Dear Eddie,
Hey Eds. You probably know whose this from, because guess what? I can hear those stupid rants of yours on how you hated that nickname. Seriously dude you can even write a whole essay on how many times you had to open your mouth, and that one time you punched me in the face? Which you still owe me by the way.
Who am I kidding? You'd probably still say that it was my fault for punching ME. Thanks for that.
I don't even know why i'm writing to you. I'm just wasting ink and paper for this stupid meaningless letter that I will never send. Why am I even writing this sentence? Or is it paragraph? Nevermind.
I can even just call you but apparently you don't know how to pick up your damn phone. You just leave me into voicemail with that stupid voice of yours. So I guess here I am.
Speaking of calls, remember that summer after the whole clown shit? The next day I tried to call you but you didn't pick up? I guess it's really your thing leaving people hanging huh? So after that I just went to your house and tell you directly?
...
The sound the handset hitting the telephone's base is enough to snap him back to reality and think about what he just said.
"F*ck!" He yelled but good thing his parents we're away. So his swearing can't be judged by them. Like they ever care.
He stood in front of the telephone for a while and thought to himself.
'Well, i'm not stupid to think that me and Y/N will actually do it. I'll just call him.'
Then once again as if the world heard both there deals, the phone wasn't answered by anyone on the other side as Richie once again yell out another swear as this time he slammed the poor handset a bit too hard and mumbles to himself how no one wants to answer the damn phone.
So he decided to just get on and went to the boy's house. With few hours to spare, he spent it with him making himself decent and took a shower before he locked his now empty house and went along with his bike, he didn't bother writing a note since he thought it wouldn't take long and also he didn't care.
Along the way, Richie kept mumbling on how stupid this little deal with Y/N is and is thinking of scenarios that Y/N didn't do it and just completely called Bill over the phone. Which is pretty smart to say for himself. But little did he know that the girl was too shocked and emotionally surprised by everything that is happening in her life to even think such thing.
From Richie's experience of being friends for a long time with the boy, he already had an idea on how his mom acts, and by guessing that he probably was grounded considering that he came home late due to his 'curfew', he didn't risk of knocking the front door but yet setting his bike near the bushes that was slightly hidden in plain sight as he sneaked up at his bedroom window. The thought of him yet again sneaking here reminded him last Christmas where they we're supposed to give gifts on the person they picked and have to put them on their bedroom windows, which is ironically Eddie's idea, he laughed mentally at the thought as he now reached his destination which isn't really a long one since he just walked around, careful not to be seen by his mother.
Series of knocks -which came from Richie- can be heard from the outside on Eddie's perspective, as through the glass gave him a bit of a heart attack, paranoid. Thinking that it was some shady guy trying to kill him, but then the feeling retracted back and was replaced with relief and back to his sassy self as he realized who is it. Slowly, he walked towards the window that seperates the both of them from having a series of banter which didn't last long since the asthmatic boy opened it from the inside.
"What in the hell are you up to Richie? Why are you here? And you seriously think that knocking in my bedroom window is more better than knocking on the front door? You literally scared sh*t out of me and thought you we're some serial killer." The boy hissed in a whispered tone, not bothering on catching a breath as the boy with the glasses raises his arms in defense.
"Woah! Slow Down Eds, I didn't come here to be interrogated or show off how fast you talk." He said as lazyly pull down his arms down.
"So what? You just got here because you felt like it?" Eddie asked with a sarcastic tone in his voice. Which made Richie smirked that he didn't bother the nickname given to him, usually he will give him threats and gets mad by how often he used stupid nicknames, especially that one on him.
"First of all can a friend not worry about his bestest and amazing friend because no one in this goddamn house knows how to pick up a phone these days so I came here and checked if he isn't getting tortured by his mom, which you're welcome by the way. Second, a thank you would actually be great that i'm here rescuing you out of misery." He said leveling at Eddie's sarcastic tone a while ago, which like always turns into their friendly banters.
No one actually dare say it but deep down they really quite enjoy it. Just goes to show that they aren't the perfect friendship that anyone would expect. Which is fine, because nothing in this world is perfect, but for them it is the closest one to say. No b*llsh*t or fake acts towards each other. They can turn serious if or whenever it's necessary. They know each others boundaries and if they push each other too far. That's how long they've known each other.
"Well if you're waiting for me to say some kind of gratitude before you explain to me what the f*ck is going on, well you aren't getting it either way because you think you aren't even getting away on calling me that name. Which by the way how many damn times am I going to tell you."
"Dang it."
...
I haven't really mentioned this to you but, that bit when I say that you are the 'bestest friend' is true. You are the closest and probably the only one that I really got besides the Losers, I wouldn't want to get too touchy but I do see you as one and I hope that you see me as yours.
Anyways, i'm getting too mushy which even I wanted to throw up. Hey, remember when I used to sneak into your room back on like 4th grade, because of stuff with my parents that I was too young to deal about? And then you always ramble on how I am ruining your sleeping routine, so then I just stopped going because I said that you just get irritated at me sneaking in to your room at the middle of the night? Well, want to know something? I may told the half truth and actually did it because I am concerned about your sleeping habits and how you usually fall asleep really quickly.
Which brings me to a topic that I may be a bad influence to you, since you may not know this but do you remember that same summer? The day we met Bev on the alley, same night you snuck out. You read it correctly, snuck out. Which for me I was surprised. "Eddie Kaspbrak is sneaking out late at night?" You are probably wondering what am I also doing at your house, well I was supposed to come and just hang out like the good old days because of the same reason and I just don't want to get into the bullshit. But I decided to just follow you, saying that is probably creepy, and now that I think about it, it is. All I just want to see or look if you aren't doing something stupid.
But when I saw a familiar street, that's where I stopped. You we're only going to Y/N's. Which even at this point I have no idea why did you came there in the first place. Maybe you just needed something to talk too, or you may have done this for a while. I guess that will be yet again an unsolved mystery yeah? Just saying, if it's the case you shoud've come to me if you had that issues idiot. In all honesty, I always see how you are being choked with your mom's overprotective ass. I just didn't said anything since I think you'll open it up to me if you're comfortable and like any others you didn't. Guess you think i'll make fun of you or something, which is kind of true.
...
It was the summer of 1989, and the Tozier kid just got home. Like any other day with such 'welcoming' -hint the sarcasm- atmosphere in it. Not only because the smell of reeking alcohol is what you will enter if you ever came in on the premises. But it is a bit surprising when he was met with an object shattering across the wall and lots of yelling. He was about an inch in getting smacked and hit by a what looks like a glass, yet he was faster and reflexes kicked in and he dodged it barely.
If this was from his 4th grade sees this scenario, well he will be suffering from panic, he didn't know at the time how to handle these types of situations and how can he get pass through it. A typical argument will be lasting for almost an hour or two. But for his parents, it is almost non-stop that can last for all night. At first he was scared, scared of what is he supposed to do or how can they get them to stop fighting. So one night he took off a stroll and snuck out just to clear his mind, when he had enough. That is when he started coming to Eddie's house, well sneaking. The boy didn't mind later on -although Richie didn't know it- but obviously was suprised when he saw his annoyingly friend, but also was worried. The first night was just telling him what was wrong which concerns the asthmatic boy and that is the start of there every night hangout. Until one day it just stopped. Richie didn't even said a simple thank you or anything, even until...
Anyways, back to Richie's house when he saw his parents in front of him just yelling and sending each other threats and some stupid argument, it pissed Richie at the point he didn't even bother getting together their sh*t. It's there problem, so they should also be the one to solve it. But the thing that made Richie pissed is the fact that they 'promised' to at least not argue anymore or at least not on a constant routine. At first it was just simple banters. Then at this certain day, he knew that it is going to be a start of there old ways.
He slammed the door to his room. If it we're not for his parents are shouting at each other then he would have been expecting some sentence that goes with 'FOR THE LAST F***ING TIME SHUT THAT SH**TY DOOR QUIETLY!" or something along those lines. But they didn't.
He just laid down his bed and buried his face on his pillow, his body faced down as he tried his best to mute the noise from downstairs. Good thing he at least ate a while on the diner that him and Y/N first officially met or at least get to know each other. So he didn't bother dinner.
After about four hours of the same mumbling noise coming from downstairs the boy couldn't take it anymore, and lifted his head from the pillow which made it a bit worse, since the muffled voice was made more louder than when he was at the position. But even though it worked for him the whole hours, he can't just take the whole night and decided to sneak out.
When he said sneak out, is just walking out the front door while his parents aren't aware of his presence type of sneaking. He didn't even bother being noticed as well, he was just pissed at the moment. When he was walking away the yelling reduced. Which made Richie's ears like he just heard and felt heaven for a while. Which also calmed him a bit. His feet mindlessly taking him on a certain boy and probably the only friend he has that knows this problems of his. Just him and the moon as he was walking in the middle of the road, sometimes moving in the sidewalks if a car probably one or two passed by.
After a long walk, he finally made it but he was shocked when some rustling came from the bushes. At first he thought it was some animal so he didn't panicked but when it popped out his mentioned friend, Eddie, he was even more shocked. I mean this is Eddie f***ing Kaspbrak, the same one that has a very tight curfew schedule and wears that stupid fanny pack all the time 24/7.
Good thing he was more laid in the shadows and his figure isn't noticable that made Richie ran on the nearest frontyard of a house just close to his but not to the point that he was going to notice his presence. He was skeptical and -not that he will say this to him personally- worried about his friend. Thinking that whatever he was doing is unlike him. Maybe he did something bad? Or maybe... maybe he was in trouble?
Lots of possibilities went through the boy's mind as he just went and followed him. It is creepy, but to him it's just concern and his safety was the only objective on his mind. Seemingly as if he forgot what he came on the first place.
From the first few streets, he was skeptical. But until the boy came into a turn to a familiar street in which two of their known friends live in. He confused until the boy stopped at L/N's house, but that didn't wiped off the confusion away from Richie as Eddie slowly entered on the lit house -probably opened by Y/N- as his figure disappeared at his sight. As he breathe a long sigh. Knowing that the boy is at least safe. He then realized he has no one to go too. So he let out again another sigh as he just slowly as he can got back to his house.
...
I didn't get to say this but, thank you for those times that you we're there for me. Even though i'm such a shitty friend. I didn't really do anything for you in return. Maybe if you count those times when I treated you ice cream? Who am I kidding, I didn't really did anything but made your life a living hell. But even though I just kept turning a blind eye from all those problems of yours, I really feel bad. I'm just not into this whole talking. But I did. I did tried to do something at least indirectly. I just hoped you realized it.
I wish you opened up your problems, no matter how embarassing or stupid it is.
I wish you still got in contact with me all those fucking years of my life.
I wish I wasn't such an insensitive asshole to you.
I wish I got to said thank you for all those times you we're there for me personally.
I wish you didn't have to hide from me, and act all brave.
I wish you can read this letter.
I wish.
That you were still alive.
I wish you we're still here, with us.
I wish that I still had the guts to say and do those things when you we're still here.
I wish that I didn't have to write this letter and just call you and actually hear that blabber mouth of yours.
I tried but like I said it just went straight to voicemail. Maybe that's the only piece of your voice i'm going to hear now that you're gone.
Sometimes there is still some small part of me that you we're going to answer it and tell me to stop calling you because i'm just that annoying. But you didn't.
But as yet again you kept surprising the heck out of me. You are still the same Eddie Kaspbrak all those years ago that would do really anything to his friends. The one that I met, the same stupid kid that worries about how his mom would find out that he came home covered with clown shit. The same one that gives a crap about every single detail around him.
But risking your life for me? That was when it hits the most, I mean seriously? Why would you do that? Are you insane? I don't even know if anyone's going to read this. But if you do. Let me tell you one thing.
Eddie Kaspbrak is and will always be my best fucking friend in my whole lifetime. Ever.
I will not give any condolences and sh*t in this letter since I already did and that would be boring as heck. But Eds. Wherever you are right now or if you are watching me writing this with Stan and probably both of you are laughing your whole ass out at the moment on how I am being so emotional right now well, f*ck you both.
But i'm serious that I was a bit disappointed when you didn't said anything or at least let me helped you on your shits. I just want to tell you once more that you don't have anything to hide from me.
Hiding.
How ironic of me to say that to you, even though it was me who really is hiding.
That's what I did all of my life. Every second, every day. Even in my stupid adulthood I hid the truth to every person whenever I stood in front of a spotlight and say those sh*tty jokes or back then when I said something stupid and you all will say every words in existent just to shut me up.
I was scared, on what will they say if so ever they found out about it. I was scared that when they did, they will judge me for who I was. For what I was.
But of course, for Eds it didn't felt like that.
I was comfortable around him, expressing my feelings and I didn't even need to worry that he will made fun of me or if he'll tell anyone about it. Because I know he won't.
And now? You are f***ing six feet under. Jeez, you just have to do such a surprise. What do you want me to give you a trophy or something?
But you know what? I'm not mad. I'm not blaming you for doing such thing. You did nothing wrong. I did. If I haven't been so careless and had been a coward, then you would have been here.
All I can say for now is thank you.
For being the greatest part that had -and always will be- to happen with me.
From Yours Truly,
Richie
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Note: If the chapter two gave Reddie very VAGUE scene for them both, it will stay that way. If you see them as friends or something more? I still want to lean in on the something more but you know what I don't care XD
Song by One Direction: Half a Heart
:)