Double update :)
-jennie-
I feel so dizzy and nervous even after her eyes were shifted away from me. The way she stared at me... It was as if my presence was a surprise to her, but not something that she would waste time on analyzing why.
Of course she knew I could possibly be here tonight, but it's something else....
They were unreadable and distant.
"Jesus," Rosé muttered under her breath.
"Yeah?" Jisoo too was breathless, blinking rapidly before turning to Rosé who just shook her head in amusement.
"That was," Rosé breathed out awkwardly, turning her eyes back to Lisa who is still delivering her speech, "Intense."
Everyone clapped when she's done. I forced myself to applaud too... but it weighed deeper inside when I realized she's heading towards some girl. She's stunning, and Lisa laughed when the girl whispered something on her ear.
I quickly looked away.
By the look Jisoo and Rosé are giving me, I already know they've seen in my face how my heart dropped.
I should've been fine with it. Lisa's not mine anymore and it's been months since we last talked.
After all this time, why have my feelings never changed?
Maybe this is my punishment for breaking her heart. She get to move on while I stand right in the same place I have always been, watching someone else make her happy.
"Jennie Kim."
My train of thoughts were interrupted by that familiar voice.
I spun around and confirmed it was indeed Jaebeom, looking dashing in his suit. He flashed me a smile in response to my widened eyes.
"Oh God, JB," I muttered, giving him a small hug.
"Yeah," he chuckled, sighing as he studied my face appreciatively, "Oh God."
"Please," Rosé rolled her eyes.
Jaebeom ignored her, still smiling at me, "How was New York? It's been so long, Jennie! Look at you," his face flushed, "You're—well, you've always been beautiful."
I smiled a little, not being able to take his compliment well as my mind is somewhere else still.
"Mr. Im," a cold voice called for him.
I shuddered at that awfully familiar voice, the hair at the back of my neck prickling.
I haven't even lifted my eyes to her yet, this upclose, but my chest is already tightening.
"Miss Manoban, congratulations," Jaebeom's formal greeting and shift to a strict businessman tone surprised Jennie, "I'm looking forward to business with you."
"Likewise," she simply replied.
To say that the atmosphere went awkward is an understatement. Even Jisoo and Rosé seem stiff beside me.
"Nice speech you got there Pokpak," Rosé tried to ease off the tension, giving Lisa a light embrace.
With a final sip on my drink, I gathered all the courage to finally look her in the eyes.
She's staring at Rosé with a smile playing on her lips, "Don't act as if I didn't rehearse right in front of you."
She looks gorgeous, dangerously gorgeous and happy.
"I applauded hard, you know," Jisoo was the next one to speak, leaning in a bit for a small hug like Rosé did.
Lisa chuckled, "I knew I can count on you Chu."
I felt like every air inside my body suddenly left, leaving me breathless when her doe eyes settled on mine. Her smile stretched wider, quite opposite of the reaction I expected from her.
And though she's not doing anything wrong, I still find it cruel.
It's cruel that she's not mine anymore.
"Congratulations," I said, trying to maintain eye contact.
"Thanks," she casually replied.
Just as she thanked me, the girl she was with earlier suddenly came into view. She gracefully made her way to Lisa, a huge smile on her face while her arm on her, surprising Lisa a bit.
"Hey, something wrong?" Lisa asked.
"Dad wants to introduce some people to you, if you're not busy," she politely smiled at us.
I felt a slight pang of pain in my chest with the way they looked intimate. It might just be my mind, but it felt like it.
"Of course, let me introduce you first to my friends," Lisa turned to us, "Guys, this is Hee Jin. Hee Jin, you know Mr. Im Jaebeom.... This is Rosé, Jisoo and Jennie."
We all took turns shaking her hand, and I was the last one to accept hers.
"Pleasure to meet you all," she sweetly said.
Lisa didn't introduce Hee Jin as her girlfriend... But it's none of my business of course.
When they finally excused themselves, I found myself letting out my breath that I didn't even realize I was holding.
"Are you okay?" Jaebeom was quick to stand on my side.
"Of course I am," I pathetically forced a smile, "Don't worry about me."
He didn't seem to believe me, and by now all three of them look as if they pity me.
I don't really know how I survived the night. Jaebeom goes around to talk to some people sometimes, but he always goes back to us once in a while. Thankfully, Rosé and Jisoo also loosened up a bit that we somehow managed to catch up with each other. I noticed that compared to the last time I saw them together, they're definitely a lot closer now. I'm glad.
As for Lisa, she was also very busy. It's weird, really. I never thought she'd want to be this active in running their company. I know I should be, it's what I'll end up doing after my grad school anyways, but somehow... I feel so lost.
I don't know where to start, and I don't know where I'll get the motivation to involve myself in all these. My parents are walking on egg shells around me, too.
"She's already leaving," Rosé said the moment she went back to Jisoo and I.
I didn't say anything, trying to focus on the drink right in front of me.
And they didn't have to say anything either. All I feel are my eyes burning, but I tried my hardest not to make it worst by ignoring everything around me. I just stared at my drink, but somehow even in the reflection of the glass, I can still imagine her eyes staring back at me.
~
I tricked myself into believing one day it will get better.
I know things got worse for me even after I flew back to New York. Seeing her made it even harder for me that I had to take pills just to sleep peacefully. Overworking myself isn't working anymore.
How can it get better when I'd have to face a life without her?
Are you happy, Lis?
She can be with anyone she wants. I knew it then, it hurt me then, and it hurts me now. Even more now that I have a picture of someone else in my mind.
Hee Jin... is she, or any other girl, making you happy?
Do you love her?
I tried to date. Once. There's this boy from my class, Junhoe. We went out for a date, it went smooth though I was nervous at first and somehow... I felt guilty. It's as if my body still assumes I still belong to her. It felt so wrong that when he leaned in to kiss me, I turned my face, mumbled an apology and bid goodbye.
He didn't talk to me since then.
My parents flew to New York when I finished my masters. I was at least genuinely happy that day... I think.
There's no use in wishing she came, that I slowly achieve my dreams with her by my side, is there?
"Jennie!" Mino approached me just when I was about to leave the hall with my parents, his breath ragged from the running. His judging glare suddenly appeared, "You weren't just about to leave when you haven't said a word to me yet, were you?"
I placed my hand on my chest dramatically, "Oh no I wouldn't," then I smiled sheepishly, trying to contain my laugh when he crossed his arms and pouted.
"Liar."
I finally grinned, "I'm sorry, it was all so overwhelming and you were busy up there which by the way, you nailed! Congratulations, I'm so happy for you," I sincerely said.
He delivered a speech earlier when he got an award.
"Thanks. Congratulations too," he gave me a one-arm hug.
"Oh, these are my parents by the way. Mom, Dad, this is Mino," I introduced them when Mino's eyes flew to my parents.
"I must say, that was an impressive award and speech you delivered," Dad praised him with a handshake.
"Thank you sir," he grinned.
I was surprised that my father was actually impressed, he even gave his business card to Mino before we left.
"I suppose by the end of the month you're already back home with us?" Mom asked.
I bit my lip, "Yes, I think so."
"Great. I expect that learning about how our company works wouldn't be too hard for you, Jennie. You grew up learning about it and now you're already more than qualified to manage it," Dad spoke of assurance and delight as he smiled at me.
"I'll do my best, Dad."
It was exhausting. My first few weeks back home, I was introduced to our employees again. It's been two years since I last came to the building, actually. There were a lot of unfamiliar faces by the time I came back.
I was given an office on the 11th floor, and a secretary. Her name is Yuri. She was actually one of Dad's secretaries before, but Dad transferred her to me saying Yuri could help me a lot and he wasn't wrong.
She's been really friendly but professional as well. Our age gap isn't that huge either, so I instantly felt comfortable with her.
"Come in," I said while looking over some papers Yuri printed out for me earlier.
"Miss Kim," it was Yuri, an almost worried look was splattered on her face, making me straighten my posture, "It's about your father..."
"W-What happened?"
"He was summoned by the police for questioning, they say it's about insider trading..."
I stood up quickly, grabbing my coat from the rack.
"I'll have the guards escort you, the media are surrounding the company."
I was anxious. Dad couldn't.... God, no, he wouldn't.
"I'm so sorry," Dad half whispered, looking at me with such broken eyes that was hard for me to return, "I will fix this, hun. I... I made mistakes. I promise I will fix everything. If I have to step down—"
"Honey..." Mom sobbed while standing behind me, her hands on my shoulders.
Dad glanced at her before taking back his gaze to me, squeezing my hand on the table with a desperate look, "You will have to fill in my position, Jennie."
My eyes widened, feeling a strong sense of paranoia within me.
"No, Dad, I-I can't!"
"You can, Jennie. I believe in you, you're my daughter and you rightfully deserve to run what I worked hard for all these years," he forced up a smile, "And you'll have my most trusted people to guide you."
And that was when it all started. A new chapter in my life. One where big responsibilities were placed on my shoulders.