Alex and Arielle were as good as dating by the time they all got back from the Glastonbury trip.
I'd learnt never to take what Alex said when he was drunk to heart and to ignore the most of it. Right before they came back, Christian and I had, ahem, well...I needed a new bed. I don't know how it happened, never believed it could happen, but it did and I needed a new one. And it just so happened that the day I'd bought one and was busy spending the day putting it together was the day after everyone came back and I was greeted to three grins at my front door.
"What are you doing here?" I laughed as they threw their arms around me.
"We came to say hello," Nick said, squeezing me tight.
"Al the wanker's not here cause he's roped up in a date," Jamie said. "Arielle's got his jocks in a knot."
The three of them started laughing. "But he promised he'd come see ya sometime later," Jamie said, patting me on the back.
"I'm glad he finally came round," I said, giving Matt a tight hug. "You guys have a lot to catch me up on."
"Why'd you think we're here?" Matt chuckled. "You busy?"
"Building a bed," I said.
"Great, we'll help," Nick smiled.
With three extra sets of hands, making that damn bed that I'd gotten basically nowhere with the whole day was much easier. It was so good to talk people I got on so easily with after about two weeks of Christian's friends and my own here and there. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, but Nick and the rest of them were a different kind of friendship and I just missed spending time with them a lot.
They told me all about their trip to the UK and all these little anecdotes about what they did to keep themselves occupied at the festival and backstage. Something called, "throw the line down the corridor."
We ended up buying some drinks and Katie even came and joined us for a lengthy chat in my living room as the afternoon progressed. Everyone seemed to have a bag full of enjoyable tales to tell about their trip and were laughing all the while.
Christian had bailed on me that day, on helping to make the end and all, so this was the perfect way to lift me right back up. I never realised just how much I missed everyone's company until I had it again.
Arielle showed up at around six, giving me the biggest smile and the tightest embrace when I opened the door for her. The whole thing had turned into a kick back at mine and I wasn't at all upset to say the least.
"I missed you!" Arielle gushed, rocking us side to side as she hugged me tight around the neck. "Al's just finding somewhere to park he shouldn't be long."
"I heard about you two," I grinned at her.
Her smile got even wider, her blue eyes sparkling, "I have so much to tell you."
She'd brought a bottle of wine with her and helped me pour everyone a glass in the kitchen whilst she told me all about how she and Alex were going and I honestly almost cried. The way she talked about him was the way anyone wanted to be talked about. She would smile so wide whenever she said his name that it made you wish someone adored you that much. It was so evident how much she liked him and I couldn't help but be overjoyed that Alex had someone that was going to love him as much as he deserved.
Just as we handed everyone their glasses, I heard a knock at the door.
"Be right back," I said, putting my glass on the table and disappearing down the hall. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach merely at the thought of who was on the other side.
I pulled open the front door and fell to pieces at the smiling, diamond shaped face looking back at me.
"Believe it or not I went to wrong bloody house," he chuckled.
"Idiot," I smiled.
"Come 'ere you," he smiled softly and wrapped his arms tight around me. "It's so damn good to see ya."
Ever since they'd gotten back they'd been busy making last minute touch ups in the studio and preparing for a long winded tour following the release of their next album. I'd never been to an album release party before, so when they all invited me I was stunned on what to do. Of course, like any other person, I promised I'd come and spent pretty much the whole month leading up to it planning on what to wear and all that jazz.
It was easier to let any stray thoughts about Alex go now that he and Arielle were dating. They fit like the perfect jigsaw pieces. The only time I ever felt anything in my stomach about it was when I once spotted a small mark on Alex's neck, just above his collar. But I flushed that out as fast as it came.
Christian and I hadn't been getting better nor worse. We were in stalemate for the time being. He left back up to San Fransisco for another week but came back just in time for the album release that the guy's had generously allowed me to bring him along to.
"So what's the whole ordeal?" Christian asked, doing his hair in the mirror as I struggled with the zip on the back of my dress.
"Huh?"
"What do we do tonight?" Christian asked, looking at me through the mirror. "Show up? Do we listen to songs or what?"
I shrugged, "we support them," I said. "I haven't been to one either so I'm not really sure babe. Try not to sound so uninterested when we're there please."
Christian chuckled and adjusted the jacket on his shoulders, flicking off the en-suite light and walking over to me. "I'm not uninterested," he said, placing a hand on my back and moving my hand off the zipper. "I just don't know what to expect, music's not really my thing," he said and gently did up the top part of the zipper, hooking the dress together at the top.
"Thank you," I smiled up at him as he moved his hands to my hips.
"Do I look okay?" He asked as I moved my hands up his chest.
"You always do," I smiled and kissed his cheek.
"Alright, hurry up and get your shoes on or we're gonna be late again," he chuckled, squeezed my bum, and moved away from me to go and grab his phone from the other room.
I grabbed a pair of heels and my bag, deciding I was better off putting my shoes on in the car than expecting Christian to patiently wait for me.
"You ready O? Let's go," Christian called out, his footsteps echoing passed my bedroom door as he made his way to the front door.
"Yep! Coming!" I called back and quickly switched off my bedroom light and moved down the hall.
"You got shoes?" he asked me, looking at my bare feet quizzically.
"Yeah I'll put them on in the car," I said, I'd already learnt my lesson he didn't need to point it out.
"Just get ready earlier babe," he chuckled and opened the front door, "then you can be ready to go straight away."
"Yup, thanks, didn't think of that before," I said with a hint of sarcasm and moved passed him. I bet he rolled his eyes after I said that but I didn't look back at him to make sure.
I was giddy with excitement as we rocked up at the venue the launch party was taking place at. The guy's, or should I say the Arctic Monkey's, managers had booked them out a beautiful lounge right near the centre of the city. It was all fancy, and high class. Nothing like I'd ever been to, Christian didn't seem too taken aback however. There were people at the door with a list and I don't know, it was just...different knowing my name was on there and being let in with a smile instead of suspicion. My friends and I had, in our younger years, tried sneaking into events but we rarely got past the bouncers.
I squeezed Christian's hand gently as we walked through the front doors and headed into the buzzing lounge. Dimly lit with music already playing and posters of the band and their album cover almost everywhere. I was in awe. The only thing stopping me from taking five minutes to take it all in was Christian moving me along with him further into the venue.
Never having been to one of these things before it was almost overwhelming to see it buzzing around me like a live colony of ants. There was music playing all throughout the venue. The album was dropping at midnight so leading up to the zeros lining up on the twenty-four hour clock, tunes that weren't the guy's music but bands that sounded similar were playing on a very very nice speaker system. The interior was regal and flowed against the mood lighting, people sitting all around the lounges, standing in groups and hovering around the bar Christian was already leading me to.
"What drink do you want babe?" he asked me, leaning close to my ear so I could hear him.
"Anything," I shrugged off, "I just wanna find everyone."
"I'll get you a vodka-soda," Christian said and kissed my cheek before turning to order at the bar.
As Christian bought our drinks, my eyes scanned around the large venue over the hundreds of faces for at least one I found familiar. I was looking for one in particular but widened my search after recognising just how many people were there.
I sent a message to the group chat: Just got here. Where is everyone else?
Nick messaged back effective immediately: Just got drinks from the bar, rest are at the lounge near the back left of the venue.
And then a message from Matt: Lounge with the loudest noise O, can't miss us.
I smiled and put my phone in my bag as Christian handed me a drink. "They're at the back," I told him, holding his hand as we made our way through the clusters of people to where I hoped I'd find my friends. As Matt had said, it was impossible to miss them. Their laughter filling up the other half of the venue that wasn't buzzing with white noise and rock music.
Katie spotted me first and jumped out of her seat to squeeze me into a hug, telling me how gorgeous I looked. Something about the way she complimented you never felt shallow and artificial.
"Told ya we weren't hard to find," Matt said, getting up to embrace me as well. "Bloody Jameh's just had beer come streaming out his nose cause Nick made him laugh while he were drinking."
"There's me platonic wife!" Nick exclaimed and hugged me tight. "You missed the whole thing."
"It's barely been an hour," I laughed, moving to hug Breana and Kelly as Jamie blew his nose into a napkin as he made his way over to me.
"Swear to god you better be on my team tonight or I'm rioting," Jamie said, giving me a welcoming hug.
"Sure I will," I smiled. Everyone looked so done up and happy that I couldn't help but let my cheeks ache from smiling so much. "I'm so proud of you guys," I said, looking at each of the guys in awe. The little grins on their cheeks revealing how even after so many years, they still got excited when they had something new to release.
"Orion!" a squeal erupted from behind the circle of people who'd gathered to greet me. Nick and Matt parted out the way as Arielle rushed up to me with open arms and a wide smile. "You're here!" she exclaimed and hugged her arms around me. "You look so good!"
"No I don't," I laughed, hugging my arms around her. "Look at you."
"Oh shut up," Arielle laughed, "You look phenomenal." I almost laughed at the "oh yeah remember me?" smile she gave Christian who shrunk under her gaze. She didn't have to say a word to put him in his place.
And then, walking over in a maroon button up and leather jacket with his collar popped was the frontman of the band. His hair slicked back save for the perfectly curled lock of hair hanging over his forehead in that classic fifties style he rocked on the daily. His eyes glittering in the dim light as his smile widened to raise his cheeks.
"Hello stranger," I smiled and wrapped my arms around his neck as he embraced me around the waist, holding me tight but never enough to hurt me.
"You look wonderful," he said softly, right by my ear as he briefly rubbed a hand up my back. He always smelled so good. "Absolutely gorgeous."
"Look at you," I smiled as we pulled back, "couldn't tear that jacket off your shoulders if I tried."
"It's moulded to the shape of me," Alex chuckled, giving Christian a nod and handshake out of politeness.
"But really O...you look—you look really good," he stammered and smiled adorably.
We joined them all in the lounge they were occupying, sharing a toast for the band and their new album titled 'AM'. I assumed that meant 'Arctic Monkeys' but when I asked I got an array of responses.
"Awful Memories," Matt said.
"Adjacent Mausoleums," said Alex.
"A Mat," Jamie stated shortly.
"Nah it means Arachnid Masterbation," Nick chuckled, earning a hit on the arm from Kelly.
"Al yer always such a miserable bastard and you," Jamie pointed you Nick, "you never know how to keep it from being R-rated."
Nick just laughed and lifted his bottle of beer to his lips.
We were all sharing sofas in our couples, everyone looked so well mushed together. And then there was me and Christian. And we could've been strangers to anyone who didn't know any better. He was on his phone the whole time while I made conversation with the rest of the group, laughing here and there with the occasional glance over at my boyfriend to see how he was doing.
"So what's the record like?" I asked Alex, sipping on my vodka soda.
"It's...pfff...well," Alex stumbled over his words, "not really sure honestly." He laughed and scratched the back of his neck, one arm around Arielle at all times. "It's more soft rock than garage rock I'd say...but I'm really shite at describin' me own work," Alex chuckled. "I mean, our work obviously. I dunno, it's quite catchy I must say. Wouldn't you agree Matthew?"
Matt nodded, "it's got a few tunes that stick in yer head like ear worms."
"What about that one you opened Glastonbury with?" I asked curiously. "The:" I began humming the riff that had been glued into my mind the second I heard it.
"Oh, 'Do I Wanna Know?', yeah that one's definitely on the record," Alex smiled proudly, "it's the opening track actually, couldn't leave it off really. Probably the most well received thing we've ever put out."
"It's always on the radio," I said. "No one can get enough of you guys. Can't blame them."
"Monkeys!" A voice interrupted us, all heads turning in unison up to see who was calling for them. "Got some press here and some photographers if you wouldn't mind?" I assumed it was their manager or something similar.
"Alright, duty calls," Matt said as each of the four band members stood from their seats.
"We'll be back in a bit," Alex said, giving Arielle a quick kiss on the cheek before standing up and sauntering off with the others to wherever the world needed them to be.
"Girlfriends and stuff can go too," the manager said once the guys had disappeared, "I'm sure the paps would love photos with you and the guys."
"You wanna come?" Arielle asked me as everyone else began standing up to go and follow the guys.
"No it's okay, we'll just stay here," I smiled, "probably get another drink."
"Okay, we'll be back in a tick," she smiled and followed Katie into the crowd. And then there were two.
Christian put his phone away as I turned to look at him and managed a smile. "Guess it's just me and you," he said, bushing a few strands of hair out of my face. "What now?"
I shrugged, "wanna grab another drink?"
"Yeah sure why not," he said and pushed himself off the sofa, lending me a hand up and linking our fingers as we walked through the venue to find the bar once more.
I felt like such a small presence there. Everyone around me seemed like celebrities or supermodels or something in between. Even Christian fit in with the crowd. And then there was me, following after him looking like the tiniest fish in the biggest pond.
This time, I ordered us our drinks and once we had them, we found two vacant stools to sit on and sipped them as Christian told me about the San Fransisco plot and how it was nearly done.
"Which means I won't be away much anymore," he said and put a hand on my knee.
"Hello! You two are gorgeous! Mind if I join you for a chat?" some random drunk girl interrupted us with a wide smile.
Christian and I looked at each other and then back at the blonde girl and laughed. "Of course," I smiled. She was actually really fun to talk to. Mostly because she was already drunk and kept spitting out bold statements that you just couldn't help but laugh at. She kept making comments on Christian's eyes and my nose for some reason, saying that she wanted my nose because it gave me a "good side profile."
"If you two had kids and they had his eyes and your nose," she said and her eyes went wide, "fuck. You would have the most beautiful kids ever."
This is when things started getting awkward.
"Don't really want kids," Christian chuckled. We'd never talked about kids, not even what we'd ever want to name them in the distant future. Hell, we didn't even talk about getting married or even engaged some day. This was the first time the subject had ever been brought up to us and it made me nauseated.
"Oh that's a bummer," the girl, who told us to call her Bunnie, hummed and then looked at something in the crowd. "Ooh! This is my song!" and with that she was gone and we didn't see her for the rest of the night.
"She was a character," Christian chuckled once she'd gone and ordered us some more drinks.
I began to miss Alex and the rest of my friends and as if right on cue, I spotted him making his way toward the bar alone. Eyes shining when he spotted me.
"There you are," he smiled and hugged an arm around me. "Been lookin' for ya, love. Sorry we were gone so long."
"It's okay, we had some girl named Bunnie to keep us company," I said. "How were the photos?"
"Think I blinked in all of them," Alex chuckled, moving aside so someone could get passed. "Jamie actually, has already told one of the reporters to 'fuck off' if he were gonna keep asking the same questions," Alex chuckled.
"I like Jamie the best, he keeps it real," I smiled, imagining the whole thing happening in my head.
"What's wrong with me eh?" Alex chuckled. Christian was ignoring the whole conversation, glued to his phone.
"You're too cool and calculated," I teased.
"Well," Alex chuckled and smoothed back one side of his hair. He was thinking of something to say but nothing was coming out.
"Always trying to out smart them because no one gets the music like you do, Al," I grinned, stirring my drink with a straw.
Alex hid a smirk and shook his head, looking like he was about to sweat, "it is so dangerous for you to call me that on a day like today," he said in a low voice, eyeing me with those deep brown eyes.
"I can revert to 'Alex'?" I said, a little confused.
"No no, you will do no such thing," Alex said cooly, "it's just been awhile since you called me that."
"Alex, can I grab you for a sec?" some guy with a microphone said, sticking his head into our conversation circle.
"Yeah sure mate, just give me a second," Alex cleared his throat and forced a smile. Once the man was gone he shook his head. "Bloody media," he said and hugged me to his side.
"You're the man of the night," I teased him, sinking into his embrace. I just wanted to stay right in that moment, in his arms, the whole night.
"I'll only be a few minutes, I promise," he said close to my ear so I could hear him and his beautiful deep voice kissing my eardrum. "Alright, don't run away, I'll be right back," he said, kissed my head and then moved off into the crowd to follow that reporter to I'm assuming some kind of interview.
I watched him go and felt that little smile he always gave me, lingering on my lips until I looked away and nudged Christian's leg with my shoe.
"Hey you," I said, trying to get his attention.
"Hm?" Christian hummed, peeling his eyes away from his phone and looking at me, putting his phone on the bar so I knew he was giving me his full attention.
"You wanna dance?" I suggested, my bum was starting to ache from sitting on the same stool for so long.
"I just need to use to bathroom for a minute first," Christian said and stood up off the stool, "I'll be right back baby," he smiled and kissed me soft with his liquor tasting lips and then moved through the crowd to wherever the bathrooms were.
I sighed, all on my own and drank down the rest of my drink. Swimming my legs on the stool and looking around the crowd of heads for any familiar face I could draw over to me. I was stuck in my spot now, with two people promising to come back to me.
I let myself immerse into the atmosphere, taking in the music, side conversations and the beautiful mood lighting and all the people who had made time out of their way to support the guys and their work. I started to get excited for midnight, when the album actually dropped and we'd all be allowed to listen to whatever they'd been brewing up in the studio over the last twelve months. Alex had told me the one with the catchy riff, 'Do I Wanna Know?', was the track they'd come up with in the desert that one time I went and visited them. It was kind of mind blowing to me to know that I had known them before some of the tracks now going to be released we're even written. Everything moved so fast.
There was a buzz that caught my ear and a white light. I looked over out of curiosity and saw that Christian's phone had lit up. I glanced over the message out of habit of reading my own and froze in my seat.
"You're fucking kidding me," I whispered.
No no no no no no. Please don't be real. This can't be happening. Please. No. Please tell me this isn't real.
I felt the floor fall beneath me and the wind suck all the air out of my system. I went hollow. I felt my teeth biting my lip hard to stop any words from coming out of my mouth but I already knew it was all fucking over for me.
Don't cry. Don't cry. Please this can't be happening. Panic filled my body, I began to breath quick heavy breaths, looking around me for help but there was no one there. I felt sick. I wanted to throw up. If I was standing I already knew I would've fallen to the floor, clutching my stomach to try and stop everything from hurting.
"Hey," a voice said, pulling me out of the well I'd fallen into. I looked over...and it was Christian. "Hey babe what's wrong?" he asked upon seeing my expression.
It took everything in me not to just start balling my eyes out then and there. I couldn't even look at him.
"Orion?" he pushed, putting a hand on my leg. His touch was like fire. I flinched and moved away from him, taking him aback as he tried desperately to grasp my line of sight. "Hey?"
"Why is there another girl's nudes on your phone?" I asked, my voice cracked and broken.
I watched as the colour drained from his face and his green eyes flicked from my face to his phone still sitting screen-up on the table and then back to my eyes.
"I can explain," he said.
"Explain what?" I asked, the tears welling in my eyes threatening to spill down my cheeks. I felt a black hole grow in my heart, sucking everything out of me. I wanted this all to be a dream. I wanted to wake up but I knew already this was the proof my denial had been hiding me from this whole time.
"It's not what it looks like Orion. I promise," Christian said, beginning to panic. "Please don't cry, baby, please don't cry, I can explain." He grabbed my hand and grabbed his phone, pulling me off the seat as one blink sent waterfalls down my cheeks.
I was so empty I couldn't resist against him and just brokenly followed him through the venue; covering my mouth with my hand to hide the sobs spilling out from between my lips.
"Orion?" I heard someone call out as Christian manoeuvred us through the crowd. I look over my shoulder and saw Alex looking at me with wide eyes and his eyebrows furrowed, closer to the bar than he was to me. "Is everything okay?" he called out, beginning to follow after me until I just nodded and looked away.
I didn't want to be there anymore. I wanted to go home. I wanted to go back to Portland and cry in my Maman's arms until the pain numbed enough for me to be able to function again.
Christian opened a door and pulled us outside to some ground-level balcony that was completely unoccupied and shut the door the the venue behind us.
"I can explain," he said immediately. I just turned away and started crying into my hands. "Orion please," he said and moved around in front of me and put his hands on my arms to keep me from turning away from him.
"What the fuck Christian?" I sobbed. "How the fuck can you explain something like that?"
"It's not what it looks like O, I promise," Christian said, craning his head down to meet my level.
"That's what you've been doing on your phone this whole time? That's where you've been going?" I wept. "You've been cheating on me this whole time?"
"No," Christian said quickly, shaking his head and trying to catch my eyes. "No baby, no. I would never lie to you, they've all been work trips I promise."
"Then who's that other girl?" I demanded. "Who's fucking tits is that on your phone Christian?"
"Some girl," Christian said.
"No shit!" I shouted.
"Orion, please calm down," he said.
"How can I calm down when you've been messaging some other girl?"
"There's no 'other girl' baby, please just let me explain it isn't what it looks like," Christian said, trying to put a hand on my face to force me to look at him.
"So much for all that 'four years' bullshit you pulled on me," I said, trying to move away from him. "If it's not what it looks like why the fuck is there some random girl's nudes on your fucking phone? What? Mine weren't enough? You ask all the time and I don't want to but I do Christian and then I find out you've been talking to other girls behind my back the whole time!"
"Orion listen to me!" he said, gripping my arms tight. "It's not what it looks like."
"Then what the fuck is it Christian?" I hated the sight of his stupid face. I hated myself for being so stupid.
"It's not a girl, it's from my friend okay?" Christian said. "I know it sounds weird and unbelievable but it's true. Adrian is convinced he doesn't know how to respond to this girl he's got a thing with sending him nudes okay?"
He can't be serious.
"And he asks the rest of us what to respond with and sends us the pictures so we know what he's talking about and I know, I know it sounds like bullshit but it's true," Christian said. "I've told him to stop multiple times and that I'm not comfortable seeing it and that I doubt the girl would want him sending her shit around but he doesn't listen."
"That's the most pathetic excuse I've ever heard," I said, shaking my head and gritting my teeth. "I'd rather you be fucking honest."
"I am!" Christian explained and took out his phone, unlocking it and handing it to me, "look. You can see for your self. You can go through my whole phone if you want to but I'm not cheating on you baby. I'm not talking to anyone else, I'm not looking at anyone's pictures but yours I promise. I would never do that to you."
His phone was shaking in my trembling hands but I forced myself to look through all the messages just to prove to myself that Christian was right and he wasn't actually cheating on me. I was both angry and relieved when I realised he was telling the truth. The picture had been sent by his friend to him with the caption: "she sent this. Dude how do I respond to that? We were talking about our favourite restaurants??"
I scrolled up and lo and behold, all these messages of this guy sending Christian pleas to help him sext with this girl, occasionally forwarding the poor girl's photos to him and asking how to respond. And all the while Christian had been saying things like:
"Jesus Christ Adrian I didn't need to see it."
"Idk man but I don't want to see that. You shouldn't send us her pictures it's weird."
"Bro. Just respond like a normal person. I don't want to be involved in that part of ur life."
"I can help you respond but I don't need to see it man."
"I have a girlfriend for this shit you don't need to send me the pictures dude."
I looked up at Christian and took a few deep breaths to compose myself. "This is the most unbelievable shit I've ever heard in my entire life," I said, shaking my head and wiping my cheeks. It was all too perfect. There was practically a one in a million chance that excuse could've ever held up. I hated that I believed him. I hated that it was true because now I didn't know what to think. But I just wanted to trust him so bad.
"I know," Christian nodded remorsefully, "and I know how it looks but it's the truth. I don't want anyone but you."
"I can't do this right now," I said and shook my head. "I can't forgive you right now because what the actual fuck is that shit Christian? What even are your friends?"
"I know I know," he nodded, "it weirds me out too but I have told him to stop. You saw that."
"Fucking hell," I cussed under my breath. "How am I supposed to comprehend something like that Christian..." I was at a loss for words. "No...I—I need a break Christian. For real this time. I can't handle this right now I need a break."
"Orion," Christian said softly, moving closer to me.
"Christian can you please just go?" I begged, trying not to cry again. "I need time to process whatever the fuck you just showed me and I can't while you're here. I need a break. Right now."
"Don't do this O," Christian said. "It was a misunderstanding but I explained myself to you!"
"I know you did but I can't live like this!" I exclaimed. "You can't expect me to write something like this off and move on. I'm struggling to trust you right now babe, I believe you but...you're fucking with my head and I'm telling you now we're on a break because I can't even look at you right now."
"Come on Orion," he said quietly, going to put a hand on me when I flinched away. He dropped his hand to his side and let out a deep breath through his nostrils, his teeth gritting hard. "Fine. We're on a break. But if you can't trust me in a week's time then we're over, and that's on you."
I looked away from him as he stormed off back inside the venue. The second the door closed I almost fell to my knees. Everything, and I mean everything hurt. The night was ruined and it had barely even started. I felt so used. So stupid and so empty. Did I really believe him? Or was I telling myself to believe him? I was so helplessly stuck in love with him that I didn't even know what to think anymore.
I stayed outside until I'd forced myself to stop crying and wiped up my tears, looking in my phone camera to assess the damage. Red eyes, a bit of black smudge under my eyes and all the makeup around my cheeks and nose gone. Thank god I'd worn waterproof mascara.
Screw this. I headed back inside and made a beeline for the bar, ordering five rounds of shots "for my table" and then downing them all consecutively.
"Woah miss no need to slow down," some guy chuckled at me, watching as I slid each of the shots down my throat until I was coughing.
"You're right," I said, "especially when you find another girl's nudes on your boyfriend's phone," I played it off with a forced laugh and left the bar without saying anything else. My head was spinning. I knew I shouldn't have drunk so many but to be honest, I didn't care. I just wanted to disappear.
I need to vomit. I forced myself out of seeing double vision and asked someone where the bathrooms were, following their directions and taking a whole damn eternity to actually get into them. Once I was there, the urge to toss up had disappeared and I just found myself staring at my broken reflection.
I hope no one sees me like this Jesus Christ. I should go home. I was letting everyone down. Christian by not being forgiving. Alex and the guys for wanting to leave for my own selfish reasons. And myself, for not picking up on Chris's behaviour earlier, and for drinking five shots, and for crying, and for wanting a break and every other reason I could think of. You idiot.
I stood wiping up the same tears for about a half hour, waiting for my eyes to clear up and my head to ease its dizziness. I felt my phone buzz and immediately tensed at the memory of seeing that on my boyfriends phone. Is he even my boyfriend right now? We're finally on the break I wanted but I barely feel free.
I didn't bother checking the message and told myself just to go back out and try and have a good time for Alex and the guys' sake. It was their night, I couldn't ruin it for them.
So, getting my shit together I wiped my eyes one last time and stepped out of the bathroom. Telling myself not to even think about Christian I began walking back to the heart of the venue when a voice caught my ear.
"You alright miss? You look a bit down?"
I looked over to my left and saw a guy standing with his back against the wall, dressed in all black with dark brown curls hanging from his head.
"I'm fine," I shrugged off. "Drinking's just got all my emotions out."
He chuckled, his sharp cheekbones coming visible the second a smirk curled onto his lips. "Supposed to be a fun night. You don't look like you're having any fun. If you're in need of a mood booster I might have something that may interest you," he said. He didn't look much older than me and in my drunken state of mind, wasn't short of intriguing.
"And what's that?" I asked, walking over to him.
"If you're good at keeping a secret," he said and pulled a small plastic zip-lock out of his pocket. Inside was a single, pink, smiley-face shaped pill. "Only if you want it though, I'm not here to coax you, just to cheer you up."
I thought about it for second and then thought about Christian and then thought about myself and then thought: "yeah why not. How much?"
"A kiss," he smiled.
I rolled my eyes, even drunk I could spot his sleaziness. "Of course."
"It doesn't have to be on the lips, it can be on the cheek, you can blow it, whatever you want," he said, "I've just been told that my kisses always make people smile, and I'm not letting you leave until you're happy."
I managed a laugh and shook my head, reaching up and kissing his cheek briefly and receiving my payment. I couldn't help but smile once I pulled back.
"See?" he grinned friendlily.
"You sure you don't want any money?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Nah," the guy smiled, his dark brown locks sitting like fluffs of chocolate frosting on his head. "As long as you enjoy the rest of your night."
I smiled and shook my head, thanking him, tucking the baggie in my clutch and walking off when something switched in me. I turned around and walked right back over to him, watching as that smirk and eyebrow lifted as he watched me approach.
"You know what?" I said, barely managing not to stumble over in my heels.
"What?" he smiled.
"Fuck it, my boyfriend's a cheating piece of shit anyway," I said and before I even knew what the hell was going on, I felt myself pushed against a wall as I pulled this stranger's lips to mine.