Logan
THORNE
Four Years Ago
"Happy 21st birthday, Logan!" Grant shouted as he handed me another shot and clapped me on the shoulder. He brought me to this club to celebrate.
I always liked when he touched me. It was strange, but it felt...right. I threw back my shot and looked over at him. He was smiling at me; it was one of those smiles that sent a chill down the center of your back. His blonde hair was brushed back from his face, which only made his baby blue eyes even more piercing.
There have been a few times where longing and curious looks were exchanged. There were a few times I noticed his eyes roaming over me when we were at the pool or the beach. To be honest, there were a times I was on the other end of that. I was the one staring. Wanting. But he and I never pursued it. His parents would probably disown him if they found out. As for mine, they were amazing. But I still didn't know how they would react to this.
Then there was my brother. Wyatt has always known me as a ladies man. I was the guy who dated girls like there was no tomorrow. And I did. I've always tried to deny who I really was, and it's been exhausting.
But now—Now it was different. At least it felt different where Grant was concerned. I've known him since college. We were taking the same Sociology class and ended up partnered together for a project. We got along well and started to hang out outside of class. I think that was the first time either of us really felt something for someone of the same sex.
The club music was thumping and the strobe lights were flashing everywhere. As I held his stare, he seemed to know exactly what I was feeling. I kept my eyes on him and his lips parted slightly. His hand slid from my shoulder to my neck, then it was cupping the side of my face. Everything around us seemed to fall away. The loud music of the club went to a low hum. The hundreds of people dancing turned into a blur. It was just me...and Grant. I felt my tongue instinctively wet my lips in preparation. Then it happened...
Grant placed his lips against mine and I melted. I thought it was going to be quick. Just a peck. But it was anything but that. He placed his free hand on the other side of my face as he explored my mouth with his tongue. The only sound in the loud club that I could hear was my own heartbeat pounding in my chest. Everything inside me told me this was wrong. It told me to stop. Warning bells that someone might see us were screaming in my head. But as I heard him moan a little as he deepened the kiss--I was lost to him.
My left hand went to Grant's waist as I cupped the back of his neck with my right. The kiss got even more heated, and I found myself wondering if we were going to end up at his place with our clothes off. That thought would normally terrify me, but not this time. This time-- this time I hungered for it.
I pulled away from the pleasures of his mouth to ask him if he wanted the same. Then it all got shot to hell.
"I need to go," he had said. I saw the panic that flickered across his face. I saw the fear. I recognized it from the mirror I looked in every morning. I couldn't do anything but watch as he turned and walked away from me.
"Hey, there," came a female voice and I turned towards it, "I heard it was your birthday. Can I buy you a drink?"
I glanced back in the direction that Grant fled and knew whatever that was between us was over. I got to my feet and extended my hand to the woman who made the offer. "I would love that. I'm Logan. What's your name?"
She smiled as she placed her hand in mine. "Rachel. It's nice to meet you."
"Wow, Logan." Amelia put her hand to her forehead as she tried to process what I just told her. "So, you and Grant have been friends and that was the first time you guys...kissed?"
"Yes," I answered honestly. We got back from our trip to the lake house yesterday. The whole ride back to the city, I could tell there was something wrong with her. Every time I asked, she would say she was all right.
Then this morning, she texted me and asked me to come over. She said we needed to talk. That's when she told me she had witnessed me kissing Grant at the lake house. My heart had dropped in my stomach. I thought I was going to throw up when she said that.
When she asked me to explain to her what that was about, I was surprised that she didn't sound angry or hateful. She was confused and curious at the same time. So, I told her about the first time Grant and I had given in to those feelings.
"That was four years ago," she said. "According to you, that's when you met Rachel. I remember Wyatt mentioning her. He told me you had dated her for a little over a year."
I leaned back on her couch. "Yeah. I met her that night at the club. I was so freaked out and upset about what happened with Grant that I went on one date with her. After that, I needed some time. One year later I ran into her again and that's when we started dating. That's when Grant was also dating a girl named Jill."
"You guys just ignored the connection you had?"
I laughed a little to myself. Classic Amelia. She always wanted the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. "Yeah," I answered. "We both had our...demons, I guess."
"Okay. I know you were with Rachel for about a year. What happened with that?"
I closed my eyes tight and took a deep breath. I needed a minute to prepare myself to tell this story. I promised her the truth, so that's what I was going to give her.
"It was Grant's twenty-third birthday..."
Two Years Ago
"Hey, guys," Grant said as he got to his feet to hug Rachel. When he turned towards me, there was a moment of awkwardness before he held out his hand. "It's good to see you, Logan."
"You, too," I replied as I shook his hand. "It's not everyday someone turns twenty-three."
He laughed as we took out seats. "Yeah, I can't believe it."
Neither could I. The night we kissed on my birthday seemed like yesterday. Hard to believe that was a little over two years ago. Once we sat down and ordered our drinks, we started talking about work, life, and other non-important things. Grant and I still hung out frequently, but ever since that night, it's felt different.
"So, where's Jill?" Rachel asked as she sipped her wine.
Grant nearly choked on his drink as his eyes flicked briefly to mine. "Uh—Jill. Right. It hasn't been working for a while, actually. We broke up a week ago."
Were my hands sweating? They felt like they were sweating. I wiped them on my pants as Rachel said, "Oh, Grant, I'm so sorry. Are you going to be alright?"
Before he could answer, her cell phone went off. "Oh, damn. Its work." She rose from the table. "I'll be right back."
There was a moment of awkward silence after Rachel left the table. Even though Grant and I have hung out multiple times alone since the kiss, birthdays were always a little awkward considering what happened.
"Sucks about you and Jill. I really thought you guys were going to make it." It was a lie, but the silence was killing me. From the few times I saw them together over the past year, Grant always seemed to look like he wanted to run as far and as fast as he could from her. I couldn't really blame him though, could I?
His eyes met mine and he answered in a low voice, "We tried to make it work. It just...wasn't meant to be I guess."
Before I could say anything back to him, Rachel returned to the table. "I'm so sorry you guys, but I have to go into work. It's an emergency." She looked over to Grant. "Forgive me?"
"Of course," he said with a charming smile. "And don't worry about Logan. He and I will go to my place, order some pizza, and I'll have him back home before he turns into a pumpkin."
Rachel laughed before placing money on the table. "This is for the wine." She leaned down to give me a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you later. Cinderella."
I rolled my eyes at her attempt at humor. Once she was gone, Grant met my stare and held up his keys. "Ready?"
Well, that was a loaded question. "Yeah. Let's get the hell out of here."
Three Hours Later
"Want another beer?" Grant asked from beside me on his couch.
I ran my hand over my face. I've been hanging out at his apartment for a couple hours now. We ordered some pizza and started watching a football game that was on. "Nah, I'm good," I answered. "I should probably go."
Just as I got to my feet, he reached out and grabbed my hand. That familiar shiver shot down my spine. I froze where I stood, but I didn't look at him. I couldn't look at him.
He must have known that, because next thing I knew, he was standing in front of me. "Stay." It came out as a soft plea. "Stay with me, Logan."
"Why should I?" The words came out harsher than I meant, he knew what the cause of my frustration was. Whenever we got close, one or both of us pulled apart. I didn't think I could keep doing that over and over again.
Grant cursed under his breath before he glanced away. When his eyes met mine again, they were full of an emotion I couldn't name. "I'm sorry, Logan. I'm sorry for what happened that night. I--I was scared. I was a coward and I ran away. I tried to hide how I felt about you in my relationship with Jill, and we both know how that ended."
I couldn't speak. Couldn't breathe. He seemed to always have that effect on me.
His eyes dropped to my lips. "Do you still want me, Logan?" he whispered.
"Yes," I answered before I could stop myself.
Everything went supersonic after that. He crushed his mouth to mine with desperate need and I welcomed it. I was semi-aware that he was ushering me towards his bedroom. He pulled away from me and lifted my shirt over my head before throwing it to the floor. I felt his fingers working the waistband of my jeans. This time, neither of us stopped the other...
"Amelia, please say something," I pleaded as she remained quiet.
She ran her hands through her hair. "I just-- I'm surprised, I guess." She frowned as she looked at me. "Why didn't you ever tell us that you were--"
"I don't know what I am," I rushed out quickly. That was one of my problems. Trying to figure out and accept myself. "After that night," I explained, "I broke up with Rachel. Grant and I drifted apart a little, too. I think what happened between us kind of freaked both of us out. I guess we both had trouble facing the truth. So, a year went by, and then I went on a date with you."
"Why did you? Was I an experiment?"
I could hear the hurt in her voice and I didn't blame her. "No, Amelia. I was attracted to you. At least, I thought I was. I don't know if it was subconsciously or not. I was alone for a year after...that night. When I started dating you, I actually started to feel happy again. Maybe it was because I've known you for so long and I trusted you. Maybe I wanted to be, I don't know, normal. Maybe I was scared mostly of my dad. Of how he would see me and...the business."
She knew exactly what I was referring to. She looked away before she asked her next question. "Did you sleep with him again before you proposed to me?"
I made sure to look her in the eyes so she knew I was telling the truth. "No. I didn't see him again until after that. I felt the pressure of joining my dad's business and marrying you. It wasn't that I didn't want to marry you. I guess, I started to realize that I was lying to myself and to you. I felt like I was being pulled in every direction."
I ran my hand over my face. "I was drinking one night. A little too much. I started thinking about him one night when we were the lake house. That's when I reached out to him. And you know the rest."
Amelia had explained to me that she had seen the text messages on my phone. I had never felt more ashamed of myself then when she told me she knew that I had cheated on her. I maybe be confused as fuck about how I feel about her, but I did care about her. She didn't deserve that.
"Thank you, Logan, for telling me the truth. But I need to confess something too."
It took her a several seconds to find the words.
"I slept with Wyatt."
Okay...I wasn't expecting that.