I owed him an apology.
But I couldn't find him anywhere in the party, where the hell did he go and why weren't we hiding in that spot in the first space. I had replaced my champagne with water. I wasn't tipsy, and I wasn't drunk but apparently I had enough confidence to say what I wanted.
Or maybe I was just bottling up all the pent up frustration that I was now taking out on him. Either way, I maybe should have just kept that to myself than him.
What I was meaning to say was that I didn't want children, so it wouldn't matter if it was him or any other guy. But that definitley didn't come out the way I meant.
"Oh Aedan, how are you going?"
My mission was halted as I ran into more of my parent's friends.
"Oh hello Thomas, how are you?" I greeted the elderly man. Even though he was just over righty, he was in his finest black suit, and his hair was dyed brown without a single grey hair. Thomas was always obsessed with appearances.
"Great, where is your husband?"
If only I knew.
"He's just taking a phone call" I lied, as my eyes roamed around the packed room trying to spot him. I had done three laps and I was pretty sure he wasn't here, instead I could list all the people I had run into and had forced conversations with.
This wasn't what I intended to be doing tonight. Maybe I should just get an Uber and bail out, perhaps he did the same?
"Tell him I need to speak to him."
"Sure." I said, excusing myself when Thomas grabbed my arm halting me.
"Tell him I'm still waiting for the painting to arrive."
"Painting?" I asked.
"Yes he promised me he would get me a painting of a bat."
"Uh yeah...sure. I'll tell him Thomas." I said, this time telling him I really had to go and rushing off before he could respond.
I finally found Sterling, loitering in my father's office. He had his legs propped up on the window seal as he was sitting in one of the spare chairs.
My father's office was more like a mini library, books everywhere, most of them unread and unopened that came with the house. I was pretty sure they only had this room so it impressed guests.
"What are you doing here?" I asked as I closed the door behind me.
Sterling barely looked up from his phone, ignoring my presence as I approached him.
I didn't blame him, I would be ignoring me too.
"Are you pissed at me?"
"I feel like that would a waste of an emotion to feel." Sterling muttered, still focused on whatever game he was playing on his phone.
"I didn't mean it, it just came out a bit harsher than I intended you know." I said, walking around him and sitting on the window seal. He was still avoiding my gaze.
"I meant that I wouldn't want kids with anyone, so it didn't matter if you were the last person on earth I still wouldn't want kids with you."
Sterling looked up, his eyebrows slightly raised, "Is this your way of making things better?"
Was I not doing a good job?
"I was just annoyed, wouldn't you be if people kept asking you the same thing. You wouldn't get it anyway, you're a guy. You don't have to deal with the things females deal with." I muttered. Maybe if guys got asked if they were pregnant every five seconds they would get it, or maybe not.
"Look I take back what I said. Truce?" I asked holding out a hand for him to shake.
He ignored it.
"Now you're just being a child."
"Well you hurt my childlike feelings."
"Okay sorry, maybe if I change my mind I'll consider you to be the father of my children that I will never have because we're getting a divorce anyway."
"You called me ugly too." Sterling pointed out, taking down his legs from the window seal and sitting up.
I groaned.
"Fine, you're not ugly."
"I'm not?"
"No, you're the opposite of ugly." I said.
"What does that make me? Handsome? Beautiful? The hottest man you've ever met."
I frowned, narrowing my eyes at him. He was taking the piss with me.
"Now you're exaggerating. I'll say you're above average."
Sterling slouched, "Your apology sucks and it's not accepted, you may leave thank you...that is all."
"Okay fine. I tried apologising so you can go to hell you ugly toad!"
I grabbed the book next to the desk and chucked it at his chest as I got up to leave.
"Hey!" Sterling snapped standing up and chucking the book back at me.
"Oi!" I moved just before it could hit me, "What is wrong with you, you man child!."
"Well you woman child threw it at me first."
"Because you're being difficult ugh gah! You're always like this." I snapped, somewhere deep inside of me was bubbling frustration
"Always like this?" He asked "you threw it first and I was giving it back because I am a toad, and toads can't read Aedan."
"Whatever...I do not care. I give up trying with you."
I went to walk past Sterling when his arm shot sideways and grabbed my wrist, halting me.
"Can you let me go." I muttered.
The man had a very strong hold and he wasn't being gentle at all. He forced me to look at him by blocking my way to the door.
"What?" I snapped as I looked up into grey eyes, even in the dark room, they somehow shone so bright. Why did he get blessed with pretty eyes, well pretty toad like eyes?
"What do you mean you give up trying with me?"
"What?" I asked trying to get my wrist free.
"You just said you give up trying with me, what do you mean?"
Sterling took a step closer and I had to crane my neck to look up at him.
"Yeah, cause you're frustrating to be around." I muttered giving up on my wrist, his hold didn't loosen even when he realised I wasn't walking away.
"What does that mean?"
"It means this."
"This?"
"You're hot one moment and then you're cold the next."
"What does that mean?" He asked, almost sounding like a broken record.
"Well this, I was trying to apologise and you didn't want it, and now I want to go and you're making me stay! Like on the cruise, you were nice to me, we were having a good time and then the next minute you were talking about other stuff and making me uncomfortable. You're just- Urgh I don't know Sterling can we just leave it."
"No... I want to know." He said, his grip loosened but the fingers wrapped around my wrist didn't loosen.
"Want to know what?"
Sterling just stared, making me uncomfortable again. He was standing so close to me that I could feel the warmth of his body radiate of him, making me warm in this room. I needed fresh air, it didn't help that all I could smell was his cologne.
Even if I breathe through my mouth, all I could smell was him and it was intoxicatingly annoying. Damn it Sterling, why couldn't you smell like a bloody toad.
"I'm hot and cold? You're the hot and cold one." He muttered, his eyebrows knotting like he was confused. His lips were drawn in a straight line like he was not pleased with what I was saying.
"Maybe I am because you are." I muttered trying to leave again.
His hold tightened again and I made a sound in frustration, I was the seconds away from kicking him with the heel of my shoe.
"No...you're the hot and cold one. You act like you don't like me, but the next minute you're wearing this dress."
"It's a dress!"
"Are you saying you didn't wear this dress to impress me?" Sterling asked, taking another step closer.
"Why would I want to impress you?" I muttered, even though maybe there was a twenty five per cent chance that I thought he might like the dress after saying I dressed boring all the time.
"Right...because you would want to impress other people instead I forgot about that, maybe you should swing past work and show Duncan what you're wearing."
"Hey!" I snapped irritated, "That is so rude!" I clenched my teeth. "See this is the problem. You take it personally and then maybe I insult you, but the insults that come out of your mouth are more hurtful than mine!"
I pulled my hand free, looking down at my wrist to make sure nothing was broken. God damn his grip.
Sterling didn't move back to give us any space.
"You're a jerk you know that?" I muttered looking up.
Sterling had an expressionless look on his face, almost like he was a robot. Or maybe he was done with this conversation because I was realising it was a mistake to even be in the same room as him.
"I'm sorry." He said, after a few moments of silence, "I shouldn't have said that."
"Yeah...you shouldn't have." I muttered rubbing my wrist as I looked down, trying not to meet the intense gaze of his. "Just because I want a divorce doesn't mean because I have someone else on the side ok? I just don't see this working so why should two unhappy people be here when we can't get along for more than ten minutes."
Sterling remained silent.
"You want to do your things, and I don't want those things. It's just better if we just did what we used to do, without either one impacting each others lives. Besides it seems like you also wanted the divorce since you had those papers ready."
"You wanted it." He said.
"Yeah because you're like this. I don't know where we stand."
"That's because you called me a toad." Sterling said, rolling his eyes as I looked up to meet his gaze.
"That was a joke."
"Well the toad in me is really offended. It was toad-ely out of line calling me that. I am handsome."
"Your ego isn't hurt, stop pretending that it is." I said shaking my head.
"I don't know, you're ribbet-ing my feelings."
"Okay whatever, you're fine I see, so I'm going to go." I said making a move.
I didn't even get a step far before Sterling blocked my way by standing to block where I was going.
"What?" I asked, what on earth did he want this time.
"If you want a truce, you need to be nice to me."
"Okay fine." I agreed, I guess I could work on being nice to him. Well...I could work on being nice generally to everyone.
"Tell me I'm not ugly."
"I already did that Sterling." I pointed out, not realising if he was joking or being serious.
When he didn't move I sighed.
"Fine, what I said earlier was not true, and it was just a joke but clearly we don't have the same sense of humour so you are not ugly, you are not a toad, you are handsome and attractive and I would have your kids if I wanted kids in general even if there were another 7 billion people in the world. Are you happy now?"
The corners of Sterlings lips lifted up, almost like he was going to laugh and he was stopping himself but there was a twinkle in his eye. I wasn't sure if he was doing all of this on purpose but I just swallowed my pride and stood there.
"Not happy yet." He said.
"What?" I asked shocked, "But I apologised and complimented you." I pointed out, "You can't surely still be upset."
"I am."
"Okay well...I'll buy you some ice-cream on the way home." may be that would make it all okay. Who didn't like ice-cream and I knew Sterling did because the freezer at home was always stocked with Belgian Chocolate Brownie ice-cream and I didn't eat that flavour.
"Am I really attractive?" He asked.
I sighed, "Yes you are."
"Are you attracted to me?"
"Hey...you said you wanted me to be nice." I said.
Sterling took a step forward and I leaned back.
"So you're not?" He asked, "be honest, I'll let you hurt my toad feelings this one time."
"You're an attractive guy Sterling and you know it, stop fishing for compliments. Put up an Instagram picture if you want compliments."
"That's not what I'm asking." he said shaking his head, "I'm asking whether you are attracted to me. I don't care about every other frog."
"Well...sometimes."
"Sometimes?"
"You're attractive to look at, but I'm not attracted to your personality."
"What does that mean?" he asked, looking confused again.
"I'm attracted to the guy on the cruise, showing me the paintings, eating hot dogs and pizza with me. I'm not attracted to the guy that spends his time on the poker tables or coming home drunk at three a.m. Don't get me wrong, you're more than welcome to do that, it's just excessive for me. I'm not that much of a party person...well not anymore." I added in before he could say anything.
"So you are attracted to me then."
I sighed, if that was what he was going to get out of that, well then fine.
"Ok." He said taking a step back, suddenly making me feel cold from all the warmth disappearing.
"Ok?" I asked.
"I want to show you something." He said.
"Now?"
"Yeah, can you fake a sickness so we can get out of here?" He asked, "I don't want to be caught by your parents."
"No, you fake the sickie."
"Fine. I'll tell them I'm pregnant and I need to vomit."
I narrowed my eyes and Sterling started to chuckle, "Chill. I'm joking, got it. You're not attracted to these jokes either."
"No."
"Okay well, let's go before it's too late." he grabbed my hand, this time he aimed for the palm of my hand, interlocking his fingers with mine as he tugged me out of the room with him.
For some reason I didn't mind this hold, it was a bit better than the wrist grab.
Insta: Imsooverpolice (My dog has an Insta now cause I am that extra: Cyder_thecollie)
Update soon