Alex
"Did it hurt when you did it?" Winston asked me, as we continued walking on the bridge.
It was my idea to hang out with him. Tyler's mom was going to drive Tyler to the game, so I got the chance to ask Winston for a lift. He came earlier than needed so we decided to get some Monet's coffee and just pass time here.
Talking with him was easy, he was someone who never interrupts people and he was a good listener. Plus point, he was handsome.
I wanted to give him a chance, to know him more, to see if maybe we could actually become something.
"I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that." He suddenly said, clearly panicked because I didn't reply. "That's none of my..."
"No, it's okay." I interrupted, because it was actually okay for him to ask me that.
Generally people tend to become awkward when sensitive topics like suicide are even mentioned, but Winston here, he was a unique character.
"Um... I thought... I don't even know what I thought."
Because that was true.
When I was pulling the trigger of the gun pointed at my head, I was just angry with myself for ignoring Hannah. I was angry with Monty for being ignorant about Bryce's actions. Also, I was angry with Hannah for being at the receiving end of everything.
I never though how it was going to change everything for me.
"And I never really thought about how it'd feel, like, after." I continued speaking, as he also kept listening. "You know, how fucked up I'd be. 'Cause I didn't think there was gonna be any after. I really wish I would've considered that possibility."
"I don't think you fucked up, Alex." Winston replied, shaking his head at me. "I think it's kind of amazing, actually, where you are now."
"Yeah." I chucked. "I mean I worked really hard with the physical therapy and stuff. And I finally got rid of that fucking cane."
Yeah, that was the biggest highlight of my life when it decided to give me another chance.
"But, I don't know," I continued. "I'm never gonna be, like, normal again."
"Hey. Well, fuck normal." Winston suddenly stopped walking beside me. "What does that even mean?"
He asked me with a serious voice, which kind of made me speechless.
"Nobody ever actually feels normal." He stated, and I realized that it was true.
No one in my life was normal anymore.
"Yeah, I guess that's true." I nodded, and he chuckled at me and we continued walking.
"I'm sure it helps, you know, having such a good group of friends." He said. "Tyler's always telling me you guys are so, you know, close and everything."
Yup, I was lucky to have each and every one of them in my life. Given the circumstances of what actually brought us together, it was surprising to see we still call each other friends.
But well, I think it happened because we all went through similar things, and I was grateful to them for being there for me, especially last semester. Even Charlie and Ani.
"Yeah, we are not so close as we used to be, but..."
We were an odd group, to be honest. And if we did hang out in school, each and every person in Liberty will be shocked.
I saw how Winston reacted to seeing Charlie coming in to check on Tyler. No one expects the quarterback and the captain of the football team to give lift to people other than his teammates or people who don't happen to be that high on the school's social ladder.
Charlie will definitely break stereotypes, but not one of us wants any attention on us after everything that happened. We were good staying away.
"Well, why not?"
"I mean, you know, they're great, and we're all great." I replied honestly, as we stopped at the railing overlooking the lake. "It's just we don't hang out as much lately."
It was windy, and Winston's messy wavy hair were waving with it. He was facing me, staring in my eyes.
"That's good news for me, I guess." He said, then realised how much its sounded wrong. "I mean... I don't really have a lot of friends at Liberty, so... I'm really glad you called."
"Me too."
I don't know how much time we were just staring in each other's eyes, but I felt peace. I could feel the tension between us, and even if I have decided to give him a chance I didn't wanted to hurry anything.
Trust me, I will just keep looking at his eyes but we both promised Tyler to be there at the game to give him some company.
"Shall we?" I asked, as Winston laughed.
After getting in his car, he drived us both back to school.
The school was buzzing, something I was familiar with when games are played on our home ground or in the gym. This was a home match as the team from another local public school would be coming here to play.
Last time I attended a game, it was the Homecoming football game. I'm pretty sure everyone still remembers how that ended. And I still remember how that night ended.
We got inside the gym, where the students of both the schools were already occupying most of the seats on the bleachers. I started looking around in search of Tyler, the only reason I came to this game.
"Alex! Winston! Over here!" I saw him waving at us from the middle where he had managed to save seats for us.
"Let's go." I turned towards Winston, who smiled and nodded at me.
As we passed from where the Liberty team was sitting in the front row of bleachers, they all glanced at me and started whispering about something.
Now that wasn't weird at all.
I eyed them too and moved forward when Justin stopped me.
"Alex." He greeted, looked at Winston then back at me. "I need to talk to you. Now."
Winston realized that he was not part of this conversation, so he told me that he was going ahead to Tyler. I nodded as I watched him go where Tyler was waiting.
"What's up?" I asked Justin, because there would be a serious reason if he stopped me to talk. "What's the problem now?"
"Zach." He replied, then sighed. "Maybe. I mean, what's up with him exactly?"
To be honest, I was getting used to Zach's I don't care anymore behavior. As long as he keeps himself far away from getting into any more bad situations, I am not going to worry.
"Shouldn't you be worrying about Clay?" I asked him in return, and looked around to see if his brother was around. "I thought after what happened at the college tour, your family would be busy looking after him."
"I'm worried about Clay, but he doesn't really tell me everything that's happening or what he is even thinking. And I don't really know what to do about him."
The way Justin talked, it was clear that he was worried, confused and frustrated about what to do with Clay. I actually felt bad for him, because I'm pretty sure he didn't expected to be worried about Clay Jensen after he returned back from rehab.
"Look, he's Clay Jensen." I said in an assuring tone. "He will get back to his regular self in no time. Don't worry much."
He nodded unsurely.
"And about Zach," I continued. "I really don't know much. I messaged him earlier to see if he was okay. He himself was a basketball player too, you know, so I thought maybe he would like company. But he haven't replied yet."
"I also called him." Justin informed. "He didn't answered. So I thought that maybe you will know."
Just then we heard the whistle of the coach, he was requesting everyone to sit in their seats. Me and Justin nodded at each other, and I finally went where Tyler and Winston were waiting.
"Thanks for coming." Tyler said, as soon as I sat beside Winston. "What were you and Justin talking about?"
"Zach." I replied, then looked at him. "Have you talked to him recently?"
"No, actually," Tyler replied. "Whenever he passes by me in the hallways, he pats by back, asks me if I am okay, then messes my hair and continues his way."
I nodded, as we saw the match is starting so he got up and started taking some pictures from his camera.
"You've some weird friends." Winston stated and I chuckled on the fact that how true his statement is.
As the game continued, I realized Justin wasn't playing. Looking at where the team was sitting, I noticed the coach pointing things out to Justin. Maybe this being the first game of the season he was benched. I should've asked him earlier.
I also caught sight of Charlie who was sitting behind the team, and I had to double check on who was beside him.
It was Estela, Monty's sister.
Jessica and Ani being friends with her was a different thing. They trusted her because she was part of their committee. But was Charlie really that naive to trust her?
She was Monty's sister, the sister of a person who sexually assaulted and bullied people like Tyler. And also the sister of a person who we all framed for Bryce's murder.
I think Charlie felt my eyes on him, because he turned around towards my direction. He smiled and waved at me, which I returned with a nod.
Maybe like Zach and Clay, we need to keep an eye on Charlie too.
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