Rafael's entire being filled with relief when on the way to Mercy Hospital Olivia opened her eyes, but his relief was replaced with dread the second they closed again. Matt, the paramedic, tried to reassure him that Olivia's vital signs were strong. "Your girl is a fighter." Matt told him. Barba wanted to respond in agreement. He wanted to tell Matt that Olivia was a fighter, he wanted to tell Matt she was the strongest person in the world, and that she would never stop fighting. He wanted to at least nod at the young man trying to offer comfort, but he couldn't. He was frozen, until the ambulance arrived at the hospital. He followed the paramedics as they wheeled Olivia to the doctors on duty
A male doctor yelled at Barba "Sir, you can't come into the room with her!"
"Please, you have to help her!" I'm here Olivia! I'm not going anywhere I'm here!" Barba said as a door was slammed in his face. He stood outside that door until a nurse ushered him into the waiting room. He hadn't eaten anything in hours, but Rafael Barba had no appetite. His head was pounding, and he lost track of just how long he had been waiting in the busy hospital.
Barba sat down on a long beige waiting room couch. Fin walked to him. "Counselor, except for some glass. Liv's apartment was spotless. Noah's toys were all in his toy box."
"I knew that." Barba answered. ""Where was the toy box?"
"In Noah's room, in a corner." Fin said, and continued quickly. "I wish this freak left something behind."
"The fact that the place was almost spotless, and that Noah's toy box was moved should tell you something." Barba replied.
"It does. Don't worry I'll get this guy, even if I have to do it myself."
"You won't have to." Barba answered with determination.
"You're angry Barba, so anything you say right now, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear."
"Agreed." Barba said. "We never had this conversation."
"You can't touch this case. You're a witness. You found her on the floor."
"Don't remind me."
"Sorry", Fin answered. How's Liv doing?
"I have no idea." Barba said, feeling nauseous. "A nurse stuck me out here."
"She'll make it."
"I'm not even sure what happened to her." Barba answered, a combination of anger, sadness, worry and fear in his voice.
She'll tell you." Fin said.
"You think?" Barba asked, his voice shaking.
"I know." Fin said. "Want some coffee?"
"No, I don't want coffee". Barba grumbled.
"When was the last time you ate something?" Fin asked. He was almost as worried about Barba now, as he was about Olivia.
"A little before court this morning. It doesn't matter." Barba paused for a moment." I was supposed to have dinner with her. I was supposed to bring her soup." He said, his voice cracking. His green eyes drifted to Rollins and Carisi. They were standing on the other side of the room by a vending machine, he had no idea how long they had been there Carisi looked over at him, and then back at his fiancé Barba found himself standing and walking toward them. They were talking, but he couldn't make out what they were saying to each other until he was closer. He heard Rollins say the word wedding. He moved closer, and found himself standing in front of them."When did you get here?" He asked. His voice was low, but his anger was evident.
"A little while ago." Carisi answered.
"We were stuck in traffic." Rollins chimed in.
"I should just be glad you showed up, isn't this cutting into your busy schedule?"
"Counselor I know you're upset, take a breath." Carisi said.
"Liv's extraordinary," Barba said quietly. "She didn't like that you hid your engagement, but she's been supportive. She's always supportive. She gives you all the time off you need, but even she can't single-handedly run SVU by herself. She's human."
"I know." Amanda replied.
"Do you? You stopped doing your job." Barba continued angrily.
"Let's calm down." Carisi said.
"Did you even notice how run down. she's been lately?" Barba continued. "She hasn't felt well in days. She's always short staffed, and you can't go 5 minutes without talking about your wedding, even while she's laying in a hospital."
"She's going to be fine!" Amanda said louder than she expected or wanted to. "She has to be. You're not angry at me counselor. You're angry at yourself for not telling her how you feel! She's not in this hospital because of anything that happened on the job!" Barba let out a loud sob, and covered his face. Again, his legs felt weak.
"Let's go for a walk, and get some air." Carisi said calmly. He made eye contact with Amanda. "We'll be back soon." He said to her. He took one step closer to Barba. "Come on." Carisi said to him.
"I have to stay here." Barba answered.
Carisi nodded. He knew he could never leave Amanda if she was in this situation. He watched Barba walk slowly back to the couch. "We're here." Carisi "called. He looked at Amanda, and read her face. "Give him a little time." He told her gently, as he placed an arm around her shoulders.
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Barba slowly sat back down on the waiting room couch.. He closed his green eyes, as he was hit by a wave of nausea. He tried to push away the horrible images that entered his mind, but he couldn't. Amanda's words replayed in his head.
He was angry at himself for not telling Olivia how he felt sooner, she was the love of his life, and his gut screamed that Amanda was right. Olivia was not here in this hospital because of her job.
"Here" He heard Rollins say. He opened his eyes and found her holding out a water bottle to him. "You look like you need this."
Barba sighed, before answering. "No thanks Rollins, keep it for yourself. Look, I'm sorry. I acted like a child. None of this is your fault. I know you care about Liv, and I'm really happy for you and Carisi, everyone is."
"I wanted to be the first one to apologize." Rollins answered. She sat down next to him on the couch. "I get it. You're going through hell."
"That's no excuse."
"You're human. I'll give you a break. Lord, knows Liv's given me plenty of 'em . I know you didn't mean what you said, but you were right about some of it. She gives me all the time off I need, and I've been taking advantage. I have her babysitting Jesse more than usual, and I even asked her to help me plan the wedding."
"I think she secretly likes helping you plan the wedding."
"I haven't been focused on cases like I should be. I haven't noticed a lot lately."
"It's fine Rollins." Barba said.
"No it's not. Sometimes. I think I forget she's human. She's Olivia. She can do anything. She's the sister I never had."
"You have Kim." Barba replied.
Rollins laughed. "You met Kim right? I love my sister, but I can't count on her. I can count on Liv."
"Everyone does." Baba said.
"I'm Olivia's Kim. Rollins said horrified.
"I didn't say that." Barba said in a low voice.
"I know."
"Liv always says you don't have to be blood to be family. She's right." Barba answered.
"Families fight, but they stick together". Rollins replied. "Here" she said, holding out the water bottle to him again. "Take this so you can take your headache medication."
"How do you know I get headaches?"
"I once walked into Liv's office. I saw a bottle of meds, I asked her if she had a headache. She said no. She told me the extra strength over the counter meds were for you. In case you forgot yours."
"I do forget them sometimes, when I'm stressed."
"So you can forget them anytime. Liv keeps the bottle in her desk for you.. She said you help her when she has headaches" I know you want to be strong for her. Don't you think you'll be stronger without a headache?"
Barba stood up. He grabbed the headache meds from his pocket, took out a pill, placed the bottle quickly back into his pocket, and took the water bottle. "Thank-you Rollins."
"No problem."
"I'm sorry."
"It's ok." Rollins watched as Barba took a pill. She smiled.
"I can't imagine a world, a Universe where there is no Olivia Benson" Barba said, fighting back tears.
"Don't. She will be fine. She's Olivia Benson." Rollins replied. At that moment she saw Sonny standing next to them holding food.
"I got ya a fish sandwich." Sonny said looking at Barba
"Let's hold off on the food Sonny. I just got him to take something for his headache."
"Alright."" Sonny answered, sitting down with them on the couch. Barba felt his headache disappearing, "Could one of you check on Carmen, Lucy, and Noah?" I told them to stay in my office, and wait."
"Good thinking counselor." Carisi said. "I'll go." He stood up again, put the food he was holding on his seat, walked quickly out of the room, and outside where he could get cell reception.
"I know, it looks like I can't go 5 minutes without talking about the wedding." Rollins said suddenly, breaking a long silence. She knew Sonny was outside making a necessary call, but it would be so much easier for her right now if he was sitting beside her.
"Rollins I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Please, forget it." Barba replied, sighing.
"When you walked up to us, I was telling Carisi that you and Liv have to be at our wedding, and you have to be there together."
"You want me to be Liv's plus one." He said quietly.
"You are her plus one, and she's yours!" Barba was silent, he agreed with Amanda that Olivia was his plus one. He didn't know if she wanted to consider him hers. Rollins stood up nervously. She couldn't make eye contact with Barba right now.
"If in the next 10 minutes I don't see a doctor, I'm going to find one." Barba said, his voice once again filled with frustration and fear.
"Do you remember the night Liv and I went dress shopping?"
"Yes." Barba answered. "Liv told me you bought the last dress you tried on."
"She barely spoke that night. She seemed upset. I don't know how long I was in that dressing room, but I was fed up. I called Liv's name 4 times but she didn't answer. I was agitated. I shouldn't have been. I don't know how long I could sit still waiting for a bride outside of a dressing room. I was startled when she knocked on the door. When I opened it, I saw she was holding the most beautiful dress. I had ever seen. I tried it on, and it fit like a glove."
"So Liv picked out the right wedding dress for you?"
"Yeah, and then I found wedding dresses for her. She didn't want to try them on but I'm the bride, she humored me. If you saw her in any of those dresses, you would have gotten down on one knee, and begged her to be your wife."
"Rollins, do you want me to say you're right. You're right. I should have told her that I loved her when she was conscious."
"No, I'm not trying to make you feel worse, there's something I should have told you weeks ago." Rollins paused and took a breath before continuing. "When we were leaving the store, I felt like we were being watched."
"Watched." You mean stalked?"
"Yeah", Rollins answered.
"Did you tell Liv?"
"No... I thought I was being paranoid " She said as a fresh wave of guilt washed over her.
At that moment Carisi walked up. to them and spoke "Carmen, Lucy, and Noah are fine." Fin and Lake are gonna swing by your office counselor. They're taking Lucy and Noah to Lucy's family, and Carmen home to her husband.
"Good." Barba said.
"Lucy said she called your phone, a bunch of times. It goes straight to voicemail." Carisi continued.
"I'll step outside the minute we know anything Carisi." Barba replied. Sonny could hear the tension in his voice, and he could feel it in the air,
"How's the head Counselor? You think you can keep something down now?" Carisi said calmly.
Barba ignored the question. "Did you know anything about this? Did you know that when Liv went dress shopping with your fiance someone was stalking them?" Carisi looked at Rollins. He moved closer to her, and put his right arm protectively around her
"No, I would've told you. I would've told Liv to watch her back. I don't know if she would have listened though."" Carisi answered. Barba took a deep breath,, the last thing he needed right now was a panic attack, he opened his mouth to speak, when he felt a hand touch his shoulder. He turned to see Wilder standing there.
"Mr. Barba may I speak with you?" Dr. Wilder asked.
"Rollins tell Fin what you just told me. Barba said.
"Ok" he heard Rollins answer. She watched as Barba walked with Dr. Wilder to a nearby corner. She wished she could hear the conversation. She looked deeply into the eyes of her husband-to-be for comfort, and they walked quickly together to catch up with Fin before he drove to Barba's office.
"Mr. Barba." Dr. Wilder said quietly "I saw you come in with Lieutenant Benson. I'm sorry Dr. Kay yelled at you before. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to come and talk to you. I've been very busy."
"Please. Dr. just tell me is she going to be OK?" Barba asked pleadingly.