Lloyd informed Suzaku and I that we would be working with Cornelia in the next operation. Despite saying it was bad news, Lloyd didn't hide his smile and spoke carefree as usual, he clearly wanted to see the Lionel and Lancelot in action. Not caring if it was an acknowledgment of abilities or simply for us to play decoy. To which Cecile reined him in by asking if he needed another lesson in proper social etiquette. Personally, I didn't mind Lloyd's insensitive nature, I also wanted to see the Lionel in action.
My Knightmare was equipped with two auxiliary Energy Fillers and a prototype version of the Blaze Luminous system that can cover the whole body, acting as a shield for those behind it. Its mass was slightly larger than the Lancelot, but it could still keep up with its fellow Knightmare in terms of speed and agility. Additionally, it was fitted so it could carry a spare pair of Maser Vibration Swords, since replacing the VARIS would cost more. Like the Lancelot, it was fitted with four Slash Harkens and the standard systems. It was the first seventh-generation Knightmare Frame designed for combat support, and its first mission was a one-sided fight.
Port Yokosuka, the place where the JLF dies for good. When we arrived most of the forces were already set up in their positions around the dock. We parked the transport in the warehouse we were told to and started prep work on the Knightmares. While I was working on the Lionel, I overheard Andreas Darlton talking to Suzaku about his usefulness and about his father, the former Prime Minister of Japan. The father Suzaku killed as a child. I felt for my sidearm, I usually left it in the locker, but I would be needing it for tonight. He continued with mentioning the operation, that the target was Katase and that the two of us would be providing supporting fire from the shore until the Marines have him. Once he left, I looked over to Suzaku, who stood there conflicted.
(F/N): "Don't think about it too much, it will help you deal with it until the operation is over."
Lloyd: "Ah, the line of a good soldier that follows orders." He said, stepping out of the transport. "How are the systems checking out?"
(F/N): "They're all green from what I'm seeing."
Suzaku: "(F/N), are you fine with that, killing them all but the target?" I leaned back in the seat of the Lionel.
(F/N): "I don't like how loaded that question is, but I think the answer should be obvious."
I didn't give him a straight answer and as the sun finally set and the stars came out, we moved our Knightmares out with the others. We stood with Sutherlands waiting for Cornelia to declare the start of the operation. When she did, we moved out to our positions as the Portmans dove underwater. In view of the tanker that the JLF filled with liquid Sakuradite, we began giving supporting fire. Pecking off the JLF soldiers that were stood on the deck of the ship. I could hear Suzaku over the ASEEC's coms refer to this as a wholesale slaughter, to which I reiterated what I said before about not thinking about it. Cecile, reminding him that he is a soldier, supported what I said.
When they announced they were surrendering, Suzaku stopped firing and relayed the surrender. He was promptly told to ignore it right before the ship began to move. I didn't stop shooting because I knew in a mere moment they were all going to die. Sakuradite is explosive, that's why they wanted us to be careful while providing supporting fire. Underwater, right under the ship now, was a bomb. With its explosion, the liquid Sakuradite is set off, causing a large pink explosion to completely engulf the ship. The effects of the explosion weren't minor, the water rose around the area it engulfed before the force of it sent out strong winds and waves. With my Blaze Luminous system, I managed to cover two of the Sutherlands that were with us, while Suzaku managed to stay grounded. One of the other Sutherlands wasn't so lucky and was sent flying back.
The Black Knights were here. As soon as the winds calmed down and the ship containing Knightmares was driven directly onto the port, I moved to Cornelia's position knowing that's where Zero and Kallen were going. The port was in chaos, Suzaku managed to follow me to Cornelia where we encountered Zero's Burai and the Guren. Cornelia's Knightmare was more damaged than before, leaving me to deal with the Guren while Suzaku went after Zero. The Radiant Wave against my Blaze Luminous was evenly matched putting us in a stalemate that only stopped when she saw Suzaku attempt to go after Zero had lost his Burai. She broke off her attack and went after him. While they dealt with each other, I fell back and went in the direction of Zero.
When I arrived, Shirley had turned around and was holding Zero's gun, startled by my appearance, she pointed at my Knightmare unaware of who I was. I opened my hatch and jumped out, Shirley lowered it but was still clearly shaken, she saw Lelouch's face. I slowly walked over to her and the overturned cockpit that Lelouch was hanging out of. She asked why I was here, to which I reminded her that I work for the Britannian military. Hearing footsteps I turned around and saw my target, Villetta. For the first time in a while, I felt my chest begin to sting.
Villetta: "Is that Zero?" She walked over to him and lifted his head by his hair. "Well well, what a shocker, the student is Zero himself. A Britannian?" She laughed maniacally. "When I bring him to Viceroy Cornelia she'll make me a noble, not just a knight of honor, real nobility. And he's still alive too. What kind of grand execution will they have in store for him?" As she stood up and turned around she noticed both of us aiming at her too late, I shot her in the leg which made Shirley jump away from me.
(F/N): "You talk too much Villetta."
Villetta: "Both of you, you're accomplices aren't you?"
(F/N): "This time around, stay dead and buried."
Aimed at her head, as I pulled the trigger my chest felt heavier and the stinging grew. It didn't stop with the bang of the gun. It was at that moment I realized it wasn't a sign of impending death of the person I was staring at, it was the pain of guilt for not stopping their death, in the present and in the past. Seeing her die, Shirley dropped to her knees, unable to process what happened.
Shirley: "What... why did..." I started walking back to my Lionel.
(F/N): "Shirley, you need to go, I'll make sure Lelouch is safe and clean up things here."
Shirley: "You're one of them aren't you?" She looked back to me as her voice cracked, tears were in her eyes. "You're a Black Knight."
(F/N): "I'll tell you in the days to come, just don't look into Lelouch's eyes until then."
Boarding the Lionel, I picked up Villetta's body and tossed it into the water and returned to the Britannian forces. It wasn't long before the Black Knight's began their retreat and things calmed down. I apologized to Suzaku about not being there to support him against the red Knightmare or make up for it with Zero's capture. He said there was no need for that and what was important was that we both got back safe. Despite saying that, I knew Suzaku deep down didn't like the results of the operation, all of the death involved.
Tomorrow, we had time off for classes and for the Student Council. It was a nice change of pace, most of us being together, excluding Shirley and Lelouch who failed to show up. Suzaku acted like his normal self and while he answered a call from Lelouch I snuck away, saying that I needed to use the restroom, but actually went to speak with D.D. in her room.
I told her about last night, and while she questioned if I made the right move, I told her that it created a chance where Mao wouldn't be able to fully manipulate Shirley. Hopefully, giving her a better chance at recovery from a complete breakdown. I asked how things were between her and C.C., she pouted, saying that she was completely ignoring her at first until D.D. told her about Mao. His name caught her attention and she quickly agreed to listen to her. It was a matter of waiting now.
D.D. and I would shortly follow behind Lelouch and C.C. on the train to Narita. At the station, we would split up, with me staying behind at the station. As long as I stayed five hundred meters away from Mao I would be fine, but that was a lot of ground I had to avoid. It was like we were two submarines, one hiding from the other, being found meant the end. Thankfully, C.C. already knew how things would go and borrowed a ride for D.D. to pick me up while she lied in wait for Lelouch and Mao to meet and head up the mountain on the railcar.
When we got the notice that the railcar was moving up, the two of us headed out. I raced through the streets with D.D. holding on behind me. She would stay at the foot of the mountain and kill Mao, catching him by surprise. As I arrived at the destination, the railcar had already departed, C.C. stood aways from Lelouch who was holding Shirley in his arms. Until I shot at them, quickly getting their attention.
Lelouch: "(F/N), what are you-" He turned in a panic.
(F/N): "If you use Geass on her, I will shoot her dead, Lelouch."
Shirley: "Geass?"
Lelouch: "Why would you do that?"
(F/N): "Because fate can burn in a dumpster fire, I'm making the choice to change things, starting here."
Shirley: "What are you two talking about?!" She shouted, still startled by Mao and what happened.
(F/N): "Lelouch, step away from her, and go over to C.C. for now." I gestured the gun towards her.
Lelouch: "What are you going to do to Shirley?"
(F/N): "Exactly what she asked for, I'm going to give her answers and this will be resolved without the use of Geass." I don't know if it was my tone or if Lelouch decided there to trust me, the man pointing a gun at him and Shirley, but he stood up knowing full well there was nothing else he could do.
Lelouch: "Alright, I'll do what you say."
And so while he stepped over to C.C. I got the call that Mao had been dealt with. Going over to Shirley, I lowered my gun and had her face away from Lelouch as I told her the truth. It was hard for her to believe Geass was real until I had Lelouch explain it to her. To which she was shown a picture of the marked cover wall. The result of Lelouch's Geass. I continued, telling her to take my phone and not hand it back under any circumstance. After she agreed, Lelouch was then made to use his Geass to have her hand it back to me. Once she saw the phone in my hand I explained the lapse in memory and that now it wouldn't work on her since it was a limitation of his. She was confused and asked how I knew all of this, to which I told her the truth.
Shirley: "Your Geass... you knew my father was going to die?"
(F/N): "It was something that had to happen." I looked at Lelouch. "Because you never know how much you love someone until you nearly lose them, right Lelouch?" C.C. pushed him forward to Shirley.
Lelouch: "Shirley, I... I'm sorry for the pain I caused you, and I wish you never got involved. I mean it."
Shirley: "Lulu, why are you Zero? I still don't get it, neither of you have told me why you're doing all of this." I go over and hit Lelouch's arm when he doesn't answer right away.
Lelouch: "It's for Nunnally."
Shirley: "Nunnally?"
Lelouch: "My last name isn't Lamperouge, my real name is Lelouch vi Britannia, the former Eleventh Prince of the Holy Britannian Empire. We were sent to Japan after the assassination of our mother, Marianne. She..." I held his shoulder when it became hard for him to continue.
(F/N): "The Ashford family had a good relationship with their mother, the only ones who know that the two of them are alive are the Ashford's, including Milly. Outside of them, the only ones who know they're royalty are Suzaku, me, and now you." I let go of Lelouch, and he continued.
Lelouch: "I want... to create a gentler world where Nunnally can be happy, but so long as Britannian exist, the Britannain that despises weakness and lords over those they see as inferior, the Britannian that abandoned her and our mother, so long as it exist that world can't be realized." Shirley and I could both hear the honest hatred Lelouch had for Britannian.
Shirley: "You really love her, don't you?"
Lelouch: "I do."
C.C.: "Not to ruin your conversation, but I'm getting tired of standing here."
(F/N): "It is going to be late soon, so why don't we see how we feel tomorrow and go home for now?"
Shirley and Lelouch silently agreed, and so the three of us met up with D.D., who had the displeasure of disposing of Mao's body. On the train ride back, they didn't say a word to each other. D.D. and C.C. didn't say a word either, they simply stayed seated apart, unable to look at each other. She knew that Mao was going to die, and she wanted to say her goodbyes, but that was denied from her. Instead, we all sat there silent, even walking back to the campus not a single goodnight was said between any of us as we parted ways for the night.
I was left standing at the front gate, waiting for a sign that I had done the right thing, but no such sign came. Part of the plan was for D.D. to keep an eye on Shirley afterward and make sure she didn't make any extreme moves. Leaving me with myself and my thoughts once more. I had denied the future where Ohgi and Villette fall in love, I denied the future where Shirley forgets about Lelouch only to fall in love with him again, and I denied myself a night of sleep as I stayed on campus. At the rooftop, looking down on the school, I felt my chest, it still stung.
Now that Mao was gone the days that followed would mostly be peaceful. Shirley became more reserved than usual, Milly took quick notice of it, but when she didn't get an answer from Shirley, I took her to the side and told her that they had a fight and that Lelouch revealed his identity to Shirley. I didn't like lying to her but I continued, saying that I overheard it and that in his mind it was dangerous for her to be with him. Milly seemed to understand, and like with me, she didn't push the issue but asked me to help them if I could. It's my fault in the first place that they're like this. After a few days, it was Shirley who called me to talk, asking me to meet her after school. We met at her father's grave.
(F/N): "You wanted to talk?"
Shirley: "I was just asking my father what I should do. I feel so conflicted... I love Lulu, but..."
(F/N): "I could tell you the same thing I told Suzaku, to not think about it until it's over, but the truth is you're never not going to think about it. The people you kill, the families you hurt. It takes a lot to forgive people who do such things, it takes more to forgive yourself."
Shirley: "When you talked about Geass, you said you had one, that you could see into the future. Was... was there ever one with me and Lulu?"
(F/N): "I'll tell you on one condition, hate me if you can't forgive yourself or Lelouch. After all, it was my inaction that killed your father." Shirley looked conflicted but managed to nod her head. "In every future, where you would regain your memories, you would come to understand Lelouch's motives and forgive him, realizing how lonely his path is."
Shirley: "He's lonely?"
(F/N): "Geass... isolates the user, they're no longer a part of the normal world. That's doubly so for Lelouch who wears a mask of lies and the mask of Zero, keeping him a stranger to those around him, even his friends don't know who he truly is."
Shirley: "But aren't you with him?"
(F/N): "Shirley, there was a future where I shot Lelouch dead." Her eyes widened after I said that. "Lelouch can never truly trust me, but there's you. I know you truly love him, and I know you could still be there for him if you're willing to let go of what happened." I looked down at her father's grave. "What would your father say to all of this?"
Shirley: "He... wouldn't want me to be sad, he'd tell me to be with the person I love. But that same person." She shook her head, changing her mind. "No, he wouldn't want me to suffer over his death." She looked down at his grave. "I'm sorry father, but I want to forgive him, I want..." Tears began to form and fall to the ground. "I want to forgive Lulu." She looked to me, tears still in her eyes. "He understands, right?"
(F/N): "I can't tell the future or past of a dead person. Besides, you said it yourself, he wouldn't want you to be sad, neither does the man you love."
That only earned more tears from her, as she let the rest of her pain out. When she was finished, she said goodbye to her father and walked with me back to Ashford. She called Lelouch to see if he was there, at the front of the clubhouse she told me she would be fine on her own. I didn't argue and waited out front. D.D. eventually joined me when she saw I was sitting on the steps. It was half an hour before Shirley finally came out, her appearance resembled the mush more cheerful Shirley from before, minus the signs of crying.
(F/N): "How did it go?"
Shirley: "I told him what you said about my father, and... I asked him how he really felt."
D.D.: "And?" Shirley blushed.
Shirley: "He confessed."
(F/N): "Milly is going to love hearing this."
Shirley: "Hey, don't go spreading gossip just yet. We're just trying to work things out first before we seriously start dating." She looked away shyly.
(F/N): "It's good to hear that, but I'm going to tell Milly." I stood up and started heading off to find Milly.
Shirley: "You can't or I won't forgive you!" She gave chase, running after me.
(F/N): "She's worried about you both! It's not like she'll tell everyone that you and Lelouch are dating!" I shouted loudly.
Shirley: "Stop it! (F/N)!"
As she chased me, I had turned back for a moment and could have sworn I saw a smile on D.D.'s face that said 'I'm happy things turned out this way'. I too felt the same way and smiled in return as the sting in my chest was no longer noticeable. I needed to practice what I preached and needed to forgive myself for my past mistakes and accept no matter what I did, there was always a chance I would be wrong. I had to accept that chance and learn to take joy when things went right, such as now.