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RILEY’S POV-
I walked up to Jenson, shaking my head, letting her break and hold onto me for dear life. I sat, joining me on the bench and releasing my own sorrow.
This is all my fault…
Jake was dead, because of me! He was one of my best friends… the last exchange of words I had with his was me calling him an asshole for Christ’s sake! Jenson sobbed, trying hard to stop the tears but they just kept on coming.
Finally we all departed, trying to keep it together but me… well I was breaking completely on the inside.
It was so hard to keep the composure, being strong for Jenson… and taking all of her depression away. It made me want to die… it hurt so bad. I drove up to her house, looking at her, she sobbed once more, “C-Can you stay…?”
I nodded slowly, walking her up to her room and laying her in bed. I tucked her in close to me, she was clinging to me, crying and soaking my shirt with her salty tears. I just held her, rocking her to sleep as I released my own silent tears.
I was a horrible person… I had done this, I didn’t mean to kill him though… it was an accident.
I fell asleep then, feeling as if I was at peace, the relief washing over me from the depression.
~O~
“Riley…”
The voice, I was dreaming, oh God they were going to punish my for what I did to Jake… it was an accident though! I didn’t mean for him to get hurt! Though it was my fault he was dead… I would take full responsibility for it…
I answered, “I’m so sorry… I don’t deserve to have these powers… I’m a horrible person.”
“Riley, this wasn’t your fault, know that… it was all part of the bigger plan…”
“What plan?”
There was a long pause, the echoing voice was silent, and then it boomed through my ears again. “Jake Coleman was pointed your Guardian months ago, when you met him, he knew everything about you, just as you did with Jenson…”
So I was right all along about him.
“Jake abused his powers though, so we took them away from him, although you made it to your 18th birthday, Jake was greedy, abusive, and he almost committed murder. He is not damned though, he is a good person, he just got lost on the way… his death was just another part of life. It was an accident, and accidents happen.”
I felt the tears sting my eyes again, “Tell him I’m so sorry… and that I love him, he saved my life…”
“It was his job Riley.”
I sobbed more, “I know… and I caused his accident! He saved my life and I practically took his!”
“Riley… do not blame yourself for this.”
I shook my head, feeling the tears roll down my face, “I will for the rest of my life.”
~O~
I woke, Jenson was still clinging to me, I hugged her closer, the depression and pain flooding back into me. I tried to push it out but I couldn’t.
I looked at the clock, 3:30 AM… it was to early… but I couldn’t fall back asleep now.
I was restless, what was I going to tell Jenson? I couldn’t even tell her the truth… because then I would have to tell her I was her Guardian, and I couldn’t do that.
I was going to have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life though… lying, hiding the truth about Jake’s death…
How was I expected to deal with all of this at age 18?
***
Weeks passed, Jake’s funeral passed, and eventually some of the pain passed… but the guilt remained. I was given no mercy, the guilt was on my shoulders, and I didn’t know if it was ever going to fade away.
Jenson… well she was heartbroken. She would still have her days, but I was always there to take away her pain and make her feel better.
Me on the other hand, I had no one.
Jenson couldn’t take away my pain, absorb it and have that burden on her heart. No, no one could help me. It hurt a lot, but relief came with days passing, and in a way I felt good knowing I had no one in my way of protecting and loving Jenson.
Yes, I know, it sounds selfish, and slightly evil… but it was just an internal thought.
Accidentally causing Jake’s death… that was something I would take back in a heart beat. No matter how much I wanted to be with Jenson, but now, it was just her and I… and no one in between.
We had pretty much been inseparable, mostly because she never wanted to be alone.
On top of that, Bren was starting up again… and he was more psycho then ever.
Sending Jenson threatening notes, passing in front of school, her house…. It was scaring the living shit out of me to be completely honest.
I could easily kill him. It would be no trouble at all… but having another death on my shoulders, even if it was Bren… I didn’t know if I could handle that.
Another thought I had was… What would happen to me and Jenson after she turned 18? Would I keep my Guardian Powers or would I be stripped of them and return to normal? Would Jenson still have the attachment? Would I still even love Jenson?
I had never loved anyone besides Bree, then I met Jenson in that dream two nights before I met her.
All of a sudden I was snapped out of my daydreaming thoughts, feeling sharp pain in my wrist, it ached, burned… and I wanted to scream.
What the fuck was going on?
I was sitting in my bed, I grabbed my arm, trying to stop it but it didn’t let up… I wanted to scream it burned so bad.
I gritted my teeth, it felt as if… someone was cutting me.
Soon enough I was next to Jenson, completely appalled to what I was witnessing.
Jenson was running a sharp blade along her wrist, the blood seeping out and dripping into the sink. The crimson color washing down the sink and disappearing.
This was a whole different kind of pain, more insane then any of her other actions…
I took out my phone, remaining invisible to Jenson’s eyes, and called her.
Her phone rang, she dropped the razor and stared at the screen, lifting it up with her opposite hand, “Hello?”
I whispered, “I’m coming over, I’m taking a taxi, I need to see you.”
She looked around in disbelief as if she heard me standing next to her, but she couldn’t see me. All of a sudden she became frantic, “Uh… why? It’s late.”
“I don’t care, I’m at your front door.”
She gripped the side of the cabinet as if she was going to pass out, “Ok.”
She hung up, struggling to find some gauze in medicine cabinet and wrapping it around her wrist. The bleeding wasn’t going to last forever, I had stopped her before she got to the main artery, and she hid the knife in her cabinet.
She was in pain, I could feel it loud and clear, and threw on a hoodie, covering up her gauze.
I shook my head, immediately appearing at her front door, waiting for her to answer it.
Jenson… how was I going to fix you this time?