I pulled the last bandage tight around Grace's chest before grabbing Grace's hand and look up at her pale, lax face sadly. I wish I could do more, but there is so little I know about how to safely pull out bullets that go in like this one. I hate feeling useless, but I still cling to the tiny bit of hope that she might just pull through....
And, as much as I dislike Jake right now, I hope he does find a way to win back the Omaticaya's favor. I have no idea how he is going to but... any chance to save Grace's life? Take it. I don't know how to Omaticaya would be able to help but I can only hope they can.
"Okay, Norm, Rogue 1 is fueled up and your avatar is strapped up in the back. Going to do a systems check and then return to Love Shack." I heard Trudy say over speakers.
"Alright, Trudy." I heard Norm say as I leaned back in my chair, placing Grace's hand down carefully as I closed my eyes in exhaustion. It has been a really long day and I can faintly feel the aches and pains in my body. I felt horrible for it but I was glad the Love Shack had a first aid kit on hand with morphine so I can take my pain killer concoction.
I heard Jake Wheelchair get folded out before the wheels rolled across the floor. I peeked open an eye to see Norm sit in Jake's wheelchair right next to me, studying me.
"You look like crap, Hettie, have you taken care of yourself at all since we hid you?" Norm asked worriedly, studying me.
"I'm fine, Norm, thanks for asking. I knew from when I came to Pandora that my stomach may have a bit of a hard time adjusting to these dried out chemically made foods we have to eat. Remember that I live 16 years of my life on fresh fish, so my body isn't the best at processing all the chemicals in the food you all eat." I said. A partial truth, partial lie. I felt guilty for lying, it is an offence in Tulte and, before us, the Na'vi had no word for lying.
"It's worse than that, Hettie, you look really bad." Norm said in that worried brotherly tone I smiled at hearing. It's been a while since I heard Norm's caring tone, like an older brother.
"I've been.... avoiding that empty trailer, leads my mind down dark paths. I have been more in my avatar than I have been in that trailer. I might have skipped a few meals." I said, knowing I skipped more than a few meals.
"So you have spent all your time in your avatar? What have you been doing now that you are fully one of The People?" Norm asked curiously, probably trying to get me to open up.
I chose my words carefully, "I have joined in a few hunts with those that tolerate me." I didn't mention that Tsu'tey joined me in all those hunts, glaring at anyone who seems to be about to snarl a mean comment at me. I always thought it was sweet, just how much Tsu'tey has come to see me as a friend. "I also told stories to the children of my ancestors. They especially love the story of The Children of The Sun, I have been asked for that story several times." I said wistfully, looking up at the ceiling.
"What about what Jake said you were able to do. Summon roots out of the ground." Norm said, studying me closely. I blinked in shock, thinking back on that painful moment.
I still don't know how I did what I did, but I remember how my life-force flew through the ground, not Eywa's. I didn't quite understand what happened, only that, in that moment, I had no thoughts, only instinctual reactions, like a cornered predator acting out. I was beginning to wonder if the feelings and emotions of other animals had rubbed off on me.
I have never felt so... out of control.
"I don't.... I don't know." Was all I said, reaching up and fingering the seashell necklace from Tulte, my thoughts lost in confusion.
Silence fell for a long moment.
"You have changed." Norm said, like he came to a realization. I looked at him in confusion.
"What do you mean, I have changed?" I asked, trying to figure out what Norm is asking.
"I mean you are not the same Hettie I said goodbye to before Trudy took you to your new trailer up in the mountains. Something about you, about how you act and what you show others, has changed drastically during that time. Before all this you would refuse to show pain to anyone and you were very closed off about everything you feel, even from me. Now, you seem... different." Norm said, making me frown in thought.
I knew why I was so different now. Before I left the Love Shack, I didn't know I was dying, I didn't know that I was destined to help Eywa and not The Great Mother Eagle. Before I left, I held quite a bit of pride before I became more humble upon the realization of my approaching demise. I started paying less attention to my Spirit Quest and more to the others around me. Doing everything I can to just be a good friend for Tsu'tey because so much recently has changed.
I guess I have changed.
"I guess I am different." I said softly, sighing as I sat up in my chair, checking the bindings on Grace's chest once more before nervously checking her pulse, feeling my heart plummet at how it is just a touch slower. The bandages are not showing any sign of blood coming through, so I can only hope I stopped the bleeding.
But there could be all kinds of internal bleeding...
"How is Jake going to win back The People's favor? He would have to do something near impossible to make them trust us... trust him again." I said, thinking back on Tsu'tey's look of distrust in pain.
"I don't know, but he is stubborn and crazy enough to go after something near impossible." Norm said, making me snort once as I looked out the window, watching the waving vines and shivering leaves of the trees.
"Yet, I don't see any way he can ever convince Tsu'tey to even like him. Tsu'tey hates his guts, especially since Jake mated with Neytiri, who was supposed to be Tsu'tey's mate." I said, keeping my voice level.
Norm was silent, making me look over at him in confusion, to find him studying me intently in a way that made me uncomfortable. I looked away, glancing at Norm in confusion before trying to ignore Norm's intense study of my face.
"You love him." He said suddenly, his eyes widening in realization. I felt panic rise in me but I fought it down, looking at Norm in confusion.
"Love who? Norm, Neytiri, Mo'at, and Tsu'tey are my friends, they have shown me much of Pandora and really opened my eyes to what matters in life, so why are you saying I love someone?" I asked in the best confused voice I could pull off.
"Cut the crap, Hettie, now that I see it, it's as plain as day. You love Tsu'tey, like I tried to warn you against." Norm said, sounding annoyed and worried.
"Norm, he is just my friend, nothing else." I said, skirting the truth, keeping my expression blank. I suddenly heard the airlock open, Trudy stepping through and closing it as she looked between Grace's sleeping body, my annoyed expression and Norm's irritated look at not drawing an answer out of me.
"So, whats going on here?" Trudy asked, looking between the two of us.
I opened my mouth to say nothing, but Norm cut me off, "She won't admit to me that she actually did fall for Tsu'tey." Norm said in annoyance, glaring at me. I rolled my eyes halfheartedly, feeling more nervous as I spotted Trudy's expression as she studied me.
"Norm, go to Hettie's trailer and bring out some of the stored food she has there, would you?" Trudy said in a stern, no nonsense voice. Norm ducked his head, looking embarrassed about something. I watched the two in amusement, seeing how much Trudy has Norm wrapped around her fingers. He stood, glanced at my smirk, and quickly pressed a kiss to Trudy's cheek before quickly making for the airlock to my trailer.
I watched him go before grinning at Trudy.
"I see that relationship is going quite well. I don't think I have ever seen Norm shut up so quickly." I said in pure amusement, glad to see my two friends are still dating. At least there is still something good in all this bad.
"Takes practice." Trudy said, studying me. I looked at her in confusion.
"What?" I asked, spinning the sash on my arm around and around as I waited for her reply. She continued to study me for a very long time, making me wonder if she was trying to force the answer out of me with mere looks, before she spoke.
"You really do got it bad, don't you?" She said in a low tone. I looked up quickly from tapping my fingers together to look at her with wide, panicked eyes. Did she notice something about my condition? is there something that gives away my Cryosickness? What am I going to do?!
I continued to stare at her with wide eyes.
"You really do love him, don't you? I mean, I think it's pretty clear in how beaten up you are over the fact that he doesn't trust you now." Trudy said, sitting in Jake's wheelchair. I studied Trudy for a moment before sighing, my shoulders drooping.
"I do... I never lied to him, I always told him the truth... now he doesn't trust me..." I whispered quietly, admitting my secret as I studied my hands.
"And it hurts that he no longer trusts you, like you trust him." Trudy stated, making me glance up before looking down at my hands.
"Yes." I said in defeat, "It seems I am doomed to always love someone I can never actually be with." I said depressingly, thinking of my Cyrosickness. I have been trying my hardest to hide just how much I have grown to truly love Tsu'tey, enough that I was willing to watch him walk away happy, even if I am not. And it hurts, oh it hurts, finding such love that I didn't know existed only to be faced with the fact that I can never share that love with him, or have it returned. I reached up and quickly wiped my cheek, coming away with tears before looking outside quickly.
Trudy patted me on the shoulder, drawing my attention back to her.
"I know it hurts, Hettie, but look at what Jake and Neytiri did? You never know, maybe one day you can be with him." Trudy said, making me frown, as I knew the truth.
"He is the Olo'eyktan of the Omaticaya, Trudy, he has his duties. I have mine. It will never happen." I said with finality on this conversation.
Okay, yet again another short chapter but I really don't know what all to add here. Might edit this chapter in the future. Enjoy!