__________
Time won't heal anything
if you don't surrender your lies.
- Doors by Ben & Ben
__________
Hermes knew a headache would soon form once they started this disastrous meeting. The Prefects had been clamoring for ideas when he raised about the issue of interhouse unity that McGonagall wanted for Hogwarts. With the end of the war, she wished that students from different houses would interact more; that students would leave their prejudices and pasts behind all in the name of unity.
"How about a Yule Ball?" Ginny quipped amidst the excited suggestions. A murmur of agreement spread across the students. "Just for some Christmas cheer. I mean... after everything that had happened last Christmas..."
Her words were left dangling, deathly silence now heard in the classroom. Hermes' eyes flickered from one Prefect to another, and to the Head Girl beside him, wondering what had transpired last Christmas that made these students look so... weary.
"A Yule Ball seems a lot of work," Hermes slowly said, just to break the terrible silence. "And, well, we don't have much time."
"Please, Hermes, I think it's a brilliant idea," Stewart Ackerly, a 5th year Ravenclaw, appealed. He looked uncomfortable as all eyes landed on him. "Christmas will be particularly hard for the students. The Carrows..." His words died down, looking positively sick.
"Shut it, Ackerly," Zacharias Smith, the 7th year Hufflepuff Prefect, hissed. "He wouldn't even understand because he wasn't here."
It didn't slip Hermes' notice how the Hufflepuff spat the last sentence like he'd committed a grave sin for missing his seventh year in Hogwarts.
Malfoy, who had been dutifully writing notes on a parchment, stilled. Hermes lightly scowled at the snarky Hufflepuff; he'd been part of Dumbledore's Army, all right, but he was one of the people Hermes actually didn't like.
"He wasn't here, Smith, because he was on the run," Ginny snapped, glaring darkly at the Hufflepuff. "With Harry Potter, searching for horcruxes, to destroy You-Know-Who. Or have you forgotten? Maybe you'd like to be reacquainted with my Bat-Bogey Hex just to remember?"
"Ginny," Hermes sternly replied, eyeing the wand suddenly on her right hand. Smith paled and looked away, a scowl on his face. The Head Boy rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed, choosing to ignore the sudden tension in the room. "If we do this Yule Ball, we need all the help we can get."
"If we do this Yule Ball," Malfoy suddenly quipped, much to his surprise, "I think it is best if we include the lower years, too."
"Nobody asked for your opinion, Death Eater," Zacharias snarled with a nasty look on his face.
Hermes' eyes widened as the quill on Malfoy's hand snapped into two. Her eyes briefly flared with unadulterated rage and the Head Boy anticipated for her to lash out, because really it was something Iris Malfoy would surely do. But to his utmost surprise, all the anger in her eyes seeped away until her emotions were hidden behind an icy cold emptiness.
For some strange reason, the expression on her face prompted a roaring fire in Hermes' heart. Iris Malfoy always fought back. Always. It unnerved him greatly how the snarky Slytherin princess he grew up with chose to keep quiet in the end.
"I do not tolerate name-calling during my meetings, Smith" the Head Boy coolly replied, piercing a terrible glare towards the terrible boy. "If you cannot act civil during said meetings, I think it is best if you just leave."
Instead of backing down, the Hufflepuff lifted his chin, a challenging look in his eyes. "Well," he drawled, "I'm not wrong, am I?"
"Honestly, Smith, can you please just shut up?" Ginny suddenly shrieked, wand on her hand again. "Boog – "
"Ginevra," Hermes called out, halting Ginny's incantation. The fiery red head shot him a glare due to his choice of name and his disruption. "I do not tolerate throwing hexes in my meetings either."
"But, Her – "
The Head Boy expelled a deep sigh, his annoyance draining away from his body until all he felt was exhaustion and wariness. "Please, can we all just get back on track?" he said, bordering pleading. Zacharias Smith balled his hands into fists but blessedly clammed his mouth and looked away. Hermes threw Ginny another pointed glare until Ron's sister finally lowered her wand.
"Thank you," Hermes said with another sigh, this time of relief, and refused to glance at the silent Head Girl beside him. "So, okay, Yule Ball. Malfoy, what were you saying about inviting the younger students?"
Iris' lips thinned, suddenly annoyed at being addressed once more. Hermes fully looked at her and waited for her reply. It was obvious she very much wanted to keep silent throughout the whole meeting, but Hermes was having none of it. She was Head Girl, and her opinion mattered as much as his and the other prefects.
"Again," she said, her voice clipped and tensed, "I think it is best to invite the younger students if we plan to organize a Yule Ball."
"I don't think McGonagall will approve," Hermes replied, ignoring how her eyes slightly narrowed. "We must still adhere to their curfew after all. The Headmistress will think they're too young to attend such festivities. Loathe as I am to admit, there are students who may dare to... tamper with food and drinks, which the younger students may fall victim to."
Hermes could already feel another headache as he imagined numerous Howlers from furious parents demanding why their eleven-year-olds were passed out drunk the night before.
"Then, we just have to be stricter in monitoring the food and beverages," she simply pointed out.
A small frown started to form on his face. "Mal – "
"They had it worse last Christmas, Granger."
Hermes swallowed down his protest, surprised with the brief raw emotion that broke through her icy façade. For a moment, grey eyes met brown before Iris stared down at her parchment once more. Hermes noticed her that right hand was shaking, but the Slytherin immediately hid it underneath the table.
"She's... right." The Head Boy shifted his gaze at Ginny, who now had a hooded look in her blue eyes that almost resembled the emotion Malfoy showed a while ago. "We can at least let them enjoy Christmas at Hogwarts for a change."
At his periphery, he could see that Iris was surprised with Ginny's concurrence. She was once again dutifully writing on her parchment with her repaired quill. Hermes quickly glanced over her notes but wasn't able to read everything. He could deduce, however, that Iris was already listing down all the ideas that she had for the Yule Ball.
"Fine," Hermes said with a disgruntled sigh. "If it's what everyone wants, we'll do it. All in favor?"
All hands shot up in the air. "Well, that's it then," he said. "We'll convene again next week to discuss the committees and delegate tasks. In the meantime, try to come up with as many suggestions as possible." He glanced at Iris once again and added, "Malfoy? Will you add something?"
Iris' looked at him with surprised eyes but simply shook her head. Hermes sighed once more; Merlin, he missed it when she chattered incessantly, even when the words coming out from her were usually mean things.
"In that case, meeting adjourned," he said.
The Prefects collectively stood up to leave. Ginny stopped him with a frown. "You should have at least allowed me to have a go with Smith, Hermes," she said while disappointedly shaking her head. "I saw how much you wanted to hex that smarmy git, too. Honestly, seven years had passed and I still don't know why he's placed in Hufflepuff!"
"I might allow you if you're willing to lose some points for Gryffindor," Hermes said with a serious nod of his head. When Ginny's blue eyes lit up in excitement, he laughed and held her arm. "Blimey, I was just kidding!"
"Shame," the redhead said with a sigh. "Anyway, Harry's been furious you haven't written once last week."
Hermes rolled his eyes. "I was busy," he scowled. "Tell that to your boyfriend."
"They just miss you terribly, Hermes. Nobody's around to stop them from doing something stupid."
"Even when I'm with them, I'm sure they'd still do something stupid," he pointed out.
"Very true," Ginny said with a fond grin. "Still, write a letter to those blokes. They really do miss you."
"All right, all right," he said.
Ginny beamed and gave him a big hug. "Granger's Hug of Warmth never disappoints," Ginny said with a satisfied sigh. "Bye, Hermes. Harry told me to tell you not to stay up too late to finish homework. I believe 'Get a life, wanker' were his exact words."
Hermes chuckled and bid her goodnight. He then proceeded to pack his things inside his backpack, only to see that Iris was still in the room. She was awkwardly twisting the strap of her designer satchel with one of her perfectly manicured fingers.
"Granger," she started once they were completely the only ones left in the room. "For the Yule Ball, I think we should ditch the Christmas tree all together."
He looked at her in surprise, clearly not expecting that. "I thought you have nothing else to say about the Yule Ball," he claimed.
The Slytherin merely gave him a pointed glare with an unspoken 'Are you kidding me?' hanging in the air.
Hermes sighed, knowing she wouldn't be in a particularly chatty mood after that disastrous attempt a while ago.
"Why not?" he finally asked. "Christmas trees are practically part of Christmas. Without it, decorations feel incomplete."
She shifted her gaze away. "People will thank us, I'm sure," she murmured under her breath.
Hermes sighed and sat on the nearest desk. "What happened?" he urged, curiosity now reigning over. "Last Christmas, I mean."
Her grey eyes landed back at him, that same haunted look now back on her face. "You don't want to know," she said. "Trust me."
"No, I really want to know," Hermes insisted. "Smith was right; I wasn't here last year so I don't fully understand why you lot were dreading Christmas."
The Slytherin suddenly looked very, very tired. She copied his position and slid daintily on top of the desk opposite him. "Fine," she said, tucking a blonde strand behind her ear. She took a deep breath and tried to collect herself first. "As you know, the curriculum in Hogwarts drastically changed when the Death Eaters took over. Besides that, the form of punishment bestowed on rule breakers had been... harsher."
He frowned when he noticed that her right hand started to shake once more. Iris absentmindedly grasped her shaking hand with her other hand, and continued, "The Carrows were especially eager in placing these punishments to the students. So, last year, during the Christmas feast, they presented a huge Christmas tree at the very center and... and..." She started to look sick. "Dangling from that tree were rule breakers. Longbottom was one of them actually."
Hermes paled in sheer horror.
"The Carrows then would award the best students by granting them the chance to hex these troublemakers," she continued, her voice starting to get tremulous. "A Christmas gift, they said. Any hex will do, they said. It was... it was horrible. The younger students were crying. And it would have gone on for hours if Headmaster Snape hadn't stepped in and quickly ordered everybody to go back to their dormitories."
Her hands kept on trembling as she released a hollowed laugh. "So, yeah," she continued. "No Christmas tree."
Hermes felt sick in the stomach. No wonder they were persistent for a Yule Ball. If only they could change such a horrible memory into a good one - a better one.
Iris brushed a strand away from her face and slid down from the desk. "I'm going to go first," was her goodbye.
"Malfoy..." he said, noting that she was visibly trembling now. "Are you okay?"
She laughed. "Okay?" she said. "After everything – " She pursed her lips and closed her eyes, inhaling deeply for a moment. When she opened her eyes once more, her trembling had stopped and her mask of indifference was back on her face. "I'm okay."
He wanted to reach out and pull her into his arms. He was sure that Malfoy was about to break down once more, but was surprised that she managed to rein in her emotions before she completely lost control.
She strode out of the classroom and Hermes lost his chance.
__________
It took him five minutes to realize that the Head Girl wasn't walking beside him anymore.
The meeting with the Prefects about delegation of tasks had just ended and Hermes was eager to go back to their dormitory to start his Ancient Runes essays. Malfoy had accompanied him back, throwing in more suggestions for the Yule Ball, before they fell into an amicable silence.
Hermes actually felt relieved that the Slytherin was starting to relax in his presence. She didn't bound away and hide anymore every time he arrived back at the Common Room. She was actually pitching in some brilliant suggestions back at their meeting. Although the students hadn't warmed up with Malfoy completely, at least they weren't hurling insults and throwing hexes her way. Now, Hermes actually understood why Nott and Zabini were constantly beside her, practically joined to her hip, everywhere she went. He heard from Ginny one time that some students had resorted to hexing the ex-Death Eater.
"Malfoy," he called out, completely turning around and walking to where she was standing.
The Slytherin was gazing outside one of the vast windows in the corridor. Curious, he followed her line of vision and saw the Slytherin Quidditch team practicing for an upcoming match.
He stared down at her and saw the look of longing on her face.
"Why don't you join the team?" he then asked.
Iris looked up at him as if grew another head.
"What?" he asked, not entirely sure why she was in disbelief with his question.
"In case you have forgotten, Granger, I used to be a Death Eater," she calmly said, gesturing to herself. "I don't think they would let someone with a notorious reputation like mine to join their bloody team."
She pushed herself away from the ledge and started to trek back to their Common Room. Hermes frowned at her swinging blonde hair.
"You've been pardoned for that, Malfoy," he shot back. Iris stilled, but her back was still facing him. "Anyone who insisted that you've been guilty as hell during the war is unfair. You were just a victim like the rest of us, a child thrust into the heat of the battle because she had no choice or else her family will be killed. Perhaps, the only unfortunate thing was that you were in the losing side."
Hermes clamped his lips as his eyes widened. He had finally digested the words he had uttered and was surprised with himself. He never thought he'd voiced out his opinions about Iris Malfoy's situation to anyone, most especially to her.
She then slowly turned around and looked at him, an unreadable expression on her face. "I've done a lot of bad things last year, Granger," she said, her tone steely and strained. "Awful things that I myself think are unforgivable." She briefly closed her eyes as her face scrunched up with pain. "Hell, never mind what I've done last year; I've been a little shite ever since I was born."
"Mal – "
Iris cut him off with a deep sigh. "I used to punish rogue students with the Cruciatus," she deadpanned. Hermes' paled, a brief memory of being subjected under the dark curse crossing his mind. "I hexed and cursed and punished and hurt and poisoned and maimed and injured. Tell me honestly, Granger. I mean, really honestly: if you were a victim of my constant torturing for months then you found out I was allowed to roam around freely in the same castle as you, what would you do?"
He was rendered mute by her earnest question. He would have easily said he would forgive her because Merlin Almighty this was Iris Malfoy, but... but, when he tried to put himself in the shoes of those she might have tortured incessantly, with the darkest and vilest curse that ever existed in the Wizarding World, well... he wasn't so sure anymore.
"Exactly," she said with a wry smile, noting the conflicting emotions on his face. "So no, Granger, I will not attempt to join the Slytherin Quidditch Team because, simply put, I don't deserve it."
She turned around once more and started stomping away, her high-heeled shoes resounding loudly in the suddenly deathly silent corridor.
"Even if – " Hermes pursed his lips and took a deep breath, trying to calm his suddenly racing heart. "Even if, unbeknownst to these victims you've tortured, you consequently placed them under the Stunning and Numbing Spell, just to lessen their agony?"
Malfoy suddenly tensed, but she did not dare look back at him again.
"Ginny told me of what you've done in Hogwarts last year, Malfoy," he continued softly, daring to stride closer to her but not too close. "Ginny told me how you, Zabini, and Nott always tried to help behind the Carrows' backs. She told me she was bloody thankful those two bastards were as thick as a brick. You and your friends were miraculously uncaught after everything you've done."
He noted that her right hand was starting to shake again.
"That doesn't erase all of the atrocities I've done, Granger," she whispered.
"No, it doesn't," he loudly concurred. "But that just proved that you're not... you're not a lost cause, Malfoy. You are capable of changing for the better if people allowed you to. You're not – "
His words died down when she whipped around as fast as lightning. She was trembling like a leaf now and her grey eyes were glistening.
"Stop!" she shrilly exclaimed. "Stop it, Granger. Just stop... stop being so kind." She looked away as a tear slid down from her eyes. "After everything..." She shook her head furiously. "I don't deserve it."
She suddenly looked very exhausted and weary. Hermes tried to reach out to her but she flinched, quickly turned around, and ran as far away from him as possible.
__________
Hermes woke up when pins and needles blazed from his fingertips to his arms.
Blinking blearily, he realized he had fallen asleep in the Common Room. He shook his right arm until it started to have some feeling again.
A wide yawn tore away from his mouth and after a quick glance at his watch, he noted it was already one in the morning. The last thing he remembered was discussing a few more details for the upcoming Yule Ball with Malfoy. It had been a really tiring day, so he wasn't surprised he fell asleep even before he could drag himself to his room.
He luxuriously stretched, moaning slightly when his back cricked, only to freeze when he heard a whimper beside him.
Hermes quickly looked at his side, only to see Iris Malfoy curled tightly against the end of the overstuffed couch. She was violently shaking, thrashing a bit in her sleep, as tears steadily streamed down from her eyes. She choked out a sob, followed by murmurs he wasn't able to understand.
"Malfoy," he called, realizing that she was having a nightmare. "Malfoy, wake up."
Still, she continued thrashing about, crying earnestly as she continued to tightly curl herself into a ball.
Hermes wondered what she was seeing in her dreams that made her distressed so much. He reached and placed his hand on her shoulder. "Malfoy," he called once more. "Wake up."
He shook her awake and she woke up with a pained cry. Her grey eyes were wide with terror as her right hand instinctively grabbed for her wand.
"Malfoy, it's all right," he mollified. "It's all right. You're safe. It's just me."
Her eyes shifted to him, her wand still pressed menacingly at his direction. She looked confused for a while and looked around the common room. Then, a blush rose on her wet cheeks and she immediately looked away from him. She haphazardly wiped her tears away, and Hermes was reminded of eleven-year-old Iris Malfoy sitting on the steps of Hogwarts, pathetically attempting to hide the fact that she was crying.
She was still trembling when she finally hesitantly looked back at him. "Sorry about that," she murmured. "You weren't supposed to see that."
"Terrible nightmare?" he asked with a frown on his face.
Iris held onto her violently trembling right hand and merely gave him a small nod.
"Everybody's been having nightmares after the War," he replied in understanding. He recalled all the nights he'd jerk awake, remnants of his nightmares still vivid in his mind. He usually dreamt of a dead Harry Potter with Voldemort killing him afterwards or the look of utter betrayal on his parents' faces when they discovered he'd Obliviated them. The worst were always Bellatrix' menacing face and her unending torture.
Although months had already passed since the Second War, the nightmares never stopped. He found out he felt marginally better when he told them to his best friends, Harry reassuring him the loudest that he wasn't going to die easy. It took a few more months for Harry and Ron to share the subjects of their nightmares too, realizing that the horror of said dreams would ease once shared with people they cared about the most. Hermes always made it a point to owl Harry and Ron every time he had a nightmare just to ease his troubled heart.
"Do you... do you want to talk about it?" he tentatively offered. "It helps."
She only frowned and looked away.
Hermes sighed. 'Well, I did try,' he told himself, smiling slightly to himself because of course, of course, Iris Malfoy would still choose to be stubborn.
"Stop being so kind... I don't deserve it."
Her words still echoed to him, clear as a day, even though that conversation happened a week ago. Malfoy still blessedly treated him the same, but he noticed how she immediately stopped talking to him when they started to breach sensitive topics. He really, truly wanted to reach out to her, but he knew she wasn't ready yet. Thus, he left her alone.
"All right," he said, gathering up his things with a wave of his wand. It would be futile if he tried to coax her to open up a bit, just to ease her heart. "Suit yourself. I'm going to bed now."
He grabbed onto the strap of his bag and made a move to stand, but Iris was suddenly gripping the sleeve of his muggle sweater.
Hermes silently looked at her in question but the blonde was still looking away from him. Slowly then, she inched closer to him until their shoulders were practically touching. His heart leapt into his throat, noting that her cheeks was blazing red. But Malfoy didn't stop; she tentative wrapped her arms around his waist and finally laid her head against his chest.
His senses were instantly filled with her dizzying smell. His heart almost lurched out from his chest, but he was still rooted at the spot.
"W-what are you doing?" he asked. He found out he couldn't properly breathe, his whole body tingling with the familiar feel of her pressed against him. It was stupid and illogical, how he had craved for the feel of her warmth and her skin against him during his horcrux hunt with his best friends. In the dead of the night, when things had been hopeless and tiring and he just wanted to... wanted to give up and all the things he believed in, he would close his eyes and imagine that Iris Malfoy had her arms wrapped around him, and he'd instantly feel better.
He wasn't entirely sure yet, but maybe, maybe one of the huge reasons why he still trudged on was because of her, after all those months.
His feelings for her were weird and senseless and unwarranted, which was why at the end of the war, he desperately pushed them away. He'd been successful thus far, vowing that he'd make the most out of his eighth year by studying up to his heart's content. But then, he didn't really plan on meeting her again and spending a lot of time with her.
With her pressed against him, those feelings he'd hidden at the deepest recesses of his heart burst free and enveloped every single part of him – mind, body, and soul.
"Err... right," she murmured when he still hadn't moved. Iris was slowly pulling herself away from him, jolting him back into the present. Hermes then quickly wrapped his arms around her very tightly, effectively trapping her in his arms.
Iris stilled, before slowly relaxing against him once more. A soft sigh escaped from her lips as she placed her head back against his chest once more. He wondered if she could hear how erratically beating his heart was, but the Slytherin never made any comment about it.
He tentatively placed his chin on the crown of her head, like how he always did, and pulled her tighter against him, afraid that she'd leave once more without saying goodbye.
__________
"We haven't really seen you in a while, princess," Theo explained when he and Blaise one time stumbled into the Heads common room.
Iris was busy practicing a spell that would put Granger's brilliant centerpiece for the Yule Ball to life. She still wasn't entirely sure if what he was planning would be for the best. After all, she did warn him not to put up a Christmas tree, but he insisted and she had no other choice.
"She doesn't even greet us with a mere hello," Blaise pointed out with a deep sigh. "I told you we shouldn't have bothered."
"Gits," she said with a smile, ushering them closer. Theo sat down on her right and Blaise to her left. "I was just busy planning for the Yule Ball and all."
"Ah, yes, Iris Malfoy, finally in her element," the gangly Slytherin said with a teasing smile. "Isn't this like some kind of rite of passage for future Pureblood wives or something?"
"Of course not," she snapped back. "I just really like planning parties and all."
Blaise, who had been silently surveying their common room, turned to her with a carefully worried look in his eyes. "Granger hasn't been... antagonistic?" he nonchalantly quipped.
Iris made a face. "So, that's why you came in here?" she asked with a frown. "To ask me if Granger's being a bastard or something?"
"What Blaise was trying to ask," Theo quickly added, shooting a quick glare at his idiotic friend, "is have you been all right for the past few weeks, princess? No random hexes thrown your way? No stupid pranks that are actually ridiculously dangerous? Granger hasn't been sending you death threats?"
Blaise snorted. "Nicely phrased," he drawled. Theo threw him another glare.
Iris glanced at them in amusement. "I'm managing," she replied. "No need to both act like knights in shiny armors, gits. I'm perfectly fine."
Theo expelled an exaggerated sigh, placing a hand against his heart. "We just want you safe, Iris," he said with a solemn nod. "That's our only sole purpose in life."
"Shut up, Nott," she said with an eye roll.
Blaise placed a comforting hand on the small of her back. "But, honestly, Iris," he urged. "You've been well?"
She fell silent for a moment, reminiscing on the past few days. The pranks had lessened; the death threats from other students almost nil. The prefects were actually listening to some of her suggestions for the Yule Ball now, even others surprisingly agreeing to her new plans. And Granger...
A small blush appeared on both of her fair cheeks.
Granger had been really warm.
Ever since he'd witnessed one of her nightmares and she sought comfort in his arms once more, they'd relaxed around each other. Granger was actually throwing ridiculous jokes here and there, exchanging information and opinions about a particular topic for their essay, and even asking her if her day went well. He was being civil, for goodness' sake, and Iris, being ridiculous herself, soaked up all the attention she was getting from him.
Then, there were moments when waking up was particularly hard for her, and she'd find him in the common room busy doing his homework or revising their perfect plan for the Yule Ball. Most of the time, when his eyes would meet hers, he always knew that she was having a difficult time. He'd set his work aside and open his arms with an inviting smile, waiting until she trudged forward and wrapped her arms around him.
Hermes never said anything to her during those moments and that was all right for Iris. The mere fact that she was wrapped around his arms once more, appreciating the warmth he always exuded, was enough for her.
She thought her trembling had lessened ever since she sought comfort from him once more. Her right hand frequently shook every time she'd remember a specific nightmare during the war. She wondered if it was some repercussion from numerous Cruciatus or something else, but it was starting to become bothersome to her. But then, it had lessened, all because of Granger.
Iris thought the rumor about Granger's infamous Hug of Warmth being miraculous was a load of codswallop. But now... now she wasn't entirely sure.
"Princess?" Theo asked, shaking her off from her reverie. Her grey eyes landed on him. "You kind of zoned out for a moment there."
"Right, sorry," she said with a small laugh. Merlin, apologizing came easily to her nowadays too! "Yes. Yes, I've been well. Really well."
And she meant every word of it, because for the very first time in her life, Iris actually felt at peace. No terrible burden weighed on her shoulders, no constant pressure to prove herself to those she thought mattered the most. She was just getting on, day by day, at her own pace and it was... it was freeing.
"Yeah?" Blaise asked with a tentative smile of his own.
She nodded earnestly, her lips stretching into a pretty smile.
"Yeah," she echoed in return.
__________
They had to go together to the Yule Ball, Headmistress McGonagall said. It was tradition, she added. But Hermes knew this was another ploy for the Headmistress to promote interhouse unity this school-year. Truthfully, Hermes didn't really mind. He didn't plan on taking anyone at all, anyway. It surprised him how Malfoy easily agreed with the plan, wondering if Nott or Zabini hadn't asked her ever since. They were always together so sometimes he wondered... Pureblood society and all...
He shook his head to get rid of such thoughts. Tonight was the Yule Ball after all. He was quite nervous about his plan, afraid that instead of helping the students, it would trigger more distressing memories. But he pushed through it until today, so there was really no backing out now. Hermes had to focus all of his energy for this plan to come into fruition.
He looked at his reflection one last time and smoothed out any visible creases. His dress robes were midnight blue and he left his curls wild and untamed as opposed to the tame curls he had back in fourth year. And, compared to fourth year, his nervousness almost enveloped him whole. He honestly thought he was being ridiculous, because he was just going with Malfoy because of McGonagall's stupid interhouse unity; there was nothing to be nervous about.
With one last firm nod at his reflection, he walked out of his room. Thankfully, Malfoy hadn't come out yet. He tried to ask her one time what she would wear for the Yule Ball so they could match, but the Slytherin merely smirked at him and told him 'to come as yourself'. He wasn't entirely sure what she meant, but hey, he did leave his bushy hair as is.
Hermes glanced at his watch and frowned. They only had five more minutes before the start of the Yule Ball. He did tell her that they should arrive earlier, because they were Heads, but Malfoy merely looked at him as if he was joking.
"Why do girls take a long time, good Merlin," he said with a sigh, sliding down on one of the couches and waited. He grabbed on his Ancient Runes textbook left on the coffee table and browsed through their next lesson, mentally scheduling another reread to take notes.
He was particularly engrossed on the topic about the magical properties of the number nine when he heard Iris' door creak open. "About bloody time," he murmured.
Hermes closed the book and stood up, intent on berating her about the value of punctuality, but words left him completely.
"I'm sorry I'm late," she said, sounding unapologetic at all, as a small smirk graced her face.
She was wearing a long, strapless, midnight blue elegant gown, its color turning a lighter shade of blue until it was completely as white as snow by the time it reached her ankles. Little snowflakes were embroidered on the hem, a touch of glitter as an embellishment to make them look shimmery every time she moved. Her blonde hair was pinned atop of her head in a pretty bun, held by a white, glittery, flower-shaped pin. And her face... Merlin, her face. He was sure she added some glitter around her eyes because they bloody sparkled every time she blinked, her red lips stretched prettily like she knew... she bloody well knew that she looked stunning.
"Granger, really, we're late," she said, smirk still in place, as she daintily walked down the small staircase leading to her room and passed him by. Her smell clouded all of his senses and it took all of his willpower to stumble quickly behind her, still too stunned by her beauty.
Hermes quickly remembered his manners and offered her his arm. She looked at it briefly, her smirk turning into a small, fond smile, before gently placing her hand at the nook of his arm.
"Nice hair, Granger," she commented as they neared the Great Hall.
He blushed and instantly felt conscious with himself, but one brief look at Malfoy made him realize she was teasing him.
"Shut up, Malfoy," he hotly shot back and pathetically attempted to at least make his hair look decent. But then again, his bushy hair had a mind of its own and by the time they arrived at the Great Hall, he gave up.
Hermes slightly faltered in his steps. He expected a lot of people would attend, but only perhaps half of the student body were seen in the dance. He briefly glanced at his watch once more, noting that thirty minutes had already passed since the official start of the dance. Nervousness grew at the pit of his stomach, wondering if this stupid ball would be deemed a failure after all.
"Relax," Iris then said, sensing his inner panicking. "It's still too early, Granger. Nobody arrives at a party on time."
"Why not?" he asked with a small scowl. "People should understand the value of punctuality."
The Head Girl merely sighed and shook her head.
The headmistress greeted them when they neared the refreshments table, complimenting them about the Yule Ball. The Prefects had really gone out of their way to design the Great Hall. It was strangely reminiscent of their Yule Ball back in fourth year with added embellishments just to increase the Christmas cheer.
He smiled a little at the curious looks the students were shooting at a mighty, tall tree at the very front, its branches bare and almost withered. It looked out-of-place in the beautifully designed Great Hall and his nervousness came back once more.
What if it was stupid and cheesy? What if his plan was bound to fail?
"Merlin, Granger, stop overthinking," the blonde cajoled. "I can practically sense your terror and it's annoying."
He glanced down at Malfoy again, languidly leaning against one of the small tables in the room and drinking from a glass. She was looking at him with amusement in her eyes and in retaliation, he glared through his curly fringes. He remembered how she warned him his plan would backfire before agreeing to it anyway. He wasn't sure if she was teasing him again or not, but before he could dwell on it further, Ginny caught his arm.
"Nobody's coming up to the booth," she whispered under her breath, nervously shooting a glance at the small silver box sitting on top of a table beside the depressing tree. "We did announce to the student body what to do, but well..." She looked away from his eyes and frowned. "They don't really feel comfortable approaching the tree. They think someone's going to be strung up again or something..."
His eyes widened in panic and he looked over at Malfoy. "I did warn you about putting a Christmas tree," she said, starting to look worried herself.
Suddenly, something wet hit him just at the nape of his neck. Shocked with the cold, Hermes quickly swivelled around to berate the prankster, but was instead met with a flurry of red and black hair, two sets of arms wrapping around him and engulfing him in the most breathtaking hug he had ever received. He was lifted off the floor a few inches maybe, before he finally recognized Harry Potter and Ron Weasley.
"Harry! Ron!" he gasped once his feet touched on the floor and he could properly breathe.
Identical grins were stretched widely on their faces. "Couldn't miss a party you planned, Hermes," Harry said, swinging an arm over his shoulders. "I mean, a swot and a party? Spells like disaster!"
"Oi!" Hermes shot back with a withering glare. Ron snickered behind his hand, prompting Hermes to look back at him. His eyebrows almost flew behind his fringes. "Nice dress robes, Ronald," he pointed out with a small smile. "I see you've finally ditched your aunt's dress robes this time."
Ron's ears turned into a brilliant shade of red that reached the tips of his ears. "Shut up, wanker," he said, playfully hitting his shoulder. He was handsomely dressed with a simple black dress robes, with less frills and cobwebs. "Being an auror pays you handsomely so – " He was cut off when Ginny practically tackled Harry with a bear hug of her own and proceeded to snog him senselessly.
"OI! OI! I'M BLOODY HERE!" Ron bellowed, turning sickly green this time.
Harry sheepishly pulled away while Ginny rolled her eyes. "Right, sorry mate," he said, rubbing the nape of his neck in embarrassment.
Ron groaned and turned to Hermes. "Honestly, ever since they got back together, they're insufferable," he whined. Ginny leaned towards him to give him a resounding slap on his arm. "OI! I was telling the truth. Why did Merlin think it funny for my best mate and my younger sister to start dating? My eyes ha – Holy Mother of Merlin, who's that?"
His eyes had gone wide and his jaw dropped at something that had caught his eyes. Hermes followed his line of vision and saw Malfoy, silently looking at the reunited Golden Trio with thinly veiled amusement in her eyes.
"Weasley," she greeted with a pompous smirk.
If it were possible, Ron's eyes grew wider. His cheeks grew red once more as he sputtered out "M-Malfoy?"
"The one and only," she said, a coy glint in her eyes. Hermes swallowed down the dangerous feeling rising up from his stomach once more with just the sight of her.
Iris' eyes connected with his. "I'll be with Nott and Zabini if you need me, Granger," she said, her smirk morphing into a small smile. "I'll leave you to reunite with the Two Idiots."
"Who're you calling an idiot?" Ron shot back in annoyance, for old time's sake, but the blush on his cheek was still bloody unmistakable.
Harry, on the other hand, surprisingly took a step towards Malfoy. She stopped in her tracks in astonishment, then hesitantly greeted him with a curt, "Potter."
"How's your mother?" his best friend asked amicably.
Iris' eyebrows knitted slightly in confusion. "She is well," she slowly replied, her eyes now narrowing in suspicion. "Why do you ask?"
Harry merely shrugged then looked away from her, effectively ending their conversation.
The Slytherin shot a bemused look at Hermes, but the Head Boy merely shrugged himself, unsure of Harry's strange civility.
Malfoy bid her goodbye once more and sauntered towards her best friends. Hermes' eyes lingered a little bit at her milky neck, before catching himself and hastily looking away.
"That was Malfoy?" Ron gushed out, still clearly in disbelief. He gesticulated wildly at the spot where she was standing at a while ago. "I mean – she had always been – but today –"
"Speak coherently, wanker," Harry said with a laugh, hitting him at the back of his head.
"How could she look like that?" Ron cried out. "No one that evil could look like that, I mean bloody hell!"
"She isn't evil," Hermes automatically replied, his eyes widening when Harry spoke the exact same words at the same time. The curly-haired brunet turned to his bespectacled best friend in question. "And what was that, Harry Potter? Was that civility?"
The-Boy-Who-Lived sighed. "Well, I did tell you her mother lied when Voldemort asked if I was dead," he reminded, ignoring Ron's slight flinch upon hearing the dead dark lord's name. "And, you know, she denied knowing us back at the Malfoy Manor when..." Instead of completing his sentence, his emerald eyes settled on his left sleeve where his 'Mudblood' scar was hidden.
"Bloody hell," Ron murmured, shaking his head.
"Okay, so enough about Malfoy now," Harry said, smoothly changing the subject. His eyes now landed on the depressing looking tree at the very front of the Great Hall. "Besides seeing you, Hermes, I wanted to attend the Yule Ball too because Ginny was excitedly telling me about this brilliant plan of yours."
"Nobody's approaching," the youngest redhead reminded.
Hermes sighed. "Maybe they just need to see it first before deeming it safe," he replied.
"What is this brilliant plan of yours anyway?" Ron asked, finally composing himself.
"Come on," he said. "You'll see."
The other students were parting away like the Red Sea while the Golden Trio, Heroes of the Wizarding World, meandered through until they reached the silver box beside the tree.
"Merlin, I can never get used to the stares," Ron murmured under his breath, a blush once again creeping up his neck.
Now that he pointed it out, Hermes suddenly felt nervous again. Ginny gave him an encouraging grin as he finally inserted his hand inside the box. When he pulled out his hand, he was now clutching a small fir leaf.
"A leaf?" Harry asked in disbelief. "That's terribly anticlimactic."
"The magic is just about to start," Ginny said with an excited grin.
Hermes waved the leaf towards his best friends' direction. "Once you get a leaf, you can think about your wish, your biggest regret, your hope... It doesn't matter. It doesn't guarantee that your wishes will be granted or you'll forget your regrets but... you know, just putting them into proper words may actually help," he said. "Then, once you're done, give it a little blow."
To demonstrate, he tightly held the leaf in his hands and closed his eyes. 'Please, please, please,' he thought. 'For the love of all good and holy, the only thing I fervently wished more than living itself is that my parents will never forget me in this lifetime.'
He slowly opened his eyes and blew a small puff of air at the leaf. Suddenly, a firefly appeared at the tip of the leaf, its bottom brilliantly illuminated. Its wings sprung open and gently flew away with the leaf, and settling on one of the branches of the tree.
"It worked!" Ginny exclaimed.
Hermes beamed widely. "Thank Merlin it did," he said. His eyes misted a little at the sole light on the depressing tree. This idea came to him when he remembered a particular story his mother told him when he was younger. She told him that when he saw a firefly, he had to make a wish. The firefly's brilliant light would then guide him towards his dream. It was a children's fairytale, that much he knew, but it held such a symbolic thing to him that even the prefects were rendered silent when he recounted the tale.
"I read somewhere once, about the fireflies," Hermes whispered, unbeknownst to him that the whole hall had grown quiet with the display of simple magic. "That fireflies symbolized nostalgic memories of youth and innocence." He sadly smiled and looked over at his best friends. "The war had been particularly difficult for us, the children, don't you think? Maybe it's nice to remind us a little of the times when we were happy and innocent."
Harry gave him a watery smile, his emerald eyes brighter than normal. "It's beautiful, Hermes," he said. "May I?"
"Of course, Harry," Hermes said with a fond smile.
Harry walked towards the silver box and pulled out a small leaf. He closed his eyes and stayed silent, perhaps longer than Hermes did. He wondered what his best friend was wishing, or regretting, or perhaps both. When Harry opened his eyes, a small tear slipped down from his eyes as he blew air into the leaf. An illuminated firefly appeared and flew away with the leaf, perching on another branch.
For a moment, Hermes saw a wide-eyed eleven-year-old Harry Potter, emerald eyes gleaming at another beautiful display of magic.
His eyes watered a bit, noting the gathered tears at an older, gaunter, wiser version of his best friend. They'd been through much, but Harry had it worse but he still trudged on, despite all the challenges and grief that barrelled through him along the way. In all honesty, as he crafted this masterful centerpiece for the Yule Ball, it was Harry he had in his mind most of the time.
"Thank you," Harry said with a watery smile.
Hermes grinned in return, his chin wobbling a little.
"Anything for you, Harry."
__________
Iris couldn't stop staring at the illuminated bewitched Christmas tree standing at the very front of the Great Hall.
After Hermes' initiative, showing that brilliant, brilliant plan of his, people had now been clamoring towards the silver box to whisper their hopes or regrets or dreams. The depressing, dead tree now actually looked like a beautiful Christmas tree, lit with little fireflies fluttering about.
Her heart clenched at the sight, noting that some left tearfully after witnessing the magic unfold before their eyes. Some actually couldn't keep their eyes off the tree, too, just like her.
Iris managed to briefly tear her gaze away from it to search for Granger among the crowd. She found him enjoying a drink with Potter and Weasley, boisterously laughing over something Weasley joked. Brief images of the Golden Trio during their younger years flashed before her eyes; wryly smiling, she remembered how jealous she was of their friendship.
Hermes seemed to sense her eyes because the next thing she knew, his eyes were locked onto hers. Her heart stuttered for a moment as curiosity shrouded his honey-colored ones, before she forced herself to gaze away.
Merlin, ever since she started hugging him again during her bleakest days, the feelings she had desperately shoved away during the war resurfaced with a full force. She knew such feelings were dangerous back then; Voldemort constantly subjecting her under Legilimancy was enough proof to keep such risky thoughts away. Now that the war had ended, well, no one was stopping her now.
Sighing, Iris shakily approached the refreshments table and donned one glass.
"You all right, princess?"
She smiled as Theo sidled beside her, grabbing one glass for himself.
"You look a bit shaken," Blaise concurred, peering down at her face.
"I'm fine," she easily lied. "It's been an exhausting night."
Her eyes landed on the Christmas tree once again.
"Brilliant magic, that one is," Theo whispered as he followed her line of vision. "It's... it's..."
"Magical?" Iris hopefully supplemented because honestly, that word fitted the image before her.
"Yeah," he said with a smile. He looked back down at the blonde and asked, "Have you made your own wish?"
Iris shook her head.
"Why not?" Blaise asked.
"And you have?" She smiled when they simultaneously nodded her head. "I didn't want to fight my way through a crowd," was her honest reply.
"There's no one there now," Theo pointed out. Iris' eyes landed on the silver box beside the Christmas tree and noted that her friend was right. "Why don't you try it, Iris? It's... it can help. Well, just for today, I suppose."
"Do you want us to come with you?" Blaise worriedly asked, but Iris was already shaking her head.
"Go have fun, you gits," she laughingly replied, pushing both of them away towards the dance floor. "Stop worrying too much about me."
"Never," Theo vehemently replied.
Her heart swelled with deep gratitude, because although she had been constantly pushing them away, especially on days when it was blatantly obvious she needed someone, they stuck through. The jealousy she had with the bond forged by the Golden Trio had simmered down because she had her own set of friends who would always have her back.
"Seriously," she insisted, not bothering to hide her smile anymore. Smiling nowadays seemed easier without Lucius Malfoy constantly breathing down her neck. "I'm sure your dates are already sending me dark glares for stealing you blokes away on such a beautiful party."
She reached out both of her hands to hold onto each of theirs, like how they always did when they needed support from each other during seventh year. She hadn't really thought about it properly because her mind was preoccupied too much about her task and her position, but Iris now knew she wouldn't be able to survive last year if these blokes weren't with her.
They squeezed her hand back and hesitantly broke away. Theo promised they'd escort her back to her dormitories if she wished to retire for the night, and finally pulled Blaise away towards the dance floor.
Slightly smiling, Iris' eyes landed on that silver box once more. She took a deep breath and meandered through the crowd, people parting ways for her like she had dragonpox. The hostility from other students had lessened, thank Merlin, but some still liked glaring at her back or muttering insults under their breaths.
She ignored all of them as she finally reached the silver box. She was surprised that the box was almost empty as she pulled out one leaf. She tightly held the leaf and closed her eyes and thought of the thing she wished for the most.
'I hope... I hope I could be better.'
Her eyes were misty as she blew a breath against the leaf. A firefly sprang to life and flew away with her leaf, settling on a branch somewhere in the Christmas tree.
Iris stared for a little longer, wondering if it might bring a Christmas miracle. If she were being honest with herself, she had this tiny belief that it might, it just might, because this was Hermes Granger's plan.
And, well, Hermes Granger bloody brings miracles.
She silently smiled to herself and purposively walked out of the Great Hall, intent to get away from the chaotic party just for a while.
The night was serene and quiet. The moon nestled high above the velvety sky, surrounded by twinkling stars. She smiled because the night was clear and peaceful and for a moment, she let all her worries and fears drift away with the night clouds.
She found herself standing at the banks of the Black Lake. The moon reflected prettily on the dark waters, some fishes swimming about and disturbing the almost stillness of the lake.
Iris thought of her mother, wondering if she was well. Narcissa had written to her religiously for the past few months, assuring her that she was well, but Iris still worried for her. Still, based from stories, she concluded Narcissa was having fun tearing away all the darkness from the Malfoy Manor and cultivating warmth and love Iris wished she knew when she was younger. Narcissa told her about the ensemble of flowers growing all over their gardens, how she got rid of those pesky, pretentious albino peacocks, and repainting the morose walls with lighter, warmer colors. She couldn't wait to get home just to see what her mother had done with the Malfoy Manor.
"What are you doing outside?"
Her eyes widened, recognizing Granger's voice, and turned around to see him curiously looking at her.
For a moment, she tried to take in his image, smirking slightly at how impossibly disheveled his bushy hair was compared to his impeccable dress robes. She remembered how he had managed to tame it back in fourth year and although he did look quite dashing, she thought it wasn't him at all. His bushy hair was his single, prominent feature and she hoped he would never attempt to tame it anymore.
"I needed some fresh air," she then said, knowing he was still waiting for an answer. "What are you doing outside?"
He lightly blushed and looked away, nervously scratching his cheek. "Err... same," he lamely offered, prompting her to quirk an eyebrow.
"Right," she said, smirk still in place, before turning around once more to look over the Black Lake.
She heard his footsteps until Granger was standing beside her. He was close enough for her to feel the warmth radiating from him, and she had to stop herself from snaking her arms around him just to feel his warmth. Merlin, Iris had to stop herself from doing stupid things in front of Granger for the past few weeks. It was starting to get a little exhausting.
"You did well," she finally said, her gaze straight ahead. "Back in the Yule Ball. The... the Christmas tree was amazing."
"It wasn't all me," he insisted. "You helped, and the other prefects. It was all of us, really."
"But it was your plan," she protested with a smile. "Mighty stubborn you were when some of us doubted it would be successful, though."
He softly chuckled. "Mighty stubborn, yep that's me," he concurred wholeheartedly.
They fell into amicable silence and Iris contented herself in watching the Giant Squid languidly swimming around the Black Lake.
"Did you... did you try it?" he quipped, breaking the silence between them.
She stared up at him in curiosity. "Try what?"
"The pine leaf magic thing," he explained with a laugh.
Iris blinked when he shifted his gaze to meet hers. "Yeah," she said, almost breathlessly, surprised to see his honey-colored eyes still bright and alit despite the darkness surrounding them. "Of course, I did."
"What did you wish for?" he asked.
She snorted and looked away. "Why are you interested to know?" she asked, rolling her eyes.
"Just curious," he said with a casual shrug.
Iris frowned and slightly shook her head. "It's..." She lifted her chin and looked at him with challenge in her eyes. "I'll tell you mine if you tell yours first."
He hesitated, which immensely relieved Iris. She wasn't sure what his reaction would be with her wish. It was, after all, too personal and she wasn't ready to share such things to other people, most especially with this fascinating man beside her.
"I wished..." His words died down when she looked back at him in surprise, clearly not expecting that he would actually agree with her. Sorrow appeared in his eyes as he sadly met her grey ones. "I wished that my parents wouldn't forget me in this lifetime."
Iris knitted her eyebrows, unsure of what he meant.
"Err... you see, before the ministry fell, I Obliviated my parents," he revealed. Iris' eyes widened in shock, prompting him to guiltily stare at his shoes. "It wasn't... I mean it was a terrible thing to do, but what was I to do? I was a Muggleborn, more importantly Harry Potter's best friend. I'm sure Voldemort wouldn't think twice hunting down my parents just to get to me."
She flinched at the mention of that monster's name, but he seemed to not notice.
"I sent them away to Australia, hoping to protect them," he continued with a sigh. He looked back into her eyes. "I've been talking with some Memory Healers to restore their memories back, but it's taking a long time. I'm not sure..."
He paused, brief terror flitting on his face. It was replaced by deep worry and Iris had to stop herself from reaching forward to gently smoothen the creases away from his forehead.
Instead, she steadfastly stared at her shoes and softly murmured, "I hoped to be better."
He met her claim with silence and she wondered if he thought her wish was stupid and weird. He wouldn't understand because he'd always been better – better than her in all ways. Iris always wished she had his courage, but then again she wasn't Sorted in Gryffindor. Self-preservation had always been her top priority.
She looked at him at her periphery but his face was now shrouded in darkness. She couldn't decipher his expression.
"I didn't really want to come back to Hogwarts," she softly confessed, not sure why she was suddenly confiding to him. But he was warm and it was dark and her heart ached; Iris was tired trying to keep these things to herself. "But Mother insisted, telling me that I should try to prove myself to the Wizarding World. To be... to be the better Malfoy among all of us." She ruefully smiled at the black waters. "Until now, I don't really know how."
She almost jumped in surprise when he touched her elbow. Iris looked up at him, surprised to see that there was a myriad of emotions in his eyes.
"You are, you know," he simply reassured.
"The better Malfoy?" she asked, bemused. When he earnestly nodded his head, Iris released a hollow laugh and shook her head. "I told you I've done a lot of atrocious things in the past, Granger. Things I'm sure would land me a lifetime imprisonment in Azkaban. Or, maybe get myself Kissed by a Dementor."
"And I told you that most of those things were due to your desire to spare your family from Voldemort's wrath," he said, his hold on her elbow tightening when she flinched once more at the mention of the dark lord's name. "We both did unforgivable things because of this war, Malfoy. I Obliviated my parents without their consent, for starters. I fucked up with their mind, erased everything they knew about me, because I thought it's what was best for them. Mum will be bloody thunderous, I'm sure about it, but I'd gladly do that again if it meant they will be saved."
"Don't compare yourself to me like that, Granger," she protested. "You are so much better than me, in all ways." She slightly shook but still resolutely held his gaze. "I could have chosen another path, a more difficult one, but I was stupid and cowardly and thought of the easy way out. If it meant I would spend my whole life paying for all the horrible things I have done, then so be it."
He released a tired sigh and absentmindedly brushed away a strand of her hair that fell in her eyes. "Merlin, you are exasperating," he claimed. Iris' eyes flashed in indignation, but he wasn't finished. "Why can't you understand that like all those who've lost a great deal during the bloody war, you also deserve a second chance?"
"Because I don't," she grounded out. "I don't, Granger, and you can't make me think otherwise."
His eyes melted into that particular understanding that tugged the very strings of her heart. "You do, Malfoy," he countered despite her words. "Despite everything you've done." He took a deep breath and squeezed her elbow. "My mother used to tell me that time won't heal anything if we don't surrender our lies. You said you hoped to be better, Malfoy. You've already recognized all the wrong things you've done in your life; that's already a big step. But for you to really be better, you have to stop lying to yourself that you don't deserve a second chance. Because you do, you desperately wished you do, because you've been robbed off from your childhood too and it wasn't fair."
Her eyes clouded with tears. "Stop trying to justify my actions, Granger," she pleaded, a small tear sliding from her eyes.
"I'm not," he said with a sad smile. "I'm just trying to make you see that it isn't the end for you yet, Malfoy. You can do... you can do so much more in this new world."
"Stop!" she harshly claimed. "Stop it! I told you to stop being kind because I don't deserve it."
"You do," he soothed, lifting his hand to place it against her cheek. "You do, Malfoy. You deserve the kindness you've never gotten from people that mattered the most."
She openly cried. His eyes were so warm with promises and kindness and it hurt her heart. "Why are you doing this?" she softly asked amidst her swimming vision. Granger was leaning closer, his face the closest she'd ever seen.
"Because," he murmured, his eyes already fluttering close.
Iris stopped breathing when his soft lips pressed against hers.