They walked hand in hand to the common room and immediately saw that both TVs were free to use. They took a seat on the sofa in front of one and Alex picked up the tv remote. "What do you like to watch?" He asked, "uhm I was watching money heist on Netflix but other than that Disney stuff, chic flicks and stuff" perrie said quietly. Alex scrolled through the tv channels and saw that one channel had tangled playing, "what about tangled, it's already started but I assume you've seen it before? Also Ive been watching money heist as well" he said, "yeh, tangled is perfect" she smiled, Alex flicked over to the channel that was playing tangled and placed the remote to the side. Perrie tucked her legs up to the side of her onto the sofa and leant back a little, she was still holding Alex's hand and quickly found comfort from him drawing small circles on her hand once again.
They sat through the rest of the film, perrie getting slightly closer to alex every so often, but neither of them being bothered by this. When the film finished alex looked towards perrie to see her eyes fluttering, "come on, let's go back and get your pretty little head on that pillow" he whispered, perrie nodded as they both stood up. "Did you enjoy the film?" He asked, "yeah, it's one of my favourites, thank you. I enjoyed that" perrie smiled, "no problem, I quite enjoyed it too" alex replied. Perrie was yawning every minute or two on their way back to her room so when they eventually got there she was relieved to finally be able to chill, she picked up her pyjamas along with the hoodie and joggers that Alex had left for her and walked toward the bathroom, "I'm just going to get changed in there" she said softly, Alex nodded and took a seat at the table in her room. He loved the sound of her voice, he was finding perrie more and more captivating as the days went by and he knew he'd miss her company on his day off but he couldn't show it too much because it was his duty to help perrie feel better not to get attached to her.
A couple of minutes later perrie walked out of the bathroom and took her tablets from the bedside table along with a sip of water, "you want the biscuit?" Alex asked, she nodded and picked it up. It was the first biscuit she'd finished and Alex was happy to see her finally enjoy eating it. "How long is it till lights out? I'm really tired" Perrie asked yawning again, "literally about 10 minutes, you can get into bed now if you want, I'll stay until you're asleep" alex suggested. Perrie nodded and got into bed, once again alex pulled his chair up next to the bed and held her hand. "I'm so tired I'll probably be out like a light in a few minutes so just in case I forget to say it, goodnight" perrie smiled a little. "Goodnight perrie, sleep well" alex smiled back, and just as she said after a few more minutes she was fast asleep.
Alex went back to his dorm room and got into his own bed hoping for an early ish night. He picked up his phone to see a few texts from his friends,
J: hey al, Don't really know why I'm texting you but hope everything went alright with perrie meeting G x
A: hi jade, yeah everything went well thanks but stop texting, you need to enjoy your time off haha, see you soon x
G: hope the rest of the day went ok with perrie, she seemed to cope well with meeting me x
A: it's been a really good day so far, I think tonight may be a little different since she's so tired but oh well. she said it was a little overwhelming but very nice to meet you, so thanks because I don't know what I'd be doing without you on my day off!
G: aw bless, she seems lovely. Have you told her yet? x
A: no, I'm going to tell her tomorrow then she's got Saturday and Sunday to process and sort of get herself ready to be looked after by someone else
G: how about I spend some time with either just her or you and her tomorrow and then at least she'll be a bit more used to me before you go off x
A: yeah that'd be great, maybe both of us tomorrow and then for a little while on Saturday just you two?
G: sounds good. I hope she has an alright night and you get a good sleep, see you tomorrow x
A: see you tomorrow g'night x
It wasn't long before alex was asleep himself, he did however make sure to set his alarm to beep if perrie was to press the blue button since he wouldn't see the light if he was asleep.
It was around 6:00am when the alarm started to beep, Alex sat up in bed and looked around in confusion before also seeing the blue light flashing. He quickly threw some joggers and a t-shirt on before running out the dorm towards perries room. He was worried she'd been pressing the button for a while and he may have taken ages to wake up so made a mental note to check that wasn't the case.
When he got there he entered the room without knocking knowing perrie probably wouldn't be in a state to answer. He found her sat up on the bed with the blankets wrapped around her tightly hugging her pillow in tears. "Hey, you're alright perrie. Shhh" he said softly as he took a seat next to her and placed his hand on her back, "you've not been awake long have you?" He asked, perrie shook her head, "about fifteen m-minutes but I-I". Alex noticed her struggling to breath and getting extremely worked up whilst trying to talk, "it's okay you don't have to talk just yet. Try to take deep breaths, maybe untuck you're legs give yourself a bit more breathing space" he suggested. "I can't- I, Alex I can't breathe" she gasped, "yes you can perrie, look hold my hand. Now one breath in, one, two, three four. And then out, one, two, three, four" alex said slowly, perrie followed along and they repeated this a number of times until she was breathing at a much more normal pace. "See you can do it. Well done" alex smiled a little. Perrie lifted her arm and began drying her tears, "I'm sorry" she said quietly. "What've I told you, don't ever be sorry about how you feel. I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner, you've done amazing though, look how well you've just coped" alex explained. "Were you waiting long for me?" He added, perrie shook her head, "no, only a few minutes. I'd been awake about fifteen but just couldn't calm myself down so I pressed the button" she sighed, "hey that was the right thing to do. You don't have to do things alone, if you need some help to calm down then you need some help, it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's actually amazing that you feel you can reach out for help when you need it. It just goes to show how strong you are" alex said.
"Did you want to go back to sleep or would you rather just chill for a while before breakfast?" He asked. "Just chill, I can't go back to sleep now" she said still sniffing a little, "did you sleep well up until then?" Alex asked, "yeah, not bad and then I just had the dream again" perrie sighed, "exactly the same?" Alex questioned, "yeah pretty much". "What was different?" He asked, "uhm, it just carries on to when I was at the hospital and everyone finding out about mam. Just everyone shouting at me and saying it's my fault" perrie mumbled, "do you hear the actual words they said or just blues of them and ones that resemble what happened?". "the actual words, every single one of them" she sighed with tears in her eyes again, Alex put his arm around her. "You don't have to talk about it right now if you don't want", perrie shook her head, "no i do, it helps" she stuttered, "okay, just take your time Yeh" Alex said. "my dad was the worst, and it just hurt".
"it's sad because I didn't even think he loved my mam that much anymore, but what he said showed something different"
"I think when you've loved someone they'll always have a special place in your heart whether you always feel that love for them or not" alex said softly, "your dad would've loved your mum at some point, she was special to him in one way or another but that doesn't create an excuse for him to blame you".
"He was so angry with me"
A few more tears fell from perries eyes.
"He said that if it wasn't for me and my stupid passion for singing she'd still be here"
She took a few deep breaths.
"Said that life was easier before I was born. And that he didn't know why my mam loved me so much"
By this point perrie was crying uncontrollably again.
"hey, take a break. You take as long as you need to talk. Don't force it out, this is your story and you tell it in a way that works for you" alex said calmly. He rubbed his hand softly on perries shoulder in attempt to calm her a little.
"No one gets it, no one understands what it's like to see the man you've looked up to your whole life. That you've adored and attached yourself to just completely antagonise you and tear you down. It's like a flicked a switch and his attitudes changed. It hurts, to see someone who's been such a big part of your life just disown you like that" perrie explained after she'd calmed down a little. "I've not spoken to him since. Well I've tried, but he won't talk" she added. "Do you still want to talk to him?" Alex asked, "not really, I don't want to be made to feel like that again". "I understand, I don't think it's healthy for your dad to be making you feel like that. But at least now you've said that it's you making the decision. You're in control perrie. You've decided not to talk to him anymore and that's a positive decision that will benefit yourself. It's not happened on his terms anymore" alex said, he really wanted to turn this into a more positive view for perrie, he wanted her to see that her choosing to not talk to her dad was a step forward in helping herself feel better because she was stopping something that she knew would upset her from happening.
"Yeah I guess. It still hurts though. It just felt like I lost two parents on the same day" perrie sighed. "And pretty much everyone else in the family except Jonnie and Caitlin".
They sat for a while after that, Alex was trying to allow perrie to have some cool down time, she'd shared a lot of feelings for it being early in the morning. He'd got himself and perrie some breakfast and taken it back to her room where they both ate together. Perrie didn't finish it all but Alex was satisfied with the amount she had eaten after what had been a pretty rough morning.
Once perrie was dressed she sat back at the table with Alex. "How are you feeling now?" Alex asked, "okay" perrie said quietly. "okay okay, or a little okay? Because I need to tell you something but it can wait until later in the day if you're only just ok" he said. "I'm ok. Better than before anyway" perrie said, "right. Well I'm not going to beat around the bush I'm just going to tell you because everything's going to be fine", Alex took a breath in, he didn't know how perrie was going to react but he couldn't stop the fact that he was going to have to have a day off at some point. "On Monday I have a day off, so I obviously can't be here with you", perrie nodded looking towards the floor a little. "I thought maybe Georgie could take over my role for the day. Since you've met her already it would mean you don't have to meet someone new again, and I'd make sure she knew everything she needed to know so it would be almost exactly the same as having me here" alex explained. "If we maybe spend some time with Georgie this morning so you can get to know her a bit more it might make the situation a bit easier to cope with" he added. "Are you off every Monday?" Perrie asked, "yeah pretty much, every Monday and every other Sunday. I also don't usually stay here at night, I go home before lights out but whilst you've been getting used to the place and having a few restless nights I felt much better knowing I could be here for you" alex answered. Perrie nodded again her eyes not really leaving the floor, "I know it's hard knowing that it's going to be something different but I'm here now until Sunday evening, we can make sure that Monday is going to go smoothly. We can plan the day out if you'd like, you're in control of what you do on that day and I'll make sure Georgie knows the plan and exactly what to do" alex said taking hold of perries hand. "You'll be back on Monday night? Or tuesday?" Perrie asked. "First thing Tuesday morning, I'll be here in time for you to have breakfast around 7:30 or 8:00" alex smiled. Perrie nodded. "I know it's a lot to process and I'm sorry. I promise I'll try my best to make sure your day is as normal as possible" alex sighed. He could tell perrie was getting anxious just thinking about having to spend two nights and a full day under the watch of someone else, and to be completely honest he felt awful about it. Obviously he needed his day off, but he didn't want to let perrie down in any way, he also wanted to spend his time with her.
"I'll go and get Georgie and we can spend some time together this morning and then maybe this afternoon we could go outside or go to the common room and watch some tv" alex said. "Yeh, I'd like that" perrie smiled a little. "Right I won't be long" he smiled before leaving the room. He went over to the staff common room and saw Georgie just about to sit down. "Hey G, before you sit down, can you come to perries room with me. We decided that if the three of us spend some time together this morning it'll work better for today" alex asked, "yeah this morning works fine for me too, don't you usually go outside or for a walk in the mornings though?" Georgie said walking beside alex on the way out of the room. "Yeah, Perrie had a bit of a rough morning, she woke up after having an extended version of the same dream. I thought after how upset she was that it would be better to give her some time to calm down fully instead of going outside because there's a lot of stuff out there that reminds her of her family and stuff" alex explained. "Ah no, have you told her that you're off on Monday?".
"Yeh only just, she seems ok. I can tell she's anxious about the situation though" alex said. "That's understandable. I guess I can talk to her a bit and hopefully ease the anxiety that comes with the change" Georgie replied.
Once they got to perries room alex opened the door and they both went in, perrie was still sat at the table, Alex took a seat on the edge of the bed again and Georgie on the other chair. "Morning perrie!" Georgie smiled, "hi". "Have you done anymore drawing?". Perrie shook her head. "Alex mentioned that I'll be in charge of making sure you have a good day on Monday! Is that alright with you?" Georgie asked perrie, she wanted to make sure she was as comfortable with the situation as possible. "Yeh" perrie said quietly, "well if you make a list of things you'd want to do I'll happily try and fit them into the day" Georgie said, perrie nodded. "We spoke about that before, we said we'll make a plan for the day and then you can follow it" alex smiled. "Perfect. Obviously I'll try and make it as much of a normal day as possible for you perrie". "Thank you" perrie said softly. "If there's anything you want me to know specifically you can tell me anytime you want, anything you think I'd need to know that could help me to help you in any way" Georgie said. Perrie nodded and sat back thinking for a few minutes, no one said anything because both Georgie and Alex knew that perrie would eventually say something however they both noticed the tears in her eyes again. Alex held out his hand which perrie gladly held for comfort, "go on, we promise anything you say right now stays between us three and no one else will here of any of it" he said calmly. Perrie took a deep breath and nodded. "Just that I find it hard to really trust people, and I don't want you to think I'm being rude Georgie". "Oh no, not at all! I completely get it. You don't have to worry about me anyway. Anything else?" Georgie said. "Uhm. A lot of things remind me of my mam and the rest of my family which can be a bit overwhelming for me" perrie said quietly. "That's ok, that's normal. At least now I know and I can do my very best to make sure you'll be absolutely fine in my company on Monday" Georgie smiled. "I'll have to go now, I might see you tomorrow perrie, bye" she added as she stood up. "Bye" perrie said. Alex also waved as Georgie shut the door behind her.
"I promise you're doing amazing" alex said reassuringly as he felt perries hand start to shake a little in his as she began crying. "I don't want you to go" she cried being her hands up to cover her face. Alex felt his heart hurt hearing those words, he really didn't want to let her down but he felt like that was what was happening. "Come sit on here with me" he said calmly taking her hand again, she sat next to him on the bed, both their backs against the wall. Alex put his arm around perrie and held her hand, "I'm not going forever, I'll be back in no time at all". "I bet you won't even notice I'm gone" he sighed. Perrie had tears streaming down her face as she placed her head on Alex's shoulder, "that would be hard" she whispered through the tears, "What would?" Alex asked, "to not notice you being gone when you're so amazing". "It'd be easier than you'd think" Alex laughed a little. Perrie shook her head as the tears continued to fall. "I promise you. You're going to be fine. You're doing so well and when I'm back we can spend the whole day together" alex smiled, perrie nodded a little, "I'd like that" she said.
"Perfect, we'll have to make sure that happens then" alex smiled.