-I'm posting this around 2 am, because I'll be spending most of the day with my buddy-
"Bruce, We need to talk about your social media presence." Thirteen year old Dick Grayson stated seriously.
Bruce looked up from working on some legal document or other. "What about it."
Dick inhaled. "There's tweets, and then there's Mom tweets, and you are firmly in mom territory."
"What is that supposed to mean?" His foster father asked.
Dick rolled his eyes, he was going through a bout of teenage sass. "I mean, I'm dying of second hand embarrassment! you tweet like an old person! Who even uses twitter? At least it's not facebook..."
Bruce decided to humor him, leaning forwards on his desk. "What do you propose I do?"
"Well, Sir," Dick straightened up. "I propose, that you let me have control of your twitter for at least a week..."
Bruce hummed thoughtfully. "No."
"What? Why?"
Bruce smirked at the kid, glad he came in to distract him from his work. "Just because I trust you with my life doesn't mean I trust you with my social media influence."
"But your social media is SO Boomer-ish! you NEED to be more hip!"
"Do I?"
"Yeah! you're like someone's mom!"
He chuckled at his foster son. "Dick, close the door on your way out."
Dick left the study, leaving the door open an inch. Bruce never closed his door properly, so he wouldn't either. He thought for a bit, heading to his room; He could hack social media accounts! Bruce only went on twitter, like, once a week, he wouldn't even notice. Besides, it was for Bruce's own good.
After briefly hacking into Bruce's account (Which was SUPER easy), he began planning his first post. It couldn't be too out there, he needed to ease into it. finally, he decided on:
"People sometimes say 'Bruce, you don't have problems, you're rich'.
And they are absolutely correct"
He knew Bruce one of the most known men in Gotham, he gave it a few before checking the replies. they were mostly either confused, or angry; a perfect festering place for comedy.
Day Two
Bruce still didn't know, and Dick wasn't going to tell him. however, he had invited Barbra over to conceptualize tomorrow.
in the meantime, he decided to post something controversial:
"British people really do B like: 'bisCuits'."
Dick couldn't look at Alfred correctly for the rest of the day. He didn't know how the butler would feel about his shitpost, and he plan not to find out.
Day Three
Barbra arrived early, She's spent the night reading each and every reply and laughing her ass off.
"Okay, it's day three, we've already stirred up some controversy, what next?"
Barbra thought for a second. "It needs to be sophisticated, intelligent, and it needs to top the last two. Which will be tough..."
Dick nodded seriously. "We need to conceptualize."
"I feel like we should have a white board or something." Barbra stated.
"There's a blackboard in the library."
"Let's Go!" The sped into the library, socked feet slipping on the polished wooden floor. Barbra cleared the backboard as they began riffing and snapping.
They had three or four ideas written when they heard a knock and Bruce immediately opening the door. Barbra swiveled the board around and tried to look casual. Dick dropped to the floor and grabbed the snacks he'd brought
"Alfred says lunch is... ready." Bruce looked their guilty faces up and down, and their chalky fingers. "What did you do?"
"JUST EATING GRANOLA."
Bruce snorted at his ward. "come on, wash your hands. It's lunchtime."
After lunch, the kids sprinted back upstairs. "just Eating Granola!" Barbra teased. "Dick Grayson coming in hot with another Killer excuse!"
"Whatever, I panicked!" He threw the door open for them, closing it properly this time. "Lets just write the tweet.
After a little deliberation, they decided on:
"I never wanted this hair cut, I just got it once, and was like yea this works. that was twenty years ago. I'm not going to change it. ever."
Day Four
Dick was surprised that Bruce hadn't noticed yet... he thought at least one person would text him about it or something...
Dick already knew what he was posting today, it was a rant about something he was passionate about. something that could leave a real impact:
"E"
Day Five
Dick actually didn't know what to say at this point. Most of his humor didn't work with Bruce. He tried not to think about it, figuring that inspiration would hit him. and Boy did it!
Dick had gone with Alfred to get groceries after school, and was holding place in line when he was a woman in her seventies yelling at the poor cashier. Dick tipped the cashier ten bucks when they got t the front of the queue.
That night, he wrote the most passionate tweet yet:
"Karens and Harolds try to claim that the young generations are stupid and entitled. but they wouldn't know because their grandchildren have (Rightfully) taken restraining orders.'
Day Six
Dick spent the day watching Bruce, trying to think of something Bruce-y, that would still be funny. finally, he settled on:
"My joints are worse than the ones Richard probably buys from underclassmen'
It was a good joke! He called Bruce old, namedropped himself, and made a pun! He didn't actually smoke, but it was worth throwing himself under the buss for a 'teens smoke cheap weed' joke.
Day Seven
The last day of this trial week. He NEEDED to make an impact. He needed to be remembered as a Prometheus of cursed knowledge.
If there wasn't already a buzzfeed article about this, there would be know.
He knew that posting it would get him in trouble. But he needed to share this knowledge. He might be killed for this, but he would die a martyr.
He shared the fruit from the tree of knowledge:
"No one is saying it, but Batman, batgirl, Robin, and Catwoman are all just furries, running rampant around the city at night."
Dick thought it would take at least an hour for someone to alert Bruce. Apparently, it only took twenty minutes.
"RICHARD JOHN GRAYSON! YOU GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!"
Dick gulped, emotionally preparing himself. He tried to affix an innocent look, and shuffled into the dining room. "Yeah?"
"Richard, What is this?"
"A... tweet?"
Bruce gave him a look. "I said you couldn't go on my social media."
"But twitter is SOO easy to hack!"
"That's no reason to actively hack it!" Bruce scolded. "I've got people wo are offended, people who are concerned..."
"They have no sense of humor!"
"Dick, these aren't even jokes, they're just..." Bruce couldn't find a word for it.
Dick crossed his arms. "I was right about the hair though. and the costumes!"
"What even are 'furries'? Do I want to know?"
"No."
Bruce sighed. "No I need to say that I was hacked, and try to fix this."
Dick nodded. "Best of luck with that." He turned to leave, but his foster father stopped him.
"Dick, give me your phone." Dick nervously passed it over. "Go get me your laptop, and then stay in your room until I say so."
Dick gaped. "But the team-"
"Dick." Bruce stated, sending him running upstairs. He shook his head, chuckling. His kid was So weird. now, how the hell could he undo this?