-Tired, exhausted yet still so strong-
Lina
He called again and again.
Often, there were accusations about why I wasn't coming to pay him a visit at the hospital. He was missing me...seeing those tears in my eyes hurt him. He told me that the nurses had told him what had happened...and he was sorry. Again, he wanted me to understand the reasons and claimed that it was just a bad dream, and nothing more.
I didn't respond.
A deep feeling hit me. Despite our divorce, I had still been clinging to his heart and, unconsciously, hoping to get him back. But the reality was that my ex-husband had fallen for two hearts, and I just didn't have the guts to accept that. All his claims, secrets and reasons had hidden the fact that he had fallen for her. The way he had called for her...that wasn't a protective cry...it was an agonizing scream of someone who had lost someone dear.
I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to even think about him now. My weak and naive heart was done still holding affection for him...I had been a naive fool to still have him torturing my world.
My daughter...I would raise her on my own. I couldn't wait to earn her back and be the strong mother she wants me to be. My world, everything was her, and I was no longer going to let Mehdi affect that. I was determined to leave that man in my past now. No more wallowing in self-pity, denying reality...and looking back at my past.
I was in the present now, and it was about time I started looking at my present. Mehdi did. He broke my heart, broke our home because of his mistakes, yet he was still crying for that woman who he claimed to not love. I was his world, and I was paying the price for being his world.
Damaged, used and broken...my treatment for allowing him to hold a home in my heart.
At the restaurant, my day had turned aggravating and extremely awkward. After making that confession, Kivanc had grown so bold. I wanted to focus only on my daughter and our future now, and he had started so openly and crassly announcing his affection for me. It made everything so uncomfortable for me.
I wasn't a person who enjoyed open announcements, and my ex had also been shy like me, so I wasn't really comfortable when a man was being so bold and loud about his feelings. I didn't think of him as someone being comfortable with expressing his emotions and confessing his feelings for a girl, given that he had a horrible experience with that, but I guess he was brave when it came to falling for someone.
He would call me bella, a beautiful damsel in front of Dania, Hania, and Marina. He would stare in my direction, his attention on me being noticed by everyone. Once I accidentally slammed the kitchen door on his hand, and he started smirking about how he would even take a bullet for me. Hania, who, at that time, had been standing beside me, giggled out loud, but all I could do was subtly roll my eyes.
I really didn't like being sweet-talked to.
My heart couldn't understand how he had started liking me. Our personalities were so repelling, I had kept my distance and stayed reserved, so why was he claiming to fall for me? It didn't make sense.
Liking me didn't make sense because I knew that I gave people too many choices to leave. In fact, Kivanc had so many beautiful girls fawning over him, so why go after the one girl who carried so much baggage and was visibly disgusted by his crass ways? Did scars attract scars? I didn't want to deal with anyone's tangled emotions now.
I had started to find Kivanc as a reasonable man, but after that whole bullet incident and his boldness when it came to expressing his feelings for me, I just didn't know how to deal with him. He would openly ask Marina to not make me do so much work because he didn't like it...would receive disapproving looks for Marina when he would loudly talk to her about how beautiful my eyes were while keeping his gaze on me. All the girls would be there, and it would just be embarrassing for me.
Usually, I would just turn red and keep on working as the others laughed at my expense. Hania had even started to tease me and made a ship name while Alizeh would try to rescue me from this embarrassment. Dania seemed uninterested by the whole scene. I felt like she didn't like Kivanc being so frank and straightforward. In one of our random conversations, she confessed to how some man didn't deserve to fall in love. I felt like she was referring to him.
Now walking to the bus station, I could hear him walk behind me...his causal and subtle steps. It was annoying me. I could understand that he had developed this infatuation with me, but he needed to get over it. This phase of his was something I no longer had a heart or mind to spare. He had seen what happened when one falls for a person, so why couldn't he take it as a lesson? I had...the deep-grutching pain that came with love just wasn't worth it.
"Will you mind?" I finally turned toward him in a stern manner, still being careful not to trigger his temper. Despite him being in a jolly good mood these days, I hadn't forgotten the deadly vibe hidden in the depths of his soul. One strike alone from him would crush me.
"Actually, yes...I do mind you ignoring me, bambino," he grinned wide, making me frown. He was back to being the crass man who got slapped by me. I hadn't been in control of my temper for a very long time, and he was really pushing my limits.
Breathing in, I turned back again...only to have him suddenly jog and stand in front of me. His towering height made me feel so intimidated. I took a step back from him, feeling caught off guard by his height.
Up close, he made me feel so tiny and miniature. His bandana and chains really felt intimidating.
"Lina," Sudden sombreness coated his tone as he spoke to me.
"Yes," I lowered my head, feeling so awkward and nervous.
"I am an impatient, man. I don't beat around the bush, and when I love a girl, I am not afraid to tell her. I confess and make sure to have her known as mine. So..here, I got you this..."
Quickly looking up, I saw him holding a golden ring between his thumb and forefinger.
My eyes widened with shock and astonishment.
"What-"
Immediately, we heard someone call Kivanc from behind us. Turning around, I saw it was the girl from the fruit shop. She was smiling and waving at Kivanc.
"I got your message!" She gushed out loud.
A small smirk appeared on Kivanc's face.
Rolling his eyes in a mischievous way, he turned to look at me and raised an eyebrow...asking for my answer. He was still holding the ring in his hands and had a charming smile. I couldn't believe this man.
He claimed to like me, wanted to marry me, but was still sending messages to other girls. For him, this was just a game, a challenge...a stubborn wish. He knew I had a daughter, knew my struggles and was still choosing to get me entrapped in his messed-up ways. A sense of disgust and fury filled me, along with some hurt hidden in my heart...this is how men treated me now. Mehdi, Kivanc...I was just one of the choices for these men; nothing permanent. Just temporary.
No." I spoke loudly...gritting my teeth.
"Excuse me?"
"I don't want this ring. In fact, I don't want to be your girl!" I fumed, watching him look at me with a shocked expression. I guess this was not the reaction he expected from me. "You are ill-mannered. You sweet-talk so many girls and have them string along while you move on to others. I don't even want to get started on how harsh and cruel you can be, and I definitely don't want that kind of a man to help me in taking care of my daughter, who is my sole focus now. So, kindly, whatever you are trying to do...no matter how noble your intentions are, I want no part in it. And frankly, from what I have heard about your past, neither should you."
Not waiting to see the impact of my words, I side-stepped Kivanc and quickly began rushing towards the bus station. The hot fury...the pain...it was running so deep. I hadn't been in control. And right now, I felt like punching something. This wasn't healthy. My emotional health wasn't stable.
With all the betrayals, hurt...I had just used Kivanc as my punching bag. I shouldn't have. I could have simply said no, but to see another man decide to string me along as he loved another just triggered me in the worst ways. I was not someone's time-pass. I wasn't a simple form of infatuation.
Loving Mehdi had made me forget that I wasn't the choice. He had rescued my heart, made me feel so special by choosing me, but I had also made the choice of offering him my heart. The way our society had praised him, congratulated me for marrying such a gentleman, had made me forget that my heart was equally as powerful as his.
Upon reaching the motel, I felt like going straight to sleep. This was what would happen after my temper fits; my adrenaline rush would be followed by deep exhaustion. Stepping inside the motel, I heard low sobbing echoing from the kitchen.
"Roseena..." I called out, my heart sinking with fear and worry. "What is wrong?"
"Lina..." she cried, as I reached the kitchen's entrance. "I am selling the motel."
Kivanc
Twirling the ring between his fingers, Kivanc was sitting on a brown couch, inside his father's main office, staring at plain air while resting his head on his palm, his elbow digging deep into the couch's arm. His father was silently signing some papers. He had no idea why he had been called to the main quarters today, but he wasn't really too bothered about that. His mind was elsewhere.
She had rejected him. With her eyebrows narrowed in the cutest manner, she had pushed his feelings away while not listening to the fluttering echoing inside his heart. A small, almost amused yet slightly bitter, smile on his face. He wasn't really unfamiliar with rejection. The woman he liked had already fallen for some elite men, so the deadliness and rawness that came with his personality often disgusted them. But he couldn't really blame Lina for rejecting him. That woman was sweet, naive and probably hated love for breaking her heart. Her ex had been so weak.
Kivanc was going to show this woman how precious and worthy her heart was. She didn't deserve to have a weak man to take care of it. She deserved strength, possessiveness and devotion. He was going to make sure she wore this ring.
"So, Zara told me that you have been refusing her calls and have yet to show her the main buildings for our empire." His father now spoke in a disapproving manner, causing Kivanc to look at him and give a half-looped smirk.
"She must have mistaken. I had my people attend her calls and show-"
"Not people. I want you to make sure Zara gets to know more about our business...if you still want it." His father interrupted in a cold tone. He was still signing the papers, dipping the ink pen in a pot of ink, yet the tone made it clear to Kivanc.
This was a warning from the Mafia King.
Obedience was a must here.
"The Mafia Queen needs to be strong enough to deal with matters on her own. She will not be allowed to weaken our roots." Kivanc sat up straight...his facade cold and ruthless again. He wasn't going to back down. He knew the best way to deal with his father was to stay alert, strong and remain confident.
Any hesitance or weakness, and his father would be quick to pick on it. He wouldn't let his old man intimidate him.
"You are right." A pleasant smile appeared on his father's face. "So, I see you have already brought her a ring." He noticed, leaning back on my armchair and folding his arms.
Kivanc smirked. "I brought a ring for my girl. Did you buy my mother a ring, too?" He mused...his voice testing and full of challenge.
"Oh, no, no, my son " With a dark malicious gleam prominent in his eyes, his father shook his head....seemingly playing along. "I simply brought her from her father. You see, my son, as our next king, you must know that you don't vow women. You set a cheap price."
Disgusting!
Kivanc had to work hard to hide the scowl appearing on his face. He simply clenched his jaw and rolled his eyes.
"I find it hard to believe that you would spend your money on others," he countered, using a different way to stand up against his father's disgusting thoughts. He had grown up in a place where most men thought like this, where women were horribly treated...but hearing that his own mother was treated in the same way irritated him.
The disgust, the pain...he simply looked away from his father and started staring at the ring. The woman, who was going to wear this ring, calmed his heart so much. He needed that to stop himself from acting irrationally. Soon...he promised to himself. He just needed to wait until he become the next leader, then so many rules would change.
Just a little more time...
"You are right, my son. I don't." His father laughed in the most pleasant manner as if Kivanc had cracked some kind of hilarious joke.
"Oh, but my son..." The man continued. "So don't you, and that is why I was thinking that we should make that man pay his debt already."
Kivanc sat up at this. "What man?"
"Be alert, my boy..." The coldness returned back in his father's tone. He shot Kivanc a sharp glare and placed curled fists on the desk before him. "I am talking about the man whom you have chosen to punish in your own way. I am getting bored by his constant begging, so I am thinking about kidnapping his woman already and getting her married to our guard. That will surely motivate that man."
"That man is no longer married, so I don't think we should grab her-"
"We should." His father persisted, staring at Kivanc with a calculative look.
"I don't-"
"Kivanc," There was a steely warning in there for him to be quiet. "I allow you to live away from our grounds, allow you to have your privacy and keep my men away from you, but I will definitely not approve of you letting that part of your life turn you into a feeble and weak man. The Mafia men don't go back on our decisions. Understood?"
"Clearly." Kivanc stretched the word. There was no worry-filled in his heart because he knew what exactly he was going to do now. His father might be the Mafia King, but he was his son. One thing his father had forgotten about Mafia men did get what they want. And he wanted Lina to be only his girl. Fists were curled. The plan was set. He just hoped that Lina wouldn't hate him for what he was about to do.
a/n: thank you so much for reading, commenting, voting, sharing...
Deep apologies for updating so late. I just got so caught up with my work, then had some electricity issue, etc (you know all those online classes)....so it was like this combination of so many things. I will try to update as soon as possible now.
Hope you are all safe and doing well. Stay healthy and smiling. Also, know that good hearts are never forgotten. Do good and see its ripple effect.
Q1. What do you think?
Q2. What do you think Kivanc has planned?