**** I dedicate this chapter to each and every person who commented on the last chapter. Y'all don't really understand when you comment, it gives me a lot of ideas. And allows me to see what issues between Aug and Amb should be addressed. I hear y'all opinions loud and clear, and I will try to address them each in the story. So yeah keep commenting lol ****
Donielle O's mom in m/m
AUGUST P.O.V. –
I woke up to realize I had fallen asleep in the den. I palmed my face and yawned. I didn’t feel bad about what kicking that girl out my house. Child Abuse , child neglect. Any cruelty toward’s a child is out of line, and I’m not going to go around acting like it isn’t.
Amb was acting like she did some simple shit like, forget to pick him up from school. No she left this six year old boy on a moving fucking freeway! Had Sata not spotted him, there’s no telling what could’ve happen to him. He could’ve been dead. So excuse me if I’m looking out for the best interest of a child.
Excuse me if I understand what it’s like to have a crack addicted parent, who did shit like O’s mom. And a mother who was so fucking in love with a man, she chose him over me.
(Side note – it kinda hurt me when I heard August say he felt like his mother chose a man over him in that angie Martinez interview. Glad they worked through that though. )
Don’t get me wrong. I love my mother. As much as Octavian loves his. And I have forgiven her yes, but I know she was wrong. She was wrong for not protecting me. She was wrong for not putting me and my brothers first, instead of giving her time and attention to some no good ass man. Who made all of our lives miserable might I add.
And he did some horrible shit to me. Shit I’m going to take to my grave. Shit nobody knows but me and God, and I’m going to spare y’all the mello-dramatic details. But it’s in part why I’m so emotional.
In side this 28 year old body, is that little boy that wished he had somebody to save him on dark nights. That wish he had somebody that put him as a priority and told him how special he was.
And Mel gave that to me yes, and I love him so much for that. But imagine how much more powerful it could’ve been if it came from my mom. I didn’t choose to be here. You fucked and had me. Then once I’m here, you neglect me for some nigga?
I had suppressed all these feelings because me and my mom worked through it. But seeing Octavian in this situation it brought all the old shit to the surface. And since nobody was there for me, I wanted to be there for him. And while he may not appreciate it now, he will look back on this and see I was doing the right thing.
I got a mouth, I know. And maybe my choice of words wasn’t kosher to say to Amb. But I thought of all people she would understand. Her savior complex is starting to annoy the fuck out me. Yes, some people deserve a hand up.
But some people need to lay down right where they are and suffer, until they realize what they did was wrong. Because if you help these niggas up, they get off scott free and think what they did was okay. It’s not.
AMBER P.O.V. –
“You can’t catch me Sata.” Octavian said running.
“I catch you.” A3 said running after Octavian.
The kids were playing tag in the yard.
“I appreciate this.” Donielle, Octavian’s mother said as she ate breakfast I had cooked.
Early this morning before anyone was awake, I went out searching for her. I found her asleep in her car in the Target parking lot, just like O had said she usually goes. I took her back home with me. Let her shower, gave her some clean clothes and fed her.
“My husband’s going to be up soon. He’s going to be upset. But you’re my guest.”
She shook her head and ate.
“You have a really beautiful house. I want to be able to get O something like this one day. But it’s only hopes you know.” She shrugged.
“It doesn’t have to be. You can do it. But first you need to get yourself together.”
“I kn…I know.” She started to tear up.
She told me she had gained an alcohol problem, after she fell into a deep depression. She was only 21, but said alcohol numbed the pain. She got pregnant with Octavian when she was 15, by her first boyfriend. Their relationship ended when he went off to college.
She lived with her mother, but she kicked her out because her mother said her boyfriend didn’t want him and O living there.
After getting kicked out, she said she tried to reconnect with Octavian’s father and he let her stay with him for a while in his apartment, but said that her and Octavian were distractions to him getting his education. So she was left alone with nowhere else to go, but live in her car.
“Aww sweetie.” I held her and kissed her forehead.
“It’s so hard.”
“I know.” I rocked her. “That’s why we’re going to get you help okay?”
She shook her head and wiped her eyes.
“My friend Dan and I opened up a center called the Nathanial Parker Suicide Prevention Center. He runs the place. We don’t just focus on suicide services though, we have other mental health services. Including addiction rehab. The program is six months. The facility is a live in space.”
“I’ll have to live there for six months?”
“Yes that’s the duration of the program, unless they request you get more time. Octavian can stay here with us, you don’t have to worry about anything. I just want you to focus on you getting well.”
“How much is this going to cost?”
“Nothing. I’m going to take care of it. And every week you can get visitors, so I’ll bring O myself every single week to see you.”
“I don’t know how I got this bad. I love him so much. You don’t understand.”
“I understand dear. That’s why I’m doing this because I know you love him. And I want you to be the best mother you can for him. He is such an amazing kid. But that didn’t come out of anywhere. He’s amazing because somewhere down in you, you’re the same. He’s brilliant because somewhere down in you, you’re the same. Kids don’t just pop out of nowhere with traits like that. Somewhere deep down, it comes from their parents.”
“And here I was the whole time thinking I picked up the wrong baby.” She said with a slight smile.
“No he’s yours.”
“Why you doing all this for me? Isn’t this going to mess up your relationship with your husband?”
“It’s just something in me Donielle. I hate seeing people hurting. Especially if I know its more to the story than meets the eye. My husband doesn’t like it, but if I wasn’t like that, we wouldn’t be together. And I think it’s the reason I take way more stuff off of him than I should, because I’m always looking at it from every aspect. Always like oh yeah, he reacts this way because of this. So don’t take it personal Amb. Forgive him Amb.” I realized I was going on off on a tangent.
“Sorry.” I gave an awkward laugh.
“No it’s okay.”
“I’m just saying sometimes it’s a great way to be, but sometimes I question it. Like I can go in a courtroom and be fierce, bold and savage. But when it comes to my husband, I just can’t do it. I’m such a sucker. Ahh, hopefully you won’t be like me when you get married.”
“If I’m not marrying Idris, I’m not getting married.”
I sat up excited. “Girrrrrlllllll, I love Idris. I always say that.”
“He’s too old for me, but I’ll make an exception.”
“When you get out, that’ll be our mission to find you one.”
“I’m here for it.”
We laughed together.
I heard the patio door open and looked back to see Aug.
“Daddddddddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!” Sata and A3 ran up to him. He hugged and kissed them.
“Donielle come on let me show you to your room, so we can prepare you for tomorrow.”
Octavian ran over to his mother and hugged her as she got up.
“Love you mommy.”
“Love you too.” She bent down and kissed him.
Aug mugged us as we walked inside. I showed her to the room were O slept, and told her anything she needed to let me know.
---------
It was night time now. Donielle and Octavian were in the guest room. I wanted them to spend as much time together as possible before she left for rehab tomorrow. And Sata and A3 were in their rooms asleep. Aug was in the bedroom lying down and I decided against going in there. If he didn’t agree with my decision to have her here, he didn’t verbally express it. He just stayed locked in the bedroom all day.
I realized what I was telling Donielle is what I had been feeling subconsciously but never verbally expressed it. I know I’m too old to be concerned with the affairs of 20 year olds, but I asked myself, was I like Karruche?
She repeatedly, constantly takes Chris back. Even after he publically disrespected her the way he did. And she said she was broken up with him for good. But on Christmas he bought her two diamond rings, indicating they were back together. She couldn’t last two weeks without him.
And I may have judged the little girl before, but deep down I understood her. You have such a history with a person, like Aug and I have…
(and in no way and I’m comparing Aug and I to chris and karreuche, I’m just saying I understand in part why she takes him back)
And you think about the history and feel like, I can’t just let that go. But sometimes the history you have, isn’t as important as the future.
Why should we continually take idiots back, even after they disrespect us to the tenth power. Based upon some old ass memories?
I have gave everything I possibly could to August my time, my energy, my talents ( my work), my body. And he still finds a way every time to make me feel low.
But I have always forgiven him quicker than people line up to buy the new jordans and he changes for a minute. Tells me sweet things – like baby I’m sorry. Baby I didn’t mean it. Baby I’m young. Baby I’m you my everything. Baby you’re beautiful. Baby I can’t live without you.
But if you can’t live without me, why do you constantly make the same fucking mistakes?
It’s because you think I’ll never leave. And if you do think I’ll go, you think I’ll come crawling back. And I have never proved you wrong, so of course, you believe these things to be correct.
And for the first time in a long time I asked myself, why do I put up with him continuously disrespecting me?
Love does not talk to you with disrespect. Love does not hit or almost hit you. Love does what I have done ever since I met him, which is show the upmost respect. And I admit I am not perfect, but I have always made myself smaller, so that he could shine brighter. Constantly.
And I just don’t feel like I deserve that anymore. Maybe I should do what Karreuche didn’t do. Not just leave, but stay gone. I really didn’t want to end my marriage, but I was questioning, was it even worth it anymore.
And honestly, I don’t know. What do you think?