Shawn woke up and checked the time on his phone. It was hard to tell morning from night when the windows were covered in snow. It was only six am, and the room was getting chilly. He looked down at Camila, curled up on his chest. He had dreamed of this, but look where it had got him. He had been a mess before he came here, but in the past weeks he had worked hard at becoming strong again and the most important part of that had been accepting that he and Camila were over. He slid from beneath her so she wouldn't wake, and threw another piece of wood on the fire. He had been stupid last night, asking her to sleep with him. It was lucky that nothing had happened.
He had enjoyed the past few days and the resurgence of their friendship, but he had not been oblivious to the undercurrent that had been slowly growing. When he had come across the crazy guy, all he could think of was protecting Camila. He would have killed the man rather than let him get anywhere near her. He knew in that moment that he would literally die for her. The depth of his feelings for her terrified him. He couldn't give in to them, because if he did, he would be back to how he was that night at the O2, or worse. And he didn't even want to imagine what worse was. The lyrics to his own song were trapped in his head.
Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing
I'm overwhelmed and insecure, give me something
I could take to ease my mind slowly
Just have a drink and you'll feel better
Just take her home and you'll feel better
Keep telling me that it gets better
Does it ever?
He couldn't go back to that. To the drinking, the women, the meltdowns. And that's what would happen, because if they gave in again like they did a year ago in his apartment, it would end the same. It would end with her walking out the door, and he would be a mess. She was engaged, she was getting married in a couple of weeks. And once that was done he could actually move on. Maybe find himself a girl who didn't turn him inside out. One who made him feel calm and comfortable.
Wow, Shawn, that sounds appealing.
He poked the fire, watching the little sparks rise and disappear up the chimney, swallowed by the smoke. He tried not to think about what he had seen in the village. It wasn't his place to tell her. So you would just let her marry the douche when you know he's cheating on her? Good one Mendes. How are you going to live with that? He sighed. He was going around in circles again. The little voice was there, as it had been all week, telling him that he just had to show her the photo on his phone of her fiancé kissing someone else and her wedding would be off and he and her.....but that was the thing wasn't it? What were he and her? He stood, stretching out his knees and back. Why did he waste his time trying to guess, it just gave him a headache. He wasn't going to let anything happen, and that was final. Hopefully the thaw would come sooner than expected, because it was going to be a fucking nightmare trying to stay away from her.
When she woke up, the bed was empty, and she felt her stomach drop in disappointment. She had dreamed of him in the night, and she was sort of hoping she might be able to convince him to help her turn some of those dreams into reality. She sighed and stretched. I wonder how long this white out is going to go on? It could be over tomorrow for all they knew. She shouldn't wait before enacting her plan, whatever that was. She knew she could seduce him, but it wasn't just the sex that she wanted, she wanted all of him, she needed to convince him that they could make it this time. And while she was at it, she needed to convince herself. She could hear him downstairs, so she went back up to her room and showered and dressed. Before going down to the kitchen she stared out the thick paned window. Even this high, she could see nothing. The wind was up this morning, and the window edges rattled as it tried to break in, sending tiny fingers through crevices to whistle and moan. She at least had today and probably tomorrow by the sound of things.
She looked at herself in the vintage dressing table mirror. She was over wearing baggy sweatshirts and too-big drawstring pants. She wore her own tight jeans today, and a man's shirt she found in the laundry, probably Shawn's, that she tied at the waist. She had washed her hair in the shower and now she blew it out with the hairdryer she found there. Using the little make-up bag she kept in her purse, she added lip gloss, eyeliner and mascara, and then slid in her big hoop earrings, finishing with a spritz of her favourite perfume. That was better. She felt like she had just put on armour, like a warrior going into battle. And really, that was what it was because she did not underestimate the war she had ahead of her. She had done a number on him last year, and she was going to have to use every weapon in her arsenal to convince him to give her a second chance.
Her mind was on Shawn, as it had been all morning, and it wasn't until she reached the door to the atrium that the events of the night before came rushing back. It was like she had blocked them out, as if it were an episode of a show she occasionally watched. She didn't know the man who had died, she had only seen him alive for mere minutes, he was the guest star, the bit player, the extra. When the blizzard ended, and their phone reception returned, they would have to call the authorities and have the body removed. They were going to have to explain what happened. She found Shawn sitting at the kitchen table in his gym clothes, drinking coffee. That meant he'd already worked out. She was a bit surprised, their routine had been to do their exercise together after breakfast, she with her yoga and he using the machines or weights.
He stood up when she walked in and took his coffee cup to the sink, rinsing it out and leaving it to drain.
"Good morning," she said. He barely looked at her.
"Morning."
"You ready for breakfast?"
Cue for a joke about her atrocious cooking skills.
Nothing.
"I've already eaten," he said. "But I defrosted some more bread, if you want to make toast. I'm off to have my shower."
He bounded up the stairs, seemingly unable to get away from her fast enough.
She stared after him. Was he embarrassed about what had happened last night? He had no need to be, it had been intense and frightening.
She made toast and a cup of coffee and sat down at the table, alone. The wind was even worse now, howling outside, rattling all the windows and doors. Hagrid whined as he came to her for a pat. She ruffled his big head and leaned down to hug him.
"What have I done now, boy? This is going to be a lot harder than I thought."
If it wasn't that he'd probably end up with frostbite, Shawn would have had a cold shower. Camila looked so damn hot this morning. Why had she decided to dress like that this morning of all mornings, when he was so determined not to let anything happen between them? If he hadn't already done his workout, he would have let off steam in the gym, but making music was the next best thing, so he planned to spend the day in the studio. He went back to the kitchen and thankfully she wasn't there, so he made a cup of coffee and took it down to the studio with him. He glanced down toward the gym where she was probably stretching in those leggings that hid nothing, but as he headed down the walkway he could hear her voice. She was in the studio. He stopped, wondering what his next move was, but he could only hear the distant trill of her voice over the howling wind and he needed to hear it better, so he crept forward.
He listened to her singing a capella, one of the songs off her first album. He knew it well.
Your hair's grown a little longer
Your arms look a little stronger
Your eyes just as I remember
Your smile's just a little softer
And I, and I never prepared for a moment like that
Yeah, in a second it came all back, it all came back
'Cause after all these years
I still feel everything when you are near
It was about him, he knew it, and it hurt to hear her sing it. What was she trying to tell him? He pushed his hand through his hair. It wasn't even lunchtime. He hadn't even lasted half a day and he wanted to give in to her. He turned and walked back up the hallway and as he did so everything went black. And silent. The generator had just died. He heard a small scream and then Camila came running out, her phone flashlight on.
"Shawn, what's going on?" The storm was in full flight now, it was like night outside, there was no light at all except for the solid white of the snow.
"Come on, let's get away from all these windows." He said, grabbing her hand. Hagrid followed them and they entered the main farmhouse. The fireplace in the kitchen was emitting a warm light.
"You stay here, I'm going to go check the generator."
"What do you know about generators?"
"Only what I learned from Maggie's crash course before she left," he said. "Just wait here, OK?"
"No, I'm coming with you," she said stubbornly. "To hold the flashlight."
He sighed. There was no arguing with her when she was like this. "OK, come on then."
"Should we check Maggie's bible first?" she asked. He wanted to say no, he knew what to do, but it was smart idea so he opened it at the section on the generator.
"There are three things it could be," he said. "Fuel, which I know it's not because I checked that this morning, the circuit breaker, or a blown fuse."
"OK, does she say what to do?" Camila had come right up behind him and was peering over his shoulder. You are way too close, he thought, his heart beating hard. He moved to the side, to get away from her, closing the book.
"Let's just hope it's the circuit breaker, because the instructions for the fuse sound like an episode of MacGyver."
She walked so close behind him toward the barn that he was almost falling over. With a sigh, he reached back and grabbed her hand. At least that way they could keep together. He pulled open the big door to the barn, feeling a wave of fear. What if there was someone else in there? What if he wasn't really dead? Or what if he WAS dead but he'd come back to get them? Seriously Shawn, you watch too many movies.
The darkness was thick and total inside the barn, but he knew the way to the generator and using the phone flashlights they made their way in that direction. Shawn was thankful he had cleaned up the blood this morning when he checked the fuel for the generator, he didn't know how Camila would have dealt with that. He found the board on the wall that held the circuit breaker and with a sigh of relief, he saw it was off. He flicked it, and the lighting came back on although it was just a soft glow that mimicked night time for the chickens. There was a sudden bang and the room was dark again, apart from the night lights. It was just the door slamming shut in the wind.
"Come on, let's get back inside," he said. She took his hand again and he didn't protest as they walked back to the door. Shawn pulled at the handle, and it didn't budge. He was strong, it just needed a bit of beef, he thought. He pulled harder and Camila put her hand on his arm.
"Shawn, look at the door."
She pointed the flashlight at the handle. The electronic lock for the barn was on the house side, not in the barn itself, along with the keypad that operated the lighting and heating. When he had flicked the breaker, the timer had reset incorrectly, so there was heat in here, and the soft red light because the timer thought it was night. This is how it would have been when their intruder had entered the night before. He would not have been able to get into the house. So he had looked around and found the axe, and then he had hacked at the door handle. They had unlocked the door when they had entered, but the wind had slammed it shut and the electronic lock had activated on the other side. That alone was not a problem, because Shawn already knew from Maggie's book, and she had pointed it out to him on her tour, there was a keypad that allowed them to re-enter from the barn side. He remembered the number, it was the number of the house itself, but in his attempt to enter the house the man had smashed it.
There was no way out.
***Two more chapters will drop tomorrow! Because you all deserve it for the wonderful support. Keep up with the comments, I love hearing what you think as you read it! Thank you so much MWAH!!!***