"I'm sorry, Stefan. I don't think she's coming" Dr. Erickson said patiently. It was two minutes before the end of the session. Although Stefan had participated in the session, his mind had been elsewhere, watching the clock and waiting on Elena.
Stefan tore his eyes away from the clock reluctantly. "She probably had something come up" he said. He knew she had not forgotten because that was not like her. And he refused to believe she had decided not to show. "I'll see you next week" he told Dr. Erickson, standing slowly.
"I'll see you Tuesday" Dr. Erickson said as he stood and walked him out. As Stefan walked away, Dr. Erickson felt the need to say something reassuring. "She might not be ready" he said, causing Stefan to stop. "She might come to a session when it is the right time for her."
"Maybe" Stefan nodded, continuing down the hallway and then outside.
XXXX
Elena walked nervously to the front door, noting that the building lights appeared to be off. She tried the door. Locked. It was stupid to think the office would be open that late in the evening. But it was the time Elena had convinced herself to show up. She frowned and turned to head back to the bus stop.
The door opened suddenly. "Can I help you?" an older gentleman asked.
Elena turned around, somewhat startled by someone speaking to her. She found a professional, casually dressed man standing in the doorway. Elena nervously tucked her hair behind her ear. "Oh, I ... well ... I was supposed to be here earlier, but I see that you're closed" she explained.
The man smiled. "Elena, I presume?" he asked slowly. Elena nodded. "I'm Dr. Erickson. Stefan was waiting for you. I told him you would be here when you were ready."
Elena felt relieved that the psychologist understood why she had not shown. Still, she should have shown up earlier. "I should get going. I'm sorry I missed the appointment" she said quickly, turning to continue on her way.
"Elena?" he asked. She stopped again. "You're welcome to come in now and talk. I have time" he offered.
Elena turned around slowly to look at him again. "Without Stefan?" she asked apprehensively.
Dr. Erickson nodded. "I'll consider this an extension of Stefan's earlier appointment" he assured her, holding the door open for her.
Elena hesitated, but made her way inside the building finally. The lights were flipped on as he led her to an office towards the back. "Please, have a seat" Dr. Erickson said. "Can I get you anything to drink? Water, tea, coffee?" he asked.
Elena shook her head no. "I'm fine, but thank you" she replied, taking a seat in a chair across from where he sat. She took a moment to look around the room, studying the artwork.
"Before we start, I want to show you this" Dr. Erickson said, digging a paper out of a file folder nearby. He handed it to Elena. "This is an ROI, a release of information" he told her. "This is something Stefan signed, giving me permission to speak with you and share information with you regarding Stefan and his treatment here" he explained.
Elena scanned the paper, seeing her name and Stefan's signature. "Okay" she said, swallowing nervously. "Sorry, I'm really nervous" she said.
Dr. Erickson smiled empathetically. "Is this your first time in therapy?" he asked, leaning back in his chair some.
She shook her no. "After my parents died, I saw a therapist once or twice" she answered. She had not really found it helpful.
"Was it beneficial for you?" he asked curiously.
Elena shrugged slightly, not wanting to offend his profession. "I lost my parents at 16. I'm not sure anything could have made me feel better at that point" she explained.
Dr. Erickson nodded. "Of course" he said. "That must have been very hard for you. I'm very sorry for your loss" he said sympathetically.
Elena looked up at him and saw how focused he was on her and how genuine he seemed. "Thank you" she practically whispered.
Dr. Erickson gave her a moment before moving on to his next question. "Do you have any questions for me?" he asked.
Elena thought for a moment, though she already knew her question. "Why does Stefan drink?" she asked quietly. Just the question itself broke her heart. Her head was filled with so many painful memories of his drinking. She wanted to make sense of it.
Dr. Erickson looked at her curiously. "What do you think causes him to drink?" he asked.
"Stefan told me it was because he was stressed at work" she answered.
"But you're not so sure?" he asked.
Elena shook her head no. "Damon told me that Stefan did not have a very good childhood" she mentioned. "Do people drink because of that?" Elena asked.
"Drinking can certainly be a coping mechanism for painful memories from one's past" he answered. "Sometimes biology is at play as well, making people more susceptible to addiction" he added. "What has Stefan told you about his childhood?" Dr. Erickson asked, ready to take notes if need be.
Elena sighed. "Nothing. Everything I know is from what his brother has told me" she replied. "I just wish he would talk to me about this. I hate thinking that he was so tormented by his past while we were together and he just kept quiet and suffered alone." It was a horrible thought.
"It sounds like you care a lot about Stefan" he concluded. "That you were supportive of him for a very long time while he was experiencing a very difficult time."
Elena was not fast enough to catch the tear that fell from her eye. She had not wanted to cry during a therapy appointment, though she figured it probably happened a lot. Elena wiped at her eyes again. "I want Stefan to be better. To not have to drink. To be happy with his life" she said sadly.
Dr. Erickson looked at her for a moment as he studied her. "You're very selfless" he said softly. The way she wanted what was best for Stefan. "But I am going to ask you to be selfish for a moment and tell me what you want" he said.
Elena knew what she wanted. She had been thinking about it a lot lately. "I want to go back to school" she answered. Finish her degree and get a job she loved.
"And what is stopping you?" he asked gently.
Money. Time. Confidence. "Me" she said sadly. "I'm holding myself back."
XXXX
Elena waited until the following morning to call Stefan during her break. She wanted to make sure Stefan was not hurt by her not showing up to his appointment. She got his voicemail. "Hi, Stefan ... It's me" she said awkwardly, hoping he knew who "me" was. "I'm sorry I didn't make it to your appointment yesterday. I ..." she said, preparing to make an excuse. She had none though, except the honest one. "I was scared" she admitted. "I umm ... I just wanted to let you know why I wasn't there. Can you call me back when you get a chance?" she asked, sounding hopeful that he was not mad at her. She hung up and sighed, knowing she had six more hours of work.
XXXX
Elena locked up the building at closing and shifted her shoulder bag onto her shoulder a little more. When she turned around, she saw Stefan standing by his jeep parked across the street. He waved and she waved back. At least he was acknowledging her.
Elena walked across the street to meet him, mindful of traffic.
"I got your message" he said with his hands shoved in his pockets of his shorts. "I never meant to pressure you about the therapy" he told her apologetically. He hated hearing on her voicemail that she was scared to come.
Elena saw how guilty he felt, just by looking into his eyes. "I went to see Dr. Erickson later on, after your appointment" she announced.
"You did?" he asked and Elena nodded. "What did you think?" he asked, not wanting her to feel like she had to share.
Elena shrugged. "It was okay. We talked about you" she mentioned, hoping that was okay. He did not seem bothered by it. Elena paused for a moment. "He asked what I wanted" she added.
Stefan hesitated. "What do you want, Elena?" he asked quietly. Then he corrected himself. "I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that" he added quickly.
Elena watched how nervous he acted after having asked that question. She did not want him to feel that way. "Can I have a ride home?" she asked, trying to take his mind off of being so nervous. Plus, it would surely be quicker and less exhausting to catch a ride from him.
Stefan looked up, surprised but excited about her asking for a ride. "Of course" he told her, following her to the passenger side and opening the door for her. He also grabbed her bag and placed it in the backseat.
"Thank you" Elena said, hopping up in the passenger seat.
Stefan shut her door and quickly walked back to his side and got in. He started the jeep and pulled out onto the road. He had the radio on low. He tried really hard not to look over at her every few seconds. "Do you mind if we stop for coffee?" he asked. He was stalling, finding ways to spend time with her before he had to drop her off at home.
"Sure" Elena said with a small smile.
Stefan pulled into a small coffee stand he had been frequenting lately. The young kid behind the window gave an acknowledging smile. "Your usual?" he asked.
"Yes" Stefan answered. Then he looked over at Elena. "What would you like?" he asked her. He could take a guess. Caramel Frappuccino with extra whip.
"Caramel Frappe, extra whip" she replied.
Stefan mentally praised himself for being correct. Stefan ordered for her and then handed her the drinks to hold while he pulled into the next lot. He parked his jeep so they could overlook the pond at the local park.
Elena was the first one to open her door, wanting to get a better look at the pond and its wildlife. Stefan soon followed and sat next to her on a bench she had picked out. Ducks waddled around on the grass before slipping back into the water. The water was so clear that Elena could see the fish swimming just under the surface. "When Dr. Erickson asked me what I wanted, I told him I wanted to go back to school" she said quietly, thoughtfully.
He knew how badly she must have wanted to go back. "If it's the money holding you back ..." he began, only to stop himself to prevent another argument over finances.
Elena shook her head. "I could get loans" she said. "I just ... I remember how devoted I had to be to my classes, and now my life is so much different. I'm scared I won't be able to do it" she admitted, playing with the straw in her cup. She did not know how she could balance working full-time and taking classes full-time. People did it, but she knew that right then, she was not emotionally capable of it.
Stefan glanced over at her. The guilt he felt was overwhelming. "You can do it" he said softly. "I know you can." He believed in her and knew what she was capable of.
Elena smiled as she looked at him. "Thanks for the vote of confidence" she told him. "I'll go back. Someday" she said, looking back out over the water.
But he knew she wanted to go back soon. "Elena" he said, waiting for her to look at him again. "If there's anything I can do to help, please tell me" Stefan told her.
Elena nodded. "Thank you" she said, finding herself more and more comfortable with accepting his help. The Stefan sitting next to her was the one she fell in love with and married two years ago.
"There's something I wanted to talk with you about" he mentioned. He watched Elena give him her full attention again. "The house" he said hesitantly. It was a sore subject for him.
Elena tore her eyes away from him, dreading the conversation they were about to have. That big, beautiful house sitting vacant was filled with so many memories. Yet the only ones that came to mind were ones she wished she could forget. "What about it?" Elena asked reluctantly.
"I have to sell it" he answered. It was too expensive of a house to just let sit there. If she no longer wanted it, he sure as hell didn't either. "I'm not sure how much we will come out ahead, since we just bought it" he explained. He had not really gone over the numbers, avoiding it as long as he could.
"You bought it" Elena reminded.
Stefan had to take a moment to think about how he wanted to handle that comment. It hurt, more than anything, when she refused to acknowledge that they had been married, and what was his became hers too. "When I married you, I intended to share everything with you" he said quietly. "I bought that house for us" he reminded gently. For her, really. To impress her, and show her how much he loved her. "After I pay the bank back, you'll get your share of whatever we make off of it" he informed her. He knew she could use the money, and maybe she would take what they made from the house since she had refused his earlier checks.
Elena shook her head. "I can't take your money" she said, beginning to stand. The last thing she wanted to do was fight with him after they had been getting along so well.
Stefan grabbed her hand, stopping her from leaving like she so desperately wanted to do. "For your college fund, for when you go back" he said gently, hoping to change her mind.
Elena closed her eyes, feeling herself about to cry. "Why can't you be an asshole like every other ex out there?" she asked, wiping at her tears with the hand he wasn't holding. Life would be so much easier if she hated him and wanted nothing more to do with him.
Stefan smiled sadly. "Because I truly, honestly love you" he told her. He had married her because he knew he wanted to love her and take care of her for the rest of his life. She was never just some girl to him. "Even if I hadn't screwed up. If you had just decided you didn't want to be with me anymore, I'd still want to make sure you were okay" he promised her.
Those final words did her in. She squeezed his hand as tight as she did her eyes, and then sat back down next to him. She cried softly, giving up on drying her tears. "I was going to be with you forever" she cried sadly. "I was really, really happy with you."
Her words did Stefan in too, slicing through his heart so effortlessly. A few tears escaped his own eyes, but he did his best to hold it together for her. Against his better judgement, he tugged on her hand and pulled her into his arms, hugging her tight. Her face immediately buried into the crook of his neck, finding that safe spot to cry for a little while.
Stefan's right arm was wrapped around her lower back, holding her securely. His left hand gently moved up and down her back in a soothing rhythm. He missed this so much. "I want us to try again" he whispered. He felt her tense in his arms, and he was having seconds thoughts about admitting that to her.
Elena turned her head slightly so he could hear her. "I don't know if I can do that" she told him honestly. What if she let herself be with him and he hurt her again? One thing she did know though was that she missed him.
Stefan respected her answer because it was honest. "Come to my therapy appointments with me, so we can work on us" he told her softly, forgetting all about the purpose of his sessions being about him working on himself. He did not know who he was without her.
Elena shook her head no. "Your sessions are to make you better" she reminded him. He needed those. Stefan frowned, and she hated seeing that. "I'll agree to our own therapy sessions though, to talk about us" she said after a long, nervous sigh. She was willing to give him that commitment, as long as he continued to get better himself.
Stefan was not sure if he had ever felt such kind of relief. She was not against the idea of fixing them, just hesitant. "How do Thursday nights sound?" he asked, trying not to sound as happy as he was. He knew Dr. Erickson had some available appointments during Thursday evenings.
Elena nodded. "Okay" she agreed. She would try. That's the best he was going to get.
Stefan hugged her tight. "Thank you, Elena" he told her. "Thank you so much."