ALTERNATIVE PLANS PART 1
****For those of you who stuck with me, I’m just going to say we are going to go on an absolute journey with these two. Shit is just gonna keep getting deeper and deeper. This isn’t just fiction anymore, it’s gonna be real life. Man. Love y’all. And do not be afraid to comment. No more silent readers. Say something. ****
AMBER P.O.V. –
I looked over at the clock it read 3:27 a.m. I slowly turned from on my side, to on my back and starred up at the ceiling in the darkness. I didn’t want to wake August I knew he had work in the morning and he was sound asleep.
But I was in absolutely excruciating pain. This time it was not only my back it was my stomach. It felt in a way like I was having contractions. Which anyone who has had a child, knows that pain is not a joke.
I closed my eyes to try to get back to sleep but I couldn’t. I slowly sat up and rested my feet on the floor while I tried to catch my barrens before standing up.
I slowly stood and made my way to the bathroom. I cut on the lights and saw my night pants were completely covered in blood in the crotch area.
“Baby!” I yelled to Aug in horror as I looked at myself in the mirror. I didn’t know what was happening.
“August!” I looked down in my pants.
“Yeah?” He answered sleepily.
“I’m bleeding.”
He rushed up and came in there to me.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know.” I started to panic and cry.
He turned on the shower.
“Take a shower. I’mma get the kids up and I’mma take you to the hospital.”
I shook my head I understood and he rushed out.
I took off all my clothes and stepped in the shower, but the blood kept streaming. It came out in almost blood clot like clumps, clogging up the drain.
As the hot water fell upon my body, I put my hands in praying position and cried out to God.
“God please don’t make me lose the baby. Please. I didn’t mean what I said. I was just angry and stressed. God please. God please. Please, please, please, please don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to us. I’m so sorry.” I fell to my knees in the shower and broke down. The water drenching my hair and back.
No I didn’t want another baby right now, but me and Aug were going to make it work. We always do.
“God please.” I wailed out.
Aug came in fully dressed.
“I called Tanya she said we can bring the kids down there since she down the block. I’mma drop them off. Be ready when I get back.” He left out quickly.
I tried to gather myself. Having the upmost faith that God wouldn’t do me like that. I just knew he wouldn’t. He heard my words.
But I know, I absolutely know God knows my heart. He knows that I was going to give this child everything and be the absolute best mother I could be.
I washed myself, put a pad in my underwear to catch the blood and put some clothes on. I grabbed my purse and keys. And waited for Aug downstairs. I saw when he pulled in the drive way. I closed the door behind me and got in the car.
“It’s gon be alright babe. Stop getting worked up. Aight.” He reassured me and kissed my lips.
I shook my head and stared out the window as we made our way to the hospital.
----------------
“What you experienced Mrs. Alsina was a miscarriage.” Dr. Barnfield a short older black woman revealed the news to us.
Aug held me into his chest and kissed my forehead. I couldn’t even cry at this point anymore. I was completely numb.
“You’re over 35 which puts you at risk for this sort of thing. It’s very rare women over 35 successfully carry children to full term. On top of that you’re 38 which is when the fertility rate drops dramatically.”
I heard nothing but the “over 35” and the “you’re 38”. Another slap in the face for being an older wife, who couldn’t produce anymore children for her 28 year old husband.
“Does that mean she can’t anymore kids?” Aug asked the doctor.
“I’m not saying that. Some mothers can with assistance from fertility treatments. It’s not impossible, it’s just less likely. And it puts her health more at risk. The death rate for a mother having a child at an older age is higher. If you’re interested in having more kids, I would go the surrogacy route or possibility adoption to be safe.”
“So what do we do now?” August asked her.
“Well, there’s nothing left to do. The miscarriage is complete and the uterus is clear. She might experience mild discomfort and spotting. But if there is any more heavy bleeding, fever, chills or pain. Go see a doctor immediately, that’s signs of an infection. I could give her some Ibuprofen for pain. Mrs. Alsina are you in any pain?”
So I lose my baby and that’s fucking it. Write me a prescription for some fucking pills I can get from Walgreens and send me on my fucking merry way?
Fuck her and fuck God for hating me so much to do this to me after I begged him not to.
“Amb, she said you in any pain?”
“No I’m ready to go. Thank you doctor for absolutely nothing.” I released myself from Aug’s grasp and walked out.
**** Amb’s lack of faith is a customary response people have when they experience trauma and perceive God to have forgotten them. We’ll see how she reconciles that in the subsequent chapters.****
Shit just got real or nah? Lol***