When Jisoo and Rosé offered both Jennie and Lisa to have lunch, and God knows how awkward it was for them to ask the ex-lovers, they were more than surprised that Lisa was the first one to accept the offer so casually.
Jennie didn't know what to feel about it. She felt like being around Lisa makes it difficult for her to breathe, moreso that there will be no work involved. Aside from that, Lisa's reactions since they met months ago during the year-end party never failed to make a hollow feeling inside her chest.
They say the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.
The thought of Lisa being indifferent towards her isn't just weird. It's painful for the brunette, though she hardly admits to herself because of the guilt she feels. The guilt that prevents her from wanting the blonde back is the same guilt that tells her Lisa doesn't deserve her love. She deserves more than what Jennie feels for her. That her own feelings doesn't matter, as long as Lisa is happy now.
And if being around Jennie doesn't matter to Lisa, then it shouldn't affect her either. The least she can do for the blonde is not make things harder for her.
So here they are now, awkwardly waiting on an outdoor restaurant for their food to be served.
Jennie had to admit that Jisoo is a great friend when the latter chose to sit with her so she wouldn't have to sit beside Lisa. The only problem is she's right in front of her and she's never felt this conscious before.
"So how's work?" Rosé broke off the silence, looking at her bestfriend then to Jennie.
Lisa shrugged, "Went pretty well, but it was tiring. Right Jennie?"
Jennie panicked when Lisa's doe eyes rose to meet her feline ones, but successfully managed to hide it with a nod, "Yeah. W-What about you two?" she diverted the attention to the lovers, who looked at each other with a blush.
By the look they shared, Jennie was reminded of what she saw that morning. Instead of being embarrassed, this time the reaction of the two amused her, making her smirk.
"We had fun roaming around," Jisoo answered quickly.
"I bet you did," Jennie smiled maliciously.
The smile on her lips slowly felt awkward when she accidentally made eye contact with Lisa.
Jennie straightened up in surprise, while Lisa chose to hid hers by grabbing the glass of water in front of her to sip.
While they are trying their best to avoid each other's gaze, their bestfriends beside them are doing the complete opposite, looking as if they're itching to ditch them so they could sit beside each other.
"Oh, to be young and in love," an old woman says, smiling to Jisoo and Rosé whose hands above the table were untangled just so the woman could finally place the food on it. Jisoo blushed while Rosé smiled wider. The woman chuckled, "Your relationship must be new, you two look too adorable."
Jennie looked up to the woman in amusement.
"Yes we are," Rosé giggled, "Is it that obvious, Ma'am?"
"New couples never lose their fire. I see my husband and I from you two when we were new," the woman grinned, "Enjoy your meal ladies."
Rosé, Jisoo and Jennie thanked her, while Lisa just smiled.
The woman's comments must have made the couple on an awfully cheery mood because now they couldn't help but feed each other right in front of the ex lovers.
"Ah," Lisa scrunched her face at the two, "Get a room you two!"
Jennie laughed at that one, making Lisa smile like a natural reaction whenever she hears that angelic laughter.
Jisoo snickered at them, "As if you two weren't so clingy all the time back when-" and her lips were then occupied by her panicking girlfriend's lips, who effortlessly stood up and leaned over just so she could shut her up.
"You talk too much baby," Rosé nervously chuckled as she took her seat once again.
Jisoo's words were still lingering on Jennie's mind, making her blush, awkward and... vulnerable.
Lisa on the other hand just shrugged, looking stunned at how her own bestfriend managed Jisoo's bluntness.
Will it always be like this? Jennie thought, thinking how she's always the only one affected, the only one who hasn't moved on.
They finished their meal with Jennie trying to be less awkward and Lisa just being casual to all of them, but of course they didn't talk much.
Rosé proposed that they roam around the place, which Lisa quickly rejected as she's tired from driving all the way here at midnight and was barely able to sleep because their call time was early.
Or maybe she's avoiding m too, Jennie thought.
She wanted to laugh at her pathetic self who's silently hoping she still affects Lisa in some way, or maybe if the latter really is avoiding her, then Lisa might just not want any drama.
"Are you okay, Jen?" Jisoo asked while the three of them wandered around a flea market, "I'm sorry about earlier. I know it made things awkward-"
"Chu, it's okay."
"I know things are being more complicated between you two because Jisoo and I are together," Rosé sweetly slid her hand on Jennie's arm, "Just tell me if it's becoming too much."
Jennie sighed, stopping on her tracks to face the two of them, "You guys are the best, and no I wouldn't be the one to keep your joy short just because of this... one-sided awkwardness or whatever that I feel with my ex. I'm really glad you're together now."
"One-sided?" Rosé scoffed, looking at Jisoo, "Babe, you saw it too, right?"
Jennie looked at them in confusion while Jisoo smirked.
"Of course babe."
"What are you talking about?" Jennie crossed her arms.
The lovers looked at each other, as if weighing something. Truth be told, they wanted their bestfriends to end up together but they believe that if they are meant to end up together, then it will happen. They both know the two still stand a chance, though.
"It's not like she hasn't moved on," Jennie said, which sounded as if what a defeated person would say to their ears, "She's surrounded by people who'd no doubt be worthy of her. There's Hee Jin-"
"That," Rosé interrupted her, "Is some thought Lisa wouldn't entertain. She doesn't... play around with people at work, especially because Hee Jin is a Jeon."
Jennie blinked in surprise, glad, actually. Seems like Yuri is right after all, but there's something with the way they described it.
Play around?
"So she's... single?" she hesitantly asked, blushing a little, "I'm just curious."
"Always has been, since you two broke up of course," Rosé admitted, "If commitment is what you're talking about, that is."
Jennie doesn't know why and how that broke her even more, but it did.
Jisoo stepped closer to her, "Jen, Lisa has changed a lot. I'm sure you see it with you two working with each other."
"Does she sleep around with other women?" Jennie asked, though she feels like she's not in the position to do so.
"There's nothing wrong with it when she isn't committed to anyone," Rosé spoke calmly, sympathetically.
The two didn't have to say it directly for Jennie to understand. She just nodded, empty on the inside.
~
Jennie feels like a bad friend, turning down Jisoo's offer the night they arrived on Santa Monica to drink and promising to do it tomorrow night instead, but found herself emptying her third glass of whiskey in the hotel's jazz bar.
She went there all by herself.
Good thing Rosé was there to occupy her friend so she was able to go unnoticed.
The brunette just couldn't think of anything else that would numb the pain. It's just her second night on her supposed vacation-slash-work but she already feels so broken.
She can feel her sight spinning, but that didn't stop her from seeing a familiar blonde by one of the couches on the side.
Right then she felt like the universe just cursed her. When she went to the said bar and forget, she just had to see what will break her more-Lisa, sitting beside a woman on a very short dress. They looked very intimate, her hands inappropriately placed on Lisa's body, while Lisa smiles at her, whispering something that makes her giggle.
She looked away before she sees more of what could destroy her.
She finished her drink in one sip, wishing it would relieve her from the pain and make her forget what she just saw.
"What's a pretty lady doing here all alone?" a deep voice said, the seat beside her being occupied by a man around her age, wearing a plain white shirt and pants.
His smile is making her uncomfortable and irritated.
"Get lost," she said in a slurred voice.
"You look like you could use some company," he grins.
Jennie's really drunk, but not drunk enough to not feel his hand being placed on her thigh.
She jolted up and glared at him. "Fuck you!" she angrily shouted, making some people around them to notice their little situation before the brunette turned on her heal to walk away-only to bump onto someone after a few steps.
Tears were already spilling from her eyes out of all the frustration and pain, and when that someone gripped her arm, she angrily looked up, but her glare faded when she saw it was the very reason why she's this crying mess.
"Jennie," Lisa towered her with a grim look on her face, her voice as cold as ice. She looked furious, but seeing her this close made Jennie's heart ache even more. The taller one examined her tearstained face, "Were you hurt? What happened?"
Somehow, hearing Lisa ask her if she's hurt made her tear up even more.
"I'll give that douche bag a lesson," Lisa gritted her teeth, or was it just Jennie's imagination?
She's not sure because the next second, she gained consciousness with Lisa lifting her on her arms, out of the elevator on her hotel room's floor.
Did I just pass out? Jennie thought.
She can smell Lisa's familiar scent, calming her.
Being very drunk did not stop her from feeling nostalgic, being in Lisa's strong arms after such a long time. She felt safe and... almost happy, until she remembered how intimate Lisa was at some girl in the bar.
"Hey..." Lisa whispered, looking at her. "Are you okay?"
"Are you?" she asked back, her head spinning once again as she slowly feels herself drifting off.
Lisa's brows furrowed in confusion, "Of course I am. We're here in front of my room, I... I didn't know where your room is and you were unconscious. Do you wa-Jen? Jennie, hey."
The blonde sighed, looking at the once again unconscious Jennie... on her arms. It feels weird but familiar, just not something she'd want to get used to once again because she's scared that losing her one more time would finally kill her.