I just want to love you, to love you, to love you well
I just want to learn how, somehow, to be loved myself
- Two by Sleeping at Last
__________
"You're not thinking this through, Granger."
Hermes expelled an exasperated sigh and lightly glared at the blonde. "I'm going to do this and you're not going to stop me," he pointed out. He was nervous beyond belief for today and this infuriating Slytherin wasn't helping at all. He thought he'd already made himself clear last night that he was going to push through with his agenda today and no amount of distractions from his girlfriend, albeit delightful they may be, would hinder him from doing so.
He glanced at the flickering torches illuminating the deserted corridor in Hogwarts. It was Hogsmeade day today and as much as he'd like to bring her out and spend time with her outside the confines of their lovely common room, Iris once again loudly reminded him that their relationship was a secret. Hence, Hermes knew he should take this opportunity to finally do the only thing he'd been itching to do ever since he fell in love with the blonde.
Iris rolled her eyes and crossed her arms against her chest. "I told you I don't want other people knowing about our... relationship," she murmured, averting her eyes away from his honey-colored eyes.
"But this is Harry and Ron," he protested. "They're my best friends and I think it's finally time for them to know that you've inadvertently managed to capture my heart, you exasperating witch."
"They're wankers," she muttered, her cheeks reddening at his words.
"I know," he said with a laugh. "I've been best friends with them for eight bloody years. Besides, Zabini and Nott already know. At least let me tell my best friends, too."
Iris shot him an annoyed look. "They're going to go ballistic," she snarled. "Don't say I didn't warn you."
"Yeah, well, I'm already immune with their stupid moods," he said with a nervous smile. "I think I'm going to manage."
The Slytherin worried her bottom lip in annoyance, managing to drag his eyes briefly at her painted lips. Merlin, she looked lovely today. Her hair was held in a high ponytail. Clad with a cashmere, emerald sweater which he was sure costed a fortune and a black, short skirt, Hermes sometimes wondered how someone like her would be attracted to him.
"Don't you dare follow me," he warned after shaking off the sudden haze from his mind. Iris tried to interject, but he continued, "I mean it, Iris. For this to go on smoothly, I have to do this alone."
"Fine," she snapped with a hard glare. "I'll be spending this day with Blaise and Zabini, constantly thinking that my boyfriend is an idiot."
Hermes smiled at how she addressed him and briefly pulled her close. He dropped three kisses on a particularly sensitive spot on her neck he knew made her a tad wobbly, before finally pulling away. Iris' cheeks were a deep shade of red but there was still a frown on her face. Hermes grinned and bestowed a brief kiss on her lips.
"Don't worry too much, Iris," he whispered.
"Who said I'm worried?" she snapped back, the snark in her tone noticeably absent due to his previous kisses.
He chuckled under his breath and allowed himself to steal another kiss from the exasperating witch before finally striding out of Hogwarts.
Hogsmeade was swarming with excited students and for a moment, Hermes stilled. He remembered its sad state during the height of the Wizarding War and it was refreshing to see the village bursting with life. He greeted those he'd recognized and quickly scanned the whole crowd to see a familiar platinum blonde hair.
Relieved that Iris actually listened to him, Hermes finally entered the Three Broomsticks and looked around.
"Over here!"
Hermes beamed when he spotted Harry and Ron cramped in one of the private booths at the very back of the shop. Harry was excitedly waving his arm and Hermes didn't hesitate in zooming past the other tables until he was hugging his best friends.
"Hello, wankers," Hermes greeted. He released a mock gasp as he beheld his best friends and clenched both of their arms. "Are those... are those muscles?"
"Git," Ron laughed, hitting him playfully on his shoulder. He slid inside the booth beside Harry and boyishly grinned at the eighth year. "Training's been wearing as down so naturally we gain these babies." He comically flexed his biceps, prompting Harry to gag and Hermes to guffaw boisterously.
"So, how's our favorite swot?" Harry asked. "Gin's been telling me you're buried in books everyday. Didn't we tell you to get a life, you wanker?"
"NEWTs are just around the corner so naturally, I have to study," he said with a roll of his eyes. "We've been friends for eight years and you still question why I'm like this?"
Harry sighed and shook his head. "I feared you're going to lose your adventurous streak just because we're not with you anymore," he gravelly said.
Hermes then proceeded to ask about their new lives as aurors. Ron recounted a particular mission regarding a cursed doll and the booby trap that sent him to the hospital. Harry would interject once in a while and Hermes smiled, contented to listen to their animated storytelling.
Briefly, a flashback of the good ol' days with his best friends crossed his mind. It was wonderful spending some time with Harry and Ron once more. He realized he really did miss them both and Hogwarts wasn't the same without them.
"So..." Harry said, breaking the silence that befell after Ron's anecdote. "Why did you really invite us over for Hogsmeade Day, Hermes?"
The nervousness he had had been feeling since this morning came back full force. "What?" he lightly lied with a small, nervous smile. "Isn't missing you reason enough?"
The-Boy-Who-Lived quirked an eyebrow and exchanged glances with Ron. "So, something's definitely wrong," the bespectacled man said with a reverent nod.
"Perhaps a girl?" the redhead offered with a playful glint in his eyes.
Harry pulled out his wand and muttered a soft 'Finite Incantatem' at the stunned brunet. "Not under a spell and such," Harry confirmed. "Definitely a girl." Harry slightly leaned towards the silent Gryffindor, a silent challenge in his eyes. "Or, you're going to pull out that 'thinking of a Potions project' crap once more, Hermes?"
He knew it! Harry didn't buy his excuse one time during their sixth year. A wry smile appeared on Hermes' face in spite of himself. Harry could be awfully sharp and he lamented all those years wasted from studying all because he was the bloody hero of the Wizarding World. Maybe, Harry could actually manage to climb at the top of their class with that perceptive brain of his.
"Blimey," Ron breathed out when Hermes' hadn't retorted anything in return. His blue eyes widened in shock as he swiveled back at Harry. "There's a fucking girl."
A triumphant grin spread on Harry's face when Hermes turned into a magnificent shade of red. He nervously rubbed the nape of his neck and shifted his eyes away from their eager glances.
"Well..." he started. Hermes tried to rack his brain how to reveal to his best friends he'd been dating Iris Malfoy for a few months now. "There is a girl."
Harry looked incredibly proud and Ron started wiping away invisible tears from his eyes. "We've done it this time, Harry," the redhead sighed melodramatically. "Our Hermes is finally a grown up!"
"Quit it, you gits!" he hissed, but he was unable to stop the twitching of his lips.
"Is it someone we know?" Harry eagerly asked. "A Gryffindor? Or, a Ravenclaw perhaps."
"A Ravenclaw," Ron nodded in concurrence. "Most likely a Ravenclaw. I can already imagine their study dates in the library." The redhead made a face. "How can you call that a date, anyway?" Hermes rolled his eyes, but Ron continued, "As long as she's not a Slytherin, mate, then we're all good."
"You still believe in that House rivalry crap?" Hermes asked none-too-quickly.
Ron looked at him funny. "Of course, we're Gryffindors through and through," he said, puffing out his chest in pride. "We've spent our entire childhood beating the crap out of the other Houses, Hermes. You shouldn't be surprised if it'd be hard to shake off your House beliefs after graduation."
"But we've been through war," the Gryffindor insisted through gritted teeth. "Houses are a loads of codswallop. It's like the issue with blood statuses."
Ron knitted his eyebrows. "Blimey, why are you getting all worked up suddenly?" he said, starting to frown. "It's just – "
"She's a Slytherin, isn't she?" Harry butted in, his emerald eyes piercing straight into Hermes' eyes.
The redhead snorted. "As if Hermes is going to fraternize with the enemy," he guffawed, snickering under his breath. When Hermes merely pierced him with a stern glare, his jaw dropped. "What the bloody fuck? A Slytherin, Hermes? Really?"
Hermes' head started to throb as he continued to frown at Ron. He knew Ron would be more difficult to appease than Harry, but it still irritated him immensely how he still acted immaturely, what with his prejudices and such.
"It doesn't matter," Harry quickly said, seeing the thunderous expression on Hermes' face. The brunet's eyes landed on him, surprised with his claim, and slightly grew mollified. Harry shot a quick glare at Ron, who was about to open his stupid trap once more, and added, "It doesn't matter, Ron. Give the bloke some slack." Harry gave him an encouraging smile. "At least his head isn't filled with books and bloody homeworks once more. I'm starting to worry I'd be groomsman to your future wedding with a fucking book, Hermes."
The curly-haired Gryffindor gave him a bemused look. "Where the hell did you get that idea?" he asked, his initial irritation with Ron finally dissipating. Thank the bloody gods for Harry Potter.
"It isn't too far-fetched, Hermes, admit it," Harry said with a humored laugh.
Hermes rolled his eyes, but couldn't help but smile gratefully at Harry.
"Fine, date a Slytherin or whatever," Ron finally said with a disgruntled sigh. "Just as long she's not some snooty, rich, Pureblood bigot like Malfoy, then I'm going to tolerate whomever this girl is just for your sake."
Hermes' cheeks reddened upon the mention of the Slytherin. Silence met his claim, which Hermes knew Ron offhandedly remarked as a joke. He really tried his hardest to retort something in return, but found himself speechless all of a sudden.
"Bloody fucking hell," Ron cried quite shrilly. "Don't you fucking dare tell us you're dating a snooty, rich, Pureblood bigot, Hermes because I'm going to off you."
Anger surged in his veins as his hands closed into tight fists. "Bloody hell, Ronald, you're not my mother," he spat back.
"Harry!" Ron exclaimed, turning to the suddenly quiet bespectacled man beside him. "Talk some sense into this git!" Harry continued to stay quiet, and Ron had no choice but to swivel back at Hermes, his blue eyes spitting fire. "Why, Hermes? Of all the bloody girls in this school, you have to choose someone like her? You're canoodling with Dark Arts supporters! They've made your life miserable! They've tried to ruin you. How could you just... you just..."
"It's Malfoy, isn't it?"
Harry's eyes were piercing intensely and try as he might, Hermes couldn't look away from him. Beside Harry, Ron had grown deathly pale when Hermes still hadn't answered.
"Ginny wrote me things," Harry continued, his voice too low and strained. "She told me how she speculated that perhaps you..." The-Boy-Who-Lived paled, but his gaze didn't waver. "She saw how you look at each other and it drove her mad how she was the only one who could see it. I didn't believe it, of course, because I thought... I thought..." Harry released a sigh and frowned. "Apparently, I thought wrong."
Hermes was at a loss on how to respond to that. He knew Ginny was suspicious, but he didn't realize she was already speculating something between him and Iris. In spite of himself, he wryly smiled. Merlin, Ginny and Harry had scarily similar personalities.
"You've got to be kidding me?" Ron snarled, his face now turning purple. "Of all bloody people..."
"Are you sure about this, Hermes?" Harry asked, surprisingly worried as opposed to the furious bomb sitting beside him. "I mean, it's Malfoy, for Merlin's sake. She'd been extra harsh at you because of your blood status. You were... bloody fucking hell, Hermes, you were tortured in her own home. How can you..."
Harry swallowed down his ire and Hermes appreciated that he was at least trying to be levelheaded and understanding.
"Since when?" Harry quietly continued, looking suddenly exhausted.
"After the Yule Ball."
Ron gasped. "Months?!" he thundered.
"Well... maybe sixth year," he corrected with a small frown. "But it was complicated then."
"YEARS?!" Ron hollered, this time louder.
Hermes shot him an annoyed look and wouldn't be surprised if the whole Three Broomsticks heard his shout. "We've gotten to know each other, all right," he snapped. "We're sharing a bloody dormitory. It was... it was inevitable." He stared hard at the table and tried to come up with a decent reason. "Just like the rest of us, she'd also been a victim during the war."
"Yeah right," Ron snorted, prompting Hermes to glare at him.
"It is true," he grounded out. "Imagine this, Ronald. If you grew up with Lucius Malfoy and he drilled inside your head that you must be perfect, that you must hate mudbloods" - Harry and Ron flinched at the derogatory word - "that you must follow his footsteps as Voldemort's crony, tell me honestly, Ron, and don't you fucking stutter: do you think you will not turn out atrocious?"
Ron was reduced into silence, his mouth ajar as he stared back at Hermes.
"She'd been wicked, I know," Hermes snarled, his eyes now resting on Harry. He was wearing an indecipherable look in his eyes and Hermes wasn't sure if it was a good sign. "In second year, she believed that Muggle-borns like me stole magic from Purebloods like her. And I hated it, I hated everything she spouted because she was wrong and she was a bigot and I wanted to prove to her that everything she believed in was stupid and untrue. But after her father was incarcerated, after she unwillingly received her Dark Mark, after I saw her breakdown in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom..." He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I realized that she was just a child, like all of us, and she might have been on the wrong side of the war because she had no choice."
He was breathing heavily by the end of his tirade and normally, he would have laughed at the ridiculous looks on their faces. It wasn't everyday Hermes was able to reduce his best friends speechless. Ron never seemed to shut up with the most inane things and Harry wasn't easily fazed too.
"Everybody has a choice, Hermes," Harry murmured.
A small, wry smile appeared on Hermes' face. "I believed so, too," he said with a small nod. "But will you choose the right way, no matter how desperate you were to finally leave all the atrocious things behind, if you know a madman has his wand pressed against your mother's back, seconds from an Avada?"
Harry merely stared, his answer already speaking volumes.
"But... but..." Ron sputtered out, looking marvelously confused himself. "It's Malfoy, Hermes." He ran a frustrated hand through his red hair and glowered. "I can't believe just because she batted her eyelashes your way, you've started thinking with your fucking cock. I mean, you are supposed to be the brightest wizard of our age and – "
"Merlin Almighty, Weasley, can you just bloody shut up?"
The Golden Trio's eyes comically widened. Hermes looked around for Iris, then finally saw her blonde head peeking from behind the booth they were sitting on.
"What are you doing here?" Hermes cried, unsure why Iris' cheeks were red and her grey eyes were strangely glistening too brightly. He frowned. "I told you not to follow me!"
"Since when do I listen to you, Granger?" she said with an eye roll, sliding away from the booth she was currently sitting on to sashay towards him. Hermes unwittingly scooted closer to the window as she slid down beside him. Iris was still determinedly not looking at him.
"I have everything handled," he murmured under his breath.
"I know that," she snapped, briefly glaring at him. "But I don't trust these two idiots." She threw daggers at Harry and Ron – the former, bewildered with her sudden appearance, and the latter, slowly turning red from silent fury.
"Iris..." Hermes warned, reaching for her hand to keep her in place, but it was then when he noticed her right hand was shaking. He peered at her face worriedly, but Iris wore a mask of indifference that was typically her. Slowly frowning, he had an inkling as to what had shaken her. "Since when were you eavesdropping?"
Her eyes shone briefly before she slowly looked at him. "Since the beginning," was her curt reply.
The curly-haired brunet slumped and ran a hand through his hair. "You heard everything," he pointed out.
"Charming to know you'll defend my honor until your very last breath, Granger," she remarked with a small smirk. But Hermes had been with her for months to know she was masking her emotions with snark.
His cheeks colored as he remembered the words he had spat a while ago. He reached for her shaking hand under the table and held on tight. He took a shaky breath when her grip was equally stronger. Her eyes were gleaming once more and there was this small quiver on her bottom lip. His words must have shaken her so much and Hermes felt his heart lodge to his throat.
If he would spend his entire life fighting for Iris Malfoy's second chance to the whole Wizarding World, then so be it.
So be it.
Smiling gently, he reached forward and tucked an errant strand behind her ear. "Stubborn witch," he murmured, prompting her to lightly glare at his direction.
"Fucking hell," Ron breathed out after snapping off from his stupor. "Hermes got it bad."
His cheeks grew hotter as he threw a glare at Ron's direction. The redhead's face now had a sickly green sheen, blue eyes comically widened as he stared back at Iris. Harry, however, had a small, strained frown on his face.
Hermes expelled an exasperated sigh and opened his mouth, ready to continue his tirade, but to his surprise, Iris pulled away from him and rounded back at the stunned blokes. Her eyes were serious, a scowl on her face, as her grey eyes swept from The-Boy-Who-Lived and the Weasley.
"Listen here and listen bloody well," she enunciated, making a point by poking her finger on the wooden table. "I know there is too much history between us and I don't care if you will like me or not." She sneered when Ron scowled. "I don't care one whit if you accept me. I don't need your approval. But, for the love of all good things and holy, if you start to cut Granger off your life for his life choices, then you are making a grave mistake." She narrowed her eyes. "Think about everything he had done for you idiots. Really, really hard. Don't let this... this whatever this is between us ruin the friendship you've forged that is bloody colossal, not even a war and a Dark Lord could break it."
Ron ogled at Iris as if he'd never seen her before. Even Harry's jaw slackened with her passionate speech.
And Hermes... Hermes forgot how to properly breathe.
He wasn't entirely sure if his mind and heart were merely playing tricks at him at that very moment, but sun rays seemed to stream through the window and hit her at just the right angle, illuminating her stunning face for him to admire. Her eyes were burning bright with a passion he never thought she could possess and her lips were pressed into a firm line.
She was radiant and he couldn't look away.
Harry's emerald eyes landed on him and there was reluctant admiration in them. Hermes beamed in return.
"Fucking hell this is really happening," Ron groaned, hesitantly shifting his gaze away from Iris' piercing eyes to lightly glare at Hermes. "This is what happens when we're not with you 24/7."
Hermes merely quirked an eyebrow when Ron sighed and glared once more at Iris. "Fine," he begrudgingly accepted. "But if you start snogging right in front of me, I'm going to Avada myself."
Iris' eyes glinted dangerously. "Really?" she asked as an amused smirk grew on her face. Without warning, she turned around and hooked an arm around Hermes' neck. She neared her face, that sly smirk still in place.
Hermes laughingly pulled away. "Iris," he wheezed. "Have mercy."
Ron looked positively green.
The brunet's eyes then landed on the raven-haired boy beside Ron, askance. "Harry?" he mumbled with bated breath.
Harry rolled his eyes, then massaged the bridge of his nose. "If it makes you happy, then do I really have a choice?" he asked with a resigned sigh. He threw a light glare at his direction. "Now, I bloody owe Ginny 10 galleons."
"What?" Hermes exclaimed. Iris beside him snorted in amusement.
"She bet 10 galleons that something's going on between you two," Harry said with a nonchalant shrug.
The Gryffindor groaned, remembering how Nott and Zabini had done the same. "Merlin, are there any more bets on our bloody relationship?" he murmured to the blonde, who merely smirked and silently held his hand under the table.
A sneaky smile appeared on Harry's face when Ron started to turn red up to the tips of his ears. "This wanker owes me 40 galleons, though," The-Boy-Who-Lived confessed with an unabashed grin. "I bet him 40 galleons the reason why you suddenly owled us to meet you was because you're going to introduce us your new girlfriend." He smirked when Hermes' cheeks reddened. "Idiot Ron believed it's only because you missed us and wanted to see us."
"That's not entirely wrong either," Hermes pointed out with a grin.
Harry rolled his eyes. "Merlin, NEWTs are coming and you have no time to chummy around with your best friends," he stated matter-of-factly. "So, logically, either you've found a girl or you discovered the rise of another dark lord. The latter's bloody preposterous, hence, the former."
"Astute conclusion, Potter," Iris snarled with an amused smirk.
Harry shrugged nonchalantly once more and threw her a smirk of his own.
Conversations after that flowed smoothly. Hermes found it amusing how Iris easily joined any topic they were discussing; perhaps, her Pureblood upbringing trained her with carrying a conversation for politeness' sake. It relieved him immensely how insults were at a minimum, glares were decreased, and hesitant amusement were exchanged. It was a bizarre sight, but Hermes couldn't complain.
They called it a day when the last sun rays disappeared from the horizon. Harry and Ron were still in the middle of a discussion about the latest Quidditch stats as they strode out of the Three Broomsticks. Hermes and Iris weren't too far behind.
Although the amount of people in Hogsmeade had already dwindled, Hermes still wasn't sure if Iris would allow him to hold her hand in public. He compromised by merely placing a hand at the small of her back, silently guiding her until they reached the apparation spot.
Harry and Ron's conversation ended as they awkwardly turned to the other two. Ron's cheeks were bright pink and he avoided Iris' eyes.
"Well, this is our spot," the redhead mumbled, prompting Hermes to roll his eyes.
"Goodbye, wanker," Harry grinned. "And please, for the love of Merlin, please just write us a bloody letter. Ginny writes about you more than you ever write to us."
Hermes sighed and nodded. "All right, all right," he said with a wide grin.
His eyes widened when Iris suddenly stepped forward and thrusted her hand. Harry gaped at her proffered hand and then back at her steely, determined eyes.
For a brief moment, Hermes was brought back to their first year, watching as eleven-year-old Harry Potter snubbed eleven-year-old Iris Malfoy. Sometimes, he still wondered what would have happened if Harry had just shaken Iris' hand.
"Since I think we will be seeing more of each other in the future, I think we should call a truce," Iris silkily announced. Hermes hid a small smile, knowing how she was desperately trying to hide the nervousness she was currently feeling.
When Harry still gaped at her hand, Iris sighed and shook her hand slightly. "For Hermes," she determinedly added.
Harry blinked thrice and briefly looked over at his best friend. Then, a small smile appeared on Harry's face before finally clutching Iris' hand and giving it a firm shake. Iris' eyes widened in surprise, clearly not expecting for Harry to cave in.
"For Hermes," Harry firmly replied.
Hermes beamed so wide his cheeks were starting to hurt.
Iris retrieved her hand and glanced at Ron. "Do you want to shake hands too, Weasley?" she asked with a grimace.
"Please don't," Ron groaned, looking green.
The Slytherin expelled a sigh of relief and strode back beside Hermes.
"Well, good bye," the curly-haired Gryffindor said, still with the huge smile on his face. He felt a little overwhelmed with everything that had happened today but it turned out better than he expected. He stepped forward and swung both of his arms over Harry's and Ron's, bringing them closer to himself.
"Don't do anything stupid," he lightly warned. Harry snickered while Ron groaned.
"Don't do anything stupid," Ron shot back. "But too late now because you're bloody dating – OW!"
"You never really know when to shut up, Ronald," Hermes said with a roll of his eyes. He tightened his grip around their necks, prompting them to release identical pained groans. His eyes softened as he glanced down at their heads. "Thank you."
"We better leave because Hermes' being all sappy again," Harry whined, successfully extricating himself away from Hermes' death grip.
"Get off me, wanker," Ron exclaimed, pushing Hermes away until he could free his head. He massaged his smarting neck and glared at him. "Let's go, Harry."
Hermes glanced at both of his best friends, a certain glint in his eyes. "You know, for the record, I'd still do whatever I want even though you don't approve of it," he confessed, waiting for an outburst, but Harry and Ron surprised him when they gave him genuine smiles.
"Once you get that look on your face - " Harry started
" – there's no changing your mind," Ron finished. The redhead sighed. "We've known you for years, Hermes. We know that you never listen to us, even though you've made it your life's purpose to make sure that we listen to you."
"We trust your judgment more than anyone, Hermes," the bespectacled auror continued. "If you think this is worthy of your time, if you think you will never regret this, then we really have no choice but to be supportive now, yeah?"
He was very much aware of the pair of grey eyes that bore holes at the back of his head. "Worthy of my time," he ticked, lifting a finger with a grin. "Never regretting this." He lifted another finger and grinned. Ron and Harry then gave him identical smiles and for a moment, Hermes felt like they were eleven-years-old again, the Golden Trio wreaking havoc all over Hogwarts and leaving exasperating disruptions at their wake.
If there was another thing worthy of his time and he never regretted, it would be befriending these two idiots.
The bespectacled boy then glanced at the silent Slytherin behind him. "Take care of him, Malfoy," he seriously said, his green eyes now glinting in the dark.
"Make sure he eats thrice a day," Ron added with a solemn nod.
"And don't let him spend too much time in the library."
"Always refill his toffee stash. He gets awfully cranky without those sweets."
"Don't let him raise his hand too eagerly in class."
"Don't let him color code your NEWTs notes!"
Hermes' cheeks burned as he pushed Harry and Ron away. "Just go, you gits," he snarled.
To his surprise, soft laughter filled the night. He craned his neck and saw Iris with a pretty smile on her face. The corner of her eyes crinkled with amusement and her cheeks were flushed from the cold and something more. Her hair now freely tumbled down to her shoulders, her hair tie long abandoned after leaving the warmth of the Three Broomsticks.
The wind lifted her hair and danced behind her head and Hermes still couldn't get used to seeing her this happy and open.
Like she was free.
Merlin, she was so beautiful.
Hermes turned back at his friends and found them unabashedly staring at Iris with gaping mouths. He looked confused at their stunned expression, but then realized it must have been their first time seeing her so openly carefree and smiling.
"Did Malfoy just - " Ron turned to Harry with wide eyes.
"Yeah, I think she did, mate," Harry said, shaking his head in disbelief.
Ron groaned and hid his face behind his hands. "This day is so weird," he said, then dragged Harry and apparated away.
Iris glanced at him once his best friends were gone. "I guess it went well," she said, the smile still on her face.
He nodded his head and went back to her side, his hand once again landing at the small of her back. "You did good today, Iris," he said with mock approval.
She rolled her eyes but the smile never left her face. "We should go back," she said.
"Yes, we still need to start studying for Potions NEWTs tonight," Hermes concurred.
"Granger," she protested, "it's a weekend! And a Hogsmeade weekend at that!"
"And?"
"Bloody swot," she mumbled, absentmindedly reaching for his hand and lacing her fingers through his.
His heart jumped to his throat and grinned, leading her back to Hogwarts.
__________
She knew it was silly, but Iris always felt ridiculously nervous before a Quidditch match.
Already clad in her Slytherin Quidditch robe, she tucked herself behind the lockers in their changing room, trying to calm her breathing before the match started. A blonde strand obscured her eyes and, irritated, she brandished out her wand and spelled her hair away from her face, a French braid now holding it away.
Iris worried her bottom lip and slumped forward, tightly clutching her beloved broomstick. It was the final game, after all. Harper Fawley, the Slytherin Quidditch Captain, had been hounding on and on about the importance of this match for days, and Iris was already tuning him out. His annoying pep talk didn't help her nerves at all.
Madame Hooch's whistle then blared from outside the pitch and Iris immediately shot up from her seat. She took a deep, shuddering breath, before placing a confident smirk on her face. She strode out of the locker and saw a pale Fawley, his grip with his broomstick comically tight.
He rounded at them, eyes wide and crazed. "Don't you fuck this up!" he hissed, then swiveled around and stomped out of their locker room.
Iris rolled her eyes and brought out the rear. Raucous cheers resounded in the whole pitch and in spite of her nervousness, the smirk on her face grew with excitement.
The Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain shook hands with Fawley, his eyes equally crazed and wild as their captain's. Madame Hooch then released the Golden Snitch, which immediately zoomed away and disappeared. The referee then tucked the whistle between her lips, tossed the Quaffle into the air, and blew her whistle.
Iris immediately pushed her feet against the ground and shot up into the sky. Her eyes searched for the Ravenclaw Seeker, Terry Boot, before glancing around in search for the Golden Snitch.
She tuned out the other players, intent on finding the snitch as soon as possible. She zoomed around, dodged a few wayward Bludgers, and kept alert.
Her grey eyes briefly darted at the Ravenclaw stand, in search of a familiar, curly brown hair, but frowned in disappointment when her search grew futile. Hermes constantly told her he hated Quidditch, he hated watching Quidditch, but still. It was perhaps her last Quidditch game for the rest of her life and this was important for her. It would have boosted her confidence a little to know that her secret boyfriend was at least watching from the sidelines.
"Boot caught sight of the Golden Snitch!" Ernie MacMillan announced. The Claws released a shriek of excitement and Iris forced herself to focus back to the game. "Malfoy is now zooming behind. Merlin, look at those stunts they are pulling."
Iris tightly gripped her broom and flew faster. The cold, biting wind blew past her face and her eyes were already starting to water due to her speed, but she ignored it all. Boot was still zooming with amazing speed towards the snitch and she could not let him catch it.
"Chambers swung the Bludger towards Malfoy," MacMillan continued. "Great arm strength you got there, mate."
Iris belatedly heard MacMillan's announcement. The loud, whirring sound made by the Bludger grew louder and gasping in surprise, she maneuvered her broom to steer away from the assault of the heavy ball. At the same time, she lost her momentum and slammed against the Slytherin Quidditch stands. Her Housemates gasped in surprise and through a pained haze, she managed to see some of them were brought onto their feet.
"Malfoy hit the stands!" MacMillan gasped. "Blimey, that looks painful. Boot now lost sight of the snitch and is back to circling around."
Iris shook her head to clear the haze, relieved that her little accident momentarily distracted Boot.
"Get back to the game, Malfoy!" Fawley hollered from the far pitch.
She rolled her eyes at her overenthusiastic captain. A few of the Slytherin audience snickered, prompting her to glare at their direction. Iris' eyes then briefly swept at the audience to search for her best friends. Her eyes widened, though, upon seeing them cramped at the very back of the Slytherin stands... and there, sitting right at the very middle of Blaise and Theo, was a familiar curly-haired brunet. A Slytherin scarf was wrapped around his neck, almost obscuring half of his face. He was wearing a ridiculous thick-rimmed glasses, but the warm, honey-colored eyes behind them was unmistakable.
Iris could not properly see Hermes' expression but his eyes were twinkling. He then proceeded to hide his face behind a Transfiguration textbook, his brown curls peeking from above.
"I would have brought a book anyway and ignored the game all together."
"GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME, MALFOY!" Theo suddenly hollered, his hands cupped around his mouth.
Iris snapped off from her momentary surprise and threw a glare at her best friend. The lanky Slytherin was grinning widely while Blaise rolled his eyes. Her eyes shifted briefly at her boyfriend, but Hermes still had his head behind that ridiculous book.
A disbelieving smile stretched wide on her pale face as she swiveled around and searched throughout the Quidditch pitch with newfound purpose.
It didn't take too long for her to spot the Golden Snitch again. All the ruckus around her disappeared as she zoomed towards the snitch with unimaginable speed. She wasn't even sure if Boot was tailing behind her, but she didn't care. All she could see was the snitch, and Hermes' warm eyes, and she just had to catch the snitch. She had to.
She outstretched her arm and tilted her broomstick. It was so near, and she just had to reach out some more.
And then... and then the snitch was in her hand.
"MALFOY GETS THE SNITCH!" MacMillan boomed.
The whole pitch erupted into boisterous cheers and Iris' cheeks colored in wonderful exhilaration. Belatedly, she realized it was the Ravenclaw audience who were boisterously cheering. Fawley was screaming expletives at her general direction. Iris briefly blinked and glanced at the Golden Snitch in her hand in confusion.
She did catch it so it meant... Her eyes quickly shifted at the scoreboard and found out that Ravenclaw won, 200-170.
Iris groaned and zoomed down to the ground. "It isn't my fault the bloody Chasers are incompetent," Iris cried defensively when the whole Slytherin Quidditch team landed back on the Quidditch pitch. Identical glares were thrown her way, but Iris merely rolled her eyes. The adrenaline of catching the snitch still surged through every nerve in her body. Despite the raucous cheers from the Ravenclaw, despite their loss, she still felt exuberant.
"Damn you, Malfoy!" Fawley snarled, swivelling around and stomping back to their locker room.
Iris grimaced, knowing it would be best if she stayed behind and let Fawley calm down. Her other teammates were already trudging gloomily back at their locker room whilst the Ravenclaw Quidditch team celebrated their victory.
"Good game, Malfoy."
She blinked and was surprised to see Terry Boot in front of her with an outstretched hand.
"We lost, Boot," she said with a light glare.
The Ravenclaw grinned and ran a hand through his hair. "You got the snitch," he said with a nonchalant shrug. "It's bittersweet for me."
Iris sighed and reluctantly grasped his hand for a handshake. Boot then bid his goodbye and joined his other teammates as they merrily went to their own locker room.
The Slytherin blonde sighed and gloomily approached Madame Hooch. "I'm returning the snitch, madame," she greeted, but the Quidditch referee merely gave her a smile.
"We have a tradition in Hogwarts for graduating Seekers to keep their last snitch, Miss Malfoy," she said with a twinkle in her eye. "It's yours."
Iris glanced at the snitch in her hand and smiled. She would definitely miss playing Seeker for the Slytherin Quidditch team. "Thank you," she said, pocketing the said ball inside her robes.
She walked back to where she left her broomstick and crouched down. At the same time, she heard multiple footsteps approaching her from behind.
"Well that was spectacular," Theo then greeted with a wide grin, sidling beside her to drape an arm over her shoulders. "It would have been better if we won, though."
"Don't bloody remind me," she grumbled under her breath. "Fawley now hates me."
"Fawley hates everybody," Blaise reassured as he placed a hand on top of her blonde hair. "It was still a wonderful game, Iris."
She sighed and grinned up at them. "It was, wasn't it?" she asked. "I'm going to miss Quidditch so much."
"We can still celebrate, right?" Theo offered, hopeful. "I manage to sneak some firewhiskey and food from Hogsmeade and they're hidden away in the Slytherin dormitories. What say you, princess?"
Iris frowned. "We have NEWTs in two days, Theo," she reminded, prompting him to roll his eyes. "I'm sure you're still not done studying so, no, no drinking tonight."
"Merlin, Granger's rubbing off his swottiness to you," the lanky Slytherin whined, shooting a glare straight ahead. Iris followed his line of vision and had momentarily forgotten that the Gryffindor actually watched the Quidditch finals.
Hermes was standing a few meters away, an uncertain look on his face. Though, Iris wasn't entirely sure what he was feeling right now because half of his face was still hidden behind the Slytherin scarf wound around his neck.
"We'll be going first," Blaise then said, despite Theo's protest. He shot her a meaningful glance and dragged Theo away.
Soon, it was only her and Hermes standing in the Quidditch Pitch. The other students had long gone inside Hogwarts and Madame Hooch already collected the balls and left.
Sunset already painted the sky and the moon was already slowly making its ascent from the horizon. The wind had gone sharp and cold, but Iris found herself unable to move.
Hermes awkwardly tightened the scarf around his neck. "Sorry, I borrowed your scarf without permission," he said, voice slightly muffled by the said cloth. "I thought it would be best if I blended in the crowd if I were to watch your game."
"You came," she sputtered out, cheeks painting red at how his eyes gleamed under the darkening sky.
"Well, I figured this game meant so much to you," he said with a half-hearted shrug. "Granted, I didn't really watch the entire game. Blimey, this book had been a page-turner." He waved the heavy Transfiguration textbook in the air with a teasing glint in his eyes. "But I did watch you catch the snitch, Iris. You were brilliant. I thought you'd topple off your broom because of that speed. Nott almost killed my arm because his grip was tight. I swear, I think even Zabini hadn't breathed for a minute there – "
"I love you."
" – but then, you finally caught the snitch and... what?"
Iris blinked, eyes soon widening as she realized her slip. Panic instantly grew at the pit of her stomach and she tried her very hardest to come up with an excuse for her sudden slip. She wasn't supposed to say that! She wasn't supposed to blurt out her feelings for Granger, even when things were starting to fall into the right places. Because Iris Malfoy wasn't supposed to love after everything she had done.
Hermes had no qualms telling her that he loved her all the time, and Iris still believed that she didn't deserve it. The Gryffindor, bless his bloody, compassionate heart, made it a point to prove to her that she deserved it, more than she ever knew, and Iris just couldn't understand.
A part of her still feared that his feelings were fleeting. A part of her still feared that one day, she'd wake up and realize that everything was just a dream, too good to be true.
"Granger... it's not..."
Words left her as her terrified eyes slowly shifted to his face. Hermes still hadn't moved, too dumbfounded by her confession. His face was still ridiculously concealed by her Slytherin scarf and she wanted to desperately, desperately see his face just to gauge his emotions.
Slowly, her eyes flickered to his honey-colored ones and she took sharp intake of breath. The warmth that seeped through, how his eyes wonderfully twinkled under the dark sky... He was beautiful and Iris...
Iris loved him very much.
She felt her eyes watering slightly at the magnitude of her emotions. What could she possibly offer to someone as amazing as him? She was broken in places, destroyed by her upbringing and the war, and Iris didn't deserve someone as pure, someone as bright and warm like him.
She wasn't entirely sure if Granger knew the vastness of what he was offering to her in return. All the Malfoy riches, all the Pureblood prestige her family name brought her, all paled in comparison to the kindness and the love Hermes was willingly giving her.
"I love you," she finally decided, taking a deep breath.
Her feet painstakingly dragged her closer to him as Hermes' opened his arms, inviting. A loud laugh escaped from his lips when he effortlessly caught her as she threw her arms around his neck.
"I love you," she earnestly repeated for the third time, or a thousandth. She entirely sure; she had said it often in her mind she already lost count.
Her glistening eyes locked with his warm, honey-colored ones as he pulled her closer. She then gingerly unwrapped the scarf around his neck, all the while not breaking his intense gaze.
Once his face was exposed, the smile he gave her was wide and blinding.
Iris beamed in return, silently berating herself that she should have told him about how she truly felt if it brought out such a radiant look on his face.
He dipped his head and she met his lips midway.
She wanted to love him, to love him so well it was suffocating and if it meant she had to work hard every day just to return even a smidge of what he was offering to her, then so be it.
So be it.
__________
"Maybe we should do it some other time, Granger."
He gave her a stern glance.
"There will be no next time, Iris, and you know it."
She softly sighed and begrudgingly admitted his words were true. Slumping, she nervously trudged behind the Gryffindor as he led her up through the different floors.
Iris silently berated herself for confessing one of her greatest fears ever since the war erupted – visiting the Astronomy Tower. Her fear of stepping foot in that room equated Hermes' irrational fear of flying. She didn't hesitate in skipping Astronomy class that year, knowing that she wouldn't be able to step foot into the said tower without breaking down.
Her berating persisted as she soon spied the Tower, mere meters away from them. She shouldn't have told Granger she wished to visit the Astronomy Tower before they graduated, just to make amends... to face her past. And perhaps, perhaps start taking the precarious steps towards finally forgiving herself.
But Hermes was right; there was no next time. Today was their graduation, after all.
Iris briefly glanced at her black robe, void of the usual Slytherin greens and looked at Hermes' own attire, identical to hers without the Gryffindor reds. It was reminiscent of their very first year in Hogwarts, how they all clambered into the Great Hall, nervous beyond reason, bearing no House and no color. It was tradition in Hogwarts how the Headmistress would strip the graduating class off from their colors with just a wave of her wand until they bore black.
After all, in the real world, Houses didn't matter at all.
Her right hand started to shake. She halted in her steps just before the threshold, and it took Hermes a minute for him to realize that Iris hadn't crossed into the cobblestone floor of the Astronomy Tower.
He silently shot a glance at her shaking hand and clutched it in his own, worry in his eyes.
"Iris..." he started, but the blonde vigorously shook her head.
"Just give me..." She swallowed down her trepidation and took a deep breath. "Just give me a minute, Hermes."
He nodded his head and resolutely held her hand, waiting until she finally took that small step.
Iris took that time to slowly gaze around the Astronomy Tower. It was empty, save from the twittering birds perched on the bannisters. Ahead, the sun was already making its steady descent down the horizon, leaving a burst of warm yellows and oranges at its wake.
When Iris blinked again, she saw herself standing across Albus Dumbledore. There was terror on her face, unimaginable horrors snaking through every corners of her body as she shakily pointed her wand at the wizened Headmaster, the Killing Curse at the tip of her tongue.
"Iris, years ago, I knew a girl who made all the wrong choices," Dumbledore had told her then. "Please, let me help you."
"I don't want your help! Don't you understand?" sixteen-year-old Iris angrily spat. Her face crumpled into a mourning mess when Dumbledore's eyes softened into unwanted pity. "I have to do this."
Iris stopped breathing when a flash of green light whizzed past her, hitting Dumbledore squarely on his chest, and prompting him to topple off the Astronomy Tower.
As she blinked again, Hermes' face swam into her vision. His face was blurry through her tears but she was able to see his concern with great clarity.
"Hey, hey," he whispered, holding both of her wet cheeks in his hands. "Maybe you were right. Maybe we should do it some other time."
She reached out to him and placed her face against his neck. "No, you were right," she shakily replied. "There is no other time."
The blonde took a deep, shuddering breath as Hermes dropped a soft kiss on her forehead.
"All right," she said with determination. "Okay, let's to this."
She tightly gripped onto his hand as she took one step across the threshold. Hermes pulled her close so that he could wrap an arm around her waist and matched her pace. His patience with her was infinite and Iris was embarrassed she had to heavily rely on him just step foot in this blasted place. But she knew there was no time for pride today. If it weren't for him, really, she wouldn't be here at all.
Amazingly, they reached the bannister. Iris placed her shaky hands on top of the stone railing and glanced around. Hogwarts was truly beautiful at this height. She remembered all the times she'd sneak out to the Astronomy Tower just to have some peace of mind, marveling at the beauty this school had to offer. She saw a herd of centaurs galloping wildly around, spears on their hands. Iris also spotted the Giant Squid, languidly doing strokes throughout the Black Lake.
"It's beautiful," she murmured, smiling slightly as she spied some of their schoolmates, numerous black dots swarming about, taking their last stroll in the Hogwarts grounds.
When Hermes didn't answer, she glanced at him in question. The brunet was a few inches behind her, eyes intently trained on the stone floor. His face was sickly green and his honey-colored eyes had terror in them.
"Come on," she cajoled with a small smirk, stretching out her hand. "I'm not the only one facing my fears today."
He frowned at her but laced his fingers through hers and deliberately took small, slow steps until he was standing beside her.
"Bloody hell," he murmured under his breath, balking at the height.
"I'm not going to make you fall, Granger," she teased, flinching a little when he tightly squeezed her hand.
"I can't help it," he mourned, shuffling a few steps back. "I always imagined myself toppling over and falling at this great height." His eyes widened in terror at her smile. "I'm not kidding, Iris. It's terrifying."
She sighed and walked closer to him. "All right, all right," she said, snaking her arms around his trembling torso to at least relay some comfort. "We can leave now, if that's what you want."
In spite of his fear, he looked down at her with a frown. "Are you okay now?" he asked with the familiar worry in his eyes.
For a brief moment, her eyes landed on her left forearm. The vile tattoo was completely covered by her black robe, but even then, she could feel it taunting her, mocking her of all the wrong choices she had done in the past. The urge to scratch it raw until it bled and bled and bled was suffocating, but Hermes' grip on her tightened.
She shifted her eyes at him and saw the worry and the light and the warmth and it was enough to cease all her dark, tumultuous thoughts.
"No," she truthfully replied, burying her face against his neck. "But... but it's a start. You don't see me breaking down now, Granger, do you?"
He weaved his hand through her hair. "You've been very brave," he whispered against her hair.
Iris smiled against his skin for her answer.
"We should really go," Hermes then said. "I promised your mother we will be back soon."
She pulled away and looked at him with glinting eyes. "Did she give you the 'talk' already?" she asked with a pretty smirk.
Hermes scowled. "I can't believe courting Pureblood witches is bloody complicated," he said with a sigh. "I'm not even a Pureblood so I don't understand why I have to adhere to such ridiculous rules."
"Are you chickening out?" she asked with a quirked eyebrow.
"What? No, of course not!" he vehemently replied, looking very much affronted.
"Just... indulge my mother," Iris said with a sigh, the corner of her lips quirking at his disgruntlement. "She'd always dreamed of marrying me off to rich, Pureblood bastards so..." When Hermes rolled his eyes, she laughed. "Don't worry; I think your Hero status in the Wizarding World trumped any Sacred Twenty-Eight."
He sighed and muttered about snooty rich Purebloods and ridiculous blood statuses under his breath. Iris smiled and held onto him tighter, secretly thinking her mother wouldn't even care if Hermes failed all the tests she would give. Narcissa made it a point to tell her that whatever she decided from here onward, as long as she was happy, then she would give her her full support. But then, of course, she also knew that Hermes was determined to pass whatever Pureblood tests he needed to do just to be with her, because Hermes Granger would be damned if this was the first test he failed in his whole life.
"We should really go," Hermes repeated, pulling himself away from Iris.
"Wait," she said as she pulled out her wand from her pocket. "I have one last thing to do."
When Hermes looked at her questioningly, she merely smiled and walked back to the bannister. "Irides," she murmured. A bunch of purple irises appeared from the tip of her wand. Iris then placed the flowers on top of the bannister, and watched as one-by-one, the wind blew them away. Iris gazed as the purple irises freely danced with the wind, bringing with them her hopes and regrets until they disappeared from her sight.
Iris took a deep breath and smiled at the open.
Somehow, someway, a part of her finally felt free.
__________
Fin