The next two weeks pass as smooth as possible. I only see Alex here and there with Addison on occasion. The most time I've spent in the same room as him is only a couple of hours, once for a photoshoot he and Addison did to announce their relationship for a popular magazine, and the other times were when he attended some of her shows.
Some nights, he and Addison would attend parties, the both of them stumbling down the hotel hallway either drunk or high in the wee hours of the morning, waking some of the guests. While I didn't enjoy being woken up briefly, I thanked God that I didn't have a room next to them, not having to worry about the possibly of hearing them partake in certain activities that I've heard got them a handful of noise complaints from their neighbors, making my stomach churn.
Alex hasn't spoken to me since our brief phone call, but sometimes I catch him staring, or glaring, at me when he thinks I'm not looking. But even then, when I would catch his gaze, he wouldn't look away, his eyes boring into mine shamelessly.
No one seems to care about my departure apart from Greg. He's still taking it pretty hard, even though my replacement, Abby, seems to catch on quickly. He still claims he'll miss having me around and that it's not too late for me to back out.
My last night on the job, Addison has a concert, and after the show Greg throws me a small goodbye party in the backstage catering area. I get a few muffled goodbyes from crew members who are frantically running around, wanting to get their job done and go home. I feel like a majority of them only came in to say goodbye to get a slice of the sheet cake Greg bought.
While I appreciate Greg's kind gesture, I kind of wish he didn't do any of this. I wanted to leave under the radar. I didn't want to make a fuss or draw any attention to myself, especially since I know no one truly cares about my departure anyway.
Fifteen minutes before my car is supposed to arrive to take me to the airport, Addison walks in with Alex, their fingers laced together. She walks him up to the catering table, letting go of his hand to grab a slice of cake. She tries feeding him a piece of her cake, lifting the plastic fork to his mouth, but he just shakes his head. She briefly pouts before shrugging and eating the sugary goodness herself.
Squaring my shoulders, I decide it's now or never to say goodbye. To do the noble and mature thing by slapping on a fake smile and telling her it was a pleasure to work for her. While I never really got to know Addison, I did enjoy my job before the snake that is Chris slithered back into my life, making my dream job a living hell once more.
I walk up to the catering table behind them. "Addison," I say gently.
They both turn around, as expected. As much as I don't want to look at Alex, my eyes automatically go to him first and his eyes cloud over, his features hardening. I quickly tear my gaze away and look at Addison who is still eating her cake, her eyebrows raised in expectancy.
"I, uh ... I-I," I stutter. Shit, I rehearsed this in my head, but during my rehearsal I didn't expect Alex to be standing right there, glaring at me. "I just want to say thank you. It's been a pleasure working with you," I say politely, but my nerves shine through.
I almost expect her to say something back, but I guess I can understand her being skeptical of me. Like I said, we were never close, but the tension between her boyfriend and I hasn't gone unnoticed, and who knows what Alex has said to her about me. Although, she does manage to give me a tight lipped smile, one that doesn't reach her eyes.
"You'll be in great hands with Abby," I try to assure her, but she doesn't seem fazed at all. "I wish you all the best." Again, nothing. "Well, I better get going," I say uncomfortably, thumbing behind my shoulder to my luggage that's stacked next to the door.
I give her a small smile, awkwardly waving goodbye to the both of them. I stupidly but instinctively look at Alex again and into his stormy blue eyes. His face is expressionless, but his eyes flare with so much intensity that I have to look away.
Turning around, I walk back over to Greg, telling him my final goodbye. He gives me a quick hug before I go, once again trying to persuade me to stay.
"Abby is going to be great," I assure him.
He frowns, shoulders sagging. "I know, but still, if you ever want to come back..." he trails off, hopeful.
I let out a small laugh. "I'll call," I assure.
He grins, patting my shoulder. "Good luck with everything, Joslyn."
"Thanks. You too."
I walk over to my luggage, slinging on my backpack before tilting my suitcase on its wheels with my duffel bag resting on top, the handle holding it in place. The sound of the wheels gliding against the floor echo against the backstage hall walls since almost everyone is gone now. Only a handful of people linger in the halls, mostly security and a few crew members in charge of loading equipment.
When I open the back heavy metal door, I'm welcomed by the sound of rain pattering against the pavement and glistening when it catches one of the lights in the parking lot. With a sigh, I dig around in my duffel bag and pull out my white rain coat. Once I shrug it on and get ahold of all my luggage again, I make sure the hood is secure on my head before walking out into the rain.
I spot my car just past the security gates, pulled up to the curb. I briskly walk across the backlot, making sure to avoid any puddles, and I'm able to slip past the security gates thanks to the help of an attendant.
When I reach the car, the driver hops out and pops the trunk, helping me load my luggage. As soon as the trunk slams shut, I jog around the car to the passenger side and open the door to the back seat. With one last somber look, I glance back at the theater, a heaviness swarming my chest. I thought I was happy about going home, but deep down something doesn't feel right.
Before ducking into the backseat, a figure standing outside the back entrance door catches my eye.
Alex stands with his hands shoved deep into the front pockets of his dark jeans, letting the rain wet his hair and white shirt. Even though there's quite a distance between us, we lock eyes. Face still expressionless, his eyes look almost wounded as he stares at me with so much intensity I freeze on the spot, unable to look away.
"Miss," the driver's voice pulls me from Alex's spell.
I apologize and duck into the back seat, closing the door once I'm settled inside. Before buckling my seatbelt, I take one last look back at Alex to find his shoulders slumped and expression softened, but there's still so much intensity behind those blue eyes that I find myself craning my neck to still stare at them when the car pulls away from the curb and out onto the road.
My heart clinches, and I finally face forward when he's no longer in sight, slumping in the leather seat. It almost feels as painful as the first time I left, except this time around I have to watch him watch me leave willingly.
-
After two layovers, I'm finally home in Nashville. The sun has just broken through the sky and the early morning air is crisp by the time the car drops me off at my apartment.
Fishing my keys out of the front pocket of my suitcase, I quickly brush my thumb over the tiny souvenir Tennessee license plate keychain with my name on it, feeling another pang rip through my chest. With a sigh, I open my front door and step inside the three bedroom apartment I call home.
Throwing my luggage on the floor, I walk inside and dive onto the large well-worn couch, holding a pillow tight to my chest, letting the familiar smell of home waft through my nostrils. I close my eyes briefly, taking in the comforting surrounding before getting up and going over the large windows.
I pull open the blinds, scowling at the thousands of dust particles that go swirling around in the air, catching the light flooding in from the window. No one has been home since the holidays, hence the light film of dust on the binds and around some surfaces of the apartment.
Cracking open the window, I decide to let the early spring air sweep into the stuffy apartment. I grab a dust rag and get to work tidying up the place, busying myself. By the time I'm done with that and unpacking, it's not even eleven in the morning yet. With a huff, I plop down on the couch, debating what to do.
Hallie doesn't get out of preschool until two, and even then, Hannah's mom, Valerie, is supposed to pick her up. After school, they're going to go over to Valerie's house to pack Hallie's things and have dinner, then Hallie's all mine for the rest of the week. It's not settled yet, but it looks like Hallie will stay with me every other week whenever the boys are out on tour and Hallie isn't with Zack, me and Valerie alternating weeks.
I'm almost tempted to say screw it and pick up Hallie now from school to surprise her, but I know that'll only piss Valerie off, and I don't really need another person against me. I already have plenty.
Since I didn't get any sleep last night on the plane and during my layovers, I decide it's probably best if I take a nap and get some sleep before Hallie comes over here like the Energizer Bunny.
Just after six thirty, there's a knock on my door and I jump up to answer it. When I open the door, a three foot blond bouncing ball of energy comes into my view, jumping up and down excitedly.
"Auntie Joslyn!" Hallie exclaims excitedly, jumping into my arms.
I lift her off the ground, hugging her tightly to my chest. She begins to shriek with joy when I spin her around a few times.
"Hey, kid," I say, propping her on my hip and kissing her temple while she locks her arms around my neck. "Valerie."
Valerie gives me a subtle nod, looking uncertain and reluctant to hand Hallie over. She tucks some blonde hair behind her ear before speaking. "Here's her things." She hands me a pink duffel bag and I sling it over my shoulder. "She can't sleep without her blankie, and her bed time is between eight and eight thirty."
She goes on and on about things I already know about Hallie and her routine, but instead of being a total bitch and saying "I know" I just nod my head intently. While I don't necessarily care for Valerie or exactly trust her, I try to play nice since she's now becoming a part of Hallie's life.
"Thanks. She's in good hands," I assure Valerie before looking at Hallie. "I'm sure we're going to have a good week."
"Yeah!" Hallie says excitedly, making me smile.
"Alright. Well, if you need anything, call me," Valerie says, pursing her lips into a smile as she looks longingly at Hallie with her pale blue eyes. "Bye, sweetheart."
Hallie gives her a wave, unfazed by the departure.
"Bye, Joslyn." Valerie gives me another subtle nod before walking down the hallway.
I close the door, turning my head to look at Hallie. "Grandmas gone, time to party!" I whisper shout, just in case Valerie is still lingering in the hallway, bouncing Hallie on my hip, causing her to giggle.
I set her down on the ground, along with her duffel bag, and we have an impromptu dance party. When we're done goofing around, I look to the clock to see that it's not even seven yet.
I crouch down to Hallie's level, raising a brow. "Now tell me, did your grandma let you have dessert tonight?" I ask, but I already know the answer. Valerie is a bit of a health nut, and very, very rarely does she let Hallie have sweets.
Her eyes sparkle, knowing where I'm going with this. "No."
I scrunch up my face, glancing over at her duffel bag. "I don't really feel like unpacking, do you?"
She rapidly shakes her head.
"Good," I say, standing up and reaching for my coat draped over the back of the kitchen bar stool. "It's settled then. Ice cream it is."
-
My week back at home with Hallie has been great. If there's anyone that can bring me out of a slump, it's that kid.
While I love spending everyday with Hallie and wish I could have her around twenty four seven, I have to let her go to preschool to learn and be able to socialize with kids her own age. So while she's at school, I've been on a few job interviews to get settled back in at home.
While all of them went great, I'm not really ecstatic about any of them. I'd prefer to get the job as a receptionist at a doctor's office, but I think in the end I'd be just as content with working as a waitress again. Then again, maybe I'd impress my mother by telling her I got a job at a doctor's office... as a receptionist. Tell her those two semesters of nursing school sort of paid off. Ha!
It's Saturday night and I've just tucked Hallie into bed. Walking into the living room, I plop down on the couch in my pajamas and grab the remote to turn off cartoons and finally turn on some real television: the news.
I absolutely love Hallie, but there are only so many cartoons I can take. I turn on the news only to catch the weather for tomorrow, trying to at least play the role of a responsible adult.
Once the weather man announces that it's going to be chilly but sunny out tomorrow, I have every intention of changing the channel to some trashy reality TV show when the words "breaking news" flash across the screen, stopping me from doing so.
"Good evening, everyone," a dark haired woman says, her features somber. "We have some breaking news tonight. It has been reported that Mike Walker, pop sensation Alex Walker's father, was found dead in his New York home late this afternoon after he and his son were spotted out partying last night. Police have released a statement saying that they believe the cause of death was an overdose. Nothing has been confirmed yet, but we expect to get more updates in the next couple of days."
My heart plummets to my stomach and acid coats my throat as various paparazzi photos of Mike out with Alex the night before flash across the screen, then images of the cop cars and ambulances outside of Mike's house pop up, making me feel absolutely sick to my stomach.
I sit absolutely frozen in front of my TV screen, my mind running a million miles a minute trying to process if what I just heard is real.
Despite the ringing in my ears, I'm able to hear a knock on my front door. In a daze and on shaky legs, I manage to open the door, not bothering looking through the peephole.
My breath catches in my throat and my knees feel like they could give out at the sight in front of me.
Alex stands in the hallway, his body visibly shaking. His eyes are rimmed red with tears and beyond wounded as they pierce through mine. He looks undeniably lost and helpless, his skin pale and hair a tousled mess on top of his head.
Without a word, he steps through the threshold of my apartment and throws his arms around me tightly, knocking the wind out of me.
Again, I'm momentarily frozen in shock. But when a sob rakes though his chest I immediately throw my arms around him, feeling his cold body shake beneath my fingertips.
He pulls me impossibly closer, his hands grasping at my oversize sleep shirt, my hair, my body—anything he can to be sure I stay in his arms, like he's terrified I might disappear at any moment.
I squeeze him tight, letting him know I'm here, trying my best to calm him with soothing hushes and words. I allow one of my hands to run up and down his back while the other holds him firmly to me as I try not to fall apart myself.
Two updates in one week? Who is she?! lol
Anyway, surprise! All I can say is fasten your seat belts, kids. We're going to go on one hell of an emotional roller coaster.