, I disturbed you in your work," She said apologetically.....
"No you didn't disturb me, I just returned to my cabin after surgery, I am free now," I said smiling at her blabber.....
"How did it go ??", She asked in a low voice, what went wrong, just now she is blabbering very actively "I mean the surgery" She quickly added getting back to her original tone.....
"It went good, quite complicated actually but thankfully went fine", I said and she sighed in relief...... "When are you returning to Delhi??" I asked her...
"I'll be there by tomorrow night," She said...
"Don't you have office tomorrow ??", I asked
"I'll be working from home tomorrow," She said.....
We talked for a while and hung up discussing a few things....... I realized, I again forgot to ask her about the firm she is working in...... No problem will ask her later......
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Note - do not hate any characters, it's just a part of past I penned down, there are yet to come, and from the next part on wards, the story will be mainly focused on Saanvika and Vihaan..... Giving a glimpse of her past sometimes