I pause my video game with an agitated scowl when my phone rings but get over it just as quick when I see that it's Mom calling. I take off my headset and put the phone to my ear. "Hello?"
"Hi darling," I can hear the smile in Mom's voice and smile back. We're back to normal now for the most part. The only thing she's upset with now is that I still haven't made up with Dad but I'll live with it. The sting of thanksgiving hasn't lessened in the least and the memory of our fight still hurts. I'm not interested in revisiting that sore spot so I won't be making up with him anytime soon either, even though he's tried calling me a few times. Fucking whatever. "How was your day?"
"Same old," I shrug even though she can't see it. "Boring Saturday. Yours?"
"Super boring," She agrees. "I think Landon's sick of me. I spent two hours in his room today and he kept getting calls from a girl. Is he seeing someone?"
I fight a smirk. That sounds like the little shit alright. He's even more private than I am. "Not that I know of. Hasn't told me anything."
"Me neither. I'm a cool mom, right? He knows he can talk to me about girls?"
"I'm sure he does but you know how he is. Wouldn't take it personally."
"He's becoming more and more like his father," She sighs. The following silence is tense now that Mom brought him up and I wait, knowing she'll try to say something. "Honey...he wants to apologize. Please hear him out."
And there it is. I press my lips together. "Not ready."
"Lucas—"
"I'm not making excuses or trying to drag this shit out. I mean it, Mom. I'm not ready to hear what he has to say."
"Why? What's going on?"
I swallow hard and try to get rid of the tightness in my throat. "We're so fucked up, Mom. Our relationship is so fucked. At least if I'm not making an effort I can blame our relationship on that. But what happens if I try to make amends and it still doesn't work? Then I don't have anything to blame it on. Then I have to face the truth — that Dad and I will never be okay again. Can't you understand how much that fucking terrifies me?"
"Baby," She whispers and there's a waver in her voice that tells me she's in tears. "You both love each other. You both miss each other. What makes you think it won't work?"
"Because you can't fix what's been shattered to pieces. And even if you do fix it the pieces are so tiny and jagged that the bigger picture becomes unrecognizable. I'd rather remember what our relationship used to be than face what it'll never be again. Do you understand?"
I hear a sniffle and close my eyes shut. I fucking hate that I'm hurting her. When will I stop hurting her? When will I stop causing everyone in my life pain? It makes me so goddamn angry with myself.
"I understand. I'm sorry you feel that way but I also won't stop hoping that things will get better. If you don't have it in you to believe, then I'll believe for you. Will you let me do that?"
I lean back against the couch and rub a hand over my face. Even when I hurt her, she puts me before her. It's times like this I want to rip myself apart knowing I could lose her. I hope to Christ I don't lose her. It'll be the fucking death of me in every way. My throat lodges painfully.
"Okay Mama," I whisper back. "If it makes you happy then do it. I only want to make you happy."
"You make me the happiest, my sweet boy," I can hear the smile in her voice even though she's still crying.
"You don't have to lie on my account. I know I'm a fuck up."
"You're real, Lucas. You don't hide your flaws just because they make the world uncomfortable. You're unapologetically human and that takes sheer courage. Anyone can fake it in order to be accepted by others but not everyone can stay true to themselves even when the whole world is against them. But just remember I'm not and never will be with them. I'll always be with you."
A choked sound tears out of me before I can stop it and I quickly cover my arm with my mouth to muffle the noise. Fuck me, I can't. I can't handle it when she says these things, like she's warning me that she won't be around to say them for long. I fucking can't. But I need those words no matter how much they hurt. It'll only hurt more if I never have them.
"You promise?" I whisper through a thick voice, squeezing my eyes shut to try and stop my tears. I can't keep losing my control every time we talk. I want her to remember me as strong, not this. But fuck if I can help it.
"I promise. I'll always be with you," She repeats. "Even when I'm not."
"Stop," I beg. I can feel anger unfurling inside of me and reach it into to replace the way I'm cracking apart from the inside. I'll feel anything but this pain. "You're here. You're here, okay? Just stay, Mom. Please."
Her voice takes on a raspier note. "I'll do my very best, my love. Just for you."
"Good," I clear my throat and angrily swipe at my face. Fuck. I need to pull it together. "I love you a little more everyday."
"I love you," She clears her throat too and offers a little laugh. "Whew. And to think I called you to ask how shopping with Olivia went."
"Don't. Don't ask me about that," I groan. What the hell am I supposed to tell her? That I went down on Olivia so hard my tongue is still sore even though an entire day has passed? My dick twitches from the memory of it alone and I curse, shifting in my seat. "Can we change the subject?"
"That bad?" Mom asks.
Little does she fucking know. "Something like that."
"Hmm. I guess that makes two of you."
"What's that mean?"
"Poor Liv isn't doing so great either. She got food poisoning this morning. We had to call off tomorrow's party."
I sit up straight, frowning. I got a text earlier from Mom saying Olivia's birthday party was off but didn't know why until now. Didn't question it either. "Is Olivia home?"
"No. Still on campus. Zack is with her right now looking after her. The poor girl can't even sit up by herself."
Fuck. I look around and my frown deepens when I realize Zack isn't here either. I don't know why but it bugs the shit out of me that I didn't find out about this sooner and that everyone is doing something except for me. A week ago I wouldn't have batted one fucking eye but now I'm suddenly bothered that Olivia didn't ask for me or doesn't need me. It's such a stupid fucking thought but I can't shake it. It's not like just because we fooled around she's my responsibility or some shit but...isn't she?
"Can I call you back?" I mumble into the phone, already heading for the door.
"Sure. Could you let Olivia know her parents will stop by in an hour to get her?"
"No need," I throw my door open and trek the short distance across the hall to her dorm. "I'll handle it."
The line goes silent so suddenly I pull my phone away to check if the call got cut off. It still reads that Mom is there so I put it back to my ear, waiting.
"You'll...handle it?" Mom finally asks.
"Yeah. I got it from here. You're saying she can barely sit up and now you want her to be stuck in a moving car, which'll probably make her more nauseous and sick? Fuck it. I'll handle it."
Mom makes an incoherent sound, something like a squeak, and I frown harder as I step inside Olivia's dorm. I take a look around the empty living room, noticing the towels and blankets strewn everywhere.
"Um...okay. I'll, uh, I'll let Avery know." Mom pauses. "You sound awfully worried."
"I am," I mutter reluctantly and instantly regret it. Now, why in the fuck did I go and say that? I close my eyes shut in frustration and bite out a, "Got to go. I'll call you tomorrow."
I end the call before I run my mouth again, putting my phone away and heading for Olivia's room. It's already cracked open so I push it the rest of the way, something twisting in my chest at the sight of Olivia curled up in her bed with a pained expression on her face. Her eyes are pinched shut and she's breathing steadily through her nose, digging the side of her face into the pillow. Zack is sitting beside her and holding a towel in his hands, a grim expression on his face. It shifts to surprise when he notices me.
"What are you doing here?" He asks.
I hold my hand out. "Give me that."
"What?" His brows come together. Olivia groans and I briefly look at her, noticing the embarrassed look on her face before she pulls her covers over her head. I don't think she wants me here but tough shit. I look at Zack again.
"The towel," I elaborate and shake my hand impatiently. "Give it."
He doesn't have the faintest idea what I'm up to. He holds the towel out as if he's giving me a gun. "O-kay."
I take it from him and jerk my head to the door. "You can go."
"Go where?"
"To our dorm. Wherever the fuck you want. I'll take it from here."
"You'll take it from here?" He repeats the words slowly, like I'm speaking a different language.
"Huh?" Olivia croaks, peeking an eye out. She looks at Zack and her panic is obvious. "Don't you dare leave me alone with him."
For some reason that amuses me. My lips twitch. "Manners, Livvy."
She glares at me at the same time Zack's brows go up hearing my nickname for Olivia, one he hasn't heard me call her by in years. He looks between the two of us like we sprouted multiple heads.
"Move it, Hunter," I remind him with thinly veiled patience. I don't know why but I don't want anyone else to be here with us. I also don't want Zack taking care of her instead of me. I mean, what in the fuck? I feel weirdly possessive even though I have no right to be.
"I'm not even going to ask," Zack stands up and shakes his head. "As long as you two don't kill each other I don't care what you're up to now."
"Zack," Olivia whisper-hisses but he shoulders past me, already leaving the room.
"Do I need to be worried?" He asks me in a low voice.
I shrug. I'm not sure I know the answer to that. "Fuck if I know."
He watches me momentarily and the look in his eyes is so knowing it makes me uncomfortable. He finally scoffs, looking slightly amused. "You're a fucked up dude, Cage."
"Fuck you too," I toss at his retreating back. He throws up the middle finger without turning around and is out of the dorm a moment later. I turn to Olivia who's hiding under the covers again. A frown tugs my mouth down when I realize she seriously doesn't want me here. "Olivia."
"Go away," Her muffled voice calls back.
"No," I tell her evenly and walk towards the bed. I take a seat beside her and give her a shake. "Out. You'll overheat your body if you stay under the covers like that and it'll only trigger your nausea. Out."
"Why do you always have to boss me around?" She finally pokes her head out, glaring daggers into me. I narrow my eyes right back.
"Why do you always have to be so stubborn?"
"I'm not stubborn!"
"Yeah, and I'm not an ass."
Her lips thin and for a moment it looks like she's trying not to smile. "Was that a joke? You make jokes now?"
"Shut up," I stand up and go to the bowl on her bedside table, dipping the towel in the cold water. "Where's Grace?"
"Home for the weekend. She'll be here tomorrow."
"It'll be just you for the night? In this condition?" I raise a brow when she shrugs. Like hell she's going to look after herself, especially when she'll be throwing up and in cold shivers for the most part. "Then I'm staying."
This time she doesn't even bother hiding her shock. An incredulous laugh escapes her. "Are you crazy? Why?"
Suddenly she groans again and her arms wrap around her midsection as she curls over. Her eyes squeeze shut and she looks like she's turning green in the face. I curse under my breath and go to her, tilting her face up and dabbing at her forehead with the wet towel. She whimpers in what sounds like relief and I know she feels weak as hell because she actually leans forward to rest her head on my abdomen. She'd never be doing this otherwise.
"Oh no," She bolts upright, untangling herself from her sheets and making a run for the bathroom. I make a face when I hear her puking her guts out and grab a clip from nearby. Holding my breath so I won't have to inhale the smell, I walk into the bathroom and lean down behind her to clip her hair back. It's a shit job and there's already strands falling loose but I don't know how to do this shit. I go back to her room and wet the hand towel again while I wait for her to come back.
There's the sound of the toilet flushing, what I assume is Olivia violently brushing her teeth and taking in a shitload of mouth wash, and then she finally stumbles out. She looks drowsy as hell as she crashes on to the bed beside me, face-down. I give her a little shove until she rolls over and then put the towel on her forehead, pressing it down and holding it there.
"That's why," I finally answer.
"Just go," She mumbles, eyes closed. "I'm a disgusting mess."
"You are," I agree and she scowls, eyes flashing open while she looks at me like she could burn me alive. I fight a smirk. "But I'm not leaving."
"Why the hell not?"
"You need to eat something," I change the subject and stand up. I glance down at her. "Don't move."
She scoffs and says in a mocking voice, "Or you'll punish me?"
We both freeze at her words. Immediately the air is full of all kinds of tension at the reminder of what happened yesterday. We haven't seen each other since and I think we're both just realizing it. I raise a brow and Olivia covers her eyes with her hands, falling back against the bed again. Pretty sure she's blushing. I can't resist taking the opportunity that so graciously presented itself to me, lifting a hand and wrapping my fingers around her ankle. Olivia takes in an audible breath at my touch but doesn't dare uncover her eyes.
"Do you want me to punish you?" I ask in a low voice, partly teasing and partly serious.
"No," She immediately clips out but her voice is breathless and strained.
I chuckle, leaning over her and bracing my palms beside her head. She swallows hard when she feels the bed dip under my weight. My lips graze her ear and I'm pretty sure she's not breathing right now.
"Liar," I whisper, catching her earlobe between my teeth and her breath finally whooshes out of her, making the hair falling across my forehead flutter. Then she pushes her hands against my chest to shove me back and tries to put on a straight face. I back out of the room and keep my eyes on her the whole time, my teeth toying with my mouth. "You know I can still taste you, right?"
She loses her cool, grabbing a pillow and flinging it at me. I catch it and a laugh gets the better of me, taking both of us by surprise. When's the last time we fucking laughed together? I casually throw the pillow back to her and leave the room before I can dwell on that thought for too long. This whole thing makes no sense to me. I have no idea what I'm doing here, or why I'm looking after Olivia, or why I can't stop flirting with and touching her. We've been nothing but rivals for years and this, what I'm doing, completely contradicts that. Now we're...fucking what, I don't know. But I can't stop going in the direction we're going in. I have no idea where the fuck I'm going to end up but I don't think I care enough to turn around.
I busy myself by looking through her kitchen cabinets. There isn't much to work with and she's likely not going to eat so I start on a simple soup. I've made too many of those in the last few months for Mom so this, I can do. I try not to think too much about what the fuck is happening right now. As I work on the soup I get texts that I go out of my way to ignore. They're mostly from Mom and Tia and I can admit I'm scared as fuck about what they read. I don't think I have it in me to deal with that right now.
I look away from the boiling contents in the pot and down the hall. Olivia hasn't said a peep in nearly an hour. I'm pretty sure she's on the same boat as me, wondering what the fuck is wrong with me. If I knew how to answer that my life would be a whole lot different.
When the soup is done I take it out in a bowl then head for her room. I find her sprawled out on her bed, deep asleep. I debate leaving her alone but she's bound to wake up feeling sick as fuck unless she gets something in her system. I set the bowl down and shake her awake lightly. She stirs, then blinks up at me in confusion, sitting up.
"You're still here," She rasps.
I raise a brow and hand her the bowl. "Said I'd be."
"And you expected me to believe you?"
"No," I tip my chin at the bowl. "Drink up."
She makes a face at it before looking at me. "Do I have to? I really don't want to."
"Too bad," I push her shoulder lightly. "Move over."
She does, with obvious reluctance, and I lean back against the headboard and stretch my legs out in front of me. I stare her down until she finally grows uncomfortable enough to look away and busy herself with the soup like I knew she would. We sit there in silence while she eats and I fuck around on my phone to distract myself from how aware of her I am. Her body heat is radiating in waves and our arms and thighs are touching. I have the insane urge to kiss the shit out of her and I have to lock my jaw tight to stop myself. I don't even look at her but I feel her glancing at me every so often.
"I...uh...I'm going to sleep now," She tells me pointedly once she puts the half-eaten bowl down. I glance over at her.
"So sleep."
"You're kind of in my space."
"Sleep anyway."
"With you in bed?"
"Problem?" My smirk finally peeks through, all too amused. Olivia stares back like she doesn't know if she wants to strangle me or kick me off or both.
"Lucas—"
"Just sleep. I'll behave but I'm not moving."
She hesitates another moment before grumbling under her breath and throwing the covers over head, her back to me. I suppress another smile. Brat.
"I know you're staring," She accuses, her voice muffled.
I don't bother denying it. "I know you like it."
There's a pause and then an, "Asshole."
I don't bother holding back my smile because she can't see me anyway. "Firecracker?"
"What?"
I get up to close the lights and then get back into bed beside her, this time lying down. I'm grateful for the dark because it makes me feel less exposed, less vulnerable. I double-check the time on my phone and turn my head to look at her even though she's facing the other way. My voice is low, hesitant.
"Happy Birthday."
She's quiet for so long I'm convinced she fell asleep. All the while I turn to look up at the ceiling while my words hang between us. I startle when she speaks, even though it's just a whisper.
"You can stay, I guess."
I like that she sounds as vulnerable and hesitant as me. I like that she feels as confused and ungrounded as me. It's comforting in a fucked up way. So is listening to her breaths as they even out and sleep eventually takes her. My insomnia won't let me sleep but...it could be worse.
________________________
A/N
*sniffs air* Is that...character development? Growth?
What a turning point! I'm loving what their relationship is slowly starting to form into! What about you? Can you feel yourself forgiving Lucas and starting to like him (unless you're like me and loved him from the very beginning)?
FINAL REMINDER!! Greg's novella releases TOMORROW!! Gah! And it comes out all at once so make sure you've added it to your libraries and reading lists so that you're notified! Can't wait to hear your thoughts — it has such a special place in my heart!
Please VOTE, comment and share if you liked this chapter!
Happy Reading :)