[i long for the childhood
i could have had]
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I walked off of the plane, and into the direct eyesight of Harry. He was wearing sunglasses and a hoodie with the hood up, but it was impossible not to notice him when you were looking for him. He just had something about him like that.
I ran to him and wrapped him into a hug. His arms wrapped around my back and he lifted me up, swinging me back and forth.
"Hey, kid," he said. He set me down and nodded to his chauffeured car. "How was your flight?"
"It was okay. I didn't die so it definitely could have been worse," I said. He shrugged and nodded in agreement.
"So, tell me this. Did you talk to your mum?" Harry asked. He told me to at his gate before he left for Holmes Chapel a few days ago. and I knew what he meant. Talk to her and understand why I got left the way I had.
"I tried to, but I can't. She just left me there. How am I supposed to talk to her about that? And even if I did, Harry, how am I supposed to forgive her for it?"
"No, darling. It's not that at all. You need to forgive yourself."
"I-" I tried, climbing into the car and sitting down. He slid into the back seat next to me and looked at me expectantly.
"It's obvious to everyone that you blame yourself, Mickey. Being there, did it give you some kind of closure?"
"Yeah, kind of..." I trailed off. If seeing exactly who I could have been when I had always wondered was closure. Did you know that Niall has a porch swing?"
"Yeah, I know that. What about it?"
"I don't know, I always thought those were only in America," I said with a shrug.
"Speaking of things that are only in America," Harry said slowly, "Did you guys really have pep rallies? Like the ones in the movies?"
"Yeah?" I answered, before my eyes went wide and I laughed. "You're trying to tell me that there aren't pep rallies in England?"
"No, I'm trying to tell you there aren't pep rallies anywhere else except for America! Actually, also, did you ever go to one of those parties with red solo cups?"
-
"This is home," Harry said. After the hour car ride from the air port to Harry's parents in Holmes Chapel, we were finally pulling up out front.
"It's cute," I said offhandedly. We climbed out of the car and Harry smiled at the two ladies on the small porch.
"Mickey, this is my sister Gemma and my mum, Anne," he said slowly and then gestured to me, "Guys, this is Mickey."
"Hey," I said softly.
"Come inside, come inside, it's chilly out here," Anna said, ushering me inside. It really wasn't that cold, but I let her pull me inside anyways. "Can I get you a drink? Water? Tea?"
"Water would be great, thank you," I said with a small smile. Anne disappeared into the kitchen and I looked around. The house was on the smaller side, and felt very homey. I pointed to a picture on the wall.
"This is you?" I giggled, pointing to a little boy with curly hair and ice cream dried on his face.
"Yes," Harry sighed. "Do you have any pictures from when you were younger?"
"Probably a few in my file from when I was in foster care. I don't know where the file is, though," I said slowly. I had never seen a picture of myself.
Anne came back with a glass of water and I took it with a small smile, thanking her again.
"You wanna put your bags away?" Harry asked. I nodded, set my cup down on the coffee table, and picked up a suitcase. Harry grabbed the other two and started up the stairs. I followed him. The upstairs was one big loft space with two beds.
"I used to have my friend over so often that my parents bought him a bed. He didn't much like going home," Harry said thoughtfully, nodding to the nicely made bed.
"I get that," I said softly. I would stay at Lizzie's as often as I could. I practically lived there. I had my own bed.
"Anyways, I wish I could say that we have stuff to do. But honestly? Holmes Chapel is boring."
"Oh, I know what we can do! Tell me about you and Cassie," I said excitedly, running over to his bed. I grabbed his hands and pulled him down, and forced him to sit indian style across from me. "Spill the tea, sis."
And spill the tea he did. Harry talked about her for half an hour, telling me all good things. He says he's not worried about the distance. If it's meant to be, it will be.
And then he snuck up on me with a question. "So what's going on between you and Louis?"
I choked.
"I, um, what?"
"I'm not blind, kid," Harry said. I looked at him with big eyes and a dropped jaw.
"I don't- we aren't- there's nothing-" I stuttered lamely.
"Mickey's got a crush!" Harry sang teasingly. I slapped his arm and rolled my eyes.
"Listen, Jesus, calm down! It's not like that okay?"
"It's so like that!" He laughed. I sighed.
"Louis almost kissed me," I confessed. Harry looked at me with raised eyebrows.
"He did?"
"Yeah. The night after my first concert with you guys. We were in the car alone and then, like, he just- grabbed my face and pulled me in real close."
"But you didn't kiss?" he clarified.
"No, because right when we were about to Niall came and opened the car door. He said that his best mate dating his baby sister would be weird to him."
"Oh no," Harry said sadly.
"And so listen. It's not only Niall, you know? Obviously his opinion is the most important one to me, but it's not just him. Your management, your fans. And he's an adult," I listed off all of the cons, "And also, what about me? Like I think I'm a little bit too-"
"Don't even finish that sentence, first of all. You're not too much of anything. I think the fans will be supportive, and management might actually like it because it will give you more press coverage while your starting your career. And two years isn't that much, anyways," Harry countered.
"Niall said it would be weird," I repeated.
"Who's happiness is important here? Yours or his? ...actually, don't answer that, because I know you think the answer is him," Harry sighed. I shrugged and nodded in agreement.
Niall did me a solid by taking guardianship of me. He really did. I wasn't going to bite the hand that was feeding me.
"I don't know what I'm supposed to do," I said, "Louis and I kind of talked about it that day that I saw Jakob at the store. I told him we should wait, and he said what's the wait?"
"It seems to me like you're scared to get what you want. Do you remember when Louis asked you why you don't let yourself have good things?"
"How could I forget?"
"Well. Do you? Let yourself have good things?"
"I mean, yeah, sure."
"Do you?" Harry asked again, even slower.
"Yes!" I argued. He stared at me. "I'm good, Harry. Stop looking at me like that." He kept staring. "I mean it!" I laughed, slapping him lightly on the chest. He kept his glare on me.
"Okay you've, like, got it all confused. It's not that I don't let myself have good things, not really. It's just that my whole life every good thing has been a bad thing and I feel like if I trust that something is good, it will blow up in my face. Because that's what has always happened. Like, moving in with you guys was the best thing that ever happened to me. Then the press found out I exist and I almost lost you guys. It's not that I don't think I deserve good things. Because I do. I think I deserve some good after everything I went though, you know?" I paused for a moment to catch my breath. "I blow good things up. It's a habit. Good things can't leave me if I force them to go. It was more of a survival tactic than anything, really. For a long time, I stopped believing good things would ever happen to me. And so- wait, why haven't you told me to be quiet yet?" I asked, looking at Harry skeptically.
"The boys and I have a bet to see who can get you to ramble on the longest. Zayn had the record at 40 seconds," Harry said, "but I just got you at 46."
My jaw dropped open. "You guys time my stress ramblings?"
"Only when we remember to," Harry dismissed. "But that's not the point. You said it yourself, you don't let yourself have good things. You look for a way out. That's what you're doing with Louis, isn't it? Looking for every reason not to follow through?"
I nodded slowly. He sighed and flopped back on his bed. I copied him. We stared at his cream colored ceiling in silence.
"Do you think you're too damaged to be loved?" Harry asked lowly. I closed my eyes and sighed loudly.
"Maybe?" I answered. "People want to be in a relationship with someone who trusts them, and who will talk to them about the things they don't talk about. I don't talk about it for a reason, H," I said sadly. "No one really wants to hear it."
"You're worth the love you try to give everyone else," Harry mumbled after some time. I blinked at the ceiling.
"Maybe," I replied softly.
And then we were quiet for a long time. Harry pulled his phone out and then gasped. "Look at this," He said. I scooted closer to look at his phone. I was an article written about Harry and I, and our 'secret relationship.'
"Let me see that," I mumbled, taking the phone from him. I clicked the link to the article.
Mickey Horan and Harry Styles? Here's all the proof we need of Marry Storan.
"Who's Marry Storan?" I asked.
"That's our ship name, apparently."
"They missed the chance to call us Hickey, which is way funnier," I joked.
Rising star Mickey Horan and One Directions very own Harry Styles have had sparks since the very beginning. It was impossible to miss. Why else would Styles say she was his girlfriend?
Mickey and Harry have always had a close relationship in the band. Most people agree that she's closer with Harry than she is with her own brother, Niall Horan.
We just got pictures of Harry picking Mickey up from an airport in Holmes Chapel. In this image, you can see their desperate embrace. Instead of staying with her family in Ireland, Horan opted to stay with Harry Styles.
I, for one, can't wait for their curly haired children.
"People don't actually believe this, right?" I asked Harry with a nervous laugh. He sat up and ran his hand through his hair.
"They do believe it," Harry said.
"So what do we do? Tweet and say it's fake news?" I asked. Harry shrugged and nodded. I handed his phone back to him and pulled out my own.
Bro, I don't know who told you guys that Harry and I are a couple but it's literally made up. H and I have a brother-sister relationship, nothing more and nothing less.
I tweeted out my message, and then Harry's showed up on my timeline.
While I agree that Mickey is a very endearing young lady, I have to debunk this rumor. Miss Horan and I are best mates. Please don't turn this into something it isn't.
"Do you think that will be enough to set the record straight?" I asked. He sighed loudly.
"The press has a field day with this sort of thing. It's us against them here," He said slowly.
"So you think it won't work?"
"I didn't say that," He argued.
"Then what are you saying?"
"I don't know what I'm saying! I'm sure it will be fine," Harry groaned. Then, my phone rang.
It was Louis.
"Hey, Lou," I greeted.
"Have you seen twitter?" He asked. I could hear the tension in his voice through the phone.
"Yeah, we saw it. Harry and I already tweeted that it's fake news, but he doesn't seem optimistic that our word will have any affect," I said, looking at Harry while I spoke.
"Lots of times these rumors go on for weeks at a time," Louis said. I sighed loudly.
"How many times can I fake date Harry?" I asked dramatically.
"More than once, apparently," Harry sighed.
"I don't know, love. We can't just make this go away."
"Who would have thought having famous brothers would spark so much drama?" I asked.
"Me."
"Me."
"Okay, okay, I get it. I'm sure this will all blow over in a few weeks and everything will be back to normal," I said slowly.
Harry's phone dinged. He looked down at it for a moment, and then up at me. He gulped before speaking. "I wouldn't be so sure about that."