Lia
He's right.
I never realized it, but he is.
I've killed people before, with no remorse. I beat people up without any guilt, leaving them broken or even incapacitated.
I don't need to do that, I have enough money to live comfortably, but I still fight. I hurt people.
Whenever something happens, my first reaction is aggression. When Victoria bothered me, I hit her. When Declan hurt Blake, I almost killed him. I even tortured my step-mother to death.
I'm a monster.
And one day Blake will see it too.
"Kitten, please, talk to me. Don't listen to that fucker, he's just trying to hurt you." I hear Blake's frantic voice as he crouches in front of me. I slid down the wall a while ago, wrapping my arms around myself, curling into a small ball on the floor.
"He's right. He's right. He's right." I keep mumbling like a broken record, only half aware of my surroundings.
"No! He's not!"
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" I cry out, hiding my face in my knees, not daring to look at Blake. I'm afraid of what I'm going to find in his eyes. Surely he's disgusted by me. Surely he can see that Declan's words are nothing but truth.
I catch some other voices around me, no doubt belonging to Blake's friends, as they call out to me in concern. That's when I realize I'm hyperventilating.
My breathing gets heavy and labored, and I struggle to stay conscious. Everything starts to fade out as black spots block my vision and dull noise fills my ears.
"Shit, Lia! Breathe!" A pair of familiar arms engulfs me, pulling my trembling body to a hard chest that smells like... home. Blake is my home. He's my safe haven. He's my everything.
And I don't deserve him.
But even though I know that, his embrace still comforts me. His familiar scent surrounds me, helping ease the tension in my muscles as my lungs finally start working again.
"That's it, kitten, breathe. I'm right here, you're okay." Blake soothes, stroking my hair comfortingly, whispering sweet nothings into my ear.
"I'm so sorry!" I sob, hating how he always has to take care of me. I was supposed to be strong, but I feel so weak right now that I can't even raise my head to look at the guys around me.
"What are you sorry for, baby? You did nothing wrong."
"I'm a monster." I cry out, burying my face further into Blake's chest, not even caring that we have an audience.
Blake tenses slightly for a moment then sighs heavily, as if finally realizing the impact Declan words have on me. He's going to leave me now. He sees what I am. A beast.
"Are you for real now? Kitten, what the hell are you talking about?!"
I'm still crying when I pull away from his arms. "He's right! I'm a killing machine! I'm a monster!"
"Stop it! – he yells at me furiously – He's not right! It's not true! Why are you letting him get to you?! You're not a monster, you're my sweet kitten. Just because you have claws doesn't make you a bad person." I can't help but laugh at his ridiculousness. Claws, really?
"Blake, please. You have to see it too. I killed people! With no remorse! And I don't even feel guilty about it! What kind of person takes lives and feels nothing about it?!"
I don't even care that Blake's friends are still watching us or that I just openly admitted to killing people. They deserve to know what kind of freak I am.
Blake, however, doesn't seem to appreciate my words. He takes my head in his hands, not minding his bloodied knuckles, forcing me to look him in the eyes. "Lia, for fuck's sake, stop it. I don't want to listen to this bullshit, so knock it off before I fucking lose it. I know you, I know who you are, I know what you've done, I know what you're capable of, but have you ever seen me look at you differently? No! You know why? Because I love you. I fucking love you. No matter what you do, I'll still love you." He says sternly, staring at me with soft loving look.
I only gaze at him in stunned silence for the longest while before throwing myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck as I cry into his shoulder. What did I ever do to deserve such man? I'll never be able to get over how much he loves me.
"My poor kitten. – he sighs sadly, stroking my hair – It's okay. Everything's okay. Just let it all out." He soothes, kissing my head lovingly as I pour my heart out.
I catch the sight of David, Simon and James watching us from afar with concerned expressions. I avert my gaze, slightly ashamed that I just broke down in front of them over something that Declan said. I've never thought I would get shaken up by him. This really took me off guard.
I stay wrapped in Blake's protective embrace as he sits cross-legged on the floor with me wrapped around him like a monkey, clinging to him in pure desperation. I don't want to leave his arms, ever.
"Feeling better, kitten?" Blake softly asks after what feels like hours, but was probably minutes.
I only hum in response, not trusting my voice to not break. My amazing man seems to understand I'm not ready to talk and just keeps me in his lap with his arms wrapped tightly around my body. We don't care we're in the fucking hallway, we don't care that the guys are still there, we don't care that an unconscious and beaten up Declan is lying few feet away, we don't care that literally anyone can stumble upon us. We just stay in each other's embrace, lost in our little world.
"I love you so much, kitten. – Blake quietly murmurs into my ear after a while, kissing my head – And I'll always love you, no matter what."
"I love you too." I croak, my throat tightening in emotion. I'm still holding onto him with all my might, not wanting to let him go. I have this fear that if I let him go, I'll never get him back.
"Do you want to go home?" He asks softly, rubbing my back.
"Mhm." I nod against him shoulder but make no move to get off his lap.
Blake gets my unspoken wish and gets up with me still wrapped around him. He struggles for a moment, cause it's not exactly easy to move with me glued to him, but he doesn't release me even for a moment. Then he carries me away, asking the guys to get his bag, since his arms are occupied. I don't remove my face from Blake's shoulder, just hiding away from everyone. I don't have the strength to see anyone right now. I don't want to see anyone. I just want to stay in Blake's embrace forever.
I tighten my legs around Blake's waist and my arms around his neck as he walks to his car, fearing the moment I'll eventually have to let him go, while the guys trudge silently behind us. They haven't really said anything, but they stayed with us through the whole thing. Just the fact that they haven't left us alone means a lot. It shows that they care and it's really heartwarming.
But I know they heard me earlier when I admitted that I've killed people before. I know I can trust them not to reveal that fact to anyone, but they're still gonna have questions. No one in their right mind can ignore hearing their friend saying she's killed someone.
And I'm not sure if I want to talk to them about that. They might've accepted my alter ego, my scars, my fighting and the fact that I hang out with outlaws, but I have no idea how would they take in the fact that that I'm a killer. Not many people can look past that.
Blake gently puts me in the car, buckling me in, and I hate to part with him. Thankfully it's not for long, cause he quickly rounds the car and gets in from the driver's side, saying a quick 'bye' to the guys before he drives away.
I don't say anything the whole way home, not really knowing what to say after throwing a fit like that out of nowhere. Blake also seems to understand that I need a moment of peace, but I can tell he's still concerned about what happened earlier. I really freaked him out.
We reach our apartment sooner than expected, thanks to the little traffic on our way. Blake quickly parks the car in our spot then we get out, heading to the elevator. I apprehensively wrap my arms around his waist, snuggling into his side. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't want me to touch him now. But he doesn't push me away, instead placing his arm around my shoulders and keeping me pressed against his side.
Just like every other time we come back home after Blake's practice, we meet our nosy neighbor from the floor below ours. She greets us cheerfully and I hide my flushed and blotchy face into Blake's shirt, not wanting her to see me. She'd ask questions I don't really want to answer. And it's not like she would give up if we ignored her.
When the annoying woman asks what's wrong with me, I almost snap. Shit! I really have anger issues! I realize with horror. The older woman barely asks the wrong question and I'm ready to blow up.
Blake only tells her that I'm not feeling well, trying to get her off my back. He doesn't like it when people pry into other people's business. We appreciate our peace and we don't like having people prying into our life.
Our neighbor leaves the elevator when we reach her floor, wishing us a good day with a happy grin, not at all bothered by our lack of response. Whenever we meet her, she just keeps talking about herself or questions us about our day, our plans and whatnot.
As soon as we enter our apartment, I head to the couch and curl up on it, hugging my favorite cushion as I stare into nothing.
Blake gives me the space I need, knowing I need a moment to think.
I go over what happened in the last weeks, trying to come up with a reason for my abnormal behavior. I have never had so many breakdowns as I have lately. It's not normal. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
Those constant mood swings are freaking me out.
Suddenly the most terrifying idea strikes me.
With my heart in my throat I rush to the bathroom, rummaging through the medicine cabinet in search of the one thing that can verify if I'm crazy or not.