THIRTY ONE
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We made it into Lechston early morning. It was a beautiful time to be awake in the city. The light was just breaking out over the city, casting it in vivid pinks and blues. As the plane dropped lower and lower to the ground I could make out the little details of the city I couldn't from up above. Cars zipped back and forth on the roads below and there was brief flashes of moments as people made their way down the sidewalk. Lechston was the city that never slept. No matter what time of the day it was always alive. Not like Riverview. Riverview almost always felt dead.
Looking at it, it reminded me of something I might paint. I used to always think about it when I'd come here with my family. I wanted to show the colors and the darkness. Lechston was a dark city but it looked so bright. I could see how I would do it. I could see how Parker would do it. I shook my head, cutting that thought off before it could fully grow. No. I wouldn't think about him. I couldn't. I pushed it down, turning away from the window. We were getting ready to unload.
"When was the last time we were up, darling?" mom asked.
Her question wasn't directed to any one person. I ignored it, letting dad pick it up instead. He seemed willing to talk more as of lately. Work must be going good or maybe he had holiday cheer. Whatever. It didn't change. He would be back to himself in no time. "When was that? Two maybe three years?" he asked, unsure. He probably didn't remember at all. He usually like to visit grandma and grandpa at least once a year. Or he used to before Pierce died. We kind of slipped off the radar for a while after his death. It even spread out, affecting our extended family.
I stood with everyone off, making my way off the plane. After several minutes I finally emerged, dropping down onto the pavement. I followed my parents through the crowds, picking up our baggage. I had always hated travelling. It was a pain in the ass. A lot of crowded places and rude people. To say the least when we emerged from the airport I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder, but it was quickly put back on during the drive to my grandparents.
I had always had a tense relationship with my parents. That was always a fact. To say that my relationship with all my family was tense would be a bit of an exaggeration. I had, had Pierce. As far as everyone else it had been rocky. It started because Pierce was everyone's favorite. I didn't mind. I got it, really. I was always moody and hard to get along with while Pierce was upbeat. After Pierce died it became more about his death. It was me who had killed him in their eyes. They were more reserved about their opinions than my parents, but they still thought it nonetheless. It was even worse after they found out about the drugs and the alcohol. So to say I wasn't looking forward to the reunion would be accurate. I was dreading it.
"Darling?" mom asked.
"What?" I hadn't been listening.
"The bags, Spencer."
I looked over my shoulder, realizing that we were at my grandparent's home. I sighed, climbing out of the car. I did as she asked, grabbing the bags out of the trunk. I watched as dad rushed inside, not bothering to ask if mom and I needed helped. "Didn't see that coming?" I mumbled to myself. I looked over at mom. "Great help he was." I shifted the bags in my arms, trying to grab another while I was at it. I just wanted to get inside and upstairs as fast as possible.
"He's just excited, darling."
"Mom, he's fourty eight."
She just ignored me, taking up several bags herself. I threw her one last glared before wobbling up to the steps. I shifted the bags in my arms again, trying to get the door handle. Just as I grabbed it the door flew open, startling me. I gasped, trying to keep my balance but it was hopeless. I dropped the bags. "Jesus Christ!" I hissed. I heard a laughed and looked up to find grandpa.
"Sorry about that, pumpkin," he said with a smile on his face. His words made my scalp prickle with agitation. Pumpkin? Was I fucking five? And could he at least try to sound sincere? I glared at him, grumbling under my breath. This was already terrible. I bent down, gathering my bags back up. I waited for him to ask if I needed help but once again I was ignored. Like father like son, I thought. Grandpa moved aside, letting me inside.
Eventually I got the bags inside and took mine up to my room. I spent the rest of the night unpacking and hiding away in my room. I wasn't ready to spend the night with my family. It would be a lot of dull conversations and prodding questions. Every time I got a letter or an email from my grandparents it was what college I was going to and when I would come and see them. It was boring and tense and I wanted nothing to do with it. So I curled into bed, flicking on the television. I flipped through the channels only to find that not much was on. I settled on a reality show. Mind numbing.
"Spencer, dinner time!"
I jerked away, sitting upright in bed. I rubbed my face, trying to wake myself up. I blinked, looking at my phone. Urgh. I'd been asleep for hours. I shook off the rest of my sleep and then I pulled myself out of bed and down stairs. I found everyone already at the table when I stumbled into the dinning room. I ignored their states and took my seat beside mom. She probably scared me the least out of all of them and that was saying something.
"How is work?"
"You know how it is."
"Don't I ever?"
And on with the boring conversation. It seemed an ever present theme with my family. I let my mind wander, slipping away from the company around me. I just wanted the night to end. The sooner I could climb the stairs back to my bedroom the better. I didn't think I could stand being there for the full stay, however long that would be.
All around me the conversations seemed to get loud, merging into one until that was the only thing I could hear. I pressed my fingers into my head, trying to shove back the headache that was coming one. It was useless. I suddenly stood up, drawing everyone's eyes to me. My grandmother's lips pursed and I couldn't help but think how much it mirrored my mother's expression at times. Maybe they were more alike than she knew. Grandpa smiled up at me, keeping up the facade. That was all we were--a facade.
"What's going on, pumpkin?"
Christ. "May I be excused?"
"What about dinner, darling?"
I brushed my hair out of my face, attempting to keep my calm. They always asked questions. Couldn't I just want to leave without someone wanting to interview me. "I'm not hungry, and its been a long day. The plane ride really took it out of me. I'm just so tired," I said, faking a yawn. I swear I could be an actress sometimes. "Don't worry about me. I'm going to turn in early. The whole jet lag thing, you know?" I finished off my water before leaving the dinning room.
I turned, slowly walking out of the room. As soon as I was out of sight I rushed back upstairs, changing out of my sleep wrinkled clothes. I ran my hands through my hair, making sure that I at least looked civilized; and then I crept out of my bedroom. I moved down the stairs quietly, careful to sneak passed the dinning room and around to the back door. I had gotten used to sneaking out of this place during all my visits here. It was almost too easy now.
I pulled my coat closer around me as I turned down the street. It took only a few minutes of walking before I was slipping into the subway. My grandparents lived in the swanky area of Lechston. It was mostly populated by families and elderly people--with money, of course. I leaned against a pole on the subway, closing my eyes.
Why was today so hard? I felt like things that used to be as simple as blinking were now so difficult. I used to handle my parent and grandparents easily. I could have navigated this weekend with ease if it had been the me from months ago instead of the me of today. I guess when you're stoned out of your damn mind a lot of things are easier. I remembered how screwed I'd get in the bathroom of the airplane before coming here. That had been a rush. And it'd been so easy.
The thought pierced me. I hadn't considered...that in sometime. When I was around Parker it hardly even occurred to me. He had made it all worth it, simple. I had felt capable and strong. I had felt like I could do anything. It was all possibly because of Parker. He had made me better. Now though, I wasn't so sure. The thought that one line or one blunt could take this all away was intoxicating. No. I shook myself. I couldn't think like this.
"Girls got thoughts-thoughts running all through that head. I can tell," a voice said from behind me. I opened my eyes, letting my eyes move to the direction the voice had come in. A man was sitting a few feet behind me with a smile on his face. Who did this guy think he was? He was an idiot. Looked like one, sounded like one. And the way he acted, like he knew everything about me. I didn't like that. "So what's on your mind?"
Who was this guy? He just randomly stars conversations with strangers? I shifted so I was looking at him better. "I'm sorry-do I know you?" I asked a bit rudely. I didn't like him. Something about him made me uncomfortable, like my skin was crawling just from being around him. I didn't know what it was, but it made me want to run. He had a look about him like Liam had, like he could bring down the world just as long as it served him.
"Now Now, I could be a friend."
"I don't need anymore friends."
I could feel the subway pulling to a stop now. The sooner he got off and left me alone the better. I had come looking for peace not to get picked up on by some creepy guy. He stood up, smiling at me again. "Well, if you change your mind there is a party tonight. Here's my number," he told me, handing me a slip of paper with a scrawled number on it and a name. Shane. I shoved it in my pocket, looking back up. "Nice meeting you, doll." What was it with nicknames in this city? Was my name not enough? Or just nothing at all maybe? I liked that better than doll.
His words swirled around me, chipping away at everything else racing through my mind. A party. Maybe that's what I needed. A distraction. My mind had been running a hundred to nothing all day and I needed some way to block it. I didn't like him but at one time that hadn't mattered to me. He was just the means to an end. He started to move passed me. I grabbed his arm, stopping him. He looked back over his shoulder with a smug smile. "Something wrong, doll?" he asked with a quirk of his brow.
"So about this party."
"Yes?" he said.
"You taking me or not?"
His eyes lit up and then he grabbed my hand, dragging me through the doors of the subway. I followed after him, allowing him to lead me. Something at the back of my mind told me to stop, to turn around and leave, but I squashed it down. I needed this. It would be good for me. Anything that would flush everything from my mind would be good. "All you had to do was ask."
* * * AUTHOR'S NOTE * * *
So old habits die hard, right? :) I was looking at it and we have four chapters left. Or I'm planning on keeping it in four chapters. Things will be coming around soon and it's going to get intense so don't hate me! Everyone knows it gets better in the end, and I've never been one for a sad ending. Only a sad story.
Anyway, hope you liked the chapter! Comment/ vote!