A U B R E Y
FROM: Dad
We have to talk.
Kakauwi ko lang mula sa ospital at dumaan lang ako sandali sa condo para maligo at magbihis. Maayos pa naman ang pakiramdam ko kanina bago ko binisita si Justin, kaya hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla na lang sumama ang timpla ko.
TO: Dad
I can't, Dad. Sorry.
I have to go back to the hospital.
Talk to you later.
I made sure to reply to my father's text before I went to take a shower. Gaya ko kasi ay may tendency rin siya na mag-overthink lalo na kung matagal akong mag-reply o kaya ay hindi sumasagot sa tawag.
Taking a shower usually relaxes me, but as soon as I stepped in the bathroom and the hot water hit my skin, my mind started wandering back to Justin.
When I visited him earlier and brought him lunch, he accidentally called me "baby" and tried to cover it up by fake coughing.
But I heard it. Loud and clear.
I kept replaying it in my head, and I instantly knew I was right.
Right from the start, I already had a feeling that Justin wasn't being entirely truthful about his condition. We are not characters in a Wattpad story for him to get amnesia. And according to statistics, the chances of amnesia in males is 1%.
Ano siya, gold?
I know he's pretending to have forgotten me. I know he's faking it with Pat. I know everything he's said and done the past few days is nothing but show.
I just really don't understand why.
Anong dahilan bakit nagpapanggap siya? Kung may problema, bakit hindi niya harapang sabihin sa akin? Bakit kailangan niyang maglihim? Bakit kailangan niyang magsinungaling?
Pero ang pinakamalaking tanong sa isip ko ay kung ano bang dapat kong gawin para maayos ko ang relasyon namin at bumalik na kami sa dati.
Bago lumabas ng banyo ay nahagip ng mata ko ang tatlong kulay asul na plastik na nasa cabinet sa ibabaw ng lababo. Ilang linggo na akong nakatira dito sa condo pero hindi ko pa rin nababawasan 'yong mga napkin na binili namin ni Mommy no'ng sinamahan niya akong mag-grocery para sa paglipat ko.
My brain instantly started calculating. Regular ang period ko, at never akong na-delay.
Hindi kaya . . . ?
I put on a robe before getting out of the shower, still drowning in thoughts. Nagulat naman ako nang makitang nakaupo na sa sofa ang tatay ko at mukhang kanina pa nando'n at naghihintay sa akin.
"D-Dad?" I asked in surprise. "What are you doing here?" I walked over to him and gave him a quick hug.
"We really have to talk, Aubrey," he said sternly, looking meaningfully at me.
Well, I guess I can spare some time. Hindi naman aalis si Justin sa ospital and I really haven't talked to my parents in a while. Mula kasi nang maaksidente siya ay kay Justin ko na itinuon ang lahat ng bakanteng oras ko sa tuwing wala ako sa school.
"Okay. Let me just put something on," I said, before heading into my room to put on some clothes.
When I got back to the living room, my dad was still where I left him. He still has the same unreadable expression on his face which already gave me a hint that he's not here to deliver good news.
"What is it about, Dad?" I asked as I sat down next to him.
It took him exactly ten seconds before he spoke—as if he couldn't easily come up with the right words to say, "Are you and Justin still together?" he asked carefully.
"Y-Yes." I swallowed nervously. "Why?"
"I visited him earlier at the hospital at iba ang nakita ko," he declared.
I stiffened for a second. He didn't have to tell me, I think I already know what he's going to say next. Justin is a terrible liar. Perhaps, my dad already saw through his pretenses.
"Dad . . . he . . . he is just going through something," I said, trying to cover up for Justin. "Nagkasalisi lang tayo. Nasa ospital din ako kanina. Justin and I are doing great—"
"So, how are you going to explain the fact that he kissed Pat right in front of me?" my dad asked, looking at me with pity in his eyes.
"W-What do you mean?" I asked, even as lips began to tremble.
I don't understand.
Justin kissed Pat?
Akala ko ay nakakahalata lang si Dad sa pagpapanggap ni Justin. Ibang balita pala ang hatid niya sa akin.
"First, he called her 'hon', and then he asked for a kiss before she left. Which she willingly gave, by the way," my dad said. "I love Pat like my own. I have nothing against her. But do you really know what you're getting into, Aubrey?" he asked.
My heart clenched. For a moment, I almost forgot how to breathe.
So, they kissed.
Karma really does have a way of coming back around, huh?
"Justin has amnesia, Dad. He doesn't remember everything. Ang naaalala niya na girlfriend niya ay si Pat pa rin. She is just riding along until he recovers and regains his memory. I'm sure that kiss meant nothing," I lied, trying to sound as convincing as possible.
But I know my father is an intelligent man. He didn't believe a word that came out of my mouth.
"Do you really think you can lie to me, Aubrey?" he asked, eyeing me with undeniable disappointment etched across his face. "You're smarter than that. Wake up! We both know the guy doesn't have amnesia. He's either playing with you, or he's done with you."
I felt my hands begin to shake. "But I love him, Dad. I can't live without him," I said, sounding desperate and pathetic even in my own ears.
He didn't answer. He just looked around the condo with his arms crossed and his lips pursed. "Do you know I placed CCTVs here?" he asked me, completely changing the topic.
"What?" I asked, not sure if I heard him right.
"Cameras, Aubrey. The smallest ones available. I wanted to make sure you're safe because you'll be living here alone," he explained. "I forgot to tell you about them because I honestly forgot about them, too," he said as he stood up.
He walked around the living room and showed me where the cameras were. There were eight in total, spread across the living room and the kitchen. I felt tears rush to my eyes, not because of sadness, but because of anger.
I was at a loss for words.
I felt violated.
Why didn't he tell me he installed cameras?
Was it his intention to spy on me? Because that is just disrespectful and insane! I can't believe my own father would do this!
"Walang CCTV sa kuwarto at CR mo. Of course, you still need privacy," my dad was quick to clarify. "At hindi rin ako ang nagbabantay sa mga CCTV footages. Your mom and I both have jobs, so I hired someone else to do it. I just really wanted to make sure that you're safe. That was my top priority."
And I knew, even when he didn't tell me, that he already knows that something happened between me and Justin.
"You are my daughter, and I love you with all my heart. I understand that this is part of adulthood and it's bound to happen sometime, but that guy clearly took advantage of you and your feelings for him."
I wanted to tell my dad that I was actually the one who initiated everything. From that day in La Union, to the first time we actually had sex. It was all me. Justin never forced me. But somehow, the words got stuck in my throat as I tried to let them out.
"Remember the day I dropped by here and you were still taking a shower?" he asked.
Of course, I remember, so I just nodded sheepishly at him.
Bagong ligo ako no'n at kalalabas ko lang sa shower nang maabutan ko sila. Magkatabi sila ni Justin sa sofa at mukhang kakatapos lang mag-usap. Akala ko noon ay napaniwala namin siya na bumisita lang si Justin sa akin. I was obviously mistaken.
"That day, when I realized you were living together behind our backs, I was so overcome with emotion, I asked Justin to pack his bags and get himself as far away from you as possible. Or else, I will have him arrested for trespassing," my dad confessed.
Anong nangyayari? Bakit parang sobrang dami kong hindi alam? Bakit walang sinabi sa akin si Justin tungkol sa naging pag-uusap nilang dalawa?
"But I realized a few hours later that I wanted to give him a chance. You love the guy, so you must have seen something good in him. I wanted to know what that was, and I wanted to find out what he would do to prove himself deserving of you. So, I asked help from a good friend who works in Dawson to follow him at school. I wanted to see for myself if Justin was really trustworthy. "
My dad pulled a small envelope from his bag and handed it to me. "These are the photos he took of Justin. I didn't think of them badly at first. I tried to keep an open mind. But what I witnessed today at the hospital just proved that he really has something else going on with Pat, while you're still left in the dark. And as your father, hindi ko naman mapapalagpas 'yon."
When I opened the envelope, it contained a lot of polaroid photos. Most of them were of Justin and Pat—together—in a coffee shop, in the library, in the field, in the cafeteria, outside campus, in the parking lot. He even took her home before he got into the accident.
I checked the timestamps, and they were all taken on the same date. They were together the entire day, having fun. Samantalang ako, magdamag na naghihintay no'n sa kaniya sa condo.
I remember that night. 5 p.m. ang tapos ng last class niya pero halos 9 p.m. na ay wala pa siya. Iyon pala, sinamahan niya pa si Pat, at 'don pa sila nakaupo sa bench kung saan niya 'ko hinalikan noong School Fair nila.
Saka ko lang napagdugtong-dugtong lahat.
Kung bakit pinili niyang sa Dawson mag-aral no'ng nawalan siya ng scholarship sa Patterson.
Kung bakit ayaw niyang may mangyari sa amin.
Kung bakit 'nadulas' siya kanina at tinawag ako na baby.
Kung bakit hinalikan niya si Pat sa harap pa mismo ng daddy ko.
He did all of it because he wanted me to know na ayaw niya na sa akin at si Pat na talaga ulit. Si Pat naman talaga, at kahit kailan ay hindi naging ako.
Akala ko mahal niya 'ko. Akala ko totoo lahat ng sinabi niya sa akin. Na seryoso siya sa akin at kami na talaga. Hindi pala.
I cried in my dad's arms, realizing how stupid I was for letting Justin take over my life. I gave myself to him, I lived with him, and now I'm holding on to him kahit harap-harapan na niya 'kong niloloko.
I felt my dad wrap his arms tightly around me as wet, hot tears gushed down my face. "You are our only child and we prayed for you for so long. You will always be our baby, Aubrey, and it hurts me that you are still looking for validation from other people," my dad whispered, running his hand through my hair. "You can live without Justin. You are a strong woman. We raised you that way. You will get through this; your mom and I are here for you. Whatever you need, just let us know."
I cried even harder. I have the most supportive parents. Never silang nagkulang sa akin. Lahat ng kailangan at gusto ko, they always made sure na mabigay nila. But I don't think they can give me what I need right now.
"I think I'm pregnant, Dad," I thought, as I felt everything in me collapse and shatter.