A few days passed and Levi watched across the hallway as Jaxson talked to his friends. He had gotten out of the mental hospital just last night and his friends were watching him like a hawk. Not like Levi blamed them though, he did try to do something stupid over something that happened a while ago, but it still hurt. When he looked at Jaxson, he could remember how badly it still hurt. He never intended to hurt Jaxson to the point of a break up, he didn't realize what he was doing was hurting Jaxson.
As he watched Jaxson, Levi analyzed his behaviors. Did Jaxson miss him too? Did Jaxson hurt as badly as he did? Levi wished he could read minds just to understand if he did or not. He could ask Jaxson, but not around others, that would be awkward for them both. However, if Levi could get Jaxson alone, he could ask. To get Jaxson alone would involve asking as well though, the whole situation was complicated and not easily mended.
Jaxson's friends walked off to their classes, and Levi chose to shoot his shot, and walked up to Jaxson. Jaxson nearly glared as Levi approached.
"What do you want?"
"To talk," Levi said softly, "Alone."
Jaxson looked at Levi for a few moments, memories of when Lucas told him that Levi attempted suicide coming back to the forefront of his mind. Memories of Levi crying in his arms quickly followed after. He felt guilty for what Levi did then, he felt guilty for the attempt. After all the time they spent together, and what Jaxson did, he at least owed this to Levi. "Alright, fine. Lead the way."
Levi looked shocked, he was expecting to be turned down cold. However, he began walking off to somewhere private they could talk. Jaxson followed silently as Levi led him out to the back of the school. No one really went back there, even Jaxson knew that, so the two would be alone to talk.
"So what is it Fishy?" Jaxson asked, "What do you want to talk about?"
Levi stared down at his feet, he could feel his lip tremble, he's wanted to say this for so long. "I'm sorry Jaxson."
Jaxson stumbled some, "What?"
"I'm sorry," Levi said, looking up to cast his pale green eyes into emerald ones. "I... I never meant to hurt you. I just... it's what I thought I had to do and-" Tears fell down his face. Jaxson was staring at Levi, in shock. But something changed when he saw his former love cry, something reawakened in him.
"Don't cry Lee," Jaxson said softly, hugging Levi to him. It only made Levi cry harder. Jaxson gently rubbed Levi's back, his nose filling with the scent of the ocean, and his shirt getting soaked by Levi's tears. There was something so comfortingly familiar about it all, about holding Levi. It was how it was meant to be. Jaxson knew this was how it should be, but Levi hurt him. Levi actively ignored everything Jaxson asked, he actively refused Jaxson's help, and he enjoyed the dangerous situations he was in, even after being hurt over and over again. Just forgiving Levi only for it all to happen again was Jaxson's worst nightmare.
"I'll stop," Levi sniffled, "I'll stop it all. I'll stop selling, I'll stop smoking, I won't hurt anyone ever again Jax. Just... please forgive me."
Jaxson could feel his walls crumble. Those were words he had only dreamt of hearing, but here he was, holding Levi as Levi promised to try and get better. "Do you promise?" Jaxson whispered, kissing Levi's head softly. Levi nodded, the nonverbal conformation was enough for Jaxson.
"I promise Jax... please?" Levi said, pulling his face out of Jaxson's chest and looking up at him.
"Alright Lee," Jaxson said softly, "We can try again." Levi started crying all over again and Jaxson pulled him close again. Jaxson felt like crying too, this was something he had wanted since he broke up with Levi, he just never did anything because he couldn't handle fighting Levi to leave the gangs he worked so closely with. Now though, Levi wanted to leave that life now. Jaxson would help him leave, because it's not a fight.
Jaxson couldn't help but kiss Levi's head. Just reassuring Levi he was here again, and didn't want to leave. Holding Levi now, Jaxson realized that the walls he built to protect his heart were pointless. He wasn't building walls around his heart, because his heart didn't belong to him. It hadn't belonged to him since he met Levi on the beach one day. "I don't wanna be at school," Levi muttered, "I don't wanna have to hide."
"How about we skip today then? We can go to the beach," Jaxson suggested.
"Won't Micheal and Gabriel get upset if you skip?"
"Yeah so?" Jaxson said, "They aren't my parents. Let's go Lee. We can spend some time together, see if we've changed. Although, I don't think you have. Still as cute and soft as ever."
Levi smiled as his cheeks turned pink. "If you're sure you wanna skip Jax."
"I am Lee. Lead the way," Jaxson said, gently grabbing onto Levi's hand. Levi smiled so widely, and began to walk. They headed to the small beach in their town. It wasn't nice really, there was a section that was always filled with cigarette butts and beer bottles from the college kids who can't party on campus. Jaxson remembered the days him and Levi would spend picking it up. Anyone who had been there with Levi knew that Levi's real home was the beach and ocean. There was something there that made Levi relax, and just truly let go. It's Jaxson's favorite spot to see Levi at. When Levi's old beaten up vans hit the sand of the beach, Jaxson could practically see the change. Levi's smile only grew and his shoulders fell back some, a small sigh escaping his lips.
When the two first dated, Jaxson was more worried about when Levi brought him to the beach than when Jaxson met Levi's dads. The beach was a safe ground for Levi, and Jaxson knew it. Levi had shown it before.
Levi and Jaxson were sitting together on a small blanket, Levi's beanie discarded and his hair a mess from the ocean's waters. Jaxson was slightly sunburnt but smiling, happy to be with Levi. His own beanie was still sitting atop his head, but only because it had been a gift from Levi, and Jaxson wanted to keep it on. Levi had laid his head in Jaxson's lap, and Jaxson was running his fingers through Levi's wet hair. The two were happy.
"School's out," Levi said as he checked the time on his phone.
"Do you gotta go?" Jaxson asked.
"No," Levi said, moving his head closer to Jaxson and closing his eyes. Enjoying the sun's warmth.
"Good," Jaxson said, "Because this is perfect."
"Yeah it is," Levi mumbled, Jaxson couldn't help but smile at how relaxed and happy Levi looked. Jaxson's heart fluttered at the small smile on Levi's lips. It was peaceful. Until it wasn't.
"Levi?" Salem's voice reached both their ears, and Levi sat up, Jaxson's arm around him.
"Hey Salem," He said, "How was school?"
"It was fine, but what's going on here?"
"Not much," Levi said, then he realized what Salem was asking. "Oh, me and Jaxson are just hanging out the way any couple should."
"Oh," Salem said quietly. He seemed to recognize the situation of Levi dating someone from Jaxson's friend group. And Jaxson might even dare to say, Salem understood the situation. "You're being safe right?"
Levi laughed lightly, "Yeah we are Salami."
"Okay," Salem said. He started to walk off, and Jaxson was surprised how smooth the situation went. Salem didn't seem to really care that Levi and Jaxson were dating, he seemed supportive if anything. But the smoothness was ruined quickly, by Micheal.
"What the hell?" Mike said, Salem turned on his heels so quickly, and Levi noticed a familiar flame in Salem's eyes. He clearly didn't like Micheal.
"Great," Jaxson mumbled to himself. Levi rolled his eyes.
"Jaxson, wanna explain or what?" Micheal asked.
Jaxson went to explain that he was dating Levi to Mike, but Salem's voice interrupted. "He doesn't owe you an explanation Micheal."
"I didn't ask you to open your trap asshole," Micheal sneered at Salem.
"I didn't ask you if you wanted my opinion, I decided you needed it," Salem shot back.
Levi was quiet. Salem and Micheal's argument escalated. Back and forth insults and personal attacks, until Levi had had enough. "Both of you shut the fuck up!" Levi shouted. Jaxson jumped slightly, Levi didn't raise his voice often.
"Fight if you two want, but go the fuck away to do it!" Levi said, "I didn't sign up to hear you two bickering like kindergarteners that stole the other's candy! I don't give to shits how much you hate each other, if you want to fight, leave the beach to do it!"
Micheal and Salem were both quiet, even Micheal knew that Levi didn't really yell. Nonetheless, Salem and Micheal left. Headed in opposite directions. Once they were out of view and Jaxson and Levi were alone again, Jaxson heard quiet sniffles. Levi was crying.
"Hey," Jaxson said softly, gently pulling Levi closer and holding him. "Why are you crying Lee? What's wrong?"
Levi had buried his face into Jaxson's flannel, crying. "I fucking hate that!"
"Hate what babe?"
"I hate that they fought here! This is my spot! It's safe!" Levi sobbed into Jaxson's clothes.
"Baby," Jaxson said quietly, lifting Levi's head to kiss his nose and cheeks. "It's okay. It'll be okay. I won't let them fight here again."
"Promise?"
Jaxson smiled gently and wiped away Levi's tears, "I promise Lee. That's what I'm here for, protecting you." Levi sniffled and nodded, sitting up some. Clearly stressed now. Jaxson was surprised, he was well aware the beach was a safe spot for Levi, but he never could tell how important it was to him. "My cute Ocean Dweller."
Levi smiled, sniffling some, "Yeah?"
"Yeah," Jaxson said. Levi looked out towards the ocean again, just breathing. Jaxson was silent, Levi needed this to calm down. Levi's eyes shut gently as he just listened to the sounds of the waves hitting shore, and the birds in the air. All while smiling, Jaxson carefully took off his red flannel and gently draped it on Levi.
"Hm?" Levi said as he opened his eyes. He smiled seeing he now had Jaxson's flannel. The charcoal smell from it was reassuring to Levi, a reminder that Jaxson would always be there. That's when he noticed Jaxson's arms. Small, thin, white scars along his arm. A lot of them. "Jax..."
Jaxson looked at his arms and gave a sad smile, "I'm okay Lee. It was a while ago." Levi carefully grabbed Jaxson's arms, gently kissing each arm.
"I'm sorry you hurt that way," Levi said softly.
"When my dad walked out it took a toll on me I guess. I'm okay now though," Jaxson said, wrapping his pale arms around Levi's tan body, "I have you to keep me company."
"Jax?" Levi said. Jaxson looked at Levi, his appearance had changed some since that day. He wasn't as tan as Jaxson remembered him being on that day. Probably due to over a week in hospitals. "What were you thinking about?"
"Do you still have that flannel?" Jaxson asked.
Levi blinked some at the sudden question, "Uh... yeah. It's at my house." Jaxson smiled, he half expected Levi to have thrown it out after what happened. But Levi didn't.
"Okay," Jaxson said, "I was just wondering."
"Do you still have that beanie?" Levi teased.
"Yeah," Jaxson said, "I don't really wear it anymore. But I have it. It's on the bear you gave me, for valentines day that one year."
"Really?" Levi said.
Jaxson nodded, "I kept everything you gave me... Levi I never stopped loving you. I know it seemed like I did but... I was just dumb and hurting. I couldn't... you being involved in all that and not letting me help... I couldn't stand that. I'm sorry for hurting you."
Levi stopped walking and turned to look at Jaxson fully, gently reaching for and grabbing Jaxson's other hand. "I love you too Jaxson... I'm sorry for being so stupid and ruining our relationship."
Jaxson smiled gently, "It's okay... It's what you thought was needed. I realize that now." Jaxson realized how much he missed this, the sun was high overhead, and the smell of an ocean breeze surrounded them. Levi seemed to notice the smell of the ocean as he looked out towards the water and smiled.
"Man... I haven't been here in awhile honestly. Swim season has kicked up so I've been at the school to swim more than here. I missed it," Levi said.
"Is that why your hair looks green?" Jaxson jokes.
"Hey!" Levi said, "At least I didn't do something dumb like dye the tips of my hair red!" Jaxson faked an offended gasp and looked away from Levi.
"Jax I was joking."
"Mhm" Jaxson hummed, "Sure you were."
"Jax!" Levi whined, "I'm sorry."
Jaxson smiled and kissed Levi's nose, "I know Lee. I'm messing with you."
"Good!" Levi said, walking again. Jaxson walked with him, smiling. The two were quiet for a while, just listening to the ocean and the other's breathing. Jaxson could hear his heart beating in his ears, it had been so long since he had heard his heart beat like that. Since he had felt that much love and joy.
"I missed this," Jaxson said quietly, "I missed you."
Levi turned from the ocean to Jaxson, and gently kissed him. Jaxson was surprised, not by the fact they were kissing, but by the fact Levi started it. Nonetheless, Jaxson was kissing him back. His hand that wasn't intertwined with Levi's reaching up to hold Levi's cheek. "I missed you too J."
"Since when did you have the balls to kiss me first?" Jaxson jokes, not really upset by it.
"Since I started running with people I shouldn't have," Levi said honestly, "Not anymore though."
"I'm proud of you," Jaxson said, Levi looked at him, surprised. "Really, I am. It's not easy to just walk away from something."
"Well I have you and the other guys to help," Levi said.
"You always have."
"I know... I just never realized that before."
"Wanna sit together?" Jaxson said, "I have our blanket."
"Why do you have that?" Levi asked him.
"Something told me I'd be needing it today. Turns out that something was right." Levi nodded and Jaxson reached into his backpack and pulled out the blanket. It wasn't anything special to the eye, just a simple red blanket. A blanket maybe a million people had, but that one was special to them. That blanket was where the two had spent many days, and some nights. It's where the first kissed, and where Jaxson gave away his heart to Levi. The two laid the blanket out together and used their backpacks to hold the corners down so it didn't blow away with the breeze. It was a familiar moment between them, something they had done a thousand and one times. It was their safespot.
They sat down together. Levi to Jaxson's right, and Jaxson to Levi's left. It's something Jaxson always intends to do, not that Levi realized that. It was symbolic to Jaxson. Left was the 'sinister' side, the side of the devil, and nothing about Levi was sinister or demonic in Jaxson's mind. To Jaxson, Levi was the best thing on Earth, and he should never be considered less than that. Jaxson plans to never tell Levi the reason he does this, to him it was important.
Levi leaned his head on Jaxson's shoulder, smiling so softly and looking at the waves. Jaxson knew Levi needed this, Levi worries so much, and talking to Jaxson today probably would've been scaring Levi. So the calming ocean waves was exactly what Levi needed. Levi ended up tucking his nose into Jaxson's neck. Something that surprised Jaxson as Levi always said his favorite smell was the ocean. "What are you up to there Levi?"
"You smell nice," Levi said softly.
"I thought the ocean was your favorite scent?" Jaxson asked.
"No," Levi mumbled, "Charcoal."
"Oh?"
"Mhm. Charcoal."
"Why?"
"Because," Levi said, "You smell like charcoal."
"Probably from all the charcoal drawings I do," Jaxson said.
"Maybe. Smells nice though."
Jaxson wrapped his arms around Levi, "Enjoy it then Lee. Just relax okay? You're safe and I'm not going anywhere ever again." Jaxson could feel Levi's lips tug up into a smile as he nodded. Jaxson just held Levi as Levi drifted to sleep against him. Jaxson knew that after this he'd be sunburnt, and Levi would've tanned again, but he didn't care. He knew the sunburn would lead his friends on, that they'd figure out where Jaxson had been. Yet, Jaxson didn't care. He wants the whole world to know he's dating Levi, because it made Levi happy, and that's what mattered to him. Levi, and Levi's happiness.