XXI. What is Lost can be Found
Oberyn placed down the pen he was holding, rubbing his hand across his face with a frustrated sigh.
It was done. The letter he had been writing for days, too long for fear of what to write, is finished with a small signature of his name.
He had always found it difficult to write poetry, the words so hard for him to write in such an artistic way, so he wrote it as he felt, as things were.
He wrote the letter as he could. It took up more than one page with everything he had wanted to say to her.
Oberyn almost wished that Elia was there, to advise him on what to do, to help him as she always had.
But he was doing it for her. All for her.
It reminded him of the dreaded day when everything had begun. The tourney. He could remember the exact events, so vivid in his mind's eye.
Oberyn had been shouting, seeing nothing but red when he saw his sister's husband crown another woman. "How dare you? Fuck you Rhaegar Targaryen! You dar-"
That was when he felt a small hand at the crook of his elbow, pulling him away from his anger. "Oberyn."
He turned to see Livia looking up at him with worry, her green eyes concerned. "I'm going to make him pay!" He snapped, looking once again at the silver-haired prince.
Livia placed a hand on his arm and pulled on it, making him turn to her. "Oberyn. Elia needs us."
At those words, he felt his rage subside a little, taking a deep breath. "Come, let us go."
When they had checked in on Elia and had made sure she had gone to sleep peacefully, the Targaryen prince barred from her room, they had sat in the empty kitchens.
They were facing one another, drained from the day's events. Livia poured him and herself some Dornish red.
"I always knew he was too perfect." Oberyn had said, breaking the silence between them.
Livia smiled sadly. "He doesn't deserve her. He never did. Too much of a dreamer, he thought himself the center of most talks and prophecies."
"Doesn't seem much of a hero of prophecies." He scoffed.
"As if you know what they'd look like." She raised a brow.
"They would probably look like me."
"Oberyn, be serious."
"I am being serious." He reached for her hand. "Besides, he doesn't deserve you either. He would have married you, I know it."
"How would you know that?" She asked, her eyebrows scrunching. The green in her eyes, so clear, so beautiful, like the lush trees in Sunspear.
"Because if I had the choice, I would have married you. That day when we were by the docks I was prepared to take you with me to Dorne." Oberyn answered, not meeting her eyes as he laid his feelings bare for her.
Livia had been silent, making him recount his words but then she replied. "I've always wanted to visit Dorne."
They laughed at that, the air becoming easy between them but he had to know. "If I asked you right now, would you run away with me? To Dorne. You and I, with Elia, we can swim in the gardens every day and drink wine all night, just the three of us, happy."
She frowned and he knew what she would say. "Oberyn, you know why we can't. It's...It's not just about us. We can't be selfish and I-I can't, we'd be hurting other people if we're selfish."
Oberyn smiled, answering. "I knew you wouldn't. You care too much. Sometimes I wonder if that is your fatal flaw. How you care so much about other people."
Livia stood up at that, going over to him and laying a kiss on his head. "Good night Oberyn. It's late, you should go to bed."
When she had gone and left, Oberyn sat alone still nursing the Dornish red. He whispered to no one in particular.
"I love you, Livia Lannister, and one day, I will save you."
He folded the letter in his hands and called a messenger, looking at the view of the gardens in front of him.
When the messenger arrived, Oberyn commanded. "Make sure this gets to Livia Lannister."
The messenger made a mistake by asking. "Did you mean Queen Livia Baratheon, my prince?"
Oberyn turned to him with a glare until the messenger received the warning without Oberyn saying a single word. "Yes, my prince."
The messenger left, leaving Oberyn with his thoughts once again.
He found himself whispering almost the same words he spoke then.
"I love you, Livia Lannister, and one day, you will be mine, even if I have to burn King's Landing to the ground."
°•°•°•°•°•°
Livia had been having a slightly good day.
She woke up early in the morning, still no sign of Robert, and called for her ladies.
They proceeded to tell her all the courtly gossip whilst breaking their fast with her.
They were lucky to have a new delivery of fresh apples, and the cooks made pastries with apple jam. The apple pastries with the sweet tea were a delicious start to her day.
Afterward, they took a walk in the gardens, joking and laughing. They dined on lamprey pies, so fresh and juicy, the lampreys could have been alive that very morning.
She and her ladies had been planning on staying in the gardens to watch the sunset in peace when Lord Arryn interrupted their conversation.
"Your Grace." He greeted, bowing to her.
"Lord Arryn, what have you been doing?" Livia asked, looking worriedly at the poor man who looked out of breath.
"I-I had been at the council meeting, my queen." Lord Arryn answered, breathing heavily.
Oh. So that would mean Robert was here. If the council meeting was going on, then the king had probably returned and would be there.
"Is there anything you need, my lord?" She asked, still confused as to why he was there.
"Have you seen the king, Your Grace?" He finally said.
Her eyes widened. "No, I-he hasn't returned yet?"
"He isn't. I thought you knew where he was." Lord Arryn said, visibly getting pale.
"Hunting?" That was Livia's one last hope but it was all but crushed when he replied.
"Hunting? Still?"
At that, she finally stood from her seat and walked with Lord Arryn, heading for the stables.
Seven hells, what was Robert thinking?
He was probably not even thinking, he was probably...that was it! Drinking! That man was too busy drinking to do anything.
"Someone prepare my horse." Livia told one of her ladies who ran ahead.
"Where are you thinking, my queen?"
"I'm not sure but I have a feeling."
°•°•°•°•°•°
"More ale!" Robert called out, raising his wide-rimmed cup. It was definitely better than the tiny arse goblets back at the keep.
The man by the counter laughed, pouring more ale as the whole tavern burst into song, shouts, and laughter. "You sure you're paying?"
"Of course I am. I'm married to a rich woman, you know?" Robert drunkenly answered.
"I'm surprised she hasn't left you yet. How long have you been married?" The man asked as Robert drank more ale, his stubble now dripping wet.
Robert raised the cup. "About four days."
The man's mouth dropped open. "Damn, for fuck's sake. You should go back home then."
"Eh, not enough ale there. Only some prissy, pissy wine" Robert said, asking for more ale.
Besides, he couldn't go back or he'd feel the full extent of his guilt. He needed the ale to numb things. At least for a little while.
The ale man was just about to leave him alone when his eyes widened. "Hey,"
"What?" Robert grumbled. Couldn't the man just leave him to his drinking so he could drown in peace while he tried to forget all the mess with Livia and Lyanna?
"Does your wife happen to have golden hair, pretty green eyes, and a face of a goddess about to rain her wrath on you?" The man asked, skin turning pale.
Robert laughed. "Why? You know her or something?"
The man only gestured behind him before leaving, making Robert turn around to see no one else but Livia in the flesh, her face angry and murderous.
He could almost feel sorry for the focus of her anger until he realized who she was angry at.
"Oh fuck me."
°•°•°•°•°•°
"Before you say anything, I was just drinking ale, it's good to explore King's Landing and mingle with the people." Robert attempted to explain. "Don't be mad."
He looked tired. His eyes were bloodshot and his face, was covered in stubble. He only wore a white tunic and black breeches, it was as if he wasn't a king, not even a knight. He looked like a drunken commoner
Livia's anger bubbled at the surface but she controlled it, forcing a smile. "Why would I be mad? You haven't been at the keep in days. You only took two of your Kingsguard. You missed a small council meeting and how could I forget? You left after our wedding night with no explanation."
He gulped, clearly afraid.
Good. He should be.
"So you tell me, why would I have any reason to be mad?" She sarcastically said.
"Look, I-I" He stuttered before offering her his cup. "Ale?"
Livia took a deep breath, sitting on the stool beside him, her anger subsiding. "Where were you, Robert?"
"How is that any of your business?" Robert asked, his tone getting defensive. "Last I checked, you're not my keeper."
"You were gone for days! Hunting, drinking, whoring? What am I suppose to think?" She questioned, raising her voice.
"I don't know. Maybe you should think better of me?" He mocked her, drinking more ale.
Livia slowly took the cup from him, making him look at her and see the hurt. "Even if you did anything else, you still left. Even if I'm queen, I have no right to stop you...to do anything but the realm needs-"
"The realm this, the realm that. Is that all you think about?" Robert slurred.
"Robert, don't. I'm warning you right now."
"Can't I just take some time off, drinking away from that shithole of a keep?"
"It's more than just about us. People like us, we don't get to be selfish, we don't get to think about ourselves because someone always has to go first. Even if it doesn't seem fair, it has to be what's done." Livia said, becoming serious.
He started to feel horrible at making her feel that way but it was as if he couldn't stop. He would rather see her angry rather than sad. "Really? What would you ask of me then?"
Livia grabbed his hand and stood up, making him look down at their intertwined hands. "Please, let's go home."
"That's not my home." Robert answered but he surprised her by standing up, leaving some money, and heading outside, her hand still in his.
Livia rolled her eyes, though amusement flooded her being. He was an arse for leaving but he was a jest for having such conflicting thoughts and acts.
They stepped outside, seeing the Kingsguard and two horses ready for them. She let go of his hand, heading to one of the horses and saddling on.
Robert climbed aboard the other horse, struggling to stay on with his pounding head and blurry eyesight. Finally, he stayed put and they started moving, Livia's horse right beside his.
"How'd you know where to find me?" He asked as they neared the keep.
"I figured, since you kept talking about freedom and drinking, you'd be in one of these taverns. Lord Arryn and I split up to look for you." She answered, pausing before asking a question of her own. "Was it truly that terrible?"
Robert didn't have to ask what she was talking about. She surprised him again by being so direct and asking about their wedding night that he almost told the truth that he left because of him, not because of her.
That he almost called for Lyanna instead of her and he felt horrible. That he was broken, pining endlessly for a ghost and she deserved better than that.
He stared at her for a long while as she looked away. Instead, he settled with, "It wasn't terrible. You weren't terrible. Far from it. Not even close."
That was the last thing he said before he fell off his horse, vomited his guts out, and blacked out.
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Heyooo!!! Early update cos I finished a bunch of chapters heehee. Sooo, Oberyn's planning something but at the same time Robert and Livia, well, something's there.
Fluffy chapter coming after this, I promise. You guys deserve it! Besides, there's a lot of emotions pent up between Robert and Livia that still need attention. Lotsa love to you all! Spread love and awareness.