"Morning baby." His smiling face and messy hair illuminated by the soft morning light was enough to bring a smile to my face.
"Morning," I smiled, moving onto my back as he propped himself up on his arm to look down at me. One of his arms moved under the covers and wrapped around my waist.
"How's your back?" I'd been having a stiff, sore back for awhile now, mostly due to my mattress and sleeping in the wrong positions.
"Doesn't hurt much," I said. Christian's bed was much softer than mine and whenever I stayed over that god awful pain would be gone and allowed me a comfortable waking up with the bonus of waking up beside him. Though, we rarely cuddled when we slept because Christian said it overheated him.
"I'll go make us some breakfast," he smiled down at me and kissed me sparingly. Leaving the room to the kitchen.
Ever since I made the mistake of taking Christian back and committing once again to fixing our relationship, Christian had been nothing but lovely to me. He was really trying to prove himself with this last chance and even though I suspected this was just a new honeymoon phase, it was nice not to be crying and arguing all the time.
He couldn't always make time for me, I didn't blame him for that, but when he did he'd always be nice and charming and everything I wanted him to be. Sure the subtle insensitive comments were still there but I just ignored them in favour of pretending everything was perfect between us.
I knew from the second I told him, Alex was disappointed in me. I was too. He and I had a long phone call right before he left to tour for a couple months where he told me how much it hurt him to be leaving me, knowing that if Christian did anything, he wouldn't be able to be there right next to me. I promised him things were better now and that if something went wrong again then I'd break up with Christian without hesitation. Alex preferred that idea but unfortunately, no reasons for me to outright break things off arose after I gave Chris this whole 'last chance' thing. And honestly, I still felt guilty about the launch party and felt I had to make it up to him too.
"I'll be back round thanksgiving for just under a week," Alex said to me during that phone call. "I know yer probably busy but I'd love to see ya before I leave again."
It was thanksgiving now, the guys and their girlfriends had gotten back yesterday morning. To tell you the truth, the month and a half or so that they were away touring was agonising. Every time they left it became so obvious how connected my life was to them and spending time with them that when they weren't here, I felt empty and alone even when I had company.
Arielle stayed in LA for about three weeks of that month and a half and we spent most of it catching up and going out places together whilst talking about all the things we had in common. We were becoming really good friends and she didn't hesitate to talk me through all my internal wars about Christian and anything else.
Upon the suggestion of Saorise, Megan, Natalia and Jackson, I started seeing a therapist every now and then without Christian's knowledge just so I had someone I could talk to who had no bias and that I could tell everything to since my friends noticed that I'd hold back several bits and pieces when talking to them in fear that they were going to call me stupid for staying with him. And I couldn't exactly confide everything in Alex or Arielle or any of the rest of them either as Alex ended up becoming a point of discussion.
I felt stupid going, like my problems weren't justifiable enough for what I thought was such an extreme step but after the first session I realised how freeing it was just to get everything off my chest — even when Christian and I were currently on good terms. I knew he and I had been viciously toxic over the past year or so, so I wasn't really surprised when my therapist started trying to tell me how I could get out of toxic relationships and what aspects made it bad for me. Of course, as soon as Christian was nice to me, all that advice was forced into the back seat in preference of my denial.
The main thing I did get from those sessions though, was that I wasn't properly happy. I had moments where I would be but overall, I was never truly happy and Christian wasn't the only cause. It was kind of winding to hear that I wasn't really enjoying my life underneath all the little problems, I always thought it was bad times over the top of still being happy instead of good times to hide always being miserable.
Anyways, regardless of what had been going on since the whole launch party thing, we were good now and Christian had been proving himself ever since.
I'd spent the day of Thanksgiving making my Maman's own recipe of homemade mini passionfruit lemon-merengue tarts as my contribution to the table. My family never really celebrated the holiday, for a variety of reasons beyond it just not really being in our tradition, so I've never really known any 'traditional' thanksgiving recipes. Christian's parents had invited us both to spend the holiday with them and I wanted to bring at least something along with us since Christian couldn't be bothered making anything blaming it on the fact that he couldn't cook all too well. Neither can I but I tried my best.
I had them wrapped up in a glass dish on my lap as Christian drove us to his parents house up in the hills. He had me dress nice. His parents were very well off. He came from a wealthy family and even though he refused to admit it, his parent's wealth was definitely quite the leg up in him building his own company so young. I don't discredit his success though.
Christian's mother greeted us at the door with a smile, hugging Chris tight and placing a hand on my shoulder with a smile. "Good to see you again," she said and ushered us inside the house. Her face was youthful with surgeries and her silvery-blonde hair was short and curled around her head. Christian's father greeted us in the hall, he was very materialistic and snobby and I think that's why Christian had wanted me to dress so nice as even though I'd already met most of his family, he still wanted me to make the right impression.
"I made merengue tarts," I smiled at Christian's mom, who had asked me to call her Mrs Woodsten, and held up the glass dish in my hands.
She looked surprised to say the least, her mouth in the shape of an 'o' as her eyebrows raised and her eyes scanned the tarts I'd baked and their browned white caps. "Oh, Orion, you didn't have to," she said and forced a smile at me, "we won't be able to fit them on the table so I'll just leave them up here."
"Oh...okay," I said and managed a polite smile as she stole the dish from my hands and placed them in a corner in the kitchen.
"Not sure many people would fancy them anyway," Mrs Woodsten said to me with a smile that was meant to make it lighthearted but it did the exact opposite. Awesome.
"O!" Christian called out from the dining room. "Give me a hand with the set up will you?"
"Coming!" I piped back and made my way over to him. 'Giving him a hand' ended up being me setting up the whole table with Mrs Woodsten as Christian and Mr Woodsten had a chat and a beer in the kitchen before anyone started arriving. As usual, Christian was blowing himself with how much he was talking himself up and his father was eating it up as was his mother.
In between telling me to move around where I'd put the food, she kept saying to me: "such a talented young man I've raised. You're lucky to have him," and "he's accomplished so much for his age, you must be so thankful you've stolen half his heart."
His brother and the rest of his family, consisting of aunts, uncles, cousins and even his grandmother in her old age, all began showing up fairly soon after. I made myself useful in the kitchen and pouring out drinks as the whole of Christian's family caught up around the living room.
"Orion!" Christian called out to me and waved me over, wrapping an arm around my waist with a smile. "This is my Aunt Emma and my cousin Parker, and obviously you've already met Mitch," he said and pointed to his brother.
"How're you going?" Mitchell asked, giving me a brief hug hello as I smiled at the other two people I'd just been introduced to.
"Good, good, you?" I smiled.
"Just came back from New York," Mitchell said, "working on a new screenplay."
"Oh that's awesome," I smiled and sipped my glass of overpriced champagne. I opened my mouth to continue and was cut off by Chris's aunt.
"So your Christian's little lady?" she asked me. Her hair was dyed black and bluntly cut and her thin lips were lined with a dark plum lipstick.
I laughed awkwardly and looked at Christian and back to his aunt, "yeah."
"How long have you two been together?" she asked us.
"Like, just about four years?" Christian said.
"Five next week," I corrected him, this sick feeling welling into my stomach at even the thought of it.
"Really?" Christian asked me surprised. I nodded. "Didn't even realise."
"She's treating you well isn't she Chrisy?" his aunt asked him, patting his arm. "Not giving you any trouble?"
Christian smiled and pulled me closer to him, "Nah she's wonderful," he said and looked down at me. "We've had our bumps but she's fantastic. Isn't she beautiful too?" He managed to make my heart burn with that comment.
"Cleans up nicely," Mitch said and pat my arm jokingly.
Around the table, everyone was talking in one concise conversation, all about their holidays and everything they'd been up to over the last year. It was almost like a competition as to who could tell the most fantastical story. Everyone had travelled to at least four different countries in the past eleven months on yachts, jets and all those beacons of wealth I never even bothered dreaming of.
"What about you Orion?" Mrs Woodsten said, turning the entire table's attention to me. "What have you been up to this year?"
"Oh," I hadn't been addressed yet. Not even by Christian beside me. "I, uh, I graduated college, finishing my Sociology degree and other than that...I haven't been up to too much other than hobbies and seeing friends."
"Unfortunate," Mr Woodsten muttered to himself, giving Christian and unimpressed look.
"Oh dear, why sociology?" Mrs Woodsten asked, looking as if I had spat into her face.
I shrugged nervously, I could feel my face getting heated as every pair of eyes on the table glued to me. "Wasn't really sure what else to do," I laughed off.
"You don't have any career plan?" Mr Woodsten asked me, brows furrowed tight.
"Um...not really," I said. I could've sworn I heard gasps around the table. "I like sculpting but—"
"Yes but that's never going to be a proper career," Christian's dad interrupted. My stomach sank. "You won't ever be able to make a living off that, it's simply just not smart. I do hope you don't intend to bludgeon off my son nor his company."
My throat was dry. "I don't," I peeped out, too scared to break eye contact from him.
"Good," he stated firmly, "because I wouldn't stand by letting that happen and in a city like this you need to have a plan that'll excel you financially if you even want to survive with your head above the water."
"Alright," Mitchell interrupted, sensing the growing uncomfortable tension, "anyone want any drink refills?" This managed to shift the conversation away from me and I was finally able to look away from Mr Woodsten although I still felt his eyes baring into me from the head of the table. I was so uncomfortable and uneasy the entire time and it wasn't just that incident. So many little comments were thrown around, others more obvious, and the whole time I was just ignorantly degraded for my financial status, career path, appearance and so on.
I just wasn't enjoying myself within the first hour and a half and when I excused myself to the bathroom and exited to see Chris's mom waiting for me with a wiry smile, I knew I wanted to go home.
She stopped me before I could even leave the bathroom doorway, closing me in. "Orion darling, do you have a moment?" she smiled uncannily.
"Of course," I smiled.
"Where do you plan for your relationship with Christian to go?" she said blatantly. "Do you intend to marry him?"
"I..." I didn't know what to say. I found myself stumbling over my words. "To be honest I haven't thought about that step in my life yet."
"Your lives," she corrected me. "You and I both know my son is a token for you. He's successful, handsome and will take care of you whenever you need him so sweetheart, you better not be screwing around with him. If you're not thinking ahead, I don't want you wasting his time." I swallowed the hard lump in my throat. "You might be young and beautiful now but I can see you don't plan into the future and I can't have that for my son when he's so foreword thinking. I won't have him being dragged down, do you understand?"
"Yes," I nodded like a child.
"You're a gorgeous girl Orion, but you need to sort yourself out for Christian's sake," she said and put a hand on my face almost tauntingly like a least favourite Aunty would do to pinch your cheeks. "If you don't intend to marry him or bring anything to the table in your two's relationship you may as well let him go because he deserves stability and someone who puts him first. Alright?"
"Yep," I nodded and forced a smile, she pat my cheek as that wiry faux grin spread across her lips.
"Okay well, don't let your food get cold," she smiled and moved off back to the dining room, waiting for me to follow after her.
Walking back in really was one of those, 'everyone's been talking about me and I've just abruptly interrupted their conversation' moments. It was so evident no one at the table really liked me save for Christian. I couldn't ask him to, especially toward his family, but I did wish he'd at least defended me to some extent whenever I came under fire.
I was so obviously an outsider that as soon as I sat down all that was running through my mind were excuses to leave. I didn't want to be rude but I'd really just preferred staying at home and spending the night alone.
"You okay?" Christian smiled as I sat beside him. I think he could see that the colour had somewhat drained from my face.
"I..." I hated myself for lying. "I just don't feel very well."
"Oh really?" Christian hummed sympathetically, placing a hand on my leg.
"Yeah I...I dunno just my stomach, I feel a bit nauseous," I said.
"Do you think it was something you ate?" Chris asked. I shrugged, already feeling guilty for lying. "Do you wanna take a break on one of the sofas? Actually, mom and dad might freak out and get worried that you'll vomit on the floors or something, I can call you a cab home instead?"
I knew it was a reach for me to even want him to want to come with me. "I just don't want to be rude," I said honestly.
Christian shook his head, "it's alright babe, no one can be mad at you for feeling sick. I'll call you a ride and I'll meet you at home."
"Are you sure?" I asked warily. As much as I didn't want to leave, I didn't want his family hating me even more.
"Of course baby," he smiled and rubbed my thigh, taking out his phone and discretely calling a taxi to come and get me.
I'm not sure if it was relief, disgust or something else when the table found out I was leaving. I barely got any goodbyes, it was like I was a dog going unnoticed by everyone. I picked up my untouched dish of tarts off the counter where they'd been left out of sight and walked with Christian outside as we waited for the taxi to arrive.
I absolutely hated lying to him but I just knew that if I had told him the real reason I wanted to leave he would've been offended and would've gotten upset and we were going too good for me to jeopardise that.
"Just know I'm thankful for you too," Christian said as we waited out the front. Around the table he'd said he was thankful for his business and its success. He cupped my cheek and moved closer to me. "I love you so much."
I smiled softly, "I love you too." He leant down and pressed a soft kiss on my lips, leaving me with the taste of cranberry sauce.
"I know my family can be a lot," Christian said quietly, brushing my hair off my face. "They're hard to impress, I know, so I don't blame you. I'd probably need a breather too." Maybe I didn't even need to tell him why I was really leaving. Maybe he really knew and was okay with it?
"I'm sorry," I said.
He shook his head, "ignore them, they like money and nothing else, they can be very blind most of the time. Just know I love you regardless," he said and kissed me hard once more. There was the sound of tyres crunching on asphalt as we pulled back from each other's lips, drawing our attention away from one another and to the approaching yellow vehicle.
"Okay, I'll let you know when I'm coming home unless it's late," Christian said, a hand on the small of my back as we walked up to the taxi. "I love you."
I smiled at him, loving when he said that so much it made me a fool for him, "I love you too." we shared a sparing kiss and then I climbed into the taxi with my untouched dish in my hands and waved him goodbye as the driver started toward my place. I let out a sigh of relief as soon as we were down the road. Like a belt pulled tight around my stomach had finally been eased to allow me to breathe.
I took out my phone to occupy myself for the fairly lengthy drive home and opened it up to find messages from just a couple of minutes ago from Alex.
Alex: Hey, do you happen to not be doing anything tonight? I know it's a stretch and feel free to ignore me if you're busy :)
Alex: We're doing our own sort of dinner at Matt's place since we don't really do thanksgiving and I know it were all organised really last minute but you're more than welcome to come along if you can.
It was like my night had been elevated immediately. He was always there to save the day in a sense that whenever I was feeling like shit after being out with Christian, like the stroke of miracle he'd always ask me soon after if I wanted to do anything with him. I couldn't help the smile creep onto my cheeks as I messaged him back immediately like a giddy teenager.
Me: I'd love to come. Just got out of a dinner and I've missed you guys so much.
Alex messaged back immediately. The little grey bubble making my heart swell.
Alex: Fuck yes, I've missed ya too, I'll send you Matt's address. I'm looking forward to seeing ya.
I bit back the grin I'd only ever get when I thought of him and looked up at the taxi driver, leaning slightly forward, "excuse me, do you mind if I change the destination?"
It was a completely different experience walking up to Matt's front door in comparison to Christian's parent's. I wasn't nervous or worried, instead I was excited and beaming at the thought of who was on the other side. With the call of the doorbell pushed by the tip of my finger, I was greeted with Matt's smiling face within seconds. He was all dressed casual formal and had his hair combed back like he always did. I can't express how good it was to see him again.
"You came!" he exclaimed and wrapped his arms around me as I tried to hug him back whilst holding the dish of tarts still in my hand out of the way. "Man, it's good to see you."
"I missed you so much," I laughed, moving back and into the house as Matt closed the front door. "I have these if anyone wants them," I said and mentioned to the tarts.
"Fuck me they look delicious," Matt said, his eyes wide, "you're amazing. Thank you so much, O. 'Ere I'll take them from you when we walk back, I think a fair few people are going to want to tackle you to the ground when they see ya," he smiled.
I followed him through the corridor and into the loud dining room where everyone was standing around and setting up a table of several plates of food that everyone must've brought as their contribution. Everyone was there but Arielle and Miles, I was later told Arielle was celebrating the holiday with her family and that Miles was over in the UK.
"Here she is!" Matt announced as we walked in, all heads turning to face me. Katie was the first to embrace me with a wide smile, smelling of rose perfume as she hugged me tight and told me how good it was to see me again. The whole scene was so warm and welcoming I couldn't help but draw the contrast from the cold shoulders I was given at the Woodsten's dinner.
As Katie pulled back, I spotted Alex with a beaming smile making his way over to me, opening his arms up for an embrace when Nick came bounding over, shoving Alex out the way and stealing a hug from me.
"Ey! Malley!" Alex exclaimed as Nick hugged me tight, we almost fell backwards.
"I missed ya man," Nick said to me. "Nothing like two thirds of our platonic marriage group to celebrate Friendsgivin' with."
"Friendsgiving?" I laughed.
"It's what we call it since none of us really celebrate thanksgiving," Matt said. "We just use it as an excuse for us all to get together and have a big old dinner."
"Oi!" Alex said and pried Nick off me. "Times up!"
Nick pulled a face at Alex as he tried to pull me away from him.
"Come here you," Alex said deviously to me and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind to pull me away from Nick, making me laugh as his chin dug into the crook of my neck. "Fuck off Malley!" Alex shooed.
"Jealous little shit," Nick laughed at him and picked his bottle of beer off the table. "Yer holding her against her will. She don't want to be near ya."
"That's not true," Alex said and continued to hug me to him, his face right next to mine as he held me away from Nick's grasp. I turned my head to look at his face, my nose just brushing against his cheek, and got a waft of cologne and aftershave, I could see a few spots on his jaw where he'd scuffed a bit of skin whilst shaving.
"There are much more normal ways to say hello Alex," I laughed at him. He looked at me, our faces almost touching, and flushed and released me from his grasp.
"Sorry," he chuckled and scratched his neck, "got a bit excited with yer arrival," he said and looked me in the eye. God I'd missed him. "I've missed ya, a lot," he smiled and this time hugged me properly as Nick started throwing grapes at him.
"Ay you better pick those up," Matt said to him. "Orion you want a drink?"
"Yes please!" I smiled as Alex and I pulled back. I always missed the comfort of his arms when they weren't around me. "Your hair's grown a tad," I mentioned.
"The sides 'ave come in quiet a bit, eh?" he chuckled, running a hand over his hair.
"Orion did you make these?" Jamie asked, pointing to the plate of tarts Matt had just placed on the table.
"Yeah," I smiled, "if anyone wants them."
"Dibs," Jamie called out immediately.
"Fuck off they're not just for you," Nick scoffed. I couldn't help but laugh.
We all sat around the mouth wateringly set up table and dug into our food without hesitation. I was sandwiched between Breana and Alex, everyone's arms and hands reaching around for different bits and pieces of the variety of dishes cooked before us.
"Can you pass me the string beans?" Alex asked me. I reached over and picked up the plate, holding it for him as he served himself a few onto his plate. "Thank you," he smiled.
Once everyone was happy with the amount they'd copped from each dish, we all sat back and went around saying what we were thankful for just to keep in line with the tradition of thanksgiving a bit more. I felt something warm on the side of my leg and looked under the table to see my right leg and Alex's left leg leaning against each other like they were connected. Our thighs almost glued together, radiating warmth between. After noticing it, neither Alex nor I moved them and remained like that in subtle contact the entire dinner.
"I'm thankful for everyone round this table tonight and all of us being together," Matt started. We went round the circle so Breana would be the last, everyone humbly saying what in their life they had been thankful for and of course, not without any jokes like Jamie saying:
"I'm thankful for rats or else we wouldn't have Alex."
"Fuck off," Alex laughed at him, shaking his head and taking a sip of his beer.
Eventually it got to Alex and he said, in that beautiful, melodically deep voice of his, "I'm thankful for being able to make music with me best mates as me full time career. Couldn't ask for anything more."
He smiled and looked at me, signalling that it was my turn. "Well...I'm thankful that Alex went to the wrong house several times and showed up at my house at three am five weekends in a row, or else I would've never met you guys."
I looked at Alex and smiled, receiving one back and a nudge with his elbow.
The food was beyond delicious. Whoever had cooked the roast had a damn knack for it because despite already having eaten at Christian's parent's place, I was able to finish a full plate of food at Matt's, not wanting any to go to waste.
Alex kept stealing bits and pieces off my plate teasingly to get my attention every now and then. Sticking his fork into a piece of potato or something, waiting for me to look at him and grinning as he quickly shoved it in his mouth. I exclaimed his name with a laugh each time.
Once the savoury food had been eaten through, everyone started digging into the deserts without hesitation. Nick, Jamie and Alex all automatically reaching over to the tarts I made and stealing one onto their plates.
Collectively, they all sunk their teeth into their respective tarts and let out a chorus of moans.
"Holy fuck Orion," Nick said, mouth still full as he spoke.
"That's so fucking good," Alex hummed, licking his lips and going in for another bite before the other two had even swallowed their first mouthfuls.
"Can you send me the recipe please?" Jamie asked, handing the tart to Katie for her to taste. "That's so fucking good I want that at me funeral." Matt looked at him funny. Jamie rolled his eyes like it was obvious, "so that everyone has a reason to stop cryin' over me and can be happy for a little moment."
"These are so fucking good O," Alex said to me. Somehow their was a dot of passionfruit on the bottom of his nose.
"I'm glad everyone likes them," I smiled happily, "it's my Maman's recipe. She used to make them all the time."
"Tell yer maman that I fucking love her," Nick said, his eyes filled with stars. They didn't even know it but they were making me so happy just by eating them.
The rest of us ate other assortments of the desserts on the table as Jamie stole another tart. It was the best feeling to be silently appreciated, but mostly that other people appreciated my Maman's cooking. It made me feel back at home where Émilio, Amie and I would all fight over the left overs the next day when there weren't enough.
"Did you get any?" Alex asked, having now resulted to eating the tart with a fork and pulling it out of his mouth clean.
"Oh it's okay, I've had them a million times," I smiled. I was quite enjoying the crumble Matt had made.
"Aw that's no fair, 'ere," Alex said and scooped up some tart on his fork and lifted it to my lips. He waited patiently for me to eat it off and smiled once I did. "Good innit?" he said and scooped up a second lump and placed it in his mouth.
"You should try my Maman's," I said and wiped a finger over the corner of my mouth as the flavours exploded on my tongue. "She makes them a million times better."
"I couldn't even imagine," Alex said, "this here," he pointed to what was left of the tartlet, "owns my soul. Fucking delightful."
"You're ridiculous," I smiled, rolling my eyes and knocking my knee on his under the table. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face, even as I continued to eat the blackberry crumble on my plate.
Once everyone had finished eating, we all began the big old clean up of the night; Nick saying he was too full to do anything so just found a couch and sat on it as the rest of us cleaned the table. Jamie gave him shit first and then next thing you know, he was joining him and they were comparing stomachs and who had eaten more.
"Fuckin' ridiculous those two," Alex chuckled to me as he brought over a pile of plates as I plunged my hands into soapy water to wash them all off. Breana and Matt were doing the table whilst Kelly and Katie were scraping off the excesses into the bin, wrapping up leftovers and calling out at their boyfriends to get off their asses.
"You need any help?" Alex asked me, peering over my shoulder as I washed up. Before I could respond he said, "I'll wipe up," and grabbed a tea towel and began drying up the dishes I was washing once I'd placed them on the rack.
"You two need a hand?" Matt asked us once everyone else had finished their jobs.
"Nah we're alright mate," Alex smiled, his hand deep inside a pint glass.
"Aight, think we're gonna bust out a game of Humbug or summat," Matt said, "you guys wanna join once yer done?"
"Oh don't wait for us," I said.
"Yeah, we'll just play next round," Alex said. Matt nodded and disappeared off to the lounge room.
"Humbug," I said and looked to Alex, "isn't that the name of one of your albums?"
"It is yeah," Alex chuckled. "Named after the game."
"That was the one with the pie right?" I asked, referring to how Alex once told me they celebrated an album release at Jamie's parents house with a pie that had the letters 'AM' on it for their band.
"It was indeed," Alex smiled. "Very good pie that was. Hit the spot."
After finishing up all the washing up and putting everything away into their respective places, Alex and I finally joined the others in the lounge. They were all mid-game and so Alex and I just spectated until it was over.
I checked my phone to see if Christian had messaged me or anything saying what was happening or if he was heading home yet but had nothing. I looked over and saw Alex checking his phone too, intently reading something on it and then putting it away and focusing on the game.
After a couple of minutes, Alex excused himself outside and disappeared from the lounge. No one else seemed to think anything of it but for some reason, my gut was telling me not everything was okay. I told myself I shouldn't try and over involve myself when he was probably just going for a smoke...but then my instincts brought me to my feet and I excused myself out after him.
He was on the back porch sitting at the outdoor table with a smoke in his hand, he was resting his chin on his other hand and had his eyes looking out up to the sky.
"Hey, can I join you out here?" I asked him softly.
Alex looked over and smiled gently, "of course you can." He was speaking quietly, as if not to distract his inner train of thought. I walked over and pulled out a seat next to him, reclining back as he crushed out his cigarette in an ashtray on the table.
"How's tour?" I asked him, our faces only illuminated by the light of the moon as neither of us had found the switch for the outside light.
"It's good," Alex nodded, sitting back in his seat. "Very tiring but it's good fun." He shifted a bit in the chair, "I do miss being grounded in one place and relaxing and seeing everyone all the time though."
"Don't worry. You're not missing anything interesting here," I said to him, "probably having a million times more fun travelling around the world."
"I mean, it's great, really, I'm so grateful for it, but it's a lot to always be away from people who aren't tourin' with us ." He looked over at me, "I tried learning a bit of French for ya whilst we were in Paris," he smiled.
"Did you really?" I grinned.
Alex smiled and nodded, "it's shit but I think I can remember two sentences other than 'merci beaucoup'."
"I bet it's great, let's have a listen," I smiled, leaning on the table.
Alex chuckled and pushed his hair from his face, he cleared his throat, "uh...tu regardes très jolie aujourd'hui," he said nervously, I couldn't help but smile. "Et...tu es l'une de mes personnes préférées dans la monde."
"Merci beaucoup," I smiled at him. Despite his bad pronunciation, I couldn't stop smiling at him and the thought he'd put in for me.
"Did it sound right?" Alex asked, scratching his neck. "I tried to say 'you look very pretty today' and 'you are one of my favourite people in the world'."
I nodded, "it sounded good. Thank you very much."
Alex smiled at me appreciatively and looked at our hands resting on the table. We fell silent.
I was watching an ant creep along the arm of the chair I was sitting on, feeling the cold winter air on my cheeks as something grazed my pinkie. I froze, my mind diverting from the ant and going towards deciphering what was touching my finger, slowly flicking my eyes over to see Alex slowly moving his hand over to mine, grazing his pinkie on mine very subtly.
His actions said a thousand words in place for the zero that we said. That subtle contact being the reminder to him that I was right there next to him. And I wasn't going anywhere.