Chapter 39
Angie's Perspective
"Distance can not only be physical but mental as well."-Kelis Ajanee
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STEPPING outside of my comfort zone wasn't the easiest thing for me to do, especially when it came to my love life. I always took charge and made most of the decisions in my marriage. You could say I was a little of a control freak but to me, a healthy relationship required balance and structure. Jeremy provided for the family bringing home the funds and I kept the family together taking care of the household and that's how I liked it. It was predictable and stable.
My main motive right now though was to get my marriage back on the right track and that required taking risks and doing things I wouldn't normally do so right now Jeremy and I were sitting side by side in marriage counseling. There was an awkward silence that held over the room as we sat across from one another on the blue lounge sofa. The therapist sat before us jotting down some information on her notepad as I played with my fingers looking around the quiet cold room. Jeremy and I exchanged looks several times, but neither one of us knew what to say. We had been here for twenty minutes exactly and the need for small talk had evaporated.
"Alright, so Jeremy and Angie I want you two to do a small ice-breaking exercise for me."
Here we go.
"Sure," Jeremy said turning his body around in my direction.
"I want you two to say out loud three things you love about one another." She put down her notepad staring at us waiting for our responses.
"Who goes first?" Jeremy asked observing my face for the first time ever today.
I shrugged my shoulders not really caring about participating, but since it was necessary I would play along.
"You go first Jeremy." The therapist spoke.
"Alright um," He thought for a few seconds before continuing.
"Angie I've always loved the fact that you're headstrong and opinionated. It's a breath of fresh air since most of the people around me always agree no matter what leaving nothing up for discussion."
"That's a good one Jeremy." The therapist interrupted.
"I love the fact that you're so confident and strong all the time as well. Though you appreciate it when I do, you don't need me to tell you that you're beautiful and you overcome all challenges, those outside and inside of our marriage."
His answers were very thoughtful.
"Alright go ahead Angie."
There were many things I loved about Jeremy but something about being put on the spot wasn't easy for me. It was more intimidating to express my feelings in front of a complete stranger.
Let's just say I don't wear my heart on my sleeve.
"I love his determination he works so hard, anything he wants he'll get it."
It was the first thing that came to mind.
"That's a great response Angie but try mentioning qualities that you love about him more so as a husband or lover rather than an individual."
She was pushing it.
Jeremy looked at me with hopeful eyes waiting for my response. He really was trying and it was a shame I was having a hard time returning the favor. I tried my hardest to think of a good response before speaking up hoping that my response wouldn't sound stupid.
"Well, one of the things that made me fall in love with you was that you're a great cook. I love some nights when you're off from work and you cook for me and the kids. It's sweet and intimate."
"That was better Angie much more personal, now I just need one more quality. Try digging deeper."
"I love your sense of humor, most men in suits and ties feel the need to be sophisticated and professional all the time, you aren't like that which is a breath of fresh air. Most things in my life are entirely too serious and you give me a break from that Jeremy by trying your hardest to keep my mind at ease and a smile on my face.
I rambled endlessly getting lost in the ice-breaking exercise it was much more beneficial than I believed it to be. Maybe this was what I needed to let some things out. Jeremy held eye contact with me allowing a soft smile to form on his face for the first time in a while.
"We're making a breakthrough already that's wonderful."
The therapist sat up in her chair closing up the notebook placing it in her lap.
"Now from reading body language and seeing how you two respond and connect with one another, I can tell there are not that many problems in your marriage. For the problems that are there, I would like both of you to explain what you feel the problems are."
Here comes the challenging stuff.
"Please keep it respectful some couples get a little too intense."
Jeremy sat up holding his face in a serious manner with a pillow against his stomach.
"I think our biggest problem is communication which is extremely important with any relationship. We don't let one another know how we are feeling or when there is something going on personally and it's drifting us apart."
He grabbed my hand holding it in his, "it's hard for Angie to open up to me sometimes, and when she does there is an underline of disrespect and defense."
Although I had a few complaints about his response I listened trying to understand his viewpoint.
"Angie, how do you feel about that?"
I thought long and hard, "a lot of what Jeremy is saying is right. I don't listen or communicate and sometimes I run over him. It's because he's so gentle and patient with me and I take advantage of that on some occasions."
Wow, realizing that gave me a moment of Epiphany.
"Good job Jeremy, now Angie go ahead."
"A huge problem in our marriage is understanding one another's circumstances which goes along with communication and listening. Although I am a housewife I'm under a lot of stress at times. Between raising two kids and running a household frustration comes naturally. I understand that Jeremy is at work most of the time, but when he's there he is only focused on one task, his job. As for me, I have to worry about several things at once."
"On a busy day I might have to get the kids ready for school, drop them off, wash clothes, pay bills, get the car washed, drop Jeremy's lunch off for him at work, rush to Jamal's teacher-student meeting, pick the kids up, prepare dinner, get the kids ready for bed and all of that has to be completed in a timely manner."
"I don't want it to seem as if I'm complaining because I love my husband and children, but sometimes being a housewife can be a full-time job as well and I feel like no one understands that."
Jeremy and the therapist listened as I carried on with my thoughts and pent up energy.
"I had no idea you were feeling that way baby." Jeremy messaged the outer part of my hand.
"It's because I didn't want you to worry about it. On the outside looking in my complaints are mediocre. I want you to provide and only worry about that." I gave him a small smile.
"All of that stress with little to no sleep makes me cranky," I whispered to him as I chuckled.
The therapist smiled looking back and forth between us.
"Those were very good answers from the both of you. Taking the initiative to understand one another without arguing or disagreeing is rare. You both are very mature with your emotions letting me know that you won't need counseling long."
"You both clearly have a lot of love for one another, but it can be overshadowed by selfish motives."
"I agree"
I squeezed Jeremy's hand harder feeling a sense of relief. This session helped out much more than I had intended it to. Within the course of an hour, Jeremy and I were somewhat back on common ground.
"I think I'm going to end this meeting early today because of such great progress between you two, but there is one thing I would like for you two to do together."
She grabbed her notebook scribbling down a few words before looking back up at us.
"Go do something artistic together I don't care what it is. Just make sure there is no bickering only peace. They say artistry brings out the best in us and it's a great way to communicate, I'll ask you both about it the next time we meet."
We all stood up getting ready to exit.
"Thank you so much this really helped out a lot," Jeremy said shaking hands with the therapist.
"No problem, and remember to listen to one another and communicate."
"Got it."
I placed my purse around my shoulder heading for the door as Jeremy followed with his hands stuffed in his pockets.
The afternoon sun hit us as we exited the building, it was such a pretty day outside today. We walked side by side glancing at one another off and on as my heels clicked with the pavement. There was this awkward silence that hung in the air neither one of us knew what to say to defuse the tension. We hadn't had a decent conversation in months.
Today really was a breakthrough.
"You look beautiful today I haven't seen you dressed up in so long," Jeremy commented observing my yellow and white spaghetti strap dress.
"Thank you I didn't want to meet the lady looking a mess, first impressions matter." I crossed my arms smiling.
Jeremy chuckled playing with his car keys casually tossing them up in the air.
"Today went great though. I'm actually feeling this whole therapy thing."
"I told you to just give it a try."
"You did"
When we got to the car Jeremy opened up my door watching me fasten my seatbelt and put my purse down. He leaned up against the car roof staring at me.
"What?"
He stood still for a few seconds before responding, "I'll move back home."
"Really?" I said that a little too excited than what I had bargained for.
"Yeah," he chuckled.
"I miss you and the kids plus staying in hotel rooms and my parent's house is very uncomfortable...and lonely."
"Oh baby," I got up out the car wrapping my arms around him. We took the moment to embrace each other.
"At least Jamal will stop asking so many questions now about us being apart."
It felt so good to be in his arms again I almost shed a tear. We pulled apart as I got back in the car. Jeremy jogged over to the driver's side with a permanent smile on his face turning on the engine. Soon we were on our way to his parent's house to pick up Jamal and Jayla.
"Are you hungry?" I asked feeling overjoyed.
"Starving"
"Good because I'm going to make your favorite tonight."
"Sounds good to me."
When we pulled up into the driveway Jamal was outside riding around in his toy car. I got out of the car grabbing my purse.
"Jamal get off the grass," I said grabbing his attention.
He jumped out of the toy car running over to us in his black air forces.
"Mommy! Daddy!"
He ran with his shoes untied down the driveway. Thank God he didn't fall. Rushing towards his father Jeremy picked him up in his arms swinging him around.
"Little man how was school?" Jeremy asked holding him in his arms. I couldn't help but adore the little moment taking place in front of me.
"It was great until grandad came into my classroom and slipped in front of the whole class on a crayon." He frowned.
I covered up my laugh with a cough, "did you check on your grandfather?" I asked.
"Yes he's fine granny made him sit on a nice soft cushion for the whole day."
I shook my head as we walked towards the front door.
"Where's your sister?"
"Asleep like always she's always tired such a lazy baby," Jamal said huffing while crossing his arms.
"She needs her rest she's a growing girl."
I laughed walking inside the front door after Jeremy. Today had definitely been much better with lots of progress.
Hopefully, it would continue.
39
KelisAjanee
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