By ѕαкυяα
"Taehyung- Tae- Please Tae don't close your eyes. It would be all right. The- the ambulance is almost here. Taehyung." Taehyung was lying there, his head on my lap as he was struggling to breathe. Eunbin was pressing a clothe over his chest to cease the blood flow but the clothe was getting redder every passing second.
"Why di-did you come in front of me?" Tears were continuously falling from my eyes.
"It should have been me. I should be the one who was supposed to be shot." I took his hands in mine as I leaned my forehead against the back of his palm.
"Why? why? wh-" I was cut off when I felt his hand trying to brush against my cheeks. I looked up and met his eyes. They were filled with pain. Every breathe he took pained him.
"Don't" he paused. "Don't say th-those words in front of me." he was visibly struggling to talk.
"Tae please don't talk. it will worsen the pain." I caressed his forehead.
"No le-let me please." with his shaking hands he brushed of my tears making more to flow.
"I ha-have always hurt you Yoona. Al-wa-ys made you suf-suffer. I am th-the reason why you always en-ended up being in pa-pain. I am- I am the wo-worst husband. I didn't-ah." his grip on my hands tightened as he struggled to take a breathe.
"Tae-" I couldn't complete my words as more tears started come out blurring my vision. i couldn't take it anymore. Seeing him in so much pain; I felt like the world was crashing around me.
"Taehyung please don't talk." Eunbin said in a shaky voice pressing a new clothe on his chest.
"No-no I have to. A-at that day" he paused to take a breathe. "Whe-when you said th-that you gave yo-your heart to me" his breathe hitched again panicking me as I rubbed his hands.
"Taehyung. Please li-listen to me Tae." my lips were trembling as I felt dizzy. His hand was tightly holding mine, fingers intertwined as if in the blink of an eye I would be vanished.
"Th-that day I wan-ted to te-tell you so-me-thing bu-but I couldn't." he took another long breathe and I felt himself shaking a bit. A tear drop rolled from his eyes to the side as he looked at me.
"Tae-Tae please don't act like you are go-going some wh-where. I will listen to eve-everything. I wouldn't le-let you go anywhere-" I was instantly shut by a hand over my lips.
"I won't ge-get an-another chance. Yoona you ha-have to let me g-go so please let me te-tell you th-that day I wan-wanted to s-say
I lo-love you." and he closed his eyes.
.
.
.
Numbness, a feeling of nothing but that is exactly how I was feeling. Funny isn't it? There wasn't any feeling yet I was feeling it.
Every second felt like hours. Every passing breathe felt like the last one. y eyes were dry from crying.
Maybe that's what you call no tears left to cry.
My eyes were fixated on the door of the operation theatre; waiting for it to be opened.
Life is cruel, really cruel. It never gives you the things you want and even if it gives you it gives at a time when your hands are tied behind your back.
There is no happy or sad days actually. There is always a balance. No ones life is happy or sad exactly. Its your loved ones that makes it brighter. Its something you want to do that makes it happier. Its your ambition and goal that pushes you through the rough times.
Its okay to not be fine. You don't always have to be happy.
I tried to make my days happy, forcibly. If I hadn't said those words that day to Taehyung maybe, maybe nothing like this would have happened today.
Love isn't some thing that can be earned with arm-twisting.
Loving someone doesn't necessarily means to get that person. People say one sided love hurts but it will hurt more if they end up being in pain because of you.
I felt someone stroking my head. "It would be all right Yoona. Don't worry." it was Yoongi.
"Oppa-oppa it was all my fault." I broke down again in his embrace as she kept on stroking me.
"No Yoona. No it wasn't your fault. Taehyung saved you because-because he loves you. You would have done the same for him too." Yoongi said in a soothing voice.
"But I am not the one in the Operation theater. He said- he- he said he loves me oppa. He said he loves me but I didnt even got the chance to say it back. Why? Why did he take the bullet?" I pulled my hair. I continued pulling it until I felt soreness in my scalp.
"Yoona stop it. It won't do anything." It was Megan's voice. I looked up to see her in a messed up state.
"Yoona." she hugged me tight as I let myself cry on her shoulder.
"Pulling your hair wouldn't do anything. It wasn't your fault. It was nobodies fault." she whispered soothingly in my ear.
"Bu-but Meg he said he loves me. He said that when- when I couldn't even said it back. Why?" I let more tears fall.
"He has always loved you." she said making me look at her.
"Yes Yoona. He has always loved you. He acted that way because he was scared. Scared that he would end up where his parents ended. Thats why he was like that Yoona but belive me he had fell for you a long time ago." Megan told me but it made my heart ache more.
"But-but he- he never-" my mind was already a mess. The world was already spinning and now her words made me more puzzled.
"Hard to believe, isn't it?" another voice made me look up. It belonged to Jimin. His state was not better than mine though. He was trying hard not to cry.
"Remember how I used to tell you not to leave him. It was because he needed time. It wasn't entirely his fault for acting so rough. Heck, it wasn't at all his fault. Knowing him from his childhood I have seen what he had went through." Jimin said sighing.
"He have always been secluded, sheltering himself from feelings. He thought that if he let anyone pass through it he would get hurt. He had lost all his faith on love and trust. He saw it as some deal. But believe me Yoona time was all that he needed and he would be translucent." Jimin's word made more tears fall down.
All those time I had considered him anything but a monster, he was just trying to protect himself. He was afraid, afraid that I might hurt him!
I exhaled thinking about how wrong I was to judge him by outside, not even trying to know him, not even trying to look through his heart. I just saw what he showed, not even bothering to look past it.
If I had tried. If I had tried a little hard maybe things would be different. I should have given him time.
After hearing those words I felt my chest tightening more. I felt like someone was grasping my throat hard making h=it hard to breathe. My eyes were burning but the tears hadn't stopped yet. It was not in my control, flowing on its on.
My head was feeling heavy and I felt like falling down even though was sitting on a chair. The room felt like it was spinning and with that I closed my eyes.
"Drink this." I opened my eyes with a shake on my shoulder. It was Jungkook standing there with an instant cup soup.
"I do-don't want to- please." I said in a small voice.
"Yoona, starving wouldn't do anything. You haven't eaten from the time you were kidnapped. This way you will become weaker." Jungkook sat beside me. I didnt notice when Megan left.
"I can't Kook. It won't go down my throat." I felt the tears pulling in my eyes again. The thought of gulping something made a feeling of throwing up.
"I can understand Yoona but you have to stay strong, for you, for him. He will be all right. Everything will be fine." he gave me a reassuring smile.
"give it to me. I will feed her." It was Ara's voice. She took the soup cup from Koo and sat on the otherside of me.
"Yoona, you have always told me to stay strong. Now if your will power fall apart like this then- then how can we stay strong. Taehyung would not want you to starve either. When he will wake up he would not want to you to look like some zombie." he smiled a little trying to lighten the mood and i nodded.
"I can understand how hard it must be but being like this wont help either. Go to the restroom and splash some water on your face and then drink tis. You will feel better." She brushed away the tears from my eyes and help me get up.
When i reached the washroom I went to the sink splashing water on my face trying to wash away all the weakness.
Yes I would stay strong.
"Tae, it will be all right. We will have a new start. We will put the pieces of our puzzle again and this time it would be matching. I would be careful to chose the lines for our story. Lets have a fresh start." I was ranting like some lunatic looking at the mirror in front of me.
I felt like screaming, pulling my hair, throwing up, kicking, jumping and everything else. I was loosing my sanity. The thought, the possibility of not seeing him ever again was creating a void, an emptiness.
I put my hands on both side of the sink, leaning above it. I have always wanted to avoid him but now just the thought was enough to made me feel like collapsing.
"Why did you take the bullet? I would never be able to forgive myself." I cried out loud in the empty room.
"Why didn't you tell me your feelings. Why had you always pushed me away?" I said closing my eyes just, hoping all of it to become a nightmare.
But reality is darker, scarier than any nightmares.
A/N: I have made you guys wait for such bad chapter. i wanted to write more today but i am tired. Also i enjoyed the Bang Bang Con very much and now i am missing them even more.
Also i have changed my pen name. This time it would be final. Its Sakura, which means cherry blossom in Japanese.