**TRIGGER WARNINGS: MENTAL HEALTH/HARM**
Tony was sitting in his lab on a Monday and was watching as his clock changed to 3:45 am, and his coffee pot finished brewing quietly in the background. He was sitting on his desk with the thousand-yard stare trying not to have a mental breakdown for the 3rd time that week. Paper work was piling up, he wasn't sleeping, he wasn't eating, he couldn't stomach anything at all for that matter because every time he tried to eat or sleep the memories would come flooding back to him and he would feel sick to his stomach.
His mental health was quickly failing him and he refused to seek help for it, no matter how many times Pepper begged him to get help from a professional. He had quit drinking and slowed down on the partying for his own good, and because Peter and Harley had sat him down and had a talk with him about it after he almost died from alcohol poisoning only months before.
Tony adored and loved all of his children, biological or not, and he swore he would break the chain of his father. His father never cared about him and was never proud of him, and he never wanted his kids to feel that way.
Snapping out of his thoughts he looked over to the photo hanging on the wall and began to feel his heart rate increase with happiness. In the photo Harley was standing on the countertop with a spatula in his pajamas, Peter was stuck to the fridge in hello kitty pants, Morgan was sitting at the table covering her mouth with her hands giggling, and Loki was trying to climb on Shuri's shoulders next to the sink. The whole thing was pulled together by Tony and Pepper sitting in the middle of the floor smiling sleepily. Tony knew he had people who adored and loved him, but sadly anxiety, depression, and PTSD don't care how good or bad your life is, they will tear you down at some point. Mental illness can attack anyone and everyone it pleases, it's a disease and it's curable to a point, most people don't understand it or just simply aren't taught how to handle it.
Tony's depression wasn't as bad as it used to be, but his anxiety just got worse over time, and with every tragic event or world ending threat his PTSD grew larger. Between the first fight against Thanos and the last battle against him, Tony had developed severe nightmares and began having the worst anxiety attacks whenever someone would snap or talk about snapping. He would have nightmares about his friends and family dying again, or about the things and treatments he had to have after surviving his snap. Needless to say, it was hurting him severely bad and he was in a lot of pain.
His left hand gently touched his right arm that had scars from the severe burns, that was completely discolored in certain areas, and still tender to the touch on his shoulder and wrist. Tony took in a deep breath and closed his eyes, he could feel the burning sensation and the immense pain from the day they defeated Thanos creeping up his arm and into his shoulder. "Sir, I'm sensing you're going to have another attack if you do not try to block it out," Jarvis said as Tony pushed himself off the desk and onto the floor, his breathing wasn't evening out and he was getting light-headed. "J...You're okay, right?" Tony said as he tried to focus on breathing, "Yes sir, I'm okay and I don't plan on going anywhere," Jarvis replied steadily.
Tony rebuilt Jarvis after he recovered enough to be cleared to get back to work, it broke his heart knowing this wasn't completely Jarvis, but he had managed to save most of him from pieces of the obliterated infinity stone. He was glad he could bring him back, he felt like he was reuniting with an old friend when he got him up and running again.
He got his breathing evened out and managed to pull himself together enough to stand up and look at the clock, "4:26... Jarvis, where did I put those sleeping pills Bruce gave me to help me sleep without having any dreams?" Tony asked his AI while he looked around. The room was silent for a moment before Jarvis spoke, "In the top drawer of your desk in the back of the room sir," Tony muttered a barely audible 'thank you' as he opened the drawer and pulled out the bottle and reading the dosage.
He took 2 as prescribed and headed for the kitchen to get some crackers before he tried to sleep. Rhodey swore that crackers were the best thing to eat when your stomach wasn't accepting a lot of food, the debate whether sprite or ginger ale was the best drink was still flying around the tower though.
Once he had gotten what he was after he went and sat down on the couch and put his feet on the coffee table before falling asleep to Paw Patrol almost instantly. "Goodnight sir, I'm right here if you need me," Jarvis said quietly, and if AI's could smile that's what he was doing.
As Tony was still snoozing on the couch at 5:45 am Pepper stepped out of the elevator to eat breakfast before going on a run. She started to turn the lights on bright but she noticed snoring coming from the couch and curiously snuck over to check who it was. Her heart smiled as she saw Tony sleeping straight up with an old, handknitted blanket thrown over him. Her husband amazed her in so many ways one of those ways being that he could fall asleep in any position, anywhere, and at any time he wanted.
Pepper greeted Jarvis before asking when he went to sleep and how he had been sleeping so far, her heart broke when Jarvis told her how his schedule really was.
She was cleaning her bowl in the sink as she heard the elevator doors open softly, she began to wonder who had woken up this early considering it was the only day any of them had off in months. Turning around she noticed Bucky had sat at the table with his chin resting on folded arms.
"Good morning Buck, what's got you up so early?" she asked gently knowing he was still adjusting to this world. Bucky looked up at her as if asking if she was talking to him, and when she smiled at him he answered slowly, "Couldn't sleep much I guess, adjusting to a world you were never supposed to see if kind of a lot to get through.." Pepper felt her heart ache for him, she couldn't imagine having to adjust to a world she didn't know, "You'll be okay, you have us to help you get through this, and for the record, I'm glad you're here with us," she said putting her bowl away and sitting next to him.
Bucky scrunched his eyebrows and sat up, "Really? You're glad I'm here?" he asked like a hurt little kid, Peppers eyes softened and she places a hand on his shoulder. "Of course Bucky, we all have things we're recovering from, though not all of us have been through what you have, we still love you," Pepper said smiling at him as he processed what she had just said.
Soon Bucky let a small smile show and said, "That's probably the kindest thing anyone's said to me since... since I fell," and he slightly dropped his head. Pepper's heart broke and she gave him a hug, "If you ever need anyone to talk to, you know where my office is," she said warmly and let go of him.
She stood up and asked Jarvis to have Dunkin deliver 2 boxes of doughnuts and have the team's favorite drinks delivered with them as soon as they opened before she left for her run. "I have to go on a run, I'll be back in 30 minutes to an hour, if you need me to ask Jarvis to call me, I won't be far. Oh and if anyone asks, I wasn't the one who reorganized the cabinets," Pepper said to Bucky before running out the door. He was still letting it soak in that the team actually loved him and wanted him alive, he wasn't used to being wanted or loved, especially not sense the 'civil war'.
The time was now 6:45 am and Bucky was still sitting at the table, but now he was drawing in one of his notebooks. Steve had came out of the elevator followed by Sam and both of them were going to go on a run and Tony was slowly pulling himself off of the couch, Bucky debated on whether or not to say anything. He sucked in a quiet breath and managed to squeak out, "Good morning guys," before dropping his head again and returning to drawing an old apartment building he had remembered.
Steve smiled and replied, "Good morning Buck, glad to see you're up," as he went to go through the cabinets, "Oh Pepper ordered doughnuts fo-for everyone before she went on he-her run this morning, I-I overheard her order them as she left," Bucky said nervously as he began to fiddle with the pencil he was using. Sam looked over at Steve with a concerning glance before looking over to Tony who was leaning against the stove with a concerned face as well, "Hey man, since when do you uh, nevermind, have you seen my shoes?" Sam said puzzled. Bucky pointed over to the door and said barely above a whisper, "Under the top rack," and returned to his drawing.
Sam and Steve had left and now Tony was sitting on the opposite side of him scrolling through his phone, but Bucky felt something was off and it was worrying him. Jarvis's voice rang out and he jumped a little which didn't go unnoticed by Tony, "Sir, the delivery has arrived from Dunkin, and Shuri picked it up on her way up for her visit," Bucky let out a ragged breath as he composed himself once again. He had been on edge constantly for the last few weeks and just couldn't calm completely down no matter how much he tried to convince himself things were okay and he was safe.
"Hey Bucky, what're you drawing? It looks familiar," Tony asked as he put his phone down and cleared a space on the counter for the food and coffee to go, he was genuinely curious about his friends drawing. "O-oh I think it's an apartment building... It came to my memory and I felt like I knew the place.. so I decided to draw it in my notebook," Bucky said hesitantly not wanting to be made fun of, "Can I look at it closer? I think I know where that's at," Tony asked as he walked over to the table again. Bucky held it up and let him see what he had finished of it, a few moments had gone by and it clicked in Tony's head. That was Steve's old apartment building from before the serum. "That's where Steve lived before he became Captain America, in Brooklyn," Tony said smiling at Bucky, but Bucky just looked at his drawing sadly. "I can't believe I couldn't remember my best friends apartment building," He said quietly with disappointment laced in his voice, "Don't beat yourself up, it's not your fault you couldn't remember fully, there's no shame in asking for help," Tony said as he grabbed plates out of the cabinet.
The elevator doors opened smoothly and outstepped Shuri and Peter carrying coffee and doughnuts for the crew. "Hey kiddos, good morning!" Tony said taking the doughnuts from Shuri as Peter set the coffee down on the bar, responses of 'Good mornings' rang out from different people. Shuri and Peter took their shoes off and put them on the rack before running over to Bucky, "Hey, I'm so glad to see you," Peter said as he and Shuri both approached him with open arms. Bucky gladly accepted the hugs and hugged them both firmly, "I'm glad to see you both," he whispered just for them to hear.
Peter and Shuri were the closest to Bucky, other than Steve and Sam of course, and they always loved making him happy and seeing him at the tower. Bucky loved the kids and would protect them at all cost, he sees the future in them and wants them to know they can always rely on him.
"Alright guys, the doughnuts are ready, the plates are out, and the coffee is sorted, can I have a hug now?" Tony says opening his arms as the kids let go of Bucky. Suddenly the window opens above the sink and Loki crawls through, "Did somebody say doughnuts and coffee?" he says sliding over everything in his way and making everyone confused. The room was quiet as his feet hit the floor and he walked over to the bar where the food was, "What? You really expect me not to show up?" Loki said looking at them. Peter and Shuri laughed and grabbed him into a hug as he tried to grab the coffee. Tony received a big group hug from all three of them soon after. Everyone either sat in the living room area or in the kitchen until 8 am when Pepper got back from her run and the team had accumulated together in the kitchen.
"I just got accepted into a college/university thing back home, and the teachers were like 'you can do the at-home version but you'll have to work twice as hard' so I chose the stay at home version so I can do everything here mostly," Loki said as he finally had his coffee. Thor, who had joined them in the kitchen not to long before, began laughing loudly, "That's incredible brother! Was that the school you wanted to attend though?" he asked concerned a bit. Loki patted his brother's shoulder, "I mean kind of, I was hoping for the bigger one but they won't let you do the home version and you have to live on campus and can only leave for holidays. I wanted to be able to come home every weekend or so," he said as he sat at the table between Nat and Bruce. Thor nodded and remembered when he had the option to chose schools, but decided he would just let his mother teach him everything she knew, and everything a few of her close friends knew of course.
The room was filled silence for a few moments before Sam busted through the door out of breath and stumbling, "Never ever race Captain America unless you're just as seriumed up as he is," he said as he dramatically drank a bottle of water. Steve followed him with a slight laugh, "You're just getting lazy Sam," he said as he also began drinking water. Everyone began to laugh at the sight before them, and a few conversations were started between different people, some even being included in multiple conversations at once. Loki chose to stay quiet for a while and scroll on his phone.
Bruce smiled warmly and leaned over to talk to Loki, "You really consider this place home?" he asked with genuine curiosity. Loki put his phone on the table and turned to talk to Bruce, after a moment of thinking he straightened his shoulders, "Yes I do, I have no place on Asgard according to Odin, and I have nowhere else to go. It sounds pathetic but even after everything I've been through from New York to Thanos, this is the closest place I have to home." Bruce felt a ping at his heart when he realized they really were all Loki had left, other than Thor of course.
Bruce pondered for a second and replied, "You do realize you're considered family here? Peter and Shuri love you, your brother wants nothing but the best for you, and the rest of us? We just want you to be okay," Loki looked up slightly. He pondered for a moment before replying quietly, "You really consider me family? Like you aren't joking?" Bruce put a comforting hand on his shoulder, "Yes we do, we all have our past, we all have our differences and problems, so you're no different kid." Loki couldn't believe it, sure Shuri and Peter had said they loved him occasionally, but the rest of the team? He didn't even think they liked him.
Breakfast continued smoothly slowly coming to an end and everyone departed to their own duties for the day. Peter, Tony, Bruce, and Shuri made their way to the labs, team Cap decided to train, Pepper went to her office to finish paperwork and send emails, and Loki settled with the makeshift library he had acquired in a quiet part of the tower.
The day moved on and after a few projects, training and debriefing, a lot of paperwork and stupid people, and approximately 10 books on mental health and other stuff, it was 5:00 pm. The team all met back in the common area to decide what was for dinner considering everyone skipped lunch without even realizing it.
"Take out? Homecooked meal? Let's flip a coin," Peter said over all the noise and that seemed to grab everyone's attention, he grabbed a coin out of his backpack and placed it on on his, "Heads: Take out, Tails: Thor?" Peter said tilting his head at the end in confusion. Tony was going to laugh and so were a few others but they looked back at the elevator and Thor walked out looking like he'd been hit by a car and rolled in despair. His shoulders were slumped and his face was dropped, "Loki, say something happy," he said with sadness, a moment or 2 passed by and Loki spoke up, "Well, dad's dead." Everyone was about to say something at once but hushed when Thor replied, "That's close enough."
Peter flipped the coin again and it landed on tails, which meant someone was going to have to cook a meal everyone could agree on. The debate started on who was gonna cook, what they were gonna cook, and how long they needed to cook it. Shuri rolled her eyes and stood up, "Peter, Loki, and I will cook and whatever we come up with you'll eat it," nobody felt like arguing so they just nodded and went along with it.
Shuri, Loki, and Peter handled it well and with no playing around, which was incredibly shocking for them and everyone else. "Guys! Come eat!" Peter yelled out to the team as they finished throwing away and destroying the take out boxes from the Olive Garden, and putting everything in dishes to make it appear as though they had cooked it.
"Smells amazing in here! I had no clue you 3 could cook so well!" Sam shouted as they all slowly came into the dining area, "Yeah, it took a lot of effort, but we didn't blow the kitchen up so," Loki said as he gestured toward the kitchen. Nobody said anything as they all grabbed a plate full of food and sat down to eat, it started off as a peaceful dinner until someone brought up the topic of mental health.
For the most part, it was just Bruce and Stephen explaining to Steve how it had gotten worse over the years, especially in teenagers. Quietly Loki, Peter, and Shuri listened in and would glance at each other when someone would say something that wasn't necessarily true. It was fine until Peter heard someone say something the others couldn't pick up on, " You can't fake a mental illness! Teenagers are literally so depressed and under so much pressure in this world, I'm surprised there are even teenagers left! There were 6 suicide attempts within my school district last year and I was one of them!" he said loudly and quickly to everyone's surprise.
It became quiet and all eyes landed on Peter which made him nervous, even Shuri and Loki were staring at him in shock. 'Why did I say that! I'm not getting out of this,' Peter thought as he tried to come up with another sentence. He looked up and was met with Tony looking him in the eyes from across the table, his heart broke into a million pieces seeing the look in his eyes, "When?...Why?.." was all Tony could choke out even though he had contemplated it many times in his life.
"Peter, look at me," Shuri said firmly as she grabbed Peter's chin gently and turned him around to face her, "What happened?" she said looking him in the eyes. Peter sighed and dropped his head, " I was just done with everything," he began his story and everyone listened carefully and once his story was finished Bruce spoke up and told his story. Soon enough almost all of them had shared at least one story about how they wanted to die or tried to die, even Pepper and Shuri had a story to tell.
2 Hours passed and the discussion came to an end, and by the time everyone had dried their eyes or processed what had just happened, it was dark outside. Slowly everyone branched off to their own thing once more and the kids decided to go on the roof and talk or just hang out.
"I can't believe we just had that discussion with them," Loki said as he laid on his back on the rooftop with his hands covering his face. Peter sat next to him and Shuri sat next to Peter and slung her arms around his neck as they watched the sky. "I know, that was deep and weird, but honestly, it kind of helped," Peter said as he threw a dead bug on Loki's stomach and watched him wriggle and make a weird noise as he flung it off. They all began to laugh and Shuri rested her head on the front of Peter's shoulder and Loki tried to keep Peter from flinging dead bugs at him.
"You could've talked to me, you know you could've, why didn't you?" Shuri said as Loki and Peter stopped goofing around and got quiet. Peter hummed and said, "I know, I just didn't want you worrying about me," Loki rolled his eyes and said, "We'd rather be worried about you than see your dead body in a casket."
The 3 of them sat on the roof for a solid hour before anyone came up to find them, "Peter, Shuri, Loki, come inside we're gonna watch a movie," Thor said cheerfully as he held the door to the roof open. Peter looked at Shuri and then at Loki, "Go ahead we'll be inside in a second," he said to Loki as they all stood up, Loki snickered and replied, "Yeah okay, I'll be back in 5 minutes if you 2 aren't inside," earning him a smack on the back of the head.
The door closed and muffled thumps and a loud scream was heard followed by Loki's laughter, "Did he just push hit brother down the stairs?" Shuri asked trying to not laugh. "I think he did push Thor down the stairs," Peter said as they heard more screaming and laughing.
It was really quiet as they looked around at the beautiful lights in New York, the cars driving by, the horns honking, the flashing lights, and the beautiful sky above them. Shuri wrapped her arms around Peter's waist and pulled him closer, being slightly taller than she is, Peter laid his arms over her shoulders and rested his chin on the top of her head.
"I don't know what I would do without you," Peter said quietly, Shuri giggled and replied, "Probably fly into the side of a really tall building and break your nose," Peter scoffed and pulled back just enough to see her face. "That was one time and besides, you were the reason I flew into the building!"He said playfully, she was giggling like a mad man by now and he couldn't help but smile, "I know, that was the funny part," Shuri said looking in his eyes.
"I love you so much"
"I love you to my spiderboy"
Shuri leaned up to kiss Peter but before they could Loki pops out of the door, "I told you I'd be back, want some pizza rolls?" There was a brief moment of silence and exchanged glances before all 3 of them began to laugh extremely hard.