Chapter 16
Love And Hate. Two Emotions. All At Once.
I don’t know how long we’ve been here inside his car, him driving, me sitting on his passenger’s seat and none of us are saying a word. I can still feel my eyes are quite swollen from all the crying that I did and he didn’t let me go, not until I stopped crying.
Pasimple ko siyang sinipat, he was still in his uniform just like me. White polo shirt, black slacks, black leather shoes, dark brown hot as fuck curls. His jaw was firmly clenched and his full attention was on the road. I’m having a good view of his bulky and veiny arms as his hands firmly gripped on his steering wheel.
I almost jumped on my own skin when his head slightly tilted towards me, giving me a side glance. “You alright?” He asked, looking back and forth at me and on the road.
He’s really got that low yet firm voice whenever he talks. A low kind that smoothly goes inside your ears and a firm kind that somehow sends intimidation to the receiver. It’s me. I’m the receiver.
“Mona…” He pressed, licking his bottom lip.
I swallowed the forming lump in my throat. “Yeah… I’m alright.” I told him, giving him a slight smile.
He nods slightly pushing a sigh, clenching his jaw before drawing back his eyes on the road.
“Ciel…” I called him.
He gave me a brief glance, raising his brows. “Hmm?” Kagat labi niyang sabi.
“You think we can still go back to normal? I mean, the three of us? A-After the stupid stunt that I tried to pull?” I asked him, chewing my bottom lip nervously. Ang tanga-tanga ko naman kasi… My Mom was right. I must never ever make a decision once I’m too overwhelmed and livid. But at least I get to tell him what I really feel about him.
He released his bottom lip. “I honestly don’t know…” He replied, clicking his tongue. “Ba’t mo naman kasi ginawa ‘yon?” Nangunot ang noo niya.
“Bakit hindi? I know it didn’t come out the way I wanted it to be but at least I get to tell him what I really feel.” I told Ciel matter of factly.
He smiled at me. A kind of smile that is full of sarcasm. “And there’s also a possibility that your friendship with him will be ruined. Way to fucking go, Mona…”
I slightly frowned. “You put yourself in my shoes. Halimbawa ikaw may crush ka since grade 10 ka tapos naging close mo noong nag grade 12 ka, won’t you do the same? Kikimkimin mo na lang ba ang feelings mo para sa kanya hanggang sa mabaliw ka?” I challenged.
“Matagal na ‘kong baliw…” He murmured something into himself that I failed to hear.
“Ano?” I asked, my brows furrowing.
Tiningnan niya ako. “I’d rather not tell her about my feelings…” Seryoso niyang saad habang nakatingin sa mga mata ko. My mouth slightly parted, giving him a quite disbelief look.
He shrugged. “She’s my friend and I can’t risk the only thing that’s keeping me to be with her.”
“Duwag ka pala sa pag-ibig…” I said with a sigh, I was quite amused because of my sudden discovery. Wow. Si Ciel Dmitri Alfieri III? Duwag sa pag-ibig? Bakit? I mean, damn! Look at him! He could even just raise his middle finger in the air and women would still find him attractive.
“Hindi ako duwag. Alam ko naman ang sagot na makukuha ko kaya bakit pa ako aamin?”
Tiningnan ko siya at ilang sandaling napakurap. Bakit ba ang seryoso niya? May pinagdadaanan ba ‘to?
He avoided my gaze, clearing his throat. “I mean, I was talking about you… Alam mo naman ang sagot na mukukuha mo kay Colton pero nagpunta ka pa sa kanila. And what was your excuse again? PowerPoint?” Natawa siya at inilingan ako.
“Nahiya naman ang messenger at email sa effort mo, Mona. You are such a disgrace to the Clavel clan!” Sabi pa ng walanghiya!
I felt my cheeks burn in embarrassment. Sinuntok ko siya sa braso niya habang nakasimangot sa kanya mas tinawanan lang naman niya ako.
No matter how I admit that he hit my nerve again, I couldn’t deny the fact that the heavy atmosphere is no longer around… I guess this is really my norm with Ciel. Him teasing me and me getting annoyed as hell.
“Stop teasing me! I was too driven by my anger to even think of a better excuse!” I defended myself.
His brows furrowed a little but there was still a left over smile on his face. “Sanay ka namang paiba-iba ang girlfriend ni Colton pero ngayon ka lang nagalit?”
“Sa dinami-dami ba naman kasi ng babae sa HAU bakit ‘yung Lexie pa na ‘yon ang ginirlfriend niya? That bitch bullied me when we were just in elementary! Hindi niya deserve ang sumaya! At sa piling pa ni Colton?!” Bwisit kong sabi at pinagkrus ang mga braso ko sa aking dibdib.
Salubong ang kilay ko siyang tiningnan. His teasing smile was no longer there, his expression was casual again but I can sense that there’s something more behind those features. Something that I always failed to read…
He wet his bottom lip, pushing out a sigh. “Mona, that was still during your elementary days. You’ve been hurt, I get that. But you can’t judge a person based on her previous mistakes. Malay mo naman nagbago na siya? And don’t let your anger deprive others from being happy. We all deserve to be happy, Mona.” He said.
My face fell into a scrunch. “E ‘di ako na naman ang mali… Kailan mo pa ba ako kinampihan?” I uttered, bitterly. He’s making a point, yes, pero hindi ba pwedeng kampihan niya ako kahit minsan? Nakakainis.
“Mona…” He called me, softly. I firmly shut my mouth drawing my full attention outside the window.
He pulled the car over. Nakarating na kami sa tapat ng bahay namin. I unbuckled my seatbelt.
“Thank you,” I said dryly and without looking at him. I was about to hop out of his car but the asshole manipulated his car controls, locking the door completely.
Inis ko siyang tiningnan at sinamaan nang tingin.
“Can you listen to me first?” He asked. I didn’t answer, I just stared at him.
I heard him sigh. “Look, I’m on your side, okay? That’s for sure. Kahit sabay-sabay ka pa nilang pagtulungan, ilalaban kita kahit sa harapan pa ng maraming tao… kahit mali ka, ipagtatanggol pa rin kita. Pero syempre kapag tayong dalawa na lang, pagsasabihan kita dahil ayaw kong kunsintihin ka sa mali.” Kalmado niyang paliwanag.
Fuck… The thought that there is someone who would be willing to fight with you against the crowd with no inhibitions, no matter what it takes, and even when you’re wrong... And the thought of someone correcting your mistakes in private instead of embarrassing you in front of the crowd leaves me speechless.
He’s not just capable of stealing the air in one’s lungs, he is also capable of stealing the words on one’s tongue.
He smiles at me. “You have a beautiful heart, Mona. Don’t let your anger consume that beautiful thing inside your chest…”
I just looked at him as his words began to infiltrate me again.
A low chuckle rise from his throat. “Come on, h’wag ka nang magalit sa’kin… Kakabati lang natin, eh.”
“It’s your fault!” I hissed when I suddenly remembered.
Naningkit ang mga mata ko. “Bakit mo ginawa ‘yon? Bakit hindi mo ‘ko pinansin?”
His lips parted then he closes it again by biting his bottom lip. Mas lalong naningkit ang mga mata ko habang inaantay ko ang kanyang sagot.
“Sinubukan ko lang naman kung kaya ko… Tsaka isang araw lang naman ‘yon, hindi rin naman kita natiis. Ikaw nga isang linggo mo ‘kong hindi pinapansin.” Siya naman ngayon ang naningkit ang mga mata.
“Nakakainis ka kasi! I don’t even know what I did to you! Tapos ngayon sasabihin mong dahilan sinubukan mo lang… You and mind, Ciel Alfieri! Ang hirap mong basahin!” Inis kong sabi sa kanya.
One corner of his lips lifted up. “Then let me make it up to you. Susunduin kita mamayang six o’clock.” He said.
I was quite taken aback. “Saan tayo pupunta?”
“Basta. Now get your ass out of my car and go get some rest.” I heard something clicked, maybe he unlocked the door already but I wasn’t still moving an inch. I was still staring at him, a bit confused. Seryoso ba talaga siya?
Either way, I think that sounds good because both my parents aren’t at home and I don’t want to be stuck between the four walls of my room again, alone and overthinking.
“Six o’clock sounds good…” I absentmindedly said with a faint grin on my lips before finally hopping out of his car.
I gripped on the side of his door, leaning down a little, looking at him. “Ingat ka… at salamat kasi dumating ka.” I sincerely said with a soft smile on my lips. He smiles, too and I took that as a cue to close his door shut and turn my back.
Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi ko habang nakangiti pa rin. Magkikita kami mamayang six.
--
I looked at myself in front of the mirror. I look okay, right? I don’t even know where we’re going but I decided to wear a spaghetti strapped white top and I tucked it inside my high waisted faded jeans that I matched with a leather belt. I wore a grey long sweater and a pair of white sneakers.
I tried to pull my hair into a high ponytail pero inalis ko ulit at sinubukan kong i-braid ang sarili kong buhok habang nakatayo pa rin sa harapan ng salamin, nang malapit na akong matapos ay saka pa iyon nagulo at nagkandaligaw-ligaw pa ang paraan nang pagtatali ko.
“Ugh!” I groaned, running my fingers through my hair in frustration. Bakit ba todo effort akong mag-ayos? Si Ciel lang naman ang kasama ko, ah!
I clicked my tongue and bit my bottom lip hard. I was about to re-do my hair again but then I heard my phone notified. Sinilip ko ang phone ko na nasa ibabaw ng tukador.
It’s an email from Ciel with a subject ‘unblock me u coward’. Napangisi ako at tinap ko ang email niya para basahin.
Ciel Alfieri
unblock me u coward
I’m outside. But take your time. I can wait. Mag liptint ka lang diyan.
Natawa ako nang mabasa ko ang email niya. Kanina pa ako tapos mag-ayos actually and unfortunately for him, I didn’t use liptint tonight. I used a nude shade of my MAC matte liquid lipstick.
Binitawan ko muna ang phone ko para kumuha ng suklay. Sinuklayan ko na lang ang buhok ko at hinayaang nakalugay. Pagkatapos no’n ay kinuha ko ang maliit kong leather backpack na may lamang box at wallet.
I grab my phone, frantically shoving it inside my pocket before jogging out of my room.
“Yaya, bye-bye!” Nagmamadali kong sabi kay Yaya Alma nang makasalubong ko siya sa baba. I gave her a quick flying kiss and left her dazed and confused.
My heart was banging on my chest the moment I stepped a foot outside our gate. I don’t know if it’s all because of the frantic steps that I did or is it because of Ciel Alfieri who was currently leaning on the side of his car with his hands shove inside the pockets of his cream chino shorts. He was wearing a plain grey shirt with a pocket on the side. Pareho rin kaming naka white sneakers.
I like how he can carry his casual look every damn time. He wasn’t the kind of guy who dresses to impress. Because his oozing sex appeal always does the work for him. Hay. Pinagpala.
Dumiretso siya nang tayo nang makita ako, pinasadahan niya ako nang tingin habang naka-awang ang kanyang bibig.
I was actually doubting if I look good in my outfit while I was upstairs, looking at reflection in front of the mirror but the way his eyes stare at me and the way those lips parted ended the doubt that I have in mind. I look good. His expression is screaming it.
When his gaze met my eyes, his jaw clenched before giving me a faint smile. “Let’s go?” Aniya.
“Let’s go.”
--
“Wow…” I said, the moment we stepped inside the Comercio Central. It was a wide open field.
I was welcomed with the lively and creative set up of the whole place and as well as the mouthwatering smell of the different kinds of food that every stall was preparing.
Maraming mga food stalls ang diretsong nakahilera at sa itaas ay may mga makikita kang maliit na bandiritas at maliliit na ilaw na iba-iba ang kulay.
You can actually stand in the middle to pose for a picture et voila, may Instagram post ka na.
And I like how this lifestyle market was surrounded by tall trees at imbes na semento ay damo ang tinatapakan mo.
They also have a lot of wooden tables and chairs that you could sit on while delving your food or just to simply look at the amazing view. Buhay na buhay ang gabi dito, may nakita pa kaming mga iilang turista.
“Ngayon ka lang nagpunta dito?” Ciel asked, with his brows quite furrowed.
I tilted my head to face him. The reflection of the bright lights coming from the stalls is mixing with the colored lights dangling above while they reflect on his face. I could my eyes could just capture a picture everytime they blink then I’d probably have a good shot of him. Every single thing he does is Instagramble. Fuck.
I nodded my head and avoided his gaze the moment I finally recovered from how aesthetic he is. “Oo. Hindi ko nga alam na may ganito pala dito. I mean, bukod sa hindi ako mahilig lumabas, wala naman akong mga kaibigan noon para i-explore ang siyudad natin. School at bahay lang ako parati.” Pagkikwento ko sa kanya.
Ni hindi nga ako uma-attend ng mga intramurals noon. Pero dahil sa naging kaibigan ko sila at pare-pareho pa silang mga sporty, napa-attend tuloy ako.
Hindi siya sumagot kaya muli ko siyang tiningnan. I immediately met his eyes. He was staring at me with a grin plastered on his lips, showing me that irresistible dimple again.
“Bakit?” I asked, quite confused.
A low chuckle escaped from his lips. “You are like the living Rapunzel. And the society and your insecurities were your fake mom who deprived you from exploring the world around you.” He said.
Napangisi ako habang unti-unting nag si-sink in ang mga sinasabi niya.
“And you were my Eugene with hot as fuck curls who pulled me out from my tall tower of insecurities, saving me, and letting me see the world.” That’s what I wanted to say but I just bit my tongue instead.
“Oo, tapos ikaw si Pascal! ‘Yung chameleon na laging nasa balikat ni Rapunzel.” I joked, laughing a little.
“Sa dinami-dami naman ng characters doon, butiki pa ang ihinalintulad mo sa’kin.” Iling-iling niyang sabi habang natatawa.
“Butiki ka diyan! Chameleon nga sabi,” I giggled.
He just gave me a grin. “Lakad ka sa gitna…” He said out of nowhere.
Nangunot ang noo ko. “Huh?”
“Bilis. Habang walang tao.” He said, slightly pushing me on my shoulder. Wala akong nagawa kung hindi sundin ang gusto niya.
Nakakunot noo ako habang naglalakad ng diretso sa gitna. Pinagti-tripan na naman yata ako ng lalaking ‘to, eh.
Nang makalimang hakbang na ako ay narinig kong tinawag niya ang pangalan ko.
I looked at him over my shoulder just to find out that he was holding his phone, taking multiple shots of me. I was quite stunned at first but then I couldn’t help but to laugh a little with the realization of what he’s doing.
I was giggling when I finally turned around to face him. I took steps forward to approach him at hindi pa rin siya tumigil sa kapicture sa akin kaya hinarang ko ang palad ko sa camera niya at kinuha ang phone niya mula sa kanya.
I scanned his gallery, mas lalo akong natawa dahil sa sobrang dami ng shots na kinuha niya.
“Uy ang ganda kuha ng mga ‘to…” Napalitan nang pagkamangha ang ekspresyon ko nang makita ko ang mga nauna niyang kuha.
It was a picture of me in the middle, looking at him over my shoulder with a genuine smile on my face. Around me was the beautiful view of the place and the colorful lights reflected on my face beautifully. It looked so damn candid. Which it was.
“Gusto mo picturan din kita?” I offered.
Ngumisi lang siya at umiling. Muli niyang kinuha ang phone niya mula sa akin. Akala ko itatago na niya ito pero inilagay niya bigla sa front cam tapos ay itinapat niya iyon sa aming dalawa.
“Tayo na lang.”
I was taken aback at first but after recovering, I did some poses together with him. There was this shot that I was winking with my tongue stuck out and he was attempting to give me a bite on the side of my head.
“Oh, ayan. Natupad na ang pangarap mong magka selfie tayo.” Pagyayabang niyang biro.
“Ang kapal mo!” I said, punching him on the shoulder.
Tinawanan niya lang ako.
“Halika na nga. Kumain na lang tayo…” He said, wrapping his hand on my wrist. I almost jumped on my skin the moment his hand connected onto my skin.
He was leading the way and I just let him. Patigil-tigil kaming dalawa habang namimili ng stall na bibilihan, ako parati ang tatanungan niya kung gusto ko ba do’n at kapag sinabi kong ayaw ko, magtitingin na naman kami sa iba.
“Gusto mo ‘to?” He said pointing at the shawarma stall.
I shook my head.
“Nagdinner ka na ba kanina?” He asked.
Again, I shook my head.
Nagsalubong ang kanyang kilay. Medyo kinabahan nga ako, baka naiinis na siya kasi ang pihikan ko. I don’t know why but ever since I lost weight, I couldn’t eat like I used to before.
And I don’t usually eat at night. Kung kakain man ako ng gabi, hindi dapat iyon lalagpas ng six o’clock dahil kapag lumampas na, hindi na talaga ako kakain.
“Mona, kumain ka… Kahit kaunti lang.” He said softly with a sigh.
“You can take all the time you need to consume your food… You know I can always wait.” He convinced me and God, his voice was so soft and the way he look at me intently and delicately… Shit! Hindi ko na kayang mag protesta pa. “Kain ka, hmm?” He softly pressed, gently squeezing my wrist.
I gave him a warm smile. “I want a takoyaki and…” My eyes turned into slits as I searched for a drink. My eyes stopped on a certain stall. “That! I also want a fresh squeezed lemon juice.” I said before drawing my gaze back to him.
He was just looking at me with a faint grin on his face like I was the most interesting creature in the world.
I smiled at him and he did, too.
“Alright, ma’am. Let’s go.” He said nodding his head on the side. He then again turned his back on me to lead the way. His hand on my wrist slowly slid down to my palm, flawlessly and smoothly entwining his fingers to mine.
I clenched my jaw to prevent myself from smiling.
I’m torn.
I’m torn between loving and hating the magic that his simple touch and presence could do to my body. I love and hate how the warmth of his palm against mine can create havocs in both my chest and stomach. I love and hate how his scent invades my nostril. I love and hate how he creates chaos in every vein that I have in my body.
I love and hate how his presence calms every raging sea in me.
The feeling I get when the rain is softly pouring and I have a cup of coffee in my hand is the same feeling that I get when I am with him.
Amidst all the chaos, it is through him where I can find my genuine tranquility.
And I fucking love… and hate it.
--
Ciel and I are now sitting on the wooden tables with the cold December breeze kissing our skin as we get to have the good view of the green wide field and as well as the stage that they are currently setting up.
“Ayoko na.” I said, giving him my two last pieces of takoyaki. Tinusok niya ang isa at kinagatan. He just had his beef tapa and a piece of hotdog waffle. He really have a big appetite pero hindi siya tumataba. I don’t know if it’s because of his genes or it’s because he’s an athlete or is it because both.
I stared at him as his jaw clenched with every chew that he gives on my food.
His adam’s apple bobbed up and down.
“Wala ka nang gusto?” He suddenly asked.
Umiling ako. “Super busog na ako.” I said, before taking a sip of my fresh lemon juice.
Napangisi siya. “Swerte naman ng magiging boyfriend mo. Makakatipid siya kasi nabubusog ka kaagad.” He said, laughing a little.
“Ikaw, hindi ka pwedeng mag girlfriend ng hindi marunong magluto. Kain ka kasi nang kain.” I said.
He just shrugged before taking a sip of his lemon juice. “Anong gusto mong pasalubong?” He suddenly asked after placing the cup back on the wooden table.
Unti-unting nawala ang mga ngisi ko sa mga labi nang maalala kong huling gabi na pala niya dito sa Pilipinas ngayong taong ito. I felt a hard squeeze on my stomach and a pang on my chest but I just shrugged it off immediately.
I wet my bottom lip, clearing my throat to somehow get rid of the forming lump there. “Yung Golden Gate Bridge.” I tried to joke despite the acid that I’m feeling on my chest.
Hindi siya tumawa. Tiningnan niya lang ako habang malamlam na nakangisi.
“Babalik din naman ako next year…” He said, as if he can sense that I’m just trying to play it cool.
“I know. But we still have a week left before the start of the Christmas vacation. Marami kang mamimiss.” I said.
“Ikaw lang naman…”
“H-Ha?” This is the struggle that I always get when he speaks with his low voice. Hindi ko alam kung lagi ba akong namamali nang dinig sa mga pinagsasabi niya o ano.
Hindi siya sumagot, nginisian niya lang ako.
Bumuntong hininga ako. “Ang Dad mo ba ang mag pa-pilot ng plane na sasakyan niyo ng sister mo?” I asked, instead.
He nodded, grinning proudly. “Astig ‘no?” Aniya.
Tumango ako. “Balang araw, kayo na nila Cyprian ang magpi-pilot ng mga eroplano.” I said.
Unti-unting nawala ang mga ngiti niya. “Pine-pressure mo naman ako.” aniya at sinamahan pa nang ngisi.
“Bakit? Ang galing mo nga sa Physics! ‘Di ba isa sa mga subjects niyo iyon kapag nag take ka na ng Aero?”
“I don’t think excelling is enough. Kailangan palaging the best. Gano’n kasi ang mga Alfieri, eh. They never settle for less. Tingnan mo ang mga pinsan ko, mga consistent PL.” He said and I can really sense the gloom and pressure in his eyes.
I was about to speak but then he cut me off immediately. “Kunsabagay, PL din naman ako, eh. Pogi Lang.” Aniya at sinamahan pa niya iyon nang mahinang tawa.
I rolled my eyes at him while smiling. “PL ka talaga ‘no? Patawa Lang.” Ganti ko at parehas kaming natawa. As our laugh died down, our table went quiet again.
“How does it feels like?” I asked, breaking the silence.
Tumaas ang dalawa niyang kilay.
“To live in San Francisco. Marami kayang Pilipino ang nangangarap na tumira sa ibang bansa.” I told him.
He wet his bottom lip as he slightly tapped his fingers on the wooden table. “The first months were always hard, of course, you’d have to face the culture shock first until you slowly learn to adapt and begin to do their lifestyle and slangs.”
“But you know, living in a foreign country is awesome and all… not until you witness racial discrimination. It sucks to see how some people can freely have their rights while other races struggle to gain for it. Why do they have to sweat and ask for it anyway? A right is something that must be freely given to you without having to ask for it. Karapatan ‘yon. Libre. At hindi dapat ipinagkakait.” He said, slightly shaking his head.
As I listened to him, I couldn’t help but to adore and look up to him even more. He’s really so much more than his good looks and his jock reputation.
I get where he was coming from. Racial discrimination was very rampant in the US. Actually, racism can happen everywhere and it is happening everyday. Kahit dito sa Pinas, madalas ang mga Bombay ang pinipiling pagdiskitahan ng mga tao.
A lot of people are even afraid of the Muslims, generalizing the religion as them being terrorists. But terrorism and violence has no religion. Anyone can kill anyone, regardless of your gender and religion.
Difference and diversity must never be an excuse to deprive someone from having a voice, opinion, and receiving the same respect that everyone else is having.
I stared at Ciel, softly. Giving him my warmest smile. “You told me that I have a beautiful heart… No, Ciel. It was you who have a beautiful heart. I like how you favor the good and despise the injustice.”
“I was raised by a brave woman with a compassionate heart and a wise man with good principles.”
Mas lalong lumawak ang mga ngiti ko. We grew quiet for a moment, just staring at each other until we heard a strum of guitar coming from the stage.
May banda na pala na naka set doon.
Inabot ko ang leather backpack na nasa tabi ko. Binuksan ko iyon at kinuha ang isang navy blue box na may nakataling ribbon.
Iniabot ko iyon kay Ciel. Kunot noo niya akong tiningnan.
I smiled widely at him. Pushing the box a little forward. “Kunin mo.” I urged.
He accepted it, quite surprised. “Akin ‘to?” Nakangisi at hindi makapaniwalang tanong.
Tumango ako. “In-advance ko na ‘yung gift mo… Wala ka naman kasi dito sa Pinas ng pasko. Buksan mo!” I happily urged.
Hindi ko alam pero mas nae-excite ako kapag ako ang nagbibigay ng regalo. The feeling of making others happy was just too priceless for me. Lalo na kung si Ciel Alfieri pa. Kahit papaano gustong-gusto kong makabawi kasi kahit parati kaming nagbabangayan, hindi niya ako pinapabayaan.
One corner of his lips lifted up, showing the irresistible dimple once again before he finally undone the satin ribbon.
Tinanggal niya ang nasa cover at lumantad sa kanya ang laman ng box na ihinanda ko para sa kanya. It has a water tumbler, metal straws, a small bottle of shampoo, body wash, small strips of soap for handwashing, hand sanitizer, a plain white back up shirt that I bought in Uniqlo, and of course, three g-tec ballpen para hindi na siya nanghihiram lagi.
I was eyeing him as he take everything out, one by one, smiling and quite amused. There’s a music playing on our background by the band in front, the beats were chill and calm, perfect for how this December night has been going on.
To speak or not to where to begin
A great dilemmas I'm finding myself in
For all I know you only see me as a friend
I try to tell myself, "Wake up, fool
This fairytale has got to end"
“Wow. Thank you. And Damn! You managed to fit all of these inside this small box?” He said as he struggles to put them back again.
“Akin na nga,” muli kong kinuha sa kanya ang box at ang mga gamit na inilabas niya doon at isa-isang inarrage ulit sa loob. “Ganito dapat ang paglalagay… Naisip ko kasi athlete kayo kaya ganitong gift ang binigay ko, mas useful. May metal straws pa. ‘Di ba? Save the turtles! Tapos ikaw lang ang binigyan ko ng ballpen kasi hiram ka nang hiram!” Daldal ko habang inaayos ang mga gamit niya.
“Oh ayan, ganito lang. Tapos na—” Natigilan ako dahil nang mag-angat ako nang tingin sa kanya ay nasalubong ko ang mga mata niya. He was staring at me delicately with a soft grin formed on his lips.
“You know, I used to always feel excited going back in San Francisco… Pero ngayon, hindi na.” He said.
“Bakit naman?” Kunot noo kong tanong.
“Wala namang Mona Lisa Clavel do’n, e.” He said, leaving me completely stunned. And before I could even speak, he stood from where he was seated and then he reached for my hand, urging me to stand up.
Mabilis kong kinuha ang backpack ko at siya naman ang nagdala ng box na gift ko sa kanya. We both went to the crowd where people were watching and listening to the band as they played a certain song.
Never in my life have I been more sure
So come on up to me and close the door
Nobody's made me feel this way before
You're everything I ever wanted and more...
He didn’t let go of my hand, we just stood there in the middle of the crowd under the sky that is full of stars as we both listen to the music played by the band in front as we feel the cold breeze of December dancing on the strands of our hairs.
You're everything I wanted...
Tiningnan ko si Ciel habang nakangiti, he was currently looking above as an airplane suddenly passed through the night sky. Saglit kong tiningnan ang eroplano ngunit kaagad ko rin namang ibinalik ang mga tingin ko sa kanya.
It sucks that he can’t see how beautiful he is when he stares with the things that he loves and hope for his dreams to come true.
Nang makalayo na nang tuluyan ang eroplano sa langit ay nagbaba ang mga tingin niya sa akin. His eyes are full of hope and dreams. Something that I’ve never seen before.
“Someday,” I whispered, smiling sweetly and proudly to him.
“You think so?” He asked, quite unsure. And in spite of his doubt, I remain sure and confident for him. Because I believe, I believe that he can and he will.
I smiled at him. “You want to know something that I’ve never told someone about?” I said.
Tumango siya.
“The moment you told me that you wanted to become a pilot? Since then, I couldn’t stop but to think of you everytime I see a plane passes across the skies. And when I close my eyes, it was you that I see, wearing your pilot’s uniform proudly and with dignity as you sit in the cockpit, safely bringing all your passengers into their designated destinations giving them another chance to live, hope, and dream…”
I saw his eyes glisten as he stares at me. “You wanna know something that I’ve never told someone about?” He whispered, still looking at me in the eyes.
I smiled and nodded.
“I’ve always been scared of failing and disappointing the people around me. And I almost give my dreams up and let that fear win. But you and your belief in me just gave me another reason to hold on and to dream again,” He paused, facing me this time and squeezing my hand gently.
“Someday, I am going to be a pilot, Mona.” He said and this time it wasn’t me alone who was believing in him. He is now also believing in himself.
He stared at my eyes intently and in full sincerity. “Mangyayari, kasi naniwala ka.” He whispered and I smiled proudly at my future Captain Alfieri.
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In my almost seven years of writing, this was the first time that I had receive a hundred comment in a single update. grabe. salamat sa inyo! pati sa mga tweets niyo, salamat din. super na appreciate ko. :<
niway, try ko edit bukas. sabog na me.
song used: balisong by rivermaya