.nishinoya.
i arrived at practice. just another day. one day closer to Next Wednesday.
i frowned when i saw asahi still wasn't there. at morning practice i was a little concerned, but figured maybe he'd show up at afternoon practice.
however, here we were, and no asahi.
"suga-san, is asahi still not here?"
suga smiled sympathetically.
"i'm sorry, he's not. he said he was feeling a little better, but still wasn't in good enough shape for practice."
i frowned.
"alright. hope he'll be here monday."
"me too," he sighed. then he quickly added, "we all miss our ace."
i nodded.
"yeah, sure do."
"just don't say you're quitting the team again if he's not here by monday," he laughed with a wink.
i blushed.
"i won't! i mean, i'll have to get used to playing without him next year anyway..."
suga sighed softly.
"yeah... aw, man, why would you remind me that i'm gonna have to leave you all soon? i'm gonna miss you."
his eyes had gotten glossy and i gave him a big hug.
"i'm sorry, suga-san! please don't cry."
he laughed weakly and wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on my shoulder.
"i'm not crying, you're just seeing things. i really am gonna miss all you guys though. you're like my family."
i bit my lip, feeling a little teary myself now.
"i'm gonna miss you too, i feel like we're family as well."
we stayed hugging for a while until we heard, "what's all this?"
we pulled away to see daichi standing there.
"i accidentally made him sad, i'm sorry!" i yelled, bowing at him.
"what did- what happened?"
"no, it's fine, i just... he brought up graduation and i started thinking how much i'm gonna miss everyone," suga explained, voice cracking once or twice.
"oh. oh, well..." he averted his gaze and looked at the floor. "now you guys are gonna make me sad too," he said quietly.
"i'm sorry!" i shouted. "i didn't mean to make both of you sad!"
daichi let out a quiet chuckle.
"it's alright, noya. we'll have to come to terms with it at some point, right? and it won't be goodbye forever... we'll still try to call and visit often."
i nodded.
"okay... i'm gonna go now though, before i actually start crying."
they nodded and waved goodbye, and i walked away. technically my excuse was valid: i didn't want to cry, but i also wanted to give them a moment alone and not intrude on something that wasn't my business.
"hey, noya?"
i turned to see chikara.
"hey, what's up?"
he avoided eye contact and messed with his fingers a bit, popping a few of them.
"so... i'm guessing ryū told you everything that happened between us?"
"everything that happened? what do you mean?"
he looked a bit nervous.
"well..."
"nah, i'm messing with you, of course he told me. congrats, by the way!"
"ah... thanks. but, the thing is..."
"trouble in paradise?"
he rolled his eyes.
"i'm sure you've noticed it. he's avoiding me. i just want to know if he told you anything. he won't talk about what happened, and he's avoiding eye contact. i'm just... really nervous, you know? he's always been the oblivious straight guy, and he says he likes me out of the blue? i've just liked him for so long, and i don't want to get my hopes up now just to be let down later. what if he changed his mind, or... or if this is all some elaborate joke? ha ha, look at ennoshita with a crush on tanaka, how pathetic, right? god, i hate feelings."
"i get where you're coming from, but you know he would never joke about something this serious! and you know he's really been going through it, he even yelled at me because of all this! and that's no joke, that's on period, pooh."
he sighed.
"i guess, but i'm still worried. i can't help it..."
i nodded.
"i get where you're coming from. but you have to understand, this is all really new and confusing for him. i mean, you've had plenty of time to figure out and come to terms with your sexuality and feelings for him, but he's still really new to this, and is pretty overwhelmed. i know he's confident in his feelings for you, but this is his first gay relationship or even experience! i'm sure there's nothing to worry about."
"yeah, i guess you're right. maybe i should try talking to him about it again."
"that sounds like a great idea."
he nodded.
"alright... things are kind of slow now, maybe i can get daichi's permission to leave early."
i glanced over at where daichi and suga were huddled together with their backs to us.
"um... i think they might be having a private moment over there, so how about asking coach instead?"
he glanced over at them, then back at me.
"alright, see you later then. wish me luck."
i held up my crossed fingers and grinned.
"i will. good luck."
he walked away to coach ukai and take-chan, talked to them for a second, then went over and tapped ryū on the shoulder.
after a short exchange, they left the gym, and i sighed, feeling a bit emotionally drained, and even physically drained too.
it was as if all the recent events of the past week or so were finally all crashing down on me, and the full weight of everything was heavier than i originally thought. and now i was exhausted and sad.
i walked over to kinoshita and narita.
"you guys, please talk me out of doing something stupid."
"for the love of god, please don't say you got your nipples pierced," narita begged.
"what?! oh, that. nah, i won't... probably. but that's not it! different stupid thing this time."
"what are we stopping you from doing, then?" asked kinoshita.
i sighed, slumping over a bit and dragged my hand across my face.
"i'm feeling emotionally drained and want to text asahi that i miss him."
"well... why not?"
"why not?! i was dumped! i can't do that and be a weird, clingy ex!"
"i guess... would you like a hug for now?"
"yeah, that sounds good. oh, separate hugs from both of you, group hugs are never any good."
after hugging both of them, i felt a little better.
"thanks, guys. you really are real ones."
"no prob," kinoshita said with finger guns.
"that's what we're here for," narita added.
i nodded, and let my mind drift a bit. i wonder how chikara and ryū's talk is going...
.ennoshita.
"we need to talk," i said once we had gotten outside. we had stopped in the small courtyard by the club room.
he looked a little startled.
"okay... what about?"
"you know what about. why are you avoiding me? why don't you wanna talk about what happened?"
he hunched his shoulders.
"it's hard..."
"why? are you doubting your feelings? regretting choosing me?"
"no! of course not! i just... i've never... i never thought..."
"that you'd end up with a guy?"
"yeah... that. it's all so new and terrifying and one minute i'll be like, 'okay, this is chill,' and the next minute i'm like, 'hold on a second! i've only had this figured out for like, a day! and i've only been thinking about it for... not even a week!' and it's scary... also i think you're really cute which kind of makes me nervous."
he was blushing, and i'm sure i must've been as well, given how hot my face felt.
i smiled.
"thanks... i think you're cute too. and i guess i understand why you feel so nervous about all this. i've had more time to think about all this and process it, but it's still fresh for you."
"yeah, and um... this is also kind of my first relationship... at all?"
i did a double take.
"wait... are you telling me that tanaka ryūnosuke, the ultimate simp, has never been in a relationship? before me?"
he ducked his head, turning even redder.
"nope, never. and uh... i also only had my first kiss recently."
"was that me too?"
"uh... technically no."
"technically no?"
"noya kissed me a couple days ago when he first brought this up... i don't really count that one though..."
i was stunned into silence for a second, then started laughing.
"of course he did! oh, that nishinoya..."
"so you're not mad?"
"of course i'm not mad. i mean, it all happened before we got together, so i don't mind."
"yeah, you're right."
"speaking of... i know it's scary, but could you put more effort into this relationship? it doesn't have to be any pda or anything extreme, but... at least acknowledge it."
he fidgeted with his hands a little, and nodded.
"alright. you- ennoshita chikara- are my- tanaka ryūnosuke's- boyfriend. i never thought i'd be in a relationship with a guy, but i'm glad it's you, and i really like you."
he breathed out a big sigh after he was done.
"i like you too. and i'm glad you're my boyfriend."
we stood awkwardly for a moment, and just when i was about to turn away, he stopped me and put his hand on my face.
he looked into my eyes, and said, "i really do like you. and i don't think i'll be changing my mind on that any time soon."
then, he leaned in and kissed me.
it was a little longer than our first kiss, but still relatively short.
we pulled away, and started heading to the club room.
i grabbed his hand and said, "i'm glad noya brought this up to you. otherwise we might not be here now." i laughed. "i'll have to thank him later for being my wingman."
ryū laughed too.
"yeah, he is pretty good for that."
"by the way, i'm glad we talked about this. if you're ever feeling insecure or anything again, just tell me, okay? you can talk to me about anything."
"alright, i'll keep that in mind. and i'm glad we talked too."
i smiled softly and looked over at his easy grin, so different from the slight frown he had been wearing all day.