Okay so the fourth wall is pretty much nonexistent in this episode- my bad
•••••
The day finally rolled around on which the discussion would occur.
Which discussion? you may be asking yourself.
Well, the one where John, Thomas and I would decide what we were going to do about the three of us. You know- we have to talk about how I have a crush on the two of them and they both have crushes on me. Make up our minds about the whole ordeal.
Okay, now that I've explained, I'm totally freaking out! God, this has to be the third time my nerves have gotten to me.
The author tells me that me being such a nervous wreck makes all of you nervous but I just can't help it- sorry, everyone.
Despite the feeling I had about this being a good thing and this talk going well, I just had this awful, nagging question in the back of my mind: what if it doesn't?
I know, I know, it's a dumb thing to do- psyching myself out right before something important. Unfortunately, that small portion of my mind happens to disagree because the goddamn question just won't go away.
They both like me. I like both of them. I already know what I want to say. I just hope they can both get on board with my idea.
My hands got clammy as I sat on the couch, waiting (im)patiently for John to come pick me up. I tapped my foot nervously.
Where was he? Did he forget? Did he and Thomas just decide to cancel without telling me? Maybe neither of them was serious. Maybe it was some horrible, cruel joke to-
"Alex, John just pulled into the driveway," James informed me from the window. I blinked as the blade of a car horn could be heard from outside.
Goddammit, Alex. Why do you do this to yourself?
I sighed, pinching myself relatively hard to make sure I wasn't dreaming.
Ow. Definitely not dreaming.
I guess this was really happening.
I picked myself up, forcing my feet to walk me out of the door and making my hands open the door so I could get into the car. John smiled at me, but it was drawn back- slightly tense.
Neither of us spoke the entire drive.
If I say something, it's definitely going to be about everything going on with the three of us-
"Best to wait until it's actually all three of us," John chuckled.
I blushed. "Did I say that out loud?"
"Yeup."
Shit.
I looked down at my lap, twiddling my thumbs nervously as the tense silence settled back over the two of us.
Eventually, we pulled into Thomas's driveway. I was hopping out before John even parked the car.
I stopped to stare at the magnificent home in front of me.
Thomas's house was gorgeous- not to mention huge. I should've guessed from the second we entered the neighborhood that he'd live in a fucking mansion.
The house was clearly styled after the Victorian era, what with its three stories and old brick body. There was a balcony wrapping around the entire front of the second floor, supported by white columns resting on the first-floor landing- it appeared to go all the way around. The steps leading up to the porch were a mossy brown stone. There were more windows than I could count, and the roof towered so high above me it felt as if the house were leaning over to mock me in its glory. I could feel my mouth hanging wide, but I didn't care. This place was beautiful.
"Are you ok?" John asked, seemingly unfazed by this architectural masterpiece.
"You didn't tell me Thomas lives in a fucking mansion," I gaped.
"Oh- I didn't think I had to."
The way he brushed off my remark almost startled me. That was uncharacteristically John.
We walked to the door together. I knocked.
There was some rustling, the sound of something metal hitting the floor, a few curses thrown at someone, and then the click of the lock turning before Thomas opened the door.
"Hey y'all- come on in- ignore my dumb ass sister while she breaks the whole fucking kitchen," he said, each word louder and louder to make sure his sister could hear.
I had to snort as a feminine voice shouted a lovely 'fuck you' from wherever the hell Thomas's kitchen was.
The three of us entered the house and holy mother of shit it was even bigger on the inside- there is no way I could possibly describe to you, dear reader, just how marvelous the interior of this place was.
Jesus Christ.
Thomas led John and I up two flights of stairs and down a long hall to what was, presumably, his bedroom.
When I tell you Thomas's room could have been a library, I mean it. There were shelves lining every single wall of the room, all filled to the brim and then some with what was probably thousands of books in all colors and sizes- each of them looked worn as if they had been read one hundred times each.
There was a single window lighting the room, only making it look more magical.
I nearly swooned.
It's official. Thomas is husband material.
Beneath the single window in the room was a king-sized bed- that was where we all sat. Except for Thomas- opposite of that bed was a dark oak desk, matching the wood of all of the shelves throughout the room- he pulled the chair away from that gorgeous desk(I was nearly drooling over this entire room by this point), sitting in front of John and me.
"So," Thomas started.
I swallowed.
"So," John repeated.
Silence.
I realized they were both looking at me.
"Oh- I- um... w-well I..." I chewed on my lip out of nervousness. John rested a hand over mine briefly.
"Take your time," he smiled reassuringly.
That gave me a bit more confidence. "I don't know if you two would want this- hell, I'm barely certain that I want it- but... I would like to... join your relationship. And- and be your boyfriend." I cringed as the word left my mouth, able to meet the gazes of neither John nor Thomas.
I felt like their eyes were burning holes into my head. Thomas spoke again first.
"Well, I'm for it. I mean, I've never done anything like polyamory before but it's worth a shot, right? I'll try anything once."
My heart leaped into my throat. That's one down.
"John?" I prompted, gazing briefly at the freckled man, who looked deep in thought.
"Hmm... I'm not sure."
My stomach dropped. "What do you mean?"
"I've never done anything like that. I'd be inexperienced. I barely know anything about polyamory in the first place- I'm not saying no, but I think I need to look a little more into it on my own before I come to a conclusion."
Thomas nodded. "That's a good point. Research is your best friend in situations like this."
"Mhm. Don't get me wrong, Lex, I like you- I really do- I just want to be sure I'm making the right decision for myself- for all of us."
"Of course," I nodded in understanding. "No problem."
John got up. "I should actually get home before it gets to be too late- I'll let you guys know when I come to a decision." He gave Thomas a quick kiss and then walked out the door.
Thomas and I sat in silence for a bit. It had to have been five minutes later when my heart started to pound and I stood up in a panic.
"Shit!" I exclaimed, running my hands through my hair. "Dammit dammit dammit- you're an idiot, Alex! A damned fool!" I whispered harshly to myself, staring hard at the open doorway of Thomas's room.
"Woah hey," the taller man stood up with a frown. "What's wrong? Are you ok?"
"No, I'm not- I'm stupid that's what I am."
"Hey relax- it'll be ok- you didn't say anything wrong. I'm glad you told us how you feel. And John didn't say no, he just needs to do some thinking. We should too, actually."
"What?" I was confused.
Oh. He thought I was panicking because of what I had said.
"No no no- I'm not freaking out... for once. I will admit I was surprised when I didn't start having a panic attack over John's reaction. I... I just have a feeling he won't say no."
Thomas paused. "Then... what's wrong?"
Oh yeah- then, of course, there was the actual reason I freaked out. "John was my ride home and he just left without me!"
•••••
Word count: 1,488
Whoop I am very happy with that chapter!
If nobody catches the Bo Burnham reference I will be very distressed lol
And, guys, before I conclude this chapter I'd like you to know that all of your comments are important to me- even if I don't respond, I see each and every comment you leave and I appreciate all of them. To all of my commenters and voters: thank you. Thank you so much for giving me all of the love- you all give me my inspiration to keep writing.
Thank you for reading- I hope to see you all in the next chapter- have a great day/night- byyyyyyyyyye