I sat beside Uziel's bed. He still hasn't woken up.
Nevertheless, I could see color returning to his face. The doctor also came by to administer the last bag of blood.
"There seems to be no negative reactions with the blood transfusion, but he needs to stay in the hospital for a while because of his injuries."
"Yes... I'll tell him as soon as he wakes up."
The doctor nodded and left along with the nurse. He looked so tense while speaking. I wonder if Kassis had also talked to the doctor here.
I looked down at the patient, sighing. How long did I sit here like this since the doctor's last round? What time is it? I was too caught up in reading the journal in my hands that I didn't realize daybreak began to arrive. Yesterday, I came back as soon as I parted with Shirly, hoping he would be awake by now. It was already past nine when I arrived, and I was hoping we could talk but as I sat here thinking about the implications of doing so, the necessity of the conversation had gradually faded. It doesn't seem so important now. Especially when I remembered about the things he said to me.
"Uziel..." I began. His eyes stayed closed but I didn't mind. Maybe it's best that he's asleep like this... "For a while, I thought..." I took a breath before resuming. "I actually thought that there's a possibility for me to stay here... with you... I was ready to open my mind because I want to understand you... But..."
I looked down at the diary I've been holding on for a while. In a matter of seconds, my vision blurred. The words stung my eyes. "I'm not the one you want to be with..."
"And I... I realized too late that everything you did was all... a lie..." My throat constricted and I couldn't continue anymore as I sobbed. I'm crying again. It's so tiring, but I can't stop even if I wanted to. No matter how I wanted to separate myself from this feeling, I end up falling into it deeper and deeper... Drowning until I can't breathe.
"You can't blame me if I want to leave..."
I placed the diary on the table as my shoulders trembled. I was sniffing uncontrollably, covering my mouth tightly, scared that it'll wake him. Scared that he'll respond honestly to my words. I'm not prepared... Because I honestly don't know how to prepare myself.
"I hope... that you'll meet someone who's as equally important as Rui Hughes... I'm sorry for taking her from you..."
I turned to him and fixed the stray hair on his forehead, my hands lingering a bit longer. I slowly backed away after some time, his image blurring with every drop of tear that came and fell.
I blinked and dried my tears, wiping my hands across my cheek roughly till my skin turned red.
It's already six in the morning.
***
A/N: There's a limit to everything.