I turned out to be one of the last to arrive but I was still there when Dallas got home. The only person that could not come was Demi. Everybody understood though. Demi had to leave for tour. I am sure she's bummed to miss this. However Demi has been freaking out over going on tour for a while now. I know she loves being on tour again. She becomes her energetic self on tour jumping around everywhere performing songs that are incredibly difficult vocally but she kills them every time.
Even though she's pregnant I went to her a rehearsals a couple of times and it looks really good! There isn't as much dancing and they aren't covering Thriller this time but that's also because it's ending a few days before Halloween so they can get married. They are literally such a such couple!!!
The family waited in the living room for Dallas, Nick, and the babies to arrive. I hear the door open and Dianna and Eddie help them into the living room.
"Hi everyone," Dallas smiles, "thanks for coming."
"Can I hold them?" Madison asks.
"Sure, stay sitting on the couch for me."
Madison nods as Dallas walks over to her. Dallas held Jerry and slowly passed him over to Madison. "I'm exhausted," Dallas admits.
"Sit down then," Nick tells her.
"We'll take care of everything," Denise says. "The two of you need to rest. You've both been at the hospital for days now. Sit down and relax."
"She's right," Dianna says, "Take a break and we'll handle everything for a while."
"Thank you," Nick hugs both his parents.
Dallas hugs Dianna, "Thanks mom."
Dianna takes Lauren from Nick and Nick sits next to Dallas. "He's so cute," Madison laughs and she holds Jerry.
"Can I hold him?" Frankie asks.
Madison nods handing Jerry over to him.
Frankie smiles, "I can't believe he's my godson."
"I can't believe I'm his godmother," Madison adds.
"Can I hold my little goddaughter?" Joe asks Dianna.
"Of course," Dianna smiles and lets Joe hold her.
Joe smiles, "I'm going to spoil you like crazy. I love you."
Nick laughs at him, "I wouldn't expect anything less."
"Hey, someone's gotta do it."
"My turn," Kevin says and holds Lauren. Everybody seems to get a turn holding Lauren and Jerry.
I was one of the last ones to hold Lauren. Madison passes Lauren to me and I cannot help but smile. She's so cute. She's perfect. I hold her securely so she cannot fall and I play with her fingers.
"Should we eat something?" Eddie asks.
With the change of the topic I give Lauren back to Madison. I felt a weird sensation when I held Lauren but I push the feeling aside. After asking what Dallas and Nick wanted to eat all of us decide to go out to eat. We rented out the back room of a restaurant so we could have our privacy. Dallas and Nick kept Jerry and Lauren in their little baby car seats even when we were at the restaurant. They stayed next to them the whole time and even brought bottles and their baby bags for them. Their faces glowed while they played with them. I look around and see the Lovato's/De La Garza's and the Jonas' smiling and happy with pride.
"You're going to be amazing parents," Nick and Dallas' parents all agree.
Dallas smiles, "It's easy when they're so perfect."
"We love them more than anything," Nick smiles too.
The waitress came back and I decide to order lobster. Expensive, yes, but delicious and I love lobster. It is definitely my favorite and I haven't had it in a while. Lauren and Jerry get passed around shortly while everybody talks and waits for food. The manager came back as we began eating letting us know that there were a lot of people outside. Dianna and Eddie recommend that we finish eating and head back to Dallas and Nick's. It will be safer for everybody that way. I finish off my lobster and it was incredible. They made it a little different this time and it was good. I'll have to come here more often.
We get back to Dallas and Nick's and they both get the relax speech again so they sit back on the couch while the rest of us hold and take care of Lauren and Jerry. I get the chance to hold Lauren again and I get the same feeling I did the first time I held her. I feel a connection with her. She looks right at me and reaches for my hands as she plays with them. What a little miracle she is.
I suddenly feel the need to hand her over to someone else and I excuse myself from the room. What have I done to myself? They are having this beautiful family night celebrating two new family members. They're truly happy and I'm not. Looking at Lauren I can feel a connection with her but I am not as happy as I should be. I should be excited for Dallas. I should be volunteered to help with Lauren and Jerry any way that I can, but I don't. I can't handle being here right now. I can't pretend to be happy when everything in my brain is darker than night.
I take my phone out of my pocket and call Collins, "Can you pick me up?"
"Sure, where at?"
"I'm at Dallas'."
"Okay I'll be there soon."
"Thanks."
As soon as Collins shows to pick me up I somehow end up back at the club I visited before. I did not even bother to change my clothes. What have I gotten myself into? There's nothing happy or smiley about me anymore. I only feel depression and darkness. I feel numb. I don't want to feel this. I need to get rid of it. I walk into the club and start dancing right away. I let loose but I still can't stop my brain from thinking. I walk towards the bar and the manager immediately recognizes me.
"Jessy, can I see you?"
I nodded reluctantly and he takes me to a separate room.
"Can I help you?" I ask him.
He hands me a bag, "I saw you here before."
"Is this?"
He nods, "Coke. You can take this one." He hands me a small piece of paper, "And here's the number of a dealer."
"Why are you giving me this?"
"As I said I saw you here before. I know what you were on that night and I figured you might want more. Do you want it or not?"
"Definitely, sorry, I was confused for a second. This is exactly what I need."
He nods, "Stay in touch."
I nod and get back to the club. I sneak into the bathroom and give myself a good dose of the coke before going back to dance. This is more like it. My energy tripled and I forgot everything else. I started going crazy and flirting with other guys so I could get a drink. I only remember doing six shots because everything else after that was a blur. I was on top of the world once again and I feel unstoppable. I stayed for hours dancing, drinking, and snorting the rest of the coke the manager gave me. I did not ever want it to stop. Eventually it starts to wear off and I decide I should head home before people start to worry and come looking for me.
You know, I don't know why so many people are against drugs. I mean Demi did this stuff too and now she talks about how bad it is and how it will never help you in life. If anything, it's completely helping me. I feel incredible when I do it. I don't understand why some people are so against. I don't even understand why it's illegal. Maybe more people should try it. Then they will know how I feel.
I feel a little loopy when I walk in the door at home. I do not spot anybody immediately so I start to walk upstairs to my room. Dianna and Eddie are walking down the hallway. Crap.
"Jessy, where have you been?"
I shrug, "Just a walk. To clear my head." I try to think of something better they might believe, "I went to visit a couple friends and Al. They texted me saying they were going to meet up so I stopped by."
"Oh, did you have fun?"
"Definitely," I nod, "But I'm tired now."
"Get some sleep," Dianna tells me, "Goodnight."
"Night," I smile and walk into my room.
Wow, they barely even questioned me. I cannot believe how oblivious they are. You'd think they would have learned better considering the circumstances. They had no idea I have been out partying for hours. I'll have to remember this. Obviously I'll be able to get away with it again if they're going to keep being oblivious about it.