The taxi driver was reckless as hell as he sped up the roads winding up the hills. There was a greenish bruise on my knee that I poked until it hurt as I wondered where it came from.
I hadn't been doing well since I'd tried to take a break from my relationship. Christian could tell. There was a distance between us now that was hard to close. Mostly from my part. I told him that I still needed space if he wasn't going to let us take a break and eventually, he respected my decision.
It had been about a week since then. I saw that girl Lauren from across the street that Alex used to have a thing with more than I saw my own boyfriend and if I'm honest, it was relieving. However I still felt awful that I'd even questioned our relationship, his reaction made me filled to the brim with guilt. He was still hovering here and there but he was giving me the space I needed. To the best of his abilities.
My phone buzzed, catching my attention from the passing sunset-lit scenery around me.
Alex: You still coming tonight?
I managed a smiled and eagerly messaged back.
Me: On my way now.
Alex: You still up for it? If not that's all good it's no problem, I don't want you to feel pressured.
Me: no I'm still good. But thanks for making sure.
There was no allusive way to put it, I was doing everything in my abilities to find a way to feel contempt with my life and ignore Christian until I got my head together and remembered every reason why I loved him. That and I just wanted to live my life now being free of the reigns of college.
"This one here," I pointed out to the taxi driver Alex's house as we slowed down the street.
Thanking him for the ride, I handed him a few notes and stepped out, slinging my bag over my shoulder and making my way up to the house. There was a doorbell, but I decided to knock.
Pretty much everyone was there. Alex, Nick, Jamie, Matt, Miles, Katie and Arielle. Breana and Kelly had to miss on the occasion. We were getting together one last time as they were all heading off to the UK momentarily. When Alex told me they were leaving to headline at Glastonbury Festival I almost choked on my drink. I honestly forgot he and the guys were in a band and did things like that. I was both excited for them and sad that I wasn't going to be able to see them for some time.
"I'm gonna miss you guys," I said to them, hugging them all tight as I walked into the lounge room.
"We're gonna miss ya too," Matt said during our embrace.
"You should come!" Jamie piped from his spot on the sofa next to Katie.
"Can't afford it," I chuckled as Miles hugged me in a side-on embrace telling me it was good to see me again.
"Any more tattoos since I last saw ya?" he asked.
"No, none yet," I smiled.
"You want anything to drink O?" Alex asked me as I took a seat on one of the couches. That was the first time he called me that.
"No I'm okay," I smiled.
"Alright, let me know if ya do at any point," he said and sat down next to me.
It was always the best nights, those that I spent with the whole group, that were my favourites. Everyone was always laughing and joking around. No bitter or sour exchanges, ever. Everyone always got along. It was the most perfect environment to counter my relationship and the whole state it was in now.
We were all sitting around the lounge room, squeezing on the three 'settees' he had and having a group discussion about nothing in particular. Matt, Arielle and I talked about this sushi place we all collectively adored and Alex butted in every now and then to sprinkle in his opinion. I noticed the way Arielle would look at him and damn, it was the look of love in the flesh. It was so subtle but the smile on her cheeks whenever she laughed at one of his jokes was incomparable. I hoped Alex would know a good thing when it was right before him.
Miles and Nick started joking with Jamie about the whole 'platonic marriage group' thing that Jamie still seemed to be pouty over not initially being a part of. They were all very childish jokes and 'burns' whilst Jamie continued to tell them they were being "wankers" and to "fuck off you wet candles."
All in good fun I put in my own two cents, making a joke that even made Jamie laugh, quite caught off guard since I hadn't said anything until then.
"That was a good one," Nick chuckled and held out his fist for me. It was so good to be around people who could take jokes and have friendly banter with.
I laughed and leaned over Alex with my arm outstretched to fist bump Nick all the way on the other sofa.
"Sorry," I said to Alex as I basically laid over his lap trying to reach Nick as both of us were way too lazy to get up.
"It's alright," Alex chuckled as I subconsciously pushed a hand on his leg as if it would stretch me out further.
I laughed at our failed attempt as Nick and I decided on just doing an air-fist-pump in the end. I apologised to Alex again as I used the hand on his thigh to help me push myself up off him. I looked up at him as I sat back upright and saw him staring directly ahead of him at Matt, his face bright red and his eyes and Matt's looking like they were having a telepathic conversation.
"Sorry," I said quietly as I sat back, looking from Alex to Matt who snapped out of it quite quickly.
"It's fine love," Alex managed a smile. "Matt help me get the...uh," he said quickly, stumbling over the end of his sentence and clearing his throat.
"Uh yeah sure," Matt said before Alex could form a proper word and they both stood up and walked off without another word.
Dumbfounded, I just watched them go and then Jamie when he went off to go follow them. Ten seconds later, a loud eruption of laughter sounded from down the hall. It was Jamie. It sounded like someone was tickling him to death.
"What happened?" I asked Nick curiously.
Miles giggled and leaned over to me and whispered, "I think ya gave Al a stiffy."
My cheeks flushed red as I lost any and all ability to speak coherently. Was it me bending over him? Was it the hand on his leg? Shit I feel so bad. Oh god. Miles chuckled and pat my shoulder, "don't be embarrassed, I may be wrong."
It was awkward as hell when Alex came back, I avoided eye contact with him, praying to god that my cheeks weren't burning up again. Everyone around us though, managed to keep a flowing, natural conversation that broke the tension soon enough. And I am so thankful for that easy escape. Talking about Glastonbury, England, working in the studio, all that.
"Alright how's everyone feeling?" Miles spoke up.
An hour later and we were all admiring the world with new eyes. Giggles all through the come up. Miles had sorted us out good. It being my first time, I spent the entire peak just analysing everything around me as it spun and pulsed and shifted with different colours. It was like I was levitating. I lost all concept of time and space; and all it took was a small transparent pink square.
I found myself sitting on the sofa with my eyes on the ceiling, mouth slightly open in awe as coloured mandalas decorated the cream white paint. Nick was mumbling away something or other and it was the only thing helping me keep track of time.
"I feel like I'm in a fish bowl," Jamie said.
"I feel like there's a void beneath me," Alex commented. "I'm floatin' in space."
"My veins are moving like snakes under my skin," Arielle said, admiring her arms.
"The carpet is crawlin'" said Miles.
I remained silent. Lost in awe at how beautiful the world now looked to me. Everything shifting slowly and melodically. I felt detached from my own body. Like an out of body experience. That was until I felt a tug just below my stomach and stood up quickly.
"I'm going to the bathroom," I said and began walking off down the hall.
"Okay," Matt murmured.
I began stumbling through the house, not loosing my footing but more so loosing myself in the way everything around me looked. Pulsing. Wavering. Shifting. Eclectic colours. The hallways stretched and shrunk, breathing in and out as I walked with a hand against the wall so I knew where I was the whole time.
It wasn't like being drunk. I didn't feel like myself even when I was relieving myself. I didn't have a moment for a cognitive thought. Washing my hands my eyes met my reflection. I looked so damn ugly I almost cried. My eyes were growing and shrinking to different sizes at different times. The few freckles on my skin darkening and disappearing as the outline of my face warped in waves. My pupils were huge.
As I went to touch the mirror I felt the reflective material stick to the tip of my finger. And as I pulled it back, the mirror stretched, glued to my skin until it finally broke into little bubbles that fizzled their way up to the ceiling.
As I re-entered the lounge, I took a moment to admire each and every person and how their figures were corrupted by my eyes. Everyone looked like they were made of water or slime.
Jamie and Katie were lying on one of the sofas together, in arms. Nick and Miles were sitting upright, having an incoherent conversation and Alex and Matt were laughing about how Alex said he felt like he'd lost his legs.
"I can't feel em," he was saying, "I can't see more than this," he put his hands around his eyes like goggles, making Matt laugh heartily as they stared up at the ceiling. "I feel like a floating head," continued Alex as I sauntered over to them and found myself being urged to lie on the floor. And so I did. Back against the carpet as I looked up at the mandalas shifting across the ceiling.
"Wow," I let out, my hands sinking into the soft rug and feeling like I was sinking into the floor.
"I'm gonna come join you," Arielle said and climbed off the sofa she was occupying, lying down next to me on the carpet and admiring with me the usually unremarkable ceiling.
"Everything's so pretty," I said as we laid side by side, hair fanning around our heads.
"Can you see the stars?" Arielle giggled, raising her hands up toward the ceilings.
The cream paint turned deep navy with twinkling specks of glitter raining down on us, "oh wow...yeah." I stared in awe at what was actually nothing. But to me it felt like she and I were floating in the middle of the universe, sinking into the rug like a soft coffin.
I wish I could experience this with Christian, I thought out of automatism. I wish I could see his face when everything looks like this. His eyes would be so pretty. I thought about messaging him.
"I'm fucking starving," Alex said. I couldn't see him. I was trapped in the wavering universe but I assumed he'd stood up due to the sounds. Even they were out of whack. Everything sounded echoed and timeless. I could've been sitting there for hours and only felt ten minutes of it and vice versa. I kept checking my phone to keep up to date with the time. There was twelve hours of this. We were four in.
"Anyone else want anythin'?" Alex asked, sauntering around.
"No," Arielle and I said in unison, both still admiring the ceiling.
Only Matt seemed to join in with Alex's notions of hunger. The next thing I knew they were eating chips, which they called crisps, on the sofas, sitting side by side and swigging cans of coke. I didn't even notice them leave to grab the food from the kitchen.
"I saw my reflection in the mirror and I looked like a smudged painting," I said to Arielle out of nowhere.
"Really?" she laughed, "look here." We both turned our heads and looked at each other and immediately burst out laughing.
Her striking blue eyes were bulging and shrinking like flowers opening and closing. Her eyebrows moved like worms across her forehead and as she laughed, her wide smile took up half her face and then swirled wider and thinner. I assumed my face was doing a range of crazy things in her eyes too. We were laughing as hard as we were in the come up. So hard my stomach physically hurt and I had to clutch it and bring my knees to my chest to stop my guts from spilling out.
"What's so funneh?" one of the boys asked but the both of us were laughing too hard to answer.
"Your eyes," Arielle giggled, "they keep getting bigger and smaller."
"You still look so pretty it's not fair," I pouted.
"Girlie that's you!" Arielle gushed. And then we started laughing again. It really made everything in the world beautiful except faces. Faces I guess just so desperately needed to be constructed in a certain way that when everything was warping like a Salvador Dalí clock, they just looked so wrong.
Arielle took out her phone and held up the front camera for us both to see our reflections and we began laughing hysterically yet again. I started crying-laughing which made us laugh more. All the while the guys and Katie must've been so confused as to what we found so funny. The time on Arielle's phone indicated that she and I had been giggling away on the floor together and talking like toddlers for at least an hour.
"My hands look like line art paintings," I said, holding them in front of us.
"Mine too," Arielle said, holding out hers. Her fingernails were manicured and painted. Mine on the other hand had chipped clear polish from when I would nervously pick at them.
Some sound I didn't hear caught Alex's ear. I only knew because through the gaps between my fingers I saw him sluggishly walking off down the hall.
"Al's gone on a walk," Arielle remarked in a singsong voice.
"Someone get a leash he's gonna run away!" I said and suddenly Arielle and I were laughing all over again. This time I could hear some of the guys joining in.
There was a chorus of loud thumping noises like footsteps getting louder and louder as we continued to giggle on like children.
"Orion!" Someone was calling my name. It wasn't Arielle, she was still laughing. It was a man's voice. I went through everyone in the group, trying to connect the voice to a face, barely getting through the first three when I looked up and saw an awfully familiar face.
"Christian?" I said in confusion. This was one hell of a hallucination. He looked so real.
"Jesus Christ," he said, shaking his head in disappointment. He even sounded like Christian. Maybe I was only peaking now?
But then the hallucination was pulling me to my feet. His hand was on my wrist as he forced my eye contact. I started pissing myself laughing because even the hallucination of him was warping. He looked so stupid. I must've looked insane to everyone else who couldn't see him. And then I started to get the feeling that...this wasn't a hallucination. I could smell his cologne. That distinct smell.
"What are you doing here?" I asked after convincing myself he was real. Wait. Wait what the fuck. Is Christian really here? Oh shit. Oh god no. No this can't be real.
"What the hell did you take?" Christian demanded, searching my eyes with his now star shaped eyes. The green in them pulsing different colours. It was mesmerising.
"What?" I shook my head, "wait...how'd you know I was here? What are you doing here silly?" I giggled.
"You were messaging me to come and experience the world with you on a 'different level'," Christian said. "You said I should 'come see the mandalas on the walls' and then you sent me a photo of a blank wall and asked me if I could see them."
I snorted a laugh and slapped a hand over my mouth, "whoopsies."
"Christ's sake Orion, I'm taking you home," he said, tugging on my wrist.
"Wait what?" I pouted, "no. Please no. I wanna stay I'm having fun!"
Christian shook his head, "You're so immature. I can't believe you. Come on, we're leaving. Say goodbye."
"No Chris!" I whined. "Please let me stay! You can go home but I'm having fun with my friends. Why do you want to take me away?"
"You're acting like a child," he said and pulled me to walk towards the front door down the hall with him. "You're so lucky I fucking came out here to get you. You're unbelievable Orion."
"No Chris stop," I pouted, looking back at everyone in the lounge who were just dumbfounded or trying their best and failing dismally to comprehend what was happening. I don't think they believed it was real either. But unfortunately, Christian was really, truely here. "Please I'm not doing anything wrong."
"What did you take?" He demanded.
"Only one," I said.
"Only one what?"
"It's just acid Christian. I'm okay. It's really pretty," I said. "You don't need to worry about me. I texted you on accident I'm sorry."
"Fucking unbelievable," Christian said and tugged me with him, giving me no choice. "I'm so sick of this shit."
"Ow Christian you're hurting me," I said as I stumbled along with him. He was moving too fast for my feet to catch up. "Please stop. I'm sorry okay? I didn't mean to make you upset."
"I can't believe you hang around these types of people," Christian hissed, "this isn't you."
Everything was warping more violently. Frighteningly. I wanted it to stop but nothing I could say would stop him.
That's when I felt a soft hand on my arm from behind me and before I knew what was happening, Arielle was ripping my arm free from Christian's grip.
"Hey what are you doing? She said she doesn't want to go, leave her alone," Arielle said. The strength in her voice was always something I wished I had when speaking to Christian.
"She's my girlfriend," Christian stated.
"I don't care," Arielle said, standing in front of me and putting a boundary between me and him. "You're being an asshole. Just go. Orion can take care of herself, dickhead."
"What—?" Christian stumbled on his words.
"Leave," Arielle said firmly. "I'll take her home in the morning. She doesn't need you to control her whole life, you ass. Just go."
Christian looked to me for back up and didn't receive it.
"Ay mate, I think you should go," Alex said from behind us, it was polite yet firm at the same time, walking up to me and gently placing a hand on my back so I knew he was there.
Christian just shook his head and left out the front door without another word. I was shocked. In awe. Grateful. The first thing I said to Arielle when Christian was out the door was "thank you."
"You poor thing," Arielle pouted and wrapped her arms around me. "I'm so sorry you have to put up with that B-S."
"I'm used to it," I shrugged.
"You deserve so much better," she said, rubbing my back. "He can't treat you like that. I'm sorry for stepping in if that was out of line."
"No, no it wasn't. Thank you so much, thank you," I said and hugged her tight. I cannot describe how insanely amazing it felt for someone to stand up for me, or just stand up against Christian in general, and put him in his place. I could breathe freely. I wanted to cry and I think I might have started to because Arielle started comforting me saying I was too good for him and we ended up back on the floor again as she tried to cheer me up; me continuing to thank her over and over.
"You're way too good for him," she said as we again laid side by side on Alex's carpet. Alex and Jamie were sitting behind us, both trying to braid strands of my hair and telling each other they were doing it wrong. I barely even noticed they were there.
"It's three strands you idiot not four," Jamie said to Alex. We'd all been turned into toddlers.
"I have three you knob," Alex shot back.
Jamie hummed, "...oh yeah. Well yours still looks shit."
Arielle shook her head at the childish boys and turned back to me. "If you ever need some back up when you wanna have a word with him call me and I'll be right there to kick his ass."
I laughed and hugged her tight, "thank you."
We were all up all night. I got over the shit about Christian pretty quickly due to my high and left my phone on the kitchen bench so I couldn't accidentally message him again. What I found funny was that everyone ended up joining us on the floor, some sitting, others lying down on the carpet, all of us mentioning the different surreal phenomena we were witnessing.
"You okay?" Alex asked me as he sat beside my reclined figure, him and Jamie having both given up on their braiding attempts.
"About what?" I giggled, watching his eyes roam around his face and his cheeks ripple with swirling lines.
"Christian," Alex said quietly, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let him in."
I shook my head and poked his belly, "it's not your fault silly. He's just being a douche cause I said I wanted a break."
Alex did a double take, "wait—you what?"
I giggled and sat up, bringing my legs to my chest and away from Miles who had started tickling my feet. "Stop it Miles," I laughed to him, unintentionally ignoring Alex beside me.
"Wait—Orion," Alex said.
"Hm?" I looked over obviously and started giggling again like a child at how his face was warping. "You look like you're underwater," I commented and poked his soft cheek, grazing my finger down the shape of his jaw as it wavered like the sea.
Alex managed a smile and let the subject go as I moved onto my stomach and began admiring the carpet that had now turned into breathing trees blowing softly in the wind.
I never would've told Alex if I had been sober. I didn't want him to know because I knew it would complicate things. He and Arielle were starting to get a good thing going, I could see it blossoming and I didn't want any seed of doubt to be placed into his head.
We were all up until the morning and only at about eight did we all finally have drowsiness kick in and all fell asleep in different places all around the house. I woke up somewhere around three in the afternoon and felt the comedown hit me hard. That and pulling an all-nighter really messed my happiness up for the rest of the day. I was grumpy as hell.
Nick and Miles were all sprawled on different parts of the sofas in the lounge, waking up at around the same time. Jamie and Katie were in a guest room and Arielle and I shared a bed in another as Matt and Alex shared Alex's bed. I passed out like a light and when I awoke, Arielle was just about getting up too. We looked at each other and instantly started an exhausted string of laughter.
"What a night," Arielle laughed and brushed down her hair with her fingers.
"Thank you for standing up for me last night," I said quietly.
"Oh of course Orion, come here," she said and hugged me tight. "No need to thank me, just know I'm here whenever you need me."
If I didn't have enough respect for her before then, I sure as hell did now.
A couple days later and I was seeing them all off at the airport.
"Don't forget me," Nick chuckled as he gave me a goodbye embrace.
"How could I?" I said and shook my head.
"We're gonna miss ya there," Nick said and pat my arm.
"I'll be watching the show when they stream it live," I said.
I said goodbye to everyone, already knowing how bland my life was going to be for the time they'd be away, all of the guys' girlfriends were going too so I wouldn't even have them to catch up with. They all started grabbing their bags and heading toward the gate, waving me goodbye before they disappeared.
"Ey," a familiar voice said, a hand brushing my wrist. "Call me if you need me at any time okay?" Alex said, "no matter the time."
"I'll be okay," I smiled at his kindness. "You have fun, and tell me all about it when you get back."
"Course I will," Alex smiled and wrapped his arms around me tight. "Send me yer favourite songs every day so I have summat else to listen to other than me own sets and other performers in the distance."
"Will do," I said, "message me when you land."
"You know I will," Alex smiled softly, "I'm gonna miss ya. Wish you could come."
"Oh don't get too sentimental, I'll still be here when you get back," I said. "Have fun at Glastonbury you, and hurry up you're gonna miss your flight you loser."
Alex chuckled and picked up his bag off the ground. "See you when I get back."
"Don't party too hard," I teased, "leave room for good decision making."
"I won't fall into anyone else's bushes I promise," Alex chuckled and began walking to the gate. He lifted his hand as a wave goodbye and I returned his gesture, waiting at the gate until he disappeared down the tunnel before turning around and leaving the airport back to normal life.