The next morning, it was as though none of the events of the previous day had happened at all. Lavinia came downstairs for breakfast with no indication that she'd locked herself in the bathroom last night and no acknowledgement of Sirius's effort to get her to come out.
He'd gone up to Lavinia's room just a few minutes after she'd left the kitchen and had knocked repeatedly, calling for her, kicking himself for letting her leave the kitchen alone. She hadn't responded. So he'd told her he was coming in. And he'd found her suitcase open on the floor and the bathroom door locked, which was, to say the least, mildly worrying. So he'd knocked on that and asked her if she was alright. And had been met with silence once again.
He'd asked her to answer, to let him in, to at least tell him she was alive in there. And that last request had been the only one she'd consented to. Perhaps, he thought, because she too was remembering his wild fear the last time they'd come even close to a situation like this.
"Please go away," was all she'd said. Her voice had been flat, the same sad, hollow thing she'd spoken with that night on top of the tower. It had scared him more than he would have liked to admit. The sound of her voice that night - and this night - wasn't something he was likely to forget. It sounded like someone who had given up entirely.
Of course, his answer had been no. Simply, unequivocally no. Not a chance in hell he was leaving her alone on a night like this.
There had been a momentary silence and then, "Please? I promise everything is fine. I just need to think."
"What's to think about?" Sirius had demanded, frustration, both with her belligerence and his own stupidity for not trying harder to comfort her sooner, slipping into his words. "You mother is trying to manipulate you," he continued after a moment. "Don't let her win."
And again, silence for a long while. "I know," she said at last, and he almost believed it was true. Almost, but not quite. "But I still need to think. I'll come down in a little while, okay?"
It had been Sirius's turn to stop and think then. But in the end he'd agreed, with the warning that if she wasn't down in half an hour, he was coming up and he'd unlock the door himself.
He wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do, especially in light of that night on the tower, but he remembered all too well when he'd left home. He'd needed space. He hadn't wanted anything forced on him. He'd needed to deal with the rage and guilt on his own. So he would let her do the same until she was ready to ask for help.
Not that he left the room. He sat, back to the door, quiet and more than slightly afraid, but determined that should anything untoward happen, should she need him for anything at all, he would be there.
But she had come out half an hour later and nearly tripped over him. The look she'd given him was a blank contemplation that was so much worse than rage. He didn't know if she was mad at him for not giving her more space - he didn't think she was, but this was Lavinia and if the past was any indication, there was no telling what she was thinking or feeling unless she let you in on the secret. Which she certainly hadn't done on this occasion.
So Sirius had departed awkwardly and the following morning, when her eyes locked onto him for only a brief moment before she looked away and went about serving herself a tiny portion of breakfast, was no better.
"How are you feeling?" Remus asked cautiously as Lavinia poured herself coffee from the pot. Sirius shot his friend a grateful look, selfishly glad someone else had broached the subject. He wasn't sure he wanted to be the one she answered to. In part because he didn't think he'd like the truth and in part because he wasn't sure he could stomach much more of her lying to him - to all of them - so she could pretend nothing in the world was wrong.
But she simply shrugged. "Sore," she replied, rather nonchalantly, picking up her more than half empty plate and full mug. "But I'd expect no less."
None of them really knew how to respond to that, so no one had, with the result that breakfast was a quiet, awkward thing. As soon as it was over, Lavinia headed back upstairs without a word to any of them. Sirius fully expected her to end up hiding up there for the entire day, and was therefore rather pleasantly surprised when she reappeared with a textbook and settled herself on an armchair to read.
He glanced up at James who shrugged, smiling slightly and went to go get his own homework, which neither Sirius nor James had touched since the beginning of the break.
They spent several hours reading, most of which James spent playing with his snitch instead of focusing on school work and Sirius used to practice non verbal spells. It was an oddly relaxed atmosphere, given the events of the previous days, but it was nice nonetheless. Even if Sirius couldn't shake the feeling that it was, at least partly, fabricated.
Lavinia seemed almost normal and though her face and neck still bore visible signs of the previous disasters, her demeanor did not. Indeed, when Sirius missed a silent summoning charm intended for the inkwell she'd set on the side table next to her and accidentally sent her book flying out of her hands and into his, her response was simply to smirk and tell him he was going to pay for that.
"And how exactly will that happen?" he'd asked, returning her smile and hoping she was genuinely happy and not faking it..
She quirked an eyebrow at him. "Have the last six years taught you nothing?" she asked sweetly.
His grin widened. "'Fraid not," he replied with a shrug.
"Shame," she murmured, and for a moment he thought she was going to drop it. The next thing he knew however, her wand was in her hand and she was using the same non-verbal summoning charm he'd used. "Guess I'll have to teach you all over again," she sighed, catching her book as it floated gracefully down into her lap.
"Good luck with that," James pitched in with a sardonic grin, looking up from his study of the rather pitifully fluttering wings of the first snitch he'd ever caught.
Lavinia glanced over at him, smiling slightly. "I don't need luck," she asserted, looking back at Sirius with a confident smirk. He felt his heart lurch slightly, but he ignored it, brushing aside the feeling as simply joy that she seemed to be in a joking mood.
"What's that?" Remus chimed in, pointing at a folded piece of paper on the ground halfway between Sirius and Lavinia.
Sirius frowned at it, curious, and stood up to grab it even as Lavinia straightened up rather suddenly, the book in her lap falling down by her side.
"It's nothing," she insisted, holding her hand out for it.
Sirius raised an eyebrow as he picked the paper up. "Then why do you want it?" he asked, genuinely wondering.
"It's mine," she informed him, setting her book on the side table and standing up. "Give it back."
Sirius frowned at her and unfolded the note, hardly sure why he was doing it. He read only the first line - Dear Regulus - before the note was tugged out of his hands by a charm from Lavinia.
"I said it's mine," she snapped, eyes narrowed and jaw clenched as she refolded the note and tucked it in the pocket of her jeans.
"Sorry," Sirius apologized, and meant it, wondering what had possessed him to open the letter after she'd said it was hers. "I didn't know it was personal."
He watched as Lavinia seemed to deflate slightly. "It's fine," she sighed, picking her book back up and sitting down in the armchair again. "It's just a letter." Her tone was a little too light and airy, like she was desperately trying to convince him there was nothing to it.
"Did he write to you then?" Sirius asked, walking back to the spot on the couch he'd vacated, noticing as he did so that though Remus was looking down at his book, his eyes weren't moving and James was unabashedly watching their exchange, a frown of mild confusion on his face.
Lavinia frowned. "No," she replied, sounding rather nonplussed by the suggestion. "Why would he?"
Sirius just shrugged in response, not wanting her to know that he'd suggested Regulus check in on her. It was probably better if she thought her friend had simply been worried or else was just sending her a letter normally. "Are you writing to tell him what happened?" he asked, watching her face carefully for any sign of reaction.
"No," she repeated, though her tone was no longer light and confused, but rather flat and final.
"Are you going to tell him at all?" he pressed. Remus dropped his book into his lap, watching the two of them without pretense anymore. Sirius couldn't blame him. He half expected Lavinia to snap at him for prying, to tell him it was none of his business. But she didn't. Instead, her face seemed to fall and she looked down at her lap, playing with the hems of her sleeves. "I don't know," she admitted, still watching her hands. "He-" She broke off at the sound of the doorbell and glanced around.
Sirius looked at James who shrugged, then at Remus, who frowned. "When is Peter coming," Remus asked.
James pulled a face and rolled his eyes. "No idea if he's coming at all," he muttered, evidently mildly annoyed by his friend's lack of communication.
"Could be him," Sirius suggested, twisting around to try to get a look at the person through the window.
James shrugged and got up, heading for the door. When he pulled it open he took a stumbling step backwards and pulled his wand from his pocket, pointing it at the visitor. Both Sirius and Remus immediately jumped up, wands in hand, ready to defend themselves and their friend if need be. Lavinia, Sirius noticed, barely moved except to put one hand on her wand and lower her book so she could watch the foyer.
"What in the ever-loving hell are you doing here?" James demanded of whoever it was standing just outside the house.
"Could you not point your wand at me?" asked an annoyed, and all too familiar voice. Sirius lowered his wand slightly. Speak of the devil. He knew that voice, for all that it had been a long time since he'd heard it in casual conversation.
He moved forward until he was standing by James and his wand hand fell to his side as he shook his head, hardly believing his eyes.
"When I said check in on her, this isn't exactly what I meant," he said under his breath, hoping Lavinia wouldn't be able to hear.
Standing in the doorway, Regulus simply shrugged, his haughty expression somewhat ruined by eyes that kept flicking sideways as though trying to see through the door. "I'd have come sooner, but Mother doesn't let me out much. Not since-" He broke off, his eyes fixing on Sirius for a long moment. The latter felt a stab of guilt at the reminder of the consequences of his actions last year. "Well," Regulus amended, his eyes turning to the door again. "I don't get to leave the house a lot."
"What in the name of Merlin is happening?" James exclaimed, looking between Sirius and Regulus. "I did not say you could invite your brother over."
"I didn't invite him," Sirius countered, though he knew that wasn't strictly true. Still, when he'd said check on her, what he'd meant was write her a letter. Not show up on the Potter's doorstep. Then again, he supposed it spoke well of his little brother that at the first sign of something worrying, he'd come running.
"Then why is he here?" James challenged, glaring at his best friend.
"Can we talk about this later?" Sirius sighed, closing his eyes for a moment in exasperation. It was strange enough having Regulus standing watching him withe a slight frown. And frankly, that alone made him feel guilty enough. He didn't need a telling off from James to make him feel like shit right now.
"If you two are done being an old married couple," Regulus interjected rather snidely, "I want to talk to Lavinia Selwyn, if she's still here."
"We are not an old married couple!" James snapped, shooting Regulus a scowl, but Sirius ignored the barb, glancing into the living room. Lavinia still hadn't moved. She was staring at him, a strangely contemplative expression on her face, her head tipped slightly to the side in a rather endearing manner for all that her eyes were narrowed in a way that made him feel like she could hear his thoughts. He raised his eyebrows at her, and she shrugged, the odd look dropping off her face, before she stood up and set her book on the chair, her wand still in hand.
The steps Lavinia took towards the door were painfully slow and the tense expression on her face spoke volumes about her apprehension. Her free hand came up and brushed some of her long hair in front of her cheek almost subconsciously, as though wishing she could hide the damage her mother had inflicted.
"Can you at least let him in?" she asked, once she was at the edge of the foyer, though still blocked from sight by the open door.
Regulus's head snapped sideways at the sound of her voice, his eyes rather wide. James glared at Lavinia, grinding his teeth and Sirius was rather surprised to see her simply raise her eyebrows in quiet challenge. He was even more surprised when James, still scowling, let go of his hold on the door and, eyes still fixed on Lavinia, said, "I am not feeding him."
She smiled slightly, almost demurley. "Of course not," she conceded, and James marched off, presumably to go find another room to seeth in.
With the way now open, Regulus stepped into the house slowly. Sirius, watching Lavinia carefully, saw her brace herself, swallowing and setting her shoulders like she was preparing for battle. He stepped forward to close the door behind his brother and glanced at the latter's face, which, upon catching sight of Lavinia's crumpled. Were it a different person and under different circumstances, the look alone would have broken Sirius's heart. Instead it just filled him with a mixture of emotions he wasn't entirely sure how to deal with. Then, Regulus caught sight of Remus, and he schooled his features into a blank mask, predictably refusing to show anything in front of a stranger.
Sirius could have slapped him for that. How dare he put hiding his feelings above letting Lavinia see how much he cared. How dare he risk making her feel unloved or burdensome. But Lavinia herself didn't seem to care much. Her eyes were soft as they were fixed on Regulus and it tugged at something in Sirius's chest to see such a tender expression on her face.
"Oh, Vin," Regulus whispered, shaking his head slightly even as he kept his face utterly straight.
Lavinia shrugged and gave a forced smile that Sirius was sure had to hurt with that cut on her face. "She got a bit carried away," she said by way of explanation.
"Fuck," Regulus replied and to Sirius's utter surprise Lavinia gave a surprised little laugh even as tears beaded in her eyes. "C'mere," Regulus said gently, opening his arms for her. She didn't hesitate, stepping forward into his embrace and hugging him back tightly.
Sirius stood, trying to ignore the ache in his chest and the selfish thoughts in his head and remember that this was good for her. Which was all that mattered.
"We'll leave you two alone," Remus said, stepping around Regulus and Lavinia and putting a hand on Sirius's elbow to lead him out of the room. "We'll be just upstairs if you need us," Remus added as they reached the base of the stairs.
Sirius looked over his shoulder, frowning slightly and trying to riddle out the strange mix of emotions boiling in his head right now at the arrival of his brother and Lavinia's uncharacteristically affectionate greeting.
"She'll be fine, Sirius," Remus said softly as they made their way up the steps. "Though I don't think that's what you're worried about," he added under his breath.
Sirius turned to scowl at his friend, who merely shrugged. "Not judging," he said lightly. "Just observing."
"Well stop," Sirius suggested, though he wasn't sure how seriously he meant that.
"Mmm," Remus hummed. "Come on. James is probably having a fit right now."
Sirius snorted his agreement and, glad for the distraction, walked with his friend to James's room where they would no doubt, be subjected to a rant about unwanted guests. Sirius thought he might join in. Because for all that he was glad Lavinia had someone she trusted here, he couldn't help but selfishly wish that he was the one whose arms she would run to without thinking twice.
A/N: Hey y'all! Thank you for being so understanding about how fucked my sleep (and therefore update) schedule is! You guys are awesome.
Also, 60 chapters!? I think this might officially mean I have no life. The doc I write this on is so long (and my computer is so sad and old and tired) that it took like 5 minutes to load when I accidentally closed it. A mistake I will not be repeating. It just stays open now and we pray that it never needs to load again bc wow that was annoying. Also it's 1 am and this is why I shouldn't be allowed to have sugar past like 10pm (oops!)
As always, I hope y'all enjoyed and also I just wanted to say a serious thank you so much. I never thought there would be so many people who like this and it really just started as me having that story in my head before I go to bed bc I'm bad at going to sleep. And now people care? Which is weird? Anyway, I'm genuinely so grateful for all of you and your awesome comments so thank you!! <3